Only that thou hast such jesuitical qualifyings, or I should think thee at last touched with remorse, and brought within view of being ashamed of thy cursed inventions by the ill success of thy last: which I heartily congratulate thee upon.
O the divine lady!--But I will not aggravate!
Nevertheless, when thou writest that, in thy present mood, thou thinkest of marrying, and yet canst so easily change thy mood; when I know thy heart is against the state: that the four words thou courtest from the lady are as much to thy purpose, as if she wrote forty; since it will show she can forgive the highest injury that can be offered to woman; and when I recollect how easily thou canst find excuses to postpone; thou must be more explicit a good deal, as to thy real intentions, and future honour, than thou art: for I cannot trust to temporary remorse; which brought on by disappointment too, and not by principle, and the like of which thou hast so often got over.
If thou canst convince me time enough for the day, that thou meanest to do honourably by her, in her own sense of the word; or, if not time enough, wilt fix some other day, (which thou oughtest to leave to her option, and not bind her down for the Thursday; and the rather, as thy pretence for so doing is founded on an absolute fiction;) I will then most cheerfully undertake thy cause; by person, if she will admit me to her presence; if she will not, by pen. But, in this case, thou must allow me to be guarantee for thy family. And, if so, so much as I value thee, and respect thy skill in all the qualifications of a gentleman, thou mayest depend upon it, that I will act up to the character of a guarantee, with more honour than the princes of our day usually do----to their shame be it spoken.
Mean time let me tell thee, that my heart bleeds for the wrong this angelic lady has received: and if thou dost not marry her, if she will have thee, and, when married, make her the best and tenderest of husbands, I would rather be a dog, a monkey, a bear, a viper, or a toad, than thee.
Command me with honour, and thou shalt find none readier to oblige thee than
Thy sincere friend, JOHN BELFORD.
LETTER XLII
MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ.
M. HALL, JUNE 27. TUESDAY NIGHT, NEAR 12.
Your"s reached me this moment, by an extraordinary push in the messengers.
What a man of honour thou of a sudden!----
And so, in the imaginary shape of a guarantee, thou threatenest me!
Had I not been in earnest as to the lady, I should not have offered to employ thee in the affair. But, let me say, that hadst thou undertaken the task, and I hadst afterwards thought fit to change my mind, I should have contented myself to tell thee, that that was my mind when thou engagedst for me, and to have given thee the reasons for the change, and then left thee to thy own discretion: for never knew I what fear of man was--nor fear of woman neither, till I became acquainted with Miss Clarissa Harlowe, nay, what is most surprising, till I came to have her in my power.
And so thou wilt not wait upon the charmer of my heart, but upon terms and conditions!--Let it alone and be curs"d; I care not.--But so much credit did I give to the value thou expressedst for her, that I thought the office would have been acceptable to thee, as serviceable to me; for what was it, but to endeavour to persuade her to consent to the reparation of her own honour? For what have I done but disgraced myself, and been a thief to my own joys?--And if there be a union of hearts, and an intention to solemnize, what is there wanting but the foolish ceremony?--and that I still offer. But, if she will keep back her hand, if she will make me hold out mine in vain, how can I help it?
I write her one more letter; and if, after she has received that, she keeps sullen silence, she must thank herself for what is to follow.
But, after all,, my heart is not wholly her"s. I love her beyond expression; and cannot help it. I hope therefore she will receive this last tender as I wish. I hope she intends not, like a true woman, to plague, and vex, and tease me, now she has found her power. If she will take me to mercy now these remorses are upon me, (though I scorn to condition with thee for my sincerity,) all her trials, as I have heretofore declared, shall be over, and she shall be as happy as I can make her: for, ruminating upon all that has pa.s.sed between us, from the first hour of our acquaintance till the present, I must p.r.o.nounce, That she is virtue itself and once more I say, has no equal.
