"And the scoundrel never got it! Here, Colonel, give me the letter.
I"ll go through this town like a fine-tooth comb but what I"ll find him. He will never escape me. My name is Yancey, suh!"
The judge was more conservative. He had grave doubts as to whether a second challenge, after a delay of two days and two nights, could be sent at all. The traditions of the Carter family were a word and a blow, not a blow and a word in two days. To intrust the letter to the United States mail was a grave mistake; the colonel might have known that it would miscarry.
Fitz said grimly that letters always did, without stamps. The Government was running the post-office on a business basis, not for its health.
Yancey looked at Fitz as if the interruption wearied him, then, turning to the colonel, said that he was dumbfounded that a man who had been raised as Colonel Carter could have violated so plain a rule of the code. A challenge should always be delivered by the hand of the challenger"s friend. It should never be mailed.
The poor colonel, who since the discovery of the unstamped letter had sat in a heap buried in his coat collar,--the military b.u.t.ton having given way,--now gave his version of the miscarriage.
He began by saying that when his friend Major Yancey became conversant with all the facts he would be more lenient with him. He had, he said, found the proprietor"s drawer locked, and, not having a stamp about him, had dropped the doc.u.ment into the mail-box with the firm"s letters, presuming that the clerks would affix the tax the Government imposed.
That the doc.u.ment had reached the post-office was evidenced by the date-stamp on the envelope. It seemed to him a picayune piece of business on the part of the authorities to detain it, and all for the paltry sum of two cents.
Major Yancey conferred with the judge for a moment, and then said that the colonel"s explanation had relieved him of all responsibility. He owed him a humble apology, and he shook his hand. Colonel Carter had done all that a high-bred gentleman could do. The letter was intrusted to the care of Mr. Klutchem"s own government, the post-office as now conducted being peculiarly a Yankee inst.i.tution.
"If Mr. Klutchem"s own government, gemmen,"--and he repeated it with a rising voice,--"if Mr. Klutchem"s own government does not trust him enough to deliver to him a letter in advance of a payment of two cents, such action, while highly discreditable to Mr. Klutchem, certainly does not relieve that gemman from the responsibility of answerin"
Colonel Caarter."
The colonel said the point was well taken, and the judge sustained him.
Yancey looked around with the air of a country lawyer who had tripped up a witness, decorated a corner of the carpet, and continued:--
"My idee, suh, now that I am on the ground, is for me to wait upon the gemman at once, hand him the orig"nal challenge, and demand an immediate answer. That is," turning to Fitz, "unless he is in hidin"."
Fitz replied that it was pretty clear to him that a man could not hide from a challenge he had never received. It was quite evident that Klutchem was detained somewhere.
The colonel coincided, and said in justice to his antagonist that he would have to acquit him of this charge. He did not now believe that Mr. Klutchem had run away.
Fitz, who up to this time had enjoyed every turn in the discussion, and who had listened to Yancey with a face like a stone G.o.d, his knees shaking with laughter, now threw another bombsh.e.l.l almost as disastrous as the first.
"Besides, gentlemen, I don"t think Mr. Klutchem"s remarks were insulting."
The colonel"s head rose out of his collar with a jerk, and the forelegs of Yancey"s chair struck the floor with a thump. Both sprang to their feet. The judge and I remained quiet. "Not insultin", suh, to call a gemman a--a--Colonel, what did the scoundrel call you?"
"It was mo" his manner," replied the colonel. "He was familiar, suh, and presumin" and offensive."
Yancey broke away again, but Fitz sidetracked him with a gesture, and asked the colonel to repeat Klutchem"s exact words.
The colonel gazed at the ceiling a moment, and replied:--
"Mr. Klutchem said that, outside of peanuts and sweet potatoes, all my road would git for freight would be n.i.g.g.e.rs and razor-back hogs."
"Mr. Klutchem was right, Colonel," said Fitz. "Very sensible man. They will form a very large part of our freight. Anything offensive in that remark of Klutchem"s, Major Yancey?"
The major conferred with the judge, and said reluctantly that there was not.
"Go on, Colonel," continued Fitz.
"Then, suh, he said he wouldn"t trade a yaller dog for enough of our bonds to papah a meetin"-house."
"Did he call you a yaller dog?" said Yancey searchingly, and straightening himself up.
"No."
"Call anybody connected with you a yaller dog?"
"Can"t say that he did."
"Call yo" railroad a yaller dog?"
"No, don"t think so," said the colonel, now thoroughly confused and adrift.
Yancey consulted with the judge a moment in one corner, and then said gravely:--
"Unless some mo" direct insult is stated, Colonel, we must agree with yo" friend Mr. Fitzpatrick, and consider yo" action hasty. Now, if you had pressed the gemman, and he had called _you_ a yaller dog or a liar, somethin" might be done. Why didn"t you press him?"
"I did, suh. I told him his statements were false and his manners vulgar."
"And he did not talk back?"
"No, suh; on"y laughed."
"Sneeringly, and in a way that sounded like "Yo" "re another"?"
The colonel could not remember that it was.
Yancey ruminated, and Fitz now took a hand.
"On the contrary, Major Yancey, Mr. Klutchem"s laugh was a very jolly laugh; and, under the circ.u.mstances, a laugh very creditable to his good nature. You are young and impetuous, but I know my learned friend, Judge Kerfoot, will agree with me"--here Yancey patted his toy balloon complacently, and the judge leaned forward with rapt attention--"when I say that if any apologies are in order they should not come from Mr.
Klutchem."
It was delicious to note how easily Fitz fell into the oratorical method of his hearers.
"Here is a man immersed in stocks, and totally ignorant of the boundless resources of your State, who limits the freight of our road to four staples,--peanuts, hogs, sweet potatoes, and n.i.g.g.e.rs. As a further exhibition of his ignorance he estimates the value of a large block of our securities as far below the price set upon a light, tan-colored canine, a very inexpensive animal; or, as he puts it, and perhaps too coa.r.s.ely,--a yellow dog. For the expression of these financial opinions in an open office during business hours he is set upon, threatened with expulsion, and finally challenged to a mortal duel. I ask you, as chivalric Virginians, is this right?"
Yancey was about to answer, when the judge raised his hand impressively.
"The co"te, not being familiar with the practice of this section, can on"y decide the question in acco"dance with the practice of his own county. The language used is not objectionable, either under the law or by the code. The prisoner, Klutchem, is discharged with a reprimand, and the plaintiff, Caarter, leaves the co"te room without a stain on his cha"acter. The co"te will now take a recess."
Fitz listened with great gravity to the decision of the learned judge, bowed to him with the pleased deference of the winning attorney, grasped the colonel"s hand, and congratulated him warmly on his acquittal.
[Ill.u.s.tration]
Then, locking his arm through Yancey"s, he conducted that pugnacious but parched Virginian, together with the overworked judge, out into the street, down a flight of stone steps, and into an underground apartment; from which they emerged later with that satisfied, cheerful air peculiar to a group of men who have slaked their thirst.
The colonel and I remained behind. He was in no mood for such frivolity.