These are the gloomy and perplexing hints this impertinent throws out. Probably they arose from the information Mr. Lovelace says he has secretly permitted them to have (from this vile double-faced agent, I suppose!) of his resolution to prevent my being carried to my uncle"s.
How justly, if so, may this exasperate them!--How am I driven to and fro, like a feather in the wind, at the pleasure of the rash, the selfish, the headstrong! and when I am as averse to the proceedings of the one, as I am to those of the other! For although I was induced to carry on this unhappy correspondence, as I think I ought to call it, in hopes to prevent mischief; yet indiscreet measures are fallen upon by the rash man, before I, who am so much concerned in the event of the present contentions, can be consulted: and between his violence on one hand, and that of my relations on the other, I find myself in danger from both.
O my dear! what is worldly wisdom but the height of folly!--I, the meanest, at least youngest, of my father"s family, to thrust myself in the gap between such uncontroulable spirits!--To the intercepting perhaps of the designs of Providence, which may intend to make those hostile spirits their own punishers.--If so, what presumption!--Indeed, my dear friend, I am afraid I have thought myself of too much consequence. But, however this be, it is good, when calamities befal us, that we should look into ourselves, and fear.
If I am prevented depositing this and the enclosed, (as I intend to try to do, late as it is,) I will add to it as occasion shall offer. Mean time, believe me to be
Your ever-affectionate and grateful CL. HARLOWE.
Under the superscription, written with a pencil, after she went down.
"My two former are not yet taken away--I am surprised--I hope you are well--I hope all is right betwixt your mother and you."
LETTER x.x.xVII
MISS HOWE, TO MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE THURSDAY MORNING, APRIL 9.
I have your three letters. Never was there a creature more impatient on the most interesting uncertainty than I was, to know the event of the interview between you and Solmes.
It behoves me to account to my dear friend, in her present unhappy situation, for every thing that may have the least appearance of negligence or remissness on my part. I sent Robin in the morning early, in hopes of a deposit. He loitered about the place till near ten to no purpose; and then came away; my mother having given him a letter to carry to Mr. Hunt"s, which he was to deliver before three, when only, in the day-time, that gentleman is at home; and to bring back an answer to it. Mr. Hunt"s house, you know, lies wide from Harlowe-place. Robin but just saved his time; and returned not till it was too late to send him again. I only could direct him to set out before day this morning; and if he got any letter, to ride as for his life to bring it to me.
I lay by myself: a most uneasy night I had through impatience; and being discomposed with it, lay longer than usual. Just as I was risen, in came Kitty, from Robin, with your three letters. I was not a quarter dressed; and only slipt on my morning sack; proceeding no further till I had read them all through, long as they are: and yet I often stopped to rave aloud (though by myself) at the devilish people you have to deal with.
How my heart rises at them all! How poorly did they design to trick you into an encouragement of Solmes, from the extorted interview!--I am very, very angry at your aunt Hervey--to give up her own judgment so tamely!--and, not content to do so, to become such an active instrument in their hands!--But it is so like the world!--so like my mother too!--Next to her own child, there is not any body living she values so much as you:--Yet it is--Why should we embroil ourselves, Nancy, with the affairs of other people?
Other people!--How I hate the poor words, where friendship is concerned, and where the protection to be given may be of so much consequence to a friend, and of so little detriment to one"s self?
I am delighted with your spirit, however. I expected it not from you Nor did they, I am sure. Nor would you, perhaps, have exerted it, if Lovelace"s intelligence of Solmes"s nursery-offices had not set you up.
I wonder not that the wretch is said to love you the better for it. What an honour would it be to him to have such a wife? And he can be even with you when you are so. He must indeed be a savage, as you say.--Yet he is less to blame for his perseverance, than those of your own family, whom most you reverence for theirs.
It is well, as I have often said, that I have not such provocations and trials; I should perhaps long ago have taken your cousin Dolly"s advice--yet dare I not to touch that key.--I shall always love the good girl for her tenderness to you.
I know not what to say of Lovelace; nor what to think of his promises, nor of his proposals to you. "Tis certain that you are highly esteemed by all his family. The ladies are persons of unblemished honour. My Lord M. is also (as men and peers go) a man of honour. I could tell what to advise any other person in the world to do but you. So much expected from you!--Such a shining light!--Your quitting your father"s house, and throwing yourself into the protection of a family, however honourable, that has a man in it, whose person, parts, declarations, and pretensions, will be thought to have engaged your warmest esteem;--methinks I am rather for advising that you should get privately to London; and not to let either him, or any body else but me, know where you are, till your cousin Morden comes.
