"That The Lawn will be most acceptable to us both to retire to; and the rather, as it is so to his Lordship.
"But, if he pleases, the jointure may be made from my own estate; leaving to his Lordship"s goodness the alternative."
I conclude with telling him, "that I had offered to present the Lady his Lordship"s bill; but on her declining to accept of it (having myself no present occasion for it) I return it enclosed, with my thanks, &c."
And is not this going a plaguy length? What a figure should I make in rakish annals, if at last I should be caught in my own gin?
The s.e.x may say what they will, but a poor innocent fellow had need to take great care of himself, when he dances upon the edge of the matrimonial precipice. Many a faint-hearted man, when he began to jest, or only designed to ape gallantry, has been forced into earnest, by being over-prompt, and taken at his word, not knowing how to own that he meant less than the lady supposed he meant. I am the better enabled to judge that this must have been the case of many a sneaking varlet; because I, who know the female world as well as any man in it of my standing, am so frequently in doubt of myself, and know not what to make of the matter.
Then these little sly rogues, how they lie couchant, ready to spring upon us harmless fellows the moment we are in their reach!--When the ice is once broken for them, how swiftly can they make to port!--Mean time, the subject they can least speak to, they most think of. Nor can you talk of the ceremony, before they have laid out in their minds how it is all to be. Little saucy-faced designers! how first they draw themselves in, then us!
But be all these things as they will, Lord M. never in his life received so handsome a letter as this from his nephew
LOVELACE.
[The Lady, after having given to Miss Howe on the particulars contained in Mr. Lovelace"s last letter, thus expresses herself:]
A princ.i.p.al consolation arising from these favourable appearances, is, that I, who have now but one only friend, shall most probably, and if it be not my own fault, have as many new ones as there are persons in Mr.
Lovelace"s family; and this whether Mr. Lovelace treat me kindly or not.
And who knows, but that, by degrees, those new friends, by their rank and merit, may have weight enough to get me restored to the favour of my relations? till which can be effected, I shall not be tolerably easy.
Happy I never expect to be. Mr. Lovelace"s mind and mine are vastly different; different in essentials.
But as matters are at present circ.u.mstanced, I pray you, my dear friend, to keep to yourself every thing that might bring discredit to him, if revealed.--Better any body expose a man than a wife, if I am to be his; and what is said by you will be thought to come from me.
It shall be my constant prayer, that all the felicities which this world can afford may be your"s: and that the Almighty will never suffer you nor your"s, to the remotest posterity, to want such a friend as my Anna Howe has been to
Her CLARISSA HARLOWE.
LETTER LIV
MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ.
And now, that my beloved seems secure in my net, for my project upon the vixen Miss Howe, and upon her mother: in which the officious prancer Hickman is to come in for a dash.
But why upon her mother, methinks thou askest, who, unknown to herself, has only acted, by the impulse, through thy agent Joseph Leman, upon the folly of old Tony the uncle?
No matter for that: she believes she acts upon her own judgment: and deserves to be punished for pretending to judgment, when she has none.-- Every living soul, but myself, I can tell thee, shall be punished, that treats either cruelly or disrespectfully so adored a lady.--What a plague! is it not enough that she is teased and tormented in person by me?
I have already broken the matter to our three confederates; as a supposed, not a resolved-on case indeed. And yet they know, that with me, in a piece of mischief, execution, with its swiftest feel, is seldom three paces behind projection, which hardly ever limps neither.
MOWBRAY is not against it. It is a scheme, he says, worthy of us: and we have not done any thing for a good while that has made a noise.
BELTON, indeed, hesitates a little, because matters go wrong between him and his Thomasine; and the poor fellow has not the courage to have his sore place probed to the bottom.
TOURVILLE has started a fresh game, and shrugs his shoulders, and should not choose to go abroad at present, if I please. For I apprehend that (from the nature of the project) there will be a kind of necessity to travel, till all is blown over.
To ME, one country is as good as another; and I shall soon, I suppose, choose to quit this paltry island; except the mistress of my fate will consent to cohabit at home; and so lay me under no necessity of surprising her into foreign parts. TRAVELLING, thou knowest, gives the s.e.xes charming opportunities of being familiar with one another. A very few days and nights must now decide all matters betwixt me and my fair inimitable.
DOLEMAN, who can act in these causes only as chamber-counsel, will inform us by pen and ink [his right hand and right side having not yet been struck, and the other side beginning to be sensible] of all that shall occur in our absence.
As for THEE, we had rather have thy company than not; for, although thou art a wretched fellow at contrivance, yet art thou intrepid at execution.
But as thy present engagements make thy attendance uncertain, I am not for making thy part necessary to our scheme; but for leaving thee to come after us when abroad. I know thou canst not long live without us.
The project, in short, is this:--Mrs. Howe has an elder sister in the Isle of Wight, who is lately a widow; and I am well informed, that the mother and daughter have engaged, before the latter is married, to pay a visit to this lady, who is rich, and intends Miss for her heiress; and in the interim will make her some valuable presents on her approaching nuptials; which, as Mrs. Howe, who loves money more than any thing but herself, told one of my acquaintance, would be worth fetching.
