What! turn your back upon me too!--Shall I bring up your mamma to you, love? [following me, and taking my struggling hand] What? not speak yet!
Come, my sullen, silent dear, speak one word to me--you must say two very soon to Mr. Solmes, I can tell you that.
Then [gushing into tears, which I could not hold in longer] they shall be the last words I will ever speak.
Well, well, [insultingly wiping my averted face with her handkerchief, while her other hand held mine, in a ridiculing tone,] I am glad any thing will make thee speak: then you think you may be brought to speak the two words--only they are to be the last!--How like a gentle lovyer from its tender bleeding heart was that!
Ridiculous Bella!
Saucy Clary! [changing her sneering tone to an imperious one] But do you think you can humble yourself to go down to your mamma?
I am tired of such stuff as this. Tell me, Bella, if my mamma will condescend to see me?
Yes, if you can be dutiful at last.
I can. I will.
But what call you dutiful?
To give up my own inclinations--That"s something more for you to tell of--in obedience to my parents" commands; and to beg that I may not be made miserable with a man that is fitter for any body than for me.
For me, do you mean, Clary?
Why not? since you have put the question. You have a better opinion of him than I have. My friends, I hope, would not think him too good for me, and not good enough for you. But cannot you tell me, Bella, what is to become of me, without insulting over me thus?--If I must be thus treated, remember, that if I am guilty of any rashness, the usage I meet with will justify it.
So, Clary, you are contriving an excuse, I find, for somewhat that we have not doubted has been in your head a great while.
If it were so, you seem resolved, for your part, and so does my brother for his, that I shall not want one.--But indeed, Bella, I can bear no longer this repet.i.tion of the worst part of yesterday"s conversation: I desire I may throw myself at my father"s and mother"s feet, and hear from them what their sentence is. I shall at least avoid, by that means, the unsisterly insults I meet with from you.
Hey-day! What, is this you? Is it you, my meek sister Clary?
Yes, it is I, Bella; and I will claim the protection due to a child of the family, or to know why I am to be thus treated, when I offer only to preserve to myself the liberty of refusal, which belongs to my s.e.x; and, to please my parents, would give up my choice. I have contented myself till now to take second-hand messengers, and first-hand insults: you are but my sister: my brother is not my sovereign. And while I have a father and mother living, I will not be thus treated by a brother and sister, and their servants, all setting upon me, as it should seem, to make me desperate, and do a rash thing.--I will know, in short, sister Bella, why I am to be constrained thus?--What is intended by it?--And whether I am to be considered as a child or a slave?
She stood aghast all this time, partly with real, partly with affected, surprise.
And is it you? Is it indeed you?--Well, Clary, you amaze me! But since you are so desirous to refer yourself to your father and mother, I will go down, and tell them what you say. Your friends are not yet gone, I believe: they shall a.s.semble again; and then you may come down, and plead your own cause in person.
Let me then. But let my brother and you be absent. You have made yourselves too much parties against me, to sit as my judges. And I desire to have none of yours or his interpositions. I am sure you could not have represented what I proposed fairly: I am sure you could not.
Nor is it possible you should be commissioned to treat me thus.
Well, well, I"ll call up my brother to you.--I will indeed.--He shall justify himself, as well as me.
I desire not to see my brother, except he will come as a brother, laying aside the authority he has unjustly a.s.sumed over me.
And so, Clary, it is nothing to him, or to me, is it, that our sister shall disgrace her whole family?
As how, Bella, disgrace it?--The man whom you thus freely treat, is a man of birth and fortune: he is a man of parts, and n.o.bly allied.--He was once thought worthy of you: and I wish to Heaven you had had him.
I am sure it was not thus my fault you had not, although you treat me thus.
This set her into a flame: I wish I had forborne it. O how the poor Bella raved! I thought she would have beat me once or twice: and she vowed her fingers itched to do so--but I was not worth her anger: yet she flamed on.
We were heard to be high.--And Betty came up from my mother to command my sister to attend her.--She went down accordingly, threatening me with letting every one know what a violent creature I had shewn myself to be.
TUESDAY NOON, MARCH 21.
