My days are past, my purposes are broken off, even the thoughts of my heart.
When I looked for good, then evil came unto me; and when I waited for light, then came darkness.
And where now is my hope?--
Yet all the days of my appointed time will I wait, till my change come.
LETTER Lx.x.xV
MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO JOHN HARLOWE, ESQ.
THURSDAY, AUG. 10.
HONOURED SIR,
It was an act of charity I begged: only for a last blessing, that I might die in peace. I ask not to be received again, as my severe sister [Oh!
that I had not written to her!] is pleased to say, is my view. Let that grace be denied me when I do.
I could not look forward to my last scene with comfort, without seeking, at least, to obtain the blessing I pet.i.tioned for; and that with a contrition so deep, that I deserved not, were it known, to be turned over from the tender nature of a mother, to the upbraiding pen of an uncle!
and to be wounded by a cruel question, put by him in a shocking manner: and which a little, a very little time, will better answer than I can: for I am not either a hardened or shameless creature: if I were, I should not have been so solicitous to obtain the favour I sued for.
And permit me to say that I asked it as well for my father and mother"s sake, as for my own; for I am sure they at least will be uneasy, after I am gone, that they refused it to me.
I should still be glad to have theirs, and your"s, Sir, and all your blessings, and your prayers: but, denied in such a manner, I will not presume again to ask it: relying entirely on the Almighty"s; which is never denied, when supplicated for with such true penitence as I hope mine is.
G.o.d preserve my dear uncle, and all my honoured friends! prays
Your unhappy CLARISSA HARLOWE.
END OF VOL. 7.