The nursery door was dosed.
She distinctly remembered leaving it open-she always left it open.
She glanced at Cal, but he was sound asleep, his position unchanged.
Then who had closed the door?
She pulled it open and stepped into the nursery, switching on the light as she pa.s.sed through the door. Mich.e.l.le was standing by Jennifer"s crib. She looked up, her face puzzled, as the room filled with light.
"Mother?"
"Mich.e.l.le! What are you doing up?"
"I-I heard Jenny crying, and when I didn"t hear you, I came in to see what was wrong."
Mich.e.l.le carefully tucked the little pillow in her hands under Jennifer"s head.
Her crying was m.u.f.fled!
The thought slashed through June"s mind, but she immediately silenced it.
The door was closed, she told herself. That"s why I couldn"t hear her. The door was closed! That"s why I couldn"t hear her. The door was closed!
"Mich.e.l.le," she said carefully. "Did you close the door between here and our bedroom?"
"No." Mich.e.l.le"s voice was uncertain. "It must have been closed when I came in. Maybe that"s why you didn"t hear Jenny."
"Well, I suppose it doesn"t matter." But it did matter, and June knew it. Something was happening-something she didn"t want to think about. She went over to the crib, and picked Jenny up. The baby was sleeping now, making little mewling sounds. As she picked her up, Jenny coughed a little, then relaxed in her mother"s arms. June smiled at Mich.e.l.le. "See? All it takes is a mother"s loving arms." She looked more closely at Mich.e.l.le. Her eyes were clear, and she didn"t look as though she"d been asleep only a few minutes ago."
"Couldn"t you sleep, honey?"
"No. I was just talking to Amanda. Then Jenny started crying, so I came in here."
"Well, let me get her settled, then we"ll have a little talk, okay?"
Mich.e.l.le"s eyes clouded over. For a moment June was afraid she was going to refuse. But then Mich.e.l.le shrugged. "Okay."
June tucked Jennifer back into the crib, then offered Mich.e.l.le her arm to lean on. "Where"s your cane?"
"I left it in my room."
"Well, that"s a good sign," June said hopefully. But as they went down the hall, it seemed to her that Mich.e.l.le could barely walk. She said nothing, however, until Mich.e.l.le was settled in her bed, propped up against the pillows. "Does it hurt badly?" She touched Mich.e.l.le"s hip gently.
"Sometimes. Now. But sometimes not. When Amanda"s around, it"s better."
"Amanda," June repeated the name softly. "Do you know who Amanda is?"
"Not really," Mich.e.l.le said. "But I think she used to live here."
"When?"
"A long time ago."
"Where does she live now?"
"I"m not sure. I guess she still lives here."
"Mich.e.l.le-does Amanda want something?"
Mich.e.l.le nodded her head. "She wants to see something. I"m not sure what it is, but it"s something Amanda has to see. And I can show it to her."
"You? How?"
"I-I don"t know. But I know I can help her. And she"s my friend, so I have have to help her, don"t I?" to help her, don"t I?"
It sounded to June like a plea for rea.s.surance. "Of course you do," she said. "If she"s truly your friend. But what if she"s not your friend? What if she really wants to hurt you?"
"But she doesn"t," Mich.e.l.le said. "I know she doesn"t. Amanda would never hurt me. Never." As June watched, her daughter"s eyes closed, and she fell asleep.
June sat with her for a long time, holding her hand, and watching her sleep. Then, as the first faint light began burning through the darkness, June kissed Mich.e.l.le lightly and returned to bed.
She tried to sleep, but her thoughts, so carefully banished, came back to haunt her.
She hadn"t heard Jenny cry because the door was closed.
But they never closed the door.
And Mich.e.l.le had been holding a pillow.
June left her bed once again, and went back into the nursery.
Carefully, she locked the door leading to the hall and put the key in the pocket of her robe.
Only then was she able to sleep, and she hated herself for it.
CHAPTER 25.
Sat.u.r.day morning.
On any ordinary Sat.u.r.day morning, June would have awakened slowly, stretched luxuriously, then rolled over and slid her arms around her husband.
But it had been a long time since she had done that, on Sat.u.r.day morning or any other morning.
On this Sat.u.r.day morning, she was wide awake, and tired.
She glanced at the clock-nine thirty.
She turned the other way, to see if Cal was still sleeping.
He was gone.
June lifted herself into a sitting position, about to get up, then let herself lean back against the pillows. Her gaze wandered to the window.
Outside the sky was leaden, and the trees, their remaining leaves having lost their sparkle in the gray light, were beginning to look thin and tired. Soon the leaves would be gone entirely. June shivered a little, antic.i.p.ating the coming winter.
She began listening for the familiar sounds of morning-Jennifer should be crying, and she should be able to hear Cal, banging around the kitchen, pretending to be fixing his breakfast when he was really only trying to wake her up.
But this morning, there was a silence hanging over the house.
"h.e.l.lo?" June called tentatively.
