She nodded, her breathing too shaky to risk speech.
"Then don"t be," he said quietly. One thumb gently brushed tears from her cheek. "Marry me."
She stared at him, her eyes widening in shock. "What?"
"Right here," he said. "Right now."
"Are you mad?" she said. "We"ll be lucky to live the night."
"If we don"t," he said, "then at least we"ll have some of the night together."
"But... but you have to... your vows of..."
He shook his head. "Countess. We"ll be lucky to live the night, remember? I do not think the First Lord would begrudge a few hours of not-quite-approved marriage to his sworn va.s.sals who have given their lives in service to the Realm."
She had to stifle a sudden burst of laughter that fought with the tears for s.p.a.ce in her throat. "You madman. I should kill you for asking me at a time like this. You"re heartless."
He captured her hand between his. Her own hand felt so slender and fragile between his. His fingers were callused, warm, strong, and always so gentle. "I am only heartless, Countess, because I have given mine to a beautiful young woman."
She suddenly couldn"t look away from his eyes. "But... you don"t want... don"t want me me. I... we"ve never spoken of it, but I know you want children again."
"I don"t know everything that is going to happen tomorrow," he said. "But I know I want to see it happen with you, Amara."
"You madman," she said quietly. "Tonight?"
"Right now," he said. "I"ve checked the bylaws. Doroga qualifies as a visiting head of state. He can p.r.o.nounce us wed."
"But we... we..." She gestured outside the cave.
"Are not needed to stand watch," he said quietly. "And we"ll serve when it comes time. Did you have anything else planned before morning?"
"Well. No. No, I suppose not."
"Then will you, Amara? Marry me."
She bit her lower lip, her heart still surging, her hands now shaking for an entirely different reason. "I don"t suppose it will matter, in the long run," she whispered.
"Maybe not," Bernard said. "I have no intention of lying down to die, Amara. But if this is to be my last night as a man, I would have it be as your man."
She lifted her hand to touch his cheek. Then said, "I never thought anyone would want me, Bernard. Much less someone like you. I would be proud to be your wife."
He smiled, mouth and eyes, the expression warm, his eyes bright, the gleam in them a sudden and potent defiance of the despair around them. Amara smiled back at him, and hoped he could see the reflection of that strength in her own eyes. And she kissed him, most gently, most slowly.
Neither of them had noticed Doroga"s silent return, until the Marat headman snorted. "Well," he said. "Good enough for me. I p.r.o.nounce you man and wife."
Amara twitched and looked up at Doroga, then at Bernard. "What?"
"You heard the man," Bernard said, stood up, and scooped Amara into his arms.
She began to speak, but he kissed her again. She was dimly aware of him walking, and of a small alcove that someone had crafted into the back of the cave, curtained off with Legion cloaks hung from a spear behind a wall of stacked shields. But most of all, she was aware of Bernard, of his warmth and strength, of the gentle power of his hands and his heart. He kissed her, undressed her, and she clung as tightly as she could to him, cold and eager to feel his warmth, to share the heat between them in the darkness.
And for a time, there was no deadly struggle. No waiting enemy. No certain death awaiting them somewhere in the night. There was only their bodies and mouths and hands and whispered words. Though her life would soon be over, she at least had this time, this warmth, this comfort, this pleasure.
It was terrifying, and it was wonderful.
And it was enough.
Chapter 36
Isana awoke to pain and a sense of smothering confinement. Dull fire burned in her side. She struggled, pushing against something soft that held her close, and only after several seconds of flailing was she able to escape it. It took long seconds after that for her to come to her senses and realize that she was in a bed, upon a lumpy mattress, in a darkened room.
"Lights," murmured a male voice, and a pink-tinted furylamp on a battered card table against one wall came up to low, sullen life.