As to what you hint, of leaving to her choice another day, do you consider, that it will be impossible that my contrivances and stratagems should be much longer concealed?--This makes me press that day, though so near; and the more, as I have made so much ado about her uncle"s anniversary. If she send me the four words, I will spare no fatigue to be in time, if not for the canonical hour at church, for some other hour of the day in her own apartment, or any other: for money will do every thing: and that I have never spared in this affair.
To show thee, that I am not at enmity with thee, I enclose the copies of two letters--one to her: it is the fourth, and must be the last on the subject----The other to Captain Tomlinson; calculated, as thou wilt see, for him to show her.
And now, Jack, interfere; in this case or not, thou knowest the mind of
R. LOVELACE.
LETTER XLIII
MR. LOVELACE, TO MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE [SUPERSCRIBED TO MRS. LOVELACE.]
M. HALL, WED. MORNING, ONE O"CLOCK, JUNE 28.
Not one line, my dearest life, not one word, in answer to three letters I have written! The time is now so short, that this must be the last letter that can reach you on this side the important hour that might make us legally one.
My friend, Mr. Belford, is apprehensive, that he cannot wait upon you in time, by reason of some urgent affairs of his own.
I the less regret the disappointment, because I have procured a more acceptable person, as I hope, to attend you; Captain Tomlinson I mean: to whom I had applied for this purpose, before I had Mr. Belford"s answer.
I was the more solicitous to obtain his favour form him, because of the office he is to take upon him, as I humbly presume to hope, to-morrow.
That office obliged him to be in town as this day: and I acquainted him with my unhappy situation with you; and desired that he would show me, on this occasion, that I had as much of his favour and friendship as your uncle had; since the whole treaty must be broken off, if he could not prevail upon you in my behalf.
He will dispatch the messenger directly; whom I propose to meet in person at Slough; either to proceed onward to London with a joyful heart, or to return back to M. Hall with a broken one.
I ought not (but cannot help it) to antic.i.p.ate the pleasure Mr. Tomlinson proposes to himself, in acquainting you with the likelihood there is of your mother"s seconding your uncle"s views. For, it seems, he has privately communicated to her his laudable intentions: and her resolution depends, as well as his, upon what to-morrow will produce.
Disappoint not then, I beseech you, for an hundred persons" sakes, as well as for mine, that uncle and that mother, whose displeasure I have heard you so often deplore.
You may think it impossible for me to reach London by the canonical hour.
If it should, the ceremony may be performed in your own apartments, at any time in the day, or at night: so that Captain Tomlinson may have it to aver to your uncle, that it was performed on his anniversary.
Tell but the Captain, that you forbid me not to attend you: and that shall be sufficient for bringing to you, on the wings of love,
Your ever-grateful and affectionate LOVELACE.
LETTER XLIV
TO MR. PATRICK M"DONALD, AT HIS LODGINGS, AT MR. BROWN"S, PERUKE-MAKER, IN ST. MARTIN"S LANE, WESTMINSTER M. HALL, WEDN. MORNING, TWO O"CLOCK.
DEAR M"DONALD,
The bearer of this has a letter to carry to the lady.* I have been at the trouble of writing a copy of it: which I enclose, that you may not mistake your cue.
* See the preceding Letter.
You will judge of my reasons for ante-dating the enclosed sealed one,*
directed to you by the name of Tomlinson; which you are to show to the lady, as in confidence. You will open it of course.
* See the next Letter.
I doubt not your dexterity and management, dear M"Donald; nor your zeal; especially as the hope of cohabitation must now be given up. Impossible to be carried is that scheme. I might break her heart, but not incline her will--am in earnest therefore to marry her, if she let not the day slip.
Improve upon the hint of her mother. That may touch her. But John Harlowe, remember, has privately engaged that lady--privately, I say; else, (not to mention the reason for her uncle Harlowe"s former expedient,) you know, she might find means to get a letter away to the one or to the other, to know the truth; or to Miss Howe, to engage her to inquire into it: and, if she should, the word privately will account for the uncle"s and mother"s denying it.