There was no answer, so she got out of bed, put on her robe, then went to the nursery.
Jennifer"s crib was empty, and the door to the hall stood open. June frowned and went through the nursery to the hall. When she got to the top of the stairs, she called out again, louder.
"h.e.l.lo! Where is everybody?"
"We"re down here!" It was Mich.e.l.le, and as June heard her, she felt herself relax. It"s all right, she told herself. Nothing"s happened. It"s all right. It was only when she was halfway down the stairs that she realized how worried she had been, how much the silence of the morning had frightened her. Now, as she entered the kitchen, she a.s.sured herself that she was being silly. Last night"s imaginings fled.
"Hi! Everyone"s up so early."
Cal glanced at her, then went back to scrambling a batch of eggs. "You were dead to the world this morning, and someone had to fix breakfast. And Mich.e.l.le helped me, so it shouldn"t be a total loss."
Mich.e.l.le was setting the table. She looked tired, but as June winked at her she smiled slightly, apparently happy to be doing something with her father, even if it was only setting the table.
"Did you sleep all right, honey?" she asked.
"My hip was hurting pretty bad, but it"s all right this morning."
There was a good feeling in the house, and June knew the reason for it-Billy Evans hadn"t died. Cal had saved him, not hurt him, and now, she was sure, everything was going to be all right. She wanted to say something, comment on the pleasant atmosphere, but she was afraid that if she did, she would destroy it. Instead, she went to the ba.s.sinet where Jennifer was sleeping peacefully.
"Well, at least I wasn"t the only one who slept in," she said as she picked the baby up. Jenny opened her eyes and gurgled, then went back to sleep.
"She was up earlier," Cal said. "I gave her a bottle about an hour ago. Do you want these on toast?"
"Fine," June said absently. With Cal making breakfast, Mich.e.l.le finishing with the table, and Jennifer asleep, she felt suddenly useless. "Do you want me to take over?"
"Too late," Cal said. He served the eggs, added a couple of slices of bacon to each plate, and carried them to the table. As he sat down, he glanced at his watch.
"Do you have to go already?" June asked.
"The neurologist should be in by ten. I really ought to be there."
"May I go in with you?" Mich.e.l.le asked. Cal frowned, and June immediately shook her head.
"I think you"d better stay here today," she said, carefully avoiding any mention of Billy Evans.
"But why?" Mich.e.l.le asked. Her face started to cloud over, and June was sure there was going to be an argument. She could feel the comparatively relaxed atmosphere of the morning slipping away. She turned to Cal.
"Cal? What do you think?"
"I don"t know. I don"t suppose there"s any reason why she shouldn"t go along, really. But I don"t know how long I"ll be there," he added, turning to Mich.e.l.le. "You might get bored."
"I just want to see Billy. Then I could go to the library. Or I could walk home."
"All right," Cal gave in. "But you can"t spend the whole day hanging around the clinic. Is that clear?"
"You used to let me," Mich.e.l.le complained.
Cal"s eyes shifted uneasily. "That was-before," he said.
"Before? Before what?"
When he made no answer, Mich.e.l.le stared at him, then she realized what he meant.
"I didn"t do anything to Billy," she said.
"I didn"t say-" Cal began, but June interrupted him.
"He didn"t mean that," she said. "He meant-"
"I know what he meant," Mich.e.l.le shouted. "Well, I don"t want to go! I don"t want to go anywhere near your old clinic!" She stood up from the table, grabbed her cane, and started out of the kitchen. The back door had slammed behind her before either June or Cal had recovered from her outburst. June stood up and started after Mich.e.l.le, but Cal stopped her.
"Let her go," he said. "She has to learn to deal with things herself. You-you can"t protect her from the world."
"But I shouldn"t have to protect her from her own father," June said bitterly. "Cal, why do you do things like that? Do you think those things don"t hurt her?"
Cal made no reply, and June, knowing whatever pleasantness the morning had promised was now destroyed, picked up the ba.s.sinet, and walked out of the kitchen.
Annie Whitmore was sitting on the merry-go-round in the schoolyard when she saw Mich.e.l.le coming down the street. Mich.e.l.le was walking slowly, and Annie thought she looked angry. Annie looked around quickly, wondering if anyone else was there. She wanted to play with Mich.e.l.le, but she knew she wasn"t supposed to-her mother had talked to her for a long time last night, warning her that from now on, she wasn"t even supposed to speak to Mich.e.l.le, and if Mich.e.l.le offered to play with her, she was to come home at once.
But Annie liked Mich.e.l.le, and since her mother wouldn"t tell her why she was supposed to stay away from her, she decided to ignore the order.
Besides, there wasn"t anybody around to tell on her if she disobeyed.
"Mich.e.l.le!"
Mich.e.l.le didn"t respond, so Annie called her again, louder. This time Mich.e.l.le looked in her direction, and Annie waved.
"Hi! What are you doing?"
"Just walking," Mich.e.l.le said. She stopped and leaned on the fence. "What are you doing?"