Isana began to sit up, but the pain flashed into a blaze of agony and she subsided, settling for twisting her neck until her eyes fell upon the form of the a.s.sa.s.sin sitting in a chair in front of the door. She stared at the middle-aged man for a silent moment, and he returned her look with veiled eyes that somehow made her feel off-balance. It took her a moment to realize that it was because she had no emotional sense of him whatsoever. Her skills as a watercrafter cursed her with the constant empathy that came with them-but from him she felt an utter void of emotions. It took her a moment to realize that he was concealing his emotions from her, and doing it better than even Tavi had ever managed.
Isana stared at the man, at his expression, his eyes, searching for some clue about his emotions, his intentions. But there was nothing. He might have been made from cold, featureless stone.
"Well," she spat. "Why don"t you go ahead and finish the job?"
"Which job is that?" he responded. His voice was mild, and matched his unremarkable appearance admirably.
"You killed them," she said quietly. "The coachmen. Nedus. You killed Serai."
His eyes flickered with something, and there was a very brief sense of regret from him. "No," he said quietly. "But I did kill the archer who shot Serai. And you, for that matter."
Isana looked down to find herself clothed only in the silk shift she"d worn beneath her gown. It was stained with blood where she had been wounded and had been sliced open along the side to make room for someone, presumably the a.s.sa.s.sin, to clean and bind her wounds. Isana closed her eyes, touching upon Rill to feel her way through her body to the injury. It could have been a great deal worse. The arrow had ruptured flesh and fat and injured muscles, but it hadn"t broken through into her vitals. The man had done a competent job of removing the arrow, cleaning the wound, and stopping the bleeding.
Isana opened her eyes, and asked, "Why should I believe you?"
"Because it"s the truth," he said. "By the time I found the archer it was too late to help Serai. I regret that."
"Do you," Isana said, her voice flat.
Fidelias arched an eyebrow. "Yes, actually. She was someone I respected, and her death served no purpose. I hit him just as he loosed at you, Steadholder."
"Which saved my life?" Isana asked. "I suppose now I should feel grateful to you for rescuing me from my would-be killer."
"I think you"d rather send me to join him," Fidelias said. "Especially given what happened in Calderon two years ago."
"You mean when you tried to murder my family, my holders, and my neighbors."
"I was doing a job," Fidelias said. "I did what I had to do to complete it. I took no joy in that."
Isana could sense the man"s apparent sincerity, but it only made her anger sharper, more clear. "You got more joy of it than the folk of Aldoholt. More than Warner and his sons. More than all the men and women who died at Garrison."
"True enough," Fidelias agreed.
"Why?" Isana demanded. "Why did you do it?"
He folded his arms over his chest and mused for a moment. "Because I believe that Gaius"s policies and decisions over the past decade or so are leading our Realm to disaster. If he remains as First Lord or dies without a strong heir, it will only be a matter of time before the strongest High Lords attempt to seize power. That kind of civil war would destroy us."
"Ah," Isana said. "To save the people of Alera, you must kill them."
He gave her a wintry smile. "You could put it that way. I support the High Lord I regard as the most likely to provide leadership for the Realm. I don"t always agree with his plans and methods. But yet I deem them less damaging to the Realm in the long term."
"It must be nice to have so much wisdom and confidence."
Fidelias shrugged. "Each of us can only do as he sees best. Which brings us to you, Steadholder."
Isana lifted her chin, and waited.
"My employer would like you to pledge your public support to his house."
Isana let out a pained laugh. "You can"t be serious."
"On the contrary," Fidelias said. "You should consider the advantages such an alliance would bring you."
"Never," Isana said. "I would never betray the Realm as you have."
Fidelias arched an eyebrow. "Exactly which part of the Realm is it you feel deserves such loyalty?" he asked. "Is it Gaius? The man who made you and your brother into symbols of his own power and made you targets of all of his enemies? The man who holds your nephew virtually hostage in the capital as a guarantee of your loyalty?"
She stared at him, and said nothing.
"I know you"ve come here to seek his help in something. And I know that you have had no luck in making contact with him-and that he has clearly made no effort at all to protect you from harm, despite the danger he placed you in by inviting you here. If not for the intervention of my employer, you would now be dead beside Nedus and Serai."
"That changes nothing," she said quietly.
