Every one would be married a dozen times at least. Both men and women would be careful of their characters and polite in their behaviour, as well as delicate in their persons, and elegant in their dress, [a great matte each of these, let me tell thee, to keep pa.s.sion alive,] either to induce a renewal with the old love, or to recommend themselves to a new.
While the newspapers would be crowded with paragraphs; all the world their readers, as all the world would be concerned to see who and who"s together--
"Yesterday, for instance, entered into the holy state of matrimony," [we should all speak reverently of matrimony, then,] "the right Honourable Robert Earl Lovelace" [I shall be an earl by that time,] "with her Grace the d.u.c.h.ess Dowager of Fifty-manors; his Lordship"s one-and-thirtieth wife."--I shall then be contented, perhaps, to take up, as it is called, with a widow. But she must not have had more than one husband neither.
Thou knowest that I am nice in these particulars.
I know, Jack, that thou for thy part, wilt approve of my scheme.
As Lord M. and I, between us, have three or four boroughs at command, I think I will get into parliament, in order to bring in a bill for this good purpose.
Neither will the house of parliament, nor the houses of convocation, have reason to object it. And all the courts, whether spiritual or sensual, civil or uncivil, will find their account in it when pa.s.sed into a law.
By my soul, Jack, I should be apprehensive of a general insurrection, and that incited by the women, were such a bill to be thrown out.--For here is the excellency of the scheme: the women will have equal reason with the men to be pleased with it.
Dost think, that old prerogative Harlowe, for example, must not, if such a law were in being, have pulled in his horns?--So excellent a wife as he has, would never else have renewed with such a gloomy tyrant: who, as well as all other married tyrants, must have been upon good behaviour from year to year.
A termagant wife, if such a law were to pa.s.s, would be a phoenix.
The churches would be the only market-place for the fair s.e.x; and domestic excellence the capital recommendation.
Nor would there be an old maid in Great Britain, and all its territories.
For what an odd soul must she be who could not have her twelvemonth"s trial?
In short, a total alteration for the better, in the morals and way of life in both s.e.xes, must, in a very few years, be the consequence of such a salutary law.
Who would have expected such a one from me! I wish the devil owe me not a spite for it.
The would not the distinction be very pretty, Jack? as in flowers;--such a gentleman, or such a lady, is an ANNUAL--such a one is a PERENNIAL.
One difficulty, however, as I remember, occurred to me, upon the probability that a wife might be enceinte, as the lawyers call it. But thus I obviated it--
That no man should be allowed to marry another woman without his then wife"s consent, till she were brought-to-bed, and he had defrayed all incident charges; and till it was agreed upon between them whether the child should be his, her"s, or the public"s. The women in this case to have what I call the coercive option; for I would not have it in the man"s power to be a dog neither.
And, indeed, I gave the turn of the scale in every part of my scheme in the women"s favour: for dearly do I love the sweet rogues.
How infinitely more preferable this my scheme to the polygamy one of the old patriarchs; who had wives and concubines without number!--I believe David and Solomon had their hundreds at a time. Had they not, Jack?
Let me add, that annual parliaments, and annual marriages, are the projects next my heart. How could I expatiate upon the benefits that would arise from both!
LETTER X
MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ.
Well, but now my plots thicken; and my employment of writing to thee on this subject will soon come to a conclusion. For now, having got the license; and Mrs. Townsend with her tars, being to come to Hampstead next Wednesday or Thursday; and another letter possibly, or message from Miss Howe, to inquire how Miss Harlowe does, upon the rustic"s report of her ill health, and to express her wonder that she has not heard form her in answer to her"s on her escape; I must soon blow up the lady, or be blown up myself. And so I am preparing, with Lady Betty and my cousin Montague, to wait upon my beloved with a coach-and-four, or a sett; for Lady Betty will not stir out with a pair for the world; though but for two or three miles. And this is a well-known part of her character.
But as to the arms and crest upon the coach and trappings?
Dost thou not know that a Blunt"s must supply her, while her own is new lining and repairing? An opportunity she is willing to take now she is in town. Nothing of this kind can be done to her mind in the country.
Liveries nearly Lady Betty"s.
Thou hast seen Lady Betty Lawrance several times--hast thou not, Belford?
No, never in my life.
But thou hast--and lain with her too; or fame does thee more credit than thou deservest--Why, Jack, knowest thou not Lady Betty"s other name?
Other name!--Has she two?
She has. And what thinkest thou of Lady Bab. Wallis?
O the devil!
Now thou hast it. Lady Barbara thou knowest, lifted up in circ.u.mstances, and by pride, never appears or produces herself, but on occasions special --to pa.s.s to men of quality or price, for a d.u.c.h.ess, or countess, at least. She has always been admired for a grandeur in her air, that few women of quality can come up to; and never was supposed to be other than what she pa.s.sed for; though often and often a paramour for lords.
And who, thinkest thou, is my cousin Montague?
Nay, how should I know?
How indeed! Why, my little Johanetta Golding, a lively, yet modest-looking girl, is my cousin Montague.
There, Belford, is an aunt!--There"s a cousin!--Both have wit at will.
Both are accustomed to ape quality.--Both are genteelly descended.
Mistresses of themselves, and well educated--yet past pity.--True Spartan dames; ashamed of nothing but detection--always, therefore, upon their guard against that. And in their own conceit, when a.s.suming top parts, the very quality they ape.
And how dost think I dress them out?--I"ll tell thee.
Lady Betty in a rich gold tissue, adorned with jewels of high price.
My cousin Montague in a pale pink, standing on end with silver flowers of her own working. Charlotte as well as my beloved is admirable at her needle. Not quite so richly jewell"d out as Lady Betty; but ear-rings and solitaire very valuable, and infinitely becoming.
Johanetta, thou knowest, has a good complexion, a fine neck, and ears remarkably fine--so has Charlotte. She is nearly of Charlotte"s stature too.
Laces both, the richest that could be procured.
Thou canst not imagine what a sum the loan of the jewels cost me, though but for three days.
This sweet girl will half ruin me. But seest thou not, by this time, that her reign is short!--It must be so. And Mrs. Sinclair has already prepared every thing for her reception once more.
Here come the ladies--attended by Susan Morrison, a tenant-farmer"s daughter, as Lady Betty"s woman; with her hands before her, and thoroughly instructed.
How dress advantages women!--especially those who have naturally a genteel air and turn, and have had education.