If thou really thinkest thou dost not, thy ignorance is more to be pitied, than thy pertness resented. I wish thou wouldst leave me to myself.
When young ladies fall out with their own duty, it is not much to be wondered at, that they are angry at any body who do theirs.
That"s a very pretty saying, Mrs. Betty!--I see plainly what thy duty is in thy notion, and am obliged to those who taught it thee.
Every body takes notice, Miss, that you can say very cutting words in a cool manner, and yet not call names, as I have known some gentlefolks as well as others do when in a pa.s.sion. But I wish you had permitted "Squire Solmes to see you: he would have told you such stories of "Squire Lovelace, as you would have turned your heart against him for ever.
And know you any of the particulars of those sad stories?
Indeed I don"t; but you"ll hear all at your uncle Antony"s, I suppose; and a great deal more perhaps than you will like to hear.
Let me hear what I will, I am determined against Mr. Solmes, were it to cost me my life.
If you are, Miss, the Lord have mercy on you! For what with this letter of yours to "Squire Solmes, whom they so much value, and what with their antipathy to "Squire Lovelace, whom they hate, they will have no patience with you.
What will they do, Betty? They won"t kill me? What will they do?
Kill you! No!--But you will not be suffered to stir from thence, till you have complied with your duty. And no pen and ink will be allowed you as here; where they are of opinion you make no good use of it: nor would it be allowed here, only as they intend so soon to send you away to your uncle"s. No-body will be permitted to see you, or to correspond with you. What farther will be done, I can"t say; and, if I could, it may not be proper. But you may prevent all, by one word: and I wish you would, Miss. All then would be easy and happy. And, if I may speak my mind, I see not why one man is not as good as another: why, especially, a sober man is not as good as a rake.
Well, Betty, said I, sighing, all thy impertinence goes for nothing. But I see I am destined to be a very unhappy creature. Yet I will venture upon one request more to them.
And so, quite sick of the pert creature and of myself, I retired to my closet, and wrote a few lines to my uncle Harlowe, notwithstanding his prohibition; in order to get a reprieve from being carried away so soon as Thursday next, if I must go. And this, that I might, if complied with, suspend the appointment I have made with Mr. Lovelace; for my heart misgives me as to meeting him; and that more and more; I know not why. Under the superscription of the letter, I wrote these words: "Pray, dear Sir, be pleased to give this a reading."
This is a copy of what I wrote:
TUESDAY AFTERNOON.
HONOURED SIR,
Let me this once be heard with patience, and have my pet.i.tion granted.
It is only, that I may not be hurried away so soon as next Thursday.
Why should the poor girl be turned out of doors so suddenly, so disgracefully? Procure for me, Sir, one fortnight"s respite. In that s.p.a.ce of time, I hope you will all relent. My mamma shall not need to shut her door in apprehension of seeing her disgraceful child. I will not presume to think of entering her presence, or my papa"s without leave. One fortnight"s respite is but a small favour for them to grant, except I am to be refused every thing I ask; but it is of the highest import to my peace of mind. Procure it for me, therefore, dearest Sir; and you will exceedingly oblige
Your dutiful, though greatly afflicted niece, CL. HARLOWE.
I sent this down: my uncle was not gone: and he now stays to know the result of the question put to me in the enclosed answer which he has given to mind.
Your going to your uncle"s was absolutely concluded upon for next Thursday. Nevertheless, your mother, seconded by Mr. Solmes, pleaded so strongly to have you indulged, that your request for a delay will be complied with, upon one condition; and whether for a fortnight, or a shorter time, that will depend upon yourself. If you refuse the condition, your mother declares she will give over all further intercession for you.--Nor do you deserve this favour, as you put it upon our yielding to you, not you to us.
This condition is, that you admit of a visit from Mr. Solmes, for one hour, in company of your brother, your sister, or your uncle Antony, choose who you will.
If you comply not, go next Thursday to a house which is become strangely odious to you of late, whether you get ready to go or not. Answer therefore directly to the point. No evasion. Name your day and hour. Mr.
