Jemma excused herself from the room leaving Silas and Emmie alone. The minute she left, Emmie stretched up on her toes, grabbed his cheeks, pulled him forward, and kissed him. "I"ve missed you so much," she whispered.
His eyes were wide and full of surprise as he pulled away. When he spoke it was through a crooked grin. "Remind me to always stay away from you a few days at a time. I like it when you miss me."
He laughed again, wrapped his arms around her, and whispered Happy Thanksgiving in her ear. She returned the sentiment. An easy silence ate up a few moments. She had missed the feeling of his arms around her.
It was Silas who spoke first. "How are you feeling?"
"I"m fine," she answered quickly.
He tilted his head to the side and stared down at her, waiting for a more honest answer. She always said she was fine for a moment before she told the truth. It was one of the little things he"d learned about her.
"Honestly Silas, I"m better than I was. My ribs feel much better. See, I didn"t even wince when you hugged me. I"ll show you," Emmie said, wrapping her arms around him again.
He pulled away, resting a hand gently on her ribs. "I see that. I"m glad they are better. How about everything else?"
She sighed and looked away. He put a finger under her chin and tilted her head up to face him. "Are you sleeping?"
"Yes. Not as good as I did with you though. I"m not sure what that says about me." Emmie frowned. "I was never afraid of being alone before."
Silas nodded. "You have nothing to be afraid of. They can"t hurt you anymore. Do you think I would leave you here if you weren"t safe?"
Emmie smirked. "Oh, I know they can"t hurt me. They are dead Silas. That"s what I see. Not all of the time. Not every night. But I still see it. It"s like a poison in my mind that I cannot get rid of. I"m fine most of the time and then my brain just flashes back to it."
Silas frowned and nodded, letting her words soak in. He honestly didn"t know what to say to make it better and he hated that. "I told you those are my shadows to bear, not yours. All of that had nothing to do with you. It was me. I"ve fixed it."
"Silas, do not act like I had nothing to do with it. I made that apple pie. Mr. Thomas"s misguided affections for me led him and his brother to that cabin. I have as many shadows in this as you. I will not let you feel sole responsibility for this. We were there together; we will face it together. You and me. I think that"s why I feel better when you are there at night. I don"t feel so alone in it," she said, grabbing his hand.
He pulled away from her like her touch was fire. Silas paced the length of the hall and rubbed his face before he spoke. That was not what he wanted to hear from her. That was not what she was supposed to be thinking. He put his finger out at her seriously and pointed from her body to himself, "You and I," he paused and swallowed hard, "you and I will never be in this together. That stuff, that"s me. You just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. That is not something we share in this relationship."
Emmie grabbed his pointed finger gently. "I get why you don"t like it that I saw what you did. What you do . . . but it doesn"t change the fact that I did see it and I was there. Our relationship will only work if we are equal. Surely you must have figured that out by now."
Emmie was surprised to see Silas"s eyes were gla.s.sy as he said, "I don"t want this for you."
"Silas," she pulled his face close to hers, "can"t you see? I don"t want this for you either. It"s a lot for either of us to bear. We can do this together. Don"t shut me out of your life . . . even the ugly parts."
He pulled away from her quickly and rubbed his eyes. "We are not having this conversation. I"ve got to get back in there. I"ll be out later. Go visit with Jemma and Ava."
She reached out and grabbed his arm. "I"m stronger than you think," she said, repeating the words Ava had told her.
He leaned forward and said through gritted teeth, not out of anger but of suppressed emotion, "You are strong. That is why I love you, Mo Chuisle. But I saw you broken when we left that cabin. I will not let it happen again." Without giving her an opportunity to speak he turned and left the hall.
Emmie sat there alone for a moment reflecting on the odd conversation that had just pa.s.sed. That had not gone as planned. She was supposed to kiss him. He was supposed to hug her. They would say they"ve missed each other. They were supposed to be happy. What had happened? She rubbed her forehead. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Ava"s head pop around the corner.
"So, did he kiss you?" Ava hopped over and pulled her friend to sit next to her on a bench in the hall.
Emmie actually snorted. "I kissed him."
"Whoa . . . even better, Emmie." Ava laughed.
Emmie opened her mouth to explain the fight. She wanted to talk about it with Ava but realized she couldn"t. How could she explain the fight when she hadn"t yet confided the details of the past month to Ava. She couldn"t. She sighed, feeling even more frustrated.
