But you, who know how much I love and reverence my mother, will judge what a difficulty I am under, to be obliged to oppose a scheme which she has engaged in. Yet I must oppose it (to comply is impossible); and must without delay declare my opposition, or my difficulties will increase; since, as I am just now informed, a lawyer has been this very day consulted [Would you have believed it?] in relation to settlements.
Were ours a Roman Catholic family, how much happier for me, that they thought a nunnery would answer all their views!--How happy, had not a certain person slighted somebody! All then would have been probably concluded between them before my brother had arrived to thwart the match: then had I a sister; which now I have not; and two brothers;--both aspiring; possibly both t.i.tled: while I should only have valued that in either which is above t.i.tle, that which is truly n.o.ble in both!
But by what a long-reaching selfishness is my brother governed! By what remote, exceedingly remote views! Views, which it is in the power of the slightest accident, of a fever, for instance, (the seeds of which are always vegetating, as I may say, and ready to burst forth, in his own impetuous temper,) or of the provoked weapon of an adversary, to blow up and destroy!
I will break off here. Let me write ever so freely of my friends, I am sure of your kind construction: and I confide in your discretion, that you will avoid reading to or transcribing for others such pa.s.sages as may have the appearance of treating too freely the parental, or even the fraternal character, or induce others to censure for a supposed failure in duty to the one, or decency to the other,
Your truly affectionate, CL. HARLOWE.
LETTER XIV
MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE THURSDAY EVENING, MARCH 2.
On Hannah"s depositing my long letter, (begun yesterday, but by reason of several interruptions not finished till within this hour,) she found and brought me yours of this day. I thank you, my dear, for this kind expedition. These few lines will perhaps be time enough deposited, to be taken away by your servant with the other letter: yet they are only to thank you, and to tell you my increasing apprehensions.
I must take or seek the occasion to apply to my mother for her mediation; for I am in danger of having a day fixed, and antipathy taken for bashfulness.--Should not sisters be sisters to each other? Should not they make a common cause of it, as I may say, a cause of s.e.x, on such occasions as the present? Yet mine, in support of my brother"s selfishness, and, no doubt, in concert with him, has been urging in full a.s.sembly it seems, (and that with an earnestness peculiar to herself when she sets upon any thing,) that an absolute day be given me; and if I comply not, to be told, that it shall be to the forfeiture of all my fortunes, and of all their love.
She need not be so officious: my brother"s interest, without hers, is strong enough; for he has found means to confederate all the family against me. Upon some fresh provocation, or new intelligence concerning Mr. Lovelace, (I know not what it is,) they have bound themselves, or are to bind themselves, by a signed paper, to one another [The Lord bless me, my dear, what shall I do!] to carry their point in favour of Mr. Solmes, in support of my father"s authority, as it is called, and against Mr. Lovelace, as a libertine, and an enemy to the family: and if so, I am sure, I may say against me.--How impolitic in them all, to join two people in one interest, whom they wish for ever to keep asunder!
What the discharged steward reported of him is surely bad enough: what Mrs. Fortescue said, not only confirms that bad, but gives room to think him still worse. And yet the something further which my friends have come at, is of so heinous a nature (as Betty Barnes tells Hannah) that it proves him almost to be the worst of men.--But, hang the man, I had almost said--What is he to me? What would he be--were not this Mr.
Sol----O my dear, how I hate the man in the light he is proposed to me!
All of them, at the same time, are afraid of Mr. Lovelace; yet not afraid to provoke him!--How am I entangled!--to be obliged to go on corresponding with him for their sakes--Heaven forbid, that their persisted-in violence should so drive me, as to make it necessary for my own!
But surely they will yield--Indeed I cannot.
I believe the gentlest spirits when provoked (causelessly and cruelly provoked) are the most determined. The reason may be, that not taking up resolutions lightly--their very deliberation makes them the more immovable.--And then when a point is clear and self-evident, how can one with patience think of entering into an argument or contention upon it?--
An interruption obliges me to conclude myself, in some hurry, as well as fright, what I must ever be,
Yours more than my own, CLARISSA HARLOWE.
