How did the dear creature look, Dorcas?
She was dressed. She turned her face quite from me; and sighed, as if her heart would break.
Sweet creature:--I kissed the wet wafer, and drew it from the paper with my breath.
These are the contents.--No inscriptive Sir! No Mr. Lovelace!
I cannot see you: nor will I, if I can help it. Words cannot express the anguish of my soul on your baseness and ingrat.i.tude.
If the circ.u.mstances of things are such, that I can have no way for reconciliation with those who would have been my natural protectors from such outrages, but through you, [the only inducement I have to stay a moment longer in your knowledge,] pen and ink must be, at present, the only means of communication between us.
Vilest of men, and most detestable of plotters! how have I deserved from you the shocking indignities--but no more--only for your own sake, wish not, at least for a week to come, to see
The undeservedly injured and insulted CLARISSA HARLOWE
So thou seest, nothing could have stood me in stead, but this plot of Tomlinson and her uncle! To what a pretty pa.s.s, nevertheless, have I brought myself!--Had Caesar been such a fool, he had never pa.s.sed the rubicon. But after he had pa.s.sed it, had he retreated re infecta, intimidated by a senatorial edict, what a pretty figure would he have made in history!--I might have known, that to attempt a robbery, and put a person in bodily fear, is as punishable as if the robbery had been actually committed.
But not to see her for a week!--Dear, pretty soul! how she antic.i.p.ates me in every thing! The counsellor will have finished the writings to-day or to-morrow, at furthest: the license with the parson, or the parson without the license, must also be procured within the next four-and- twenty hours; Pritchard is as good as ready with his indentures tripart.i.te: Tomlinson is at hand with a favourable answer from her uncle --yet not to see her for a week!----Dear sweet soul;--her good angel is gone a journey: is truanting at least. But nevertheless, in thy week"s time, or in much less, my charmer, I doubt not to complete my triumph!
But what vexes me of all things is, that such an excellent creature should break her word:--Fie, fie, upon her!--But n.o.body is absolutely perfect! "Tis human to err, but not to persevere--I hope my charmer cannot be inhuman!
LETTER XVIII
MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ.
KING"S ARMS, PALL-MALL, THURSDAY, TWO O"CLOCK.
Several billets pa.s.sed between us before I went out, by the internuncioship of Dorcas: for which reason mine are superscribed by her married name.--She would not open her door to receive them; lest I should be near it, I suppose: so Dorcas was forced to put them under the door (after copying them for thee); and thence to take the answers. Read them, if thou wilt, at this place.
TO MRS. LOVELACE
Indeed, my dearest life, you carry this matter too far. What will the people below, who suppose us one as to the ceremony, think of so great a niceness? Liberties so innocent! the occasion so accidental!--You will expose yourself as well as me.--Hitherto they know nothing of what has pa.s.sed. And what indeed has pa.s.sed to occasion all this resentment?--I am sure you will not, by a breach of your word of honour, give me reason to conclude that, had I not obeyed you, I could have fared no worse.
Most sincerely do I repent the offence given to your delicacy--But must I, for so accidental an occurrence, be branded by such shocking names?-- Vilest of men, and most detestable of plotters, are hard words!--From the pen of such a lady too.
If you step up another pair of stairs, you will be convinced, that, however detestable I may be to you, I am no plotter in this affair.
I must insist upon seeing you, in order to take your directions upon some of the subjects we talked of yesterday in the evening.
All that is more than necessary is too much. I claim your promised pardon, and wish to plead it on my knees.
I beg your presence in the dining-room for one quarter of an hour, and I will then leave you for the day, I am,
My dearest life, Your ever adoring and truly penitent LOVELACE.
TO MR. LOVELACE
I will not see you. I cannot see you. I have no directions to give you.
Let Providence decide for me as it pleases.
The more I reflect upon your vileness, your ungrateful, your barbarous vileness, the more I am exasperated against you.
You are the last person whose judgment I will take upon what is or is not carried too far in matters of decency.
"Tis grievous to me to write, or even to think of you at present. Urge me no more then. Once more, I will not see you. Nor care I, now you have made me vile to myself, what other people think of me.
TO MRS. LOVELACE
Again, Madam, I remind you of your promise: and beg leave to say, I insist upon the performance of it.
Remember, dearest creature, that the fault of a blameable person cannot warrant a fault in one more perfect. Overniceness may be underniceness!
I cannot reproach myself with any thing that deserves this high resentment.
I own that the violence of my pa.s.sion for you might have carried me beyond fit bounds--but that your commands and adjurations had power over me at such a moment, I humbly presume to say, deserves some consideration.
You enjoin me not to see you for a week. If I have not your pardon before Captain Tomlinson comes to town, what shall I say to him?
I beg once more your presence in the dining-room. By my soul, Madam, I must see you.
I want to consult you about the license, and other particulars of great importance. The people below think us married; and I cannot talk to you upon such subjects with the door between us.
For Heaven"s sake, favour me with your presence for a few minutes: and I will leave you for the day.
If I am to be forgiven, according to your promise, the earlier forgiveness will be most obliging, and will save great pain to yourself, as well as to
Your truly contrite and afflicted LOVELACE.