"Doesn"t it?" Fidelias said. "What has he done, Steadholder? What action has Gaius ever taken to command your loyalty and respect?"
She did not answer him.
After another silent moment, he said, "My employer would like you to meet with his second-in-command."
"Do I have a choice?" Isana spat.
"Of course," Fidelias said. "You are not a prisoner here, Steadholder. You are free to leave at any time you wish." He shrugged. "You need not meet with my employer, either. The room is paid for until sunrise, at which point you will need to either leave or make your own arrangements with the mistress of the house."
Isana stared at him for a moment, eyebrows lifted. "I... see."
"I a.s.sumed you would wish to care for your injury, so I"ve taken the liberty of having the house prepare a bath for you." He nodded toward a broad copper tub on the floor beside the fireplace. A heavy kettle bubbled on a hook over the fire. "Steadholder, you"re free to do as you wish. But I would ask you to give serious consideration to the meeting. It might present you with some options you don"t currently have."
Isana frowned at the tub, then at Fidelias.
"Do you need help getting to the tub, Steadholder?" he asked.
"Not from you, sir."
He smiled faintly, rose, and gave her a small bow of his head. "There is a change of clothes for you in the trunk beside the bed. I will be in the hall. You should be safe here, but if you become at all suspicious of an intruder, call me at once."
Isana arched a brow. "Be a.s.sured, sir," she said, "that if I feel myself in danger, you will certainly weigh heavily in my thoughts."
The faint smile warmed to something almost genuine for a moment. Then he bowed and left the room.
Isana grimaced down at her wounded flank and pushed herself heavily upright on the bed. She closed her eyes against a wave of pain and waited for it to recede. Then she rose, slowly and carefully, and walked deliberately across the room, one step at a time. She pushed the bolt on the door to, and only then did she make her way to the copper tub. The kettle on the fire was mercifully mounted on a swinging arm, and Isana swung it slowly out over the tub and poured from the kettle until the bathwater was comfortably warm. Then she slid the stained slip from her shoulder, loosened the bandages about her waist, and made her way painfully into the tub.
She felt Rill"s presence at once, closing about her in a gentle cloud of concern and affection. Isana cleared the injury of bandages and directed Rill to her flank, carefully willing the fury through the process of repairing the injury. There was burning pain at first, then a tingling numbness as the fury went to work, and after several moments of concentration Isana sank back into the tub with a languid weariness. The pain was all but gone, though she still felt stiff and brittle. The water had been stained with blood, but the skin that now covered the wound was pink and new as a baby"s. She added a little more hot water from the kettle and sank into the tub.
Nedus was dead.
Serai was dead.
They had died trying to protect her.
And she was now alone, far from any friends, any family, anyone she could trust.
No, not far from any family. Tavi was in the city, somewhere. But he was, it would seem, beyond her reach, as had been everyone else since she arrived. Even if her letters had found him, they would only have directed him to Nedus"s house.
Oh furies. If he had been at Nedus"s house, if he had come in response to her letter, if he had been there waiting when the a.s.sa.s.sins had taken position...
And Bernard. She had a horrible intuition that he was facing danger enough to kill him and his entire command, and yet she still had not reached the First Lord with word of the danger. For all the good she had done her brother and her nephew, she might as well have died in the barn when the first a.s.sa.s.sin had attacked her.
Isana closed her eyes and pressed the heels of her hands against them. The fear, the worry, the wrenching hopelessness of her futile efforts overwhelmed her, and she found herself curling up in the tub, arms around her knees as she wept.
When Isana lifted her head again, the water in the tub had become tepid. Her eyes felt heavy and sore from weeping.
Her purpose, she realized, had not changed since coming to the capital. She had to secure help for those she loved.
By whatever means necessary.
As soon as she was dressed, she unbolted the door and opened it. Fidelias-a.s.sa.s.sin, traitor, murderer, and servant to a ruthless lord-waited politely in the hallway. He turned to her with an inquiring expression.
She faced him, chin lifted, and said, "Take me to the meeting. At once."
Chapter 37