LETTER XV
MISS HOWE, TO MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE FRIDAY, MARCH 3.
I have both your letters at once. It is very unhappy, my dear, since your friends will have you marry, that a person of your merit should be addressed by a succession of worthless creatures, who have nothing but their presumption for their excuse.
That these presumers appear not in this very unworthy light to some of your friends, is, because their defects are not so striking to them as to others.--And why? Shall I venture to tell you?--Because they are nearer their own standard--Modesty, after all, perhaps has a concern in it; for how should they think that a niece or sister of theirs [I will not go higher, for fear of incurring your displeasure] should be an angel?
But where indeed is the man to be found (who has the least share of due diffidence) that dares to look up to Miss Clarissa Harlowe with hope, or with any thing but wishes? Thus the bold and forward, not being sensible of their defects, aspire; while the modesty of the really worthy fills them with too much reverence to permit them to explain themselves. Hence your Symmes"s, your Byron"s, your Mullins"s, your Wyerley"s (the best of the herd), and your Solmes"s, in turn, invade you--Wretches that, looking upon the rest of your family, need not despair of succeeding in an alliance with it--But to you, what an inexcusable presumption!
Yet I am afraid all opposition will be in vain. You must, you will, I doubt, be sacrificed to this odious man. I know your family. There will be no resisting such baits as he has thrown out. O, my dear, my beloved friend! and are such charming qualities, is such exalted merit, to be sunk in such a marriage!--You must not, your uncle tells your mother, dispute their authority. AUTHORITY! what a full word is that in the mouth of a narrow-minded person, who happened to be born thirty years before one!--Of your uncles I speak; for as to the paternal authority, that ought to be sacred.--But should not parents have reason for what they do?
Wonder not, however, at your Bell"s unsisterly behaviour in this affair: I have a particular to add to the inducements your insolent brother is governed by, which will account for all her driving. You have already owned, that her outward eye was from the first struck with the figure and address of the man whom she pretends to despise, and who, "tis certain, thoroughly despises her: but you have not told me, that still she loves him of all men. Bell has a meanness in her very pride; that meanness rises with her pride, and goes hand in hand with it; and no one is so proud as Bell. She has owned her love, her uneasy days, and sleepless nights, and her revenge grafted upon her love, to her favourite Betty Barnes--To lay herself in the power of a servant"s tongue! Poor creature!--But LIKE little souls will find one another out, and mingle, as well as LIKE great ones. This, however, she told the wench in strict confidence: and thus, by way of the female round-about, as Lovelace had the sauciness on such another occasion, in ridicule of our s.e.x, to call it, Betty (pleased to be thought worthy of a secret, and to have an opportunity of inveighing against Lovelace"s perfidy, as she would have it to be) told it to one of her confidants: that confidant, with like injunctions of secrecy, to Miss Lloyd"s Harriot--Harriot to Miss Lloyd--Miss Lloyd to me--I to you--with leave to make what you please of it.
And now you will not wonder to find Miss Bell an implacable rival, rather than an affectionate sister; and will be able to account for the words witchcraft, syren, and such like, thrown out against you; and for her driving on for a fixed day for sacrificing you to Solmes: in short, for her rudeness and violence of every kind.
What a sweet revenge will she take, as well upon Lovelace as upon you, if she can procure her rival sister to be married to the man that sister hates; and so prevent her having the man whom she herself loves (whether she have hope of him or not), and whom she suspects her sister loves!
Poisons and poniard have often been set to work by minds inflamed by disappointed love, and actuated by revenge.--Will you wonder, then, that the ties of relationship in such a case have no force, and that a sister forgets to be a sister?
Now I know this to be her secret motive, (the more grating to her, as her pride is concerned to make her disavow it), and can consider it joined with her former envy, and as strengthened by a brother, who has such an ascendant over the whole family; and whose interest (slave to it as he always was) engaged him to ruin you with every one: both possessed of the ears of all your family, and having it as much in their power as in their will to misrepresent all you say, all you do; such subject also as to the rencounter, and Lovelace"s want of morals, to expatiate upon: your whole family likewise avowedly attached to the odious man by means of the captivating proposals he has made them;--when I consider all these things, I am full of apprehensions for you.--O my dear, how will you be able to maintain your ground;--I am sure, (alas! I am too sure) that they will subdue such a fine spirit as yours, unused to opposition; and (tell it not in Gath) you must be Mrs. Solmes!