I have as yet heard no more of my sister: and have not courage enough to insist upon throwing myself at the feet of my father and mother, as I thought in my heat of temper I should be able to do. And I am now grown as calm as ever; and were Bella to come up again, as fit to be played upon as before.
I am indeed sorry that I sent her from me in such disorder. But my papa"s letter threatening me with my uncle Antony"s house and chapel, terrifies me strangely; and by their silence I"m afraid some new storm is gathering.
But what shall I do with this Lovelace? I have just now, but the unsuspected hole in the wall (that I told you of in my letter by Hannah) got a letter from him--so uneasy is he for fear I should be prevailed upon in Solmes"s favour; so full of menaces, if I am; so resenting the usage I receive [for, how I cannot tell, but he has undoubtedly intelligence of all that is done in the family]; such protestations of inviolable faith and honour; such vows of reformation; such pressing arguments to escape from this disgraceful confinement--O my Nancy, what shall I do with this Lovelace?--
LETTER XLIV
MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE WENESDAY MORNING, NINE O"CLOCK.
My aunt Hervey lay here last night, and is but just gone from me. She came up to me with my sister. They would not trust my aunt without this ill-natured witness. When she entered my chamber, I told her, that this visit was a high favour to a poor prisoner, in her hard confinement.
I kissed her hand. She, kindly saluting me, said, Why this distance to your aunt, my dear, who loves you so well?
She owned, that she came to expostulate with me, for the peace-sake of the family: for that she could not believe it possible, if I did not conceive myself unkindly treated, that I, who had ever shewn such a sweetness of temper, as well as manners, should be thus resolute, in a point so very near to my father, and all my friends. My mother and she were both willing to impute my resolution to the manner I had been begun with; and to my supposing that my brother had originally more of a hand in the proposals made by Mr. Solmes, than my father or other friends. In short, fain would my aunt have furnished me with an excuse to come off my opposition; Bell all the while humming a tune, and opening this book and that, without meaning; but saying nothing.
After having shewed me, that my opposition could not be of signification, my father"s honour being engaged, my aunt concluded with enforcing upon me my duty, in stronger terms than I believe she would have done, (the circ.u.mstances of the case considered), had not my sister been present.
It would be repeating what I have so often mentioned, to give you the arguments that pa.s.sed on both sides.--So I will only recite what she was pleased to say, that carried with it a new face.
When she found me inflexible, as she was pleased to call it, she said, For her part, she could not but say, that if I were not to have either Mr. Solmes or Mr. Lovelace, and yet, to make my friends easy, must marry, she should not think amiss of Mr. Wyerley. What did I think of Mr. Wyerley?
Ay, Clary, put in my sister, what say you to Mr. Wyerley?
I saw through this immediately. It was said on purpose, I doubted not, to have an argument against me of absolute prepossession in Mr.
Lovelace"s favour: since Mr. Wyerley every where avows his value, even to veneration, for me; and is far less exceptionable both in person and mind, than Mr. Solmes: and I was willing to turn the tables, by trying how far Mr. Solmes"s terms might be dispensed with; since the same terms could not be expected from Mr. Wyerley.
I therefore desired to know, whether my answer, if it should be in favour of Mr. Wyerley, would release me from Mr. Solmes?--For I owned, that I had not the aversion to him, that I had to the other.
Nay, she had no commission to propose such a thing. She only knew, that my father and mother would not be easy till Mr. Lovelace"s hopes were entirely defeated.
Cunning creature! said my sister.
And this, and her joining in the question before, convinced me, that it was a designed snare for me.
Don"t you, dear Madam, said I, put questions that can answer no end, but to support my brother"s schemes against me.--But are there any hopes of an end to my sufferings and disgrace, without having this hated man imposed upon me? Will not what I have offered be accepted? I am sure it ought--I will venture to say that.
Why, Niece, if there be not any such hopes, I presume you don"t think yourself absolved from the duty due from a child to her parents?
Yes, said my sister, I do not doubt but it is Miss Clary"s aim, if she does not fly to her Lovelace, to get her estate into her own hands, and go to live at The Grove, in that independence upon which she builds all her perverseness. And, dear heart! my little love, how will you then blaze away! Your mamma Norton, your oracle, with your poor at your gates, mingling so proudly and so meanly with the ragged herd!