Ava spoke first. "So, did you ask him?"
Emmie frowned. "Ask him what?"
She threw her arms up in exacerbation. "Emmie, about Gabe. Did you remember to ask him if he could find a way to sneak Gabe in here? If anyone is capable it"s the McDowell brothers. You wouldn"t believe the things they accomplished when we were just kids," Ava rambled.
Emmie rubbed her face. "Sorry, Ava, I didn"t."
"Emmie," Ava all but shouted, "I"m counting on you. I need you. Do you have any idea what it"s been like this last month without you and him? I need to see him. You cannot let me down."
"It didn"t come up. I hadn"t seen him in three days and we had things to talk about. I will talk to him, okay?" Emmie said, annoyed.
"Oh well, I am so sorry that you haven"t seen him in three days. I haven"t seen Gabe in over a month, but by all means think of yourself, Emmie," Ava whispered loudly.
If Emmie could have shot fire out of her eyes like some mythical dragon at that moment she would have. "I will ask him but I was not being selfish. The world didn"t stop turning because you were in Chicago feeling sorry for yourself, Ava. Things happened. Things I needed to talk to Silas about. I will ask about your silly little sneak-out plan. I just haven"t had time yet."
Ava was speechless. Her mouth actually dropped open and her eyes spilled over with tears. "Just never mind, Emmie. I"ll work it out without you. Clearly you are busy with your own life now. You have barely been yourself lately. It"s like I don"t even know you anymore." She stood and turned toward the stairs before shouting, "And I have not been up here feeling sorry for myself."
Well, this was turning out to be a great day. She was two for two. In the s.p.a.ce of just a few minutes Emmie had hurt the two people she loved most on G.o.d"s green earth. As she made her way into the living room she wondered what other joys were in store for her today.
Chapter Ten.
Sometimes social gatherings, even small social gatherings, made Emmie feel awkward-especially when she was at odds with Ava and Silas. The Thanksgiving meal was elaborate and delicious. She had been right though, no one had let her cook anything. She"d gone into the kitchen and tried to help only to be shooed away. Twice. The best thing about the meal was the fact she sat next to Silas. He put her at ease even in the midst of their argument. She was aware of his every move. The way his hand brushed hers as he reached for his gla.s.s. His knee rested lightly against hers as they ate. Silas"s father and Trick kept the mood light by sharing funny anecdotes from the past. Emmie realized for the first time she could feel at ease with not just Silas but his whole family.
Silas had holed up in the office with G.o.d knows how many men after the meal. The older women were in the sunroom sipping tea and eating dessert. Ava, Jemma, and Emmie slipped away into the living room.
Emmie nodded, rubbed her eyes, and tried desperately to focus on Jemma"s long list of questions about Kentucky.
"So is it?" the younger girl asked.
Emmie wondered how she could politely tell the girl she had no idea what she had asked.
Ava sighed and sat gracefully on the loveseat next to Emmie. "Yes, it"s warmer. Not hot like Florida but not as cold as it is here. They get maybe two good snows a year. Nothing like here, though. There are no ice rinks." That was the first time Ava had come near her since their fight more than an hour ago.
"Speaking of winter," Jemma said, turning her attention to Ava, "Old Man Dan"s is frozen solid. It"s been colder this year."
Emmie took the last swallow of her coffee, saw the excited expressions on the two girl"s faces, and wondered aloud, "Who is Dan and what"s he frozen?"
They both ignored her. Jemma continued, "I know you weren"t here very much for the winter season but you know what that means, right Ava?"
Ava clasped her hands together and squealed, "Yes. What fun. Have you heard any talk of it yet?"
"Any talk about what?" Emmie asked, still trying to follow the conversation.
"Not yet," Jemma answered Ava"s question with the same excited tone. "I"ll let you know though. Do you think you can talk Silas and Trick into letting me take part?"
Ava looked to the side for a moment. "I"ll try and if I cannot, I bet Emmie can. Silas looks at her like a lost puppy. He"d probably do anything she asked."
Lost puppy. Lost puppy. What was that supposed to mean?
"Will you talk to him, Emmie? Promise me you will. I"ve been wanting to go for years," Jemma pleaded.
"I haven"t the foggiest idea what you two are talking about," Emmie said honestly.
"Sure she will," Ava spoke for her. "Jemma, if we help you with this will you do me a favor? Will you be sure that Gabe knows about Old Man Dan"s? I haven"t seen him in so long and this is the perfect chance."