Solmes will neither eat you, nor drink you. Let us see, whether we are to be complied with in any thing, or not.
JOHN HARLOWE.
After a very little deliberation, I resolved to comply with this condition. All I fear is, that Mr. Lovelace"s intelligencer may inform him of it; and that his apprehensions upon it may make him take some desperate resolution: especially as now (having more time given me here) I think to write to him to suspend the interview he is possibly so sure of. I sent down the following to my uncle:
HONOURED SIR,
Although I see not what end the proposed condition can answer, I comply with it. I wish I could with every thing expected of me. If I must name one, in whose company I am to see the gentleman, and that one not my mamma, whose presence I could wish to be honoured by on the occasion, let my uncle, if he pleases, be the person. If I must name the day, (a long day, I doubt, will not be permitted me,) let it be next Tuesday.
The hour, four in the afternoon. The place either the ivy summer-house, or in the little parlour I used to be permitted to call mine.
Be pleased, Sir, nevertheless, to prevail upon my mamma, to vouchsafe me her presence on the occasion.
I am, Sir, your ever-dutiful CL. HARLOWE.
A reply is just sent me. I thought it became my averseness to this meeting, to name a distant day: but I did not expect they would have complied with it. So here is one week gained!
This is the reply:
You have done well to comply. We are willing to think the best of every slight instance of duty from you. Yet have you seemed to consider the day as an evil day, and so put if far off. This nevertheless is granted you, as no time need to be lost, if you are as generous after the day, as we are condescending before it. Let me advise you, not to harden your mind; nor take up your resolution beforehand. Mr. Solmes has more awe, and even terror, at the thought of seeing you, than you can have at the thoughts of seeing him. His motive is love; let not yours be hatred. My brother Antony will be present, in hopes you will deserve well of him, by behaving well to the friend of the family. See you use him as such.
Your mother had permission to be there, if she thought fit: but says, she would not for a thousand pound, unless you would encourage her beforehand as she wishes to be encouraged. One hint I am to give you mean time. It is this: To make a discreet use of your pen and ink.
Methinks a young creature of niceness should be less ready to write to one man, when she is designed to be another"s.
This compliance, I hope, will produce greater, and then the peace of the family will be restored: which is what is heartily wished by
Your loving uncle, JOHN HARLOWE.
Unless it be to the purpose our hearts are set upon, you need not write again.
This man have more terror at seeing me, than I can have at seeing him!--How can that be? If he had half as much, he would not wish to see me!--His motive love!--Yes, indeed! Love of himself! He knows no other; for love, that deserves the name, seeks the satisfaction of the beloved object more than its own. Weighed in this scale, what a profanation is this man guilty of!
Not to take up my resolution beforehand!--That advice comes too late.
But I must make a discreet use of my pen. That, I doubt, as they have managed it, in the sense they mean it, is as much out of my power, as the other.
But write to one man, when I am designed for another!--What a shocking expression is that!
Repenting of my appointment with Mr. Lovelace before I had this favour granted me, you may believe I hesitated not a moment to revoke it now that I had gained such a respite. Accordingly, I wrote, "That I found it inconvenient to meet him, as I had intended: that the risque I should run of a discovery, and the mischiefs that might flow from it, could not be justified by any end that such a meeting could answer: that I found one certain servant more in my way, when I took my morning and evening airings, than any other: that the person who might reveal the secrets of a family to him, might, if opportunity were given him, betray me, or him, to those whom it was his duty to serve: that I had not been used to a conduct so faulty, as to lay myself at the mercy of servants: and was sorry he had measures to pursue, that made steps necessary in his own opinion, which, in mine, were very culpable, and which no end could justify: that things drawing towards a crisis between my friends and me, an interview could avail nothing; especially as the method by which this correspondence was carried on was not suspected, and he could write all that was in his mind to write: that I expected to be at liberty to judge of what was proper and fit upon this occasion: especially as he might be a.s.sured, that I would sooner choose death, than Mr. Solmes."