Now, Jack, nothing more need be done, than to hire a little trim vessel, which shall sail a pleasuring backward and forward to Portsmouth, Spithead, and the Isle of Wight, for a week or fortnight before we enter upon our parts of the plot. And as Mrs. Howe will be for making the best bargain she can for her pa.s.sage, the master of the vessel may have orders (as a perquisite allowed him by his owners) to take what she will give: and the master"s name, be it what it will, shall be Ganmore on the occasion; for I know a rogue of that name, who is not obliged to be of any country, any more than we.
Well, then, we will imagine them on board. I will be there in disguise.
They know not any of ye four--supposing (the scheme so inviting) that thou canst be one.
"Tis plaguy hard, if we cannot find, or make a storm.
Perhaps they will be sea-sick: but whether they be or not, no doubt they will keep their cabin.
Here will be Mrs. Howe, Miss Howe, Mr. Hickman, a maid, and a footman, I suppose: and thus we will order it.
I know it will be hard weather: I know it will: and, before there can be the least suspicion of the matter, we shall be in sight of Guernsey, Jersey, Dieppe, Cherbourg, or any where on the French coast that it shall please us to agree with the winds to blow us: and then, securing the footman, and the women being separated, one of us, according to lots that may be cast, shall overcome, either by persuasion or force, the maid servant: that will be no hard task; and she is a likely wench, [I have seen her often:] one, Mrs. Howe; nor can there be much difficulty there; for she is full of health and life, and has been long a widow: another, [that, says the princely lion, must be I!] the saucy daughter; who will be much too frightened to make great resistance, [violent spirits, in that s.e.x, are seldom true spirits--"tis but where they can:] and after beating about the coast for three or four days for recreation"s sake, and to make sure work, till we see our sullen birds begin to eat and sip, we will set them all ash.o.r.e where it will be most convenient; sell the vessel, [to Mrs. Townsend"s agents, with all my heart, or to some other smugglers,] or give it to Ganmore; and pursue our travels, and tarry abroad till all is hushed up.
Now I know thou wilt make difficulties, as it is thy way; while it is mine to conquer them. My other va.s.sals made theirs; and I condescended to obviate them: as thus I will thine, first stating them for thee according to what I know of thy phlegm.
What, in the first place, wilt thou ask, shall be done with Hickman? who will be in full parade of dress and primness, in order to show the old aunt what a devilish clever fellow of a nephew she is to have.
What!--I"ll tell thee--Hickman, in good manners, will leave the women in their cabin--and, to show his courage with his breeding, be upon deck--
Well, and suppose he is!--Why then I hope it is easy for Ganmore, or any body else, myself suppose in my pea-jacket and great watch coat, (if any other make scruple to do it), while he stands in the way, gaping and staring like a novice, to stumble against him, and push him overboard!
--A rich thought--is it not, Belford?--He is certainly plaguy officious in the ladies" correspondence; and I am informed, plays double between mother and daughter, in fear of both.--Dost not see him, Jack?--I do-- popping up and down, his wig and hat floating by him; and paddling, pawing, and dashing, like a frighted mongrel--I am afraid he never ventured to learn to swim.
But thou wilt not drown the poor fellow; wilt thou?
No, no!--that is not necessary to the project--I hate to do mischiefs supererogatory. The skiff shall be ready to save him, while the vessel keeps its course: he shall be set on sh.o.r.e with the loss of wig and hat only, and of half his little wits, at the place where he embarked, or any where else.
Well, but shall we not be in danger of being hanged for three such enormous rapes, although Hickman should escape with only a bellyful of sea-water?
Yes, to be sure, when caught--But is there any likelihood of that?-- Besides, have we not been in danger before now for worse facts? and what is there in being only in danger?--If we actually were to appear in open day in England before matters are made up, there will be greater likelihood that these women will not prosecute that they will.--For my own part, I should wish they may. Would not a brave fellow choose to appear in court to such an arraignment, confronting women who would do credit to his attempt? The country is more merciful in these cases, than in any others: I should therefore like to put myself upon my country.
Let me indulge in a few reflections upon what thou mayest think the worst that can happen. I will suppose that thou art one of us; and that all five are actually brought to trial on this occasion: how bravely shall we enter a court, I at the head of you, dressed out each man, as if to his wedding appearance!--You are sure of all the women, old and young, of your side.--What brave fellows!--what fine gentlemen!--There goes a charming handsome man!--meaning me, to be sure!--who could find in their hearts to hang such a gentleman as that? whispers one lady, sitting perhaps on the right hand of the recorder: [I suppose the scene to be in London:] while another disbelieves that any woman could fairly swear against me. All will crowd after me: it will be each man"s happiness (if ye shall chance to be bashful) to be neglected: I shall be found to be the greatest criminal; and my safety, for which the general voice will be engaged, will be yours.
But then comes the triumph of triumphs, that will make the accused look up, while the accusers are covered with confusion.
Make room there!--stand by!--give back!--One receiving a rap, another an elbow, half a score a push a piece!--