Jemma visibly moved away from her, sitting farther back in her seat. She looked down at her hands. "So, is it true then?" she whispered.
An awful quiet ate up a few seconds of time before anyone spoke. The look on Jemma"s face said she knew Ava"s secret. When Emmie looked up she found that Ava was staring right at the younger girl.
"It is true that I haven"t been able to see him in a long time and I miss him," she answered honestly.
Jemma"s face actually flushed. "I"m sorry, Ava. I shouldn"t have asked. It was rude. I just overheard some things and . . ."
"You don"t have to explain or be sorry," Ava said, hiding all emotion from her younger cousin. "Will you help me?"
The girl didn"t answer, she just squirmed in her seat uncomfortably.
"Jemma, you don"t have to get involved," Emmie spoke up. She could see the younger girl was afraid of being in trouble with her family.
"Emmie, it"s not a big deal. She wants to help me," Ava said harshly.
"I said I would take care of it for you. You just didn"t give me the chance," Emmie shouted. She could feel her pulse pounding in her temples.
"You were alone with him for ten minutes," Ava said, pointing to the hall where Emmie had spoken to Silas earlier.
"You are not the sun, Ava. Not all of my conversations revolve around you." As soon as the words left her mouth the regretted them. She and Ava rarely ever fought. She already felt awful, but she couldn"t stop. She would not watch Ava drag Jemma into the middle of her problems.
"It"s fine, Emmie. I don"t mind helping her," Jemma started.
Neither Emmie nor Ava paid attention to her comment.
"What was so important, huh? What did you have to talk about then? Or are you keeping their secrets now too?" Ava shouted loudly.
"You want to know, Ava? You really want to know right now?" Emmie shouted.
"Yeah. Tell me your troubles that are so much greater than mine," Ava snapped.
Jemma looked like she wanted to leave the room but couldn"t find a way. Emmie and Ava now blocked her exit as they stood shouting in the narrow opening between the sofa and wall. They were so lost in their argument they had completely forgotten she was in the room.
"Fine. I made apple pie moonshine with Bo to pay for Max"s doctors," Emmie said loudly.
"Typical that you throw yourself into their problems. I think you really like the excitement of it," Ava said all hoity-toity.
"I"m. Not. Finished," Emmie said through gritted teeth. "Things went south. Which is why Gabe couldn"t come back up here to marry you right away. It wasn"t all about you. An outlaw revenuer and his men kidnapped me. Two of them were Mr. Thomas and his brother, Will."
Ava"s mouth fell open. "Oh my, Emmie-"
"I"m still not finished," she said slowly her voice full of tension. "Mr. Thomas is dead. His brother is dead. Bo Johnson"s brother-in-law Steven was involved with them. He"s dead. The revenuer is dead. Remember that man who pulled us out of the speak in Louisville?" Tears spilled over her eyes.
Ava nodded.
"Well, he was working with them. Silas was right all along. We were targeted that night. He"s dead too." Emmie barely got out the last words as her voice cracked.
Ava"s hands were shaking as she covered her mouth. She stepped around a small table and made her way to Emmie, wrapping her best friend in a tight embrace. Tears spilled over Emmie"s eyes as she saw the flashes of the cabin in her mind.
When she opened her eyes, she took in the sight of Jemma"s horrified expression.
"Jemma, I"m sorry. I spoke too freely with you in the room. I shouldn"t have . . ." Emmie started.
"What"s happened?" Trick asked as he walked into the room.
Jemma all but ran to him. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder rea.s.suringly and turned his attention to Ava and Emmie who were both crying. Neither girl could answer. He swore and repeated the question to his sister.
"Emmie has just been through some horrible things lately," she spoke quietly, attempting to keep the girls" confidence. She failed. The minute the words left her mouth he looked right at Emmie.
"You told her?" he snapped. Trick almost never snapped at anyone.
"No. She told me," Ava answered quickly. "We were caught in an argument and forgot Jemma was here."
"It"s fine. I"m not a child anymore. Stop treating me like one," Jemma said.
Trick closed his eyes and sighed as Silas walked up behind him.
"What"s wrong?" Silas asked, taking in the sober tone of the room.
Tears streamed down Emmie"s face as she closed the s.p.a.ce between them. She couldn"t find any words. None at all. What had she done?
"I"m sorry," she whispered, looking up at him.
Chapter Eleven.