Mean time, it is now easy, as you will observe, to guess from what quarter the report I mentioned to you in one of my former, came, That the younger sister has robbed the elder of her lover:* for Betty whispered it, at the time she whispered the rest, that neither Lovelace nor you had done honourably by her young mistress.--How cruel, my dear, in you, to rob the poor Bella of the only lover she only had!--At the instant too that she was priding herself, that now at last she should have it in her power not only to gratify her own susceptibilities, but to give an example to the flirts of her s.e.x** (my worship"s self in her eye) how to govern their man with a silken rein, and without a curb-bridle!
* Letter I.
** Letter II.
Upon the whole, I have now no doubt of their persevering in favour of the despicable Solmes; and of their dependence upon the gentleness of your temper, and the regard you have for their favour, and for your own reputation. And now I am more than ever convinced of the propriety of the advice I formerly gave you, to keep in your own hands the estate bequeathed to you by your grandfather.--Had you done so, it would have procured you at least an outward respect from your brother and sister, which would have made them conceal the envy and ill-will that now are bursting upon you from hearts so narrow.
I must harp a little more upon this string--Do not you observe, how much your brother"s influence has overtopped yours, since he has got into fortunes so considerable, and since you have given some of them an appet.i.te to continue in themselves the possession of your estate, unless you comply with their terms?
I know your dutiful, your laudable motives; and one would have thought, that you might have trusted to a father who so dearly loved you. But had you been actually in possession of that estate, and living up to it, and upon it, (your youth protected from blighting tongues by the company of your prudent Norton, as you had proposed,) do you think that your brother, grudging it to you at the time as he did, and looking upon it as his right as an only son, would have been practising about it, and aiming at it? I told you some time ago, that I thought your trials but proportioned to your prudence:* but you will be more than woman, if you can extricate yourself with honour, having such violent spirits and sordid minds in some, and such tyrannical and despotic wills in others, to deal with. Indeed, all may be done, and the world be taught further to admire you for your blind duty and will-less resignation, if you can persuade yourself to be Mrs. Solmes.
* Letter I.
I am pleased with the instances you give me of Mr. Lovelace"s benevolence to his own tenants, and with his little gift to your uncle"s. Mrs. Fortescue allows him to be the best of landlords: I might have told you that, had I thought it necessary to put you into some little conceit of him. He has qualities, in short, that may make him a tolerable creature on the other side of fifty: but G.o.d help the poor woman to whose lot he shall fall till then! women, I should say, perhaps; since he may break half-a-dozen hearts before that time.--But to the point I was upon--Shall we not have reason to commend the tenant"s grateful honesty, if we are told, that with joy the poor man called out your uncle, and on the spot paid him in part of his debt those two guineas?--But what shall we say of that landlord, who, though he knew the poor man to be quite dest.i.tute, could take it; and, saying nothing while Mr. Lovelace staid, as soon as he was gone, tell of it in praise of the poor fellow"s honesty?--Were this so, and were not that landlord related to my dearest friend, how should I despise such a wretch?--But, perhaps, the story is aggravated. Covetous people have every one"s ill word: and so indeed they ought; because they are only solicitous to keep that which they prefer to every one"s good one.--Covetous indeed would they be, who deserved neither, yet expected both!
I long for your next letter. Continue to be as particular as possible.
I can think of no other subject but what relates to you and to your affairs: for I am, and ever will be, most affectionately,
Your own, ANNA HOWE.
LETTER XVI
MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE [HER PRECEDING NOT AT THAT TIME RECEIVED.] FRIDAY, MARCH 3.
O my dear friend, I have had a sad conflict! Trial upon trial; conference upon conference!--But what law, what ceremony, can give a man a right to a heart which abhors him more than it does any living creature?
I hope my mother will be able to prevail for me.--But I will recount it all, though I sit up the whole night to do it; for I have a vast deal to write, and will be as minute as you wish me to be.