As to going to your uncle"s, that you must not do, if you can help it. Nor must you have Solmes, that"s certain: Not only because of his unworthiness in every respect, but because of the aversion you have so openly avowed to him; which every body knows and talks of; as they do of your approbation of the other. For your reputation sake therefore, as well as to prevent mischief, you must either live single, or have Lovelace.
If you think of going to London, let me know; and I hope you will have time to allow me a further concert as to the manner of your getting away, and thither, and how to procure proper lodgings for you.
To obtain this time, you must palliate a little, and come into some seeming compromise, if you cannot do otherwise. Driven as you are driven, it will be strange if you are not obliged to part with a few of your admirable punctilio"s.
You will observe from what I have written, that I have not succeeded with my mother.
I am extremely mortified and disappointed. We have had very strong debates upon it. But, besides the narrow argument of embroiling ourselves with other people"s affairs, as above-mentioned, she will have it, that it is your duty to comply. She says, she was always of opinion that daughters should implicitly submit to the will of their parents in the great article of marriage; and that she governed herself accordingly in marrying my father; who at first was more the choice of her parents than her own.
This is what she argues in behalf of her favourite Hickman, as well as for Solmes in your case.
I must not doubt, but my mother always governed herself by this principle--because she says she did. I have likewise another reason to believe it; which you shall have, though it may not become me to give it--that they did not live so happily together, as one would hope people might do who married preferring each other at the time to the rest of the world.
Somebody shall fare never the better for this double-meant policy of my mother, I do a.s.sure you. Such a retrospection in her arguments to him, and to his address, it is but fit that he should suffer for my mortification in failing to carry a point upon which I had set my whole heart.
Think, my dear, if in any way I can serve you. If you allow of it, I protest I will go off privately with you, and we will live and die together. Think of it. Improve upon my hint, and command me.
A little interruption.--What is breakfast to the subject I am upon?
London, I am told, is the best hiding-place in the world. I have written nothing but what I will stand in to at the word of command. Women love to engage in knight-errantry, now-and-then, as well as to encourage it in the men. But in your case, what I propose will not seem to have anything of that nature in it. It will enable me to perform what is no more than a duty in serving and comforting a dear and worthy friend, who labours under undeserved oppression: and you will enn.o.ble, as I may say, your Anna Howe, if you allow her to be your companion in affliction.
I will engage, my dear, we shall not be in town together one month, before we surmount all difficulties; and this without being beholden to any men-fellows for their protection.
I must repeat what I have often said, that the authors of your persecutions would not have presumed to set on foot their selfish schemes against you, had they not depended upon the gentleness of your spirit; though now, having gone so far, and having engaged Old AUTHORITY in it, [chide me if you will!] neither he nor they know how to recede.
When they find you out of their reach, and know that I am with you, you"ll see how they"ll pull in their odious horns.
I think, however, that you should have written to your cousin Morden, the moment they had begun to treat you disgracefully.
I shall be impatient to hear whether they will attempt to carry you to your uncle"s. I remember, that Lord M."s dismissed bailiff reported of Lovelace, that he had six or seven companions as bad as himself; and that the country was always glad when they left it.* He actually has, as I hear, such a knot of them about him now. And, depend upon it, he will not suffer them quietly to carry you to your uncle"s: And whose must you be, if he succeeds in taking you from them?
* See Vol.I. Letter IV.
I tremble for you but upon supposing what may be the consequence of a conflict upon this occasion. Lovelace owes some of them vengeance. This gives me a double concern, that my mother should refuse her consent to the protection I had set my heart upon procuring for you.
My mother will not breakfast without me. A quarrel has its conveniencies sometimes. Yet too much love, I think, is as bad as too little.
We have just now had another pull. Upon my word, she is excessively--what shall I say?--unpersuadable--I must let her off with that soft word.
Who was the old Greek, that said, he governed Athens; his wife, him; and his son, her?
It was not my mother"s fault [I am writing to you, you know] that she did not govern my father. But I am but a daughter!--Yet I thought I was not quite so powerless when I was set upon carrying a point, as I find myself to be.
Adieu, my dear!--Happier times must come--and that quickly too.--The strings cannot long continue to be thus overstrained. They must break or be relaxed. In either way, the certainty must be preferable to the suspense.
One word more:
I think in my conscience you must take one of these two alternatives; either to consent to let us go to London together privately; [in which case, I will procure a vehicle, and meet you at your appointment at the stile to which Lovelace proposes to bring his uncle"s chariot;] or, to put yourself into the protection of Lord M. and the ladies of his family.
You have another, indeed; and that is, if you are absolutely resolved against Solmes, to meet and marry Lovelace directly.