Chapter 262
Here, a little distance away from the palace, there was a suffocating atmosphere .
Walking up the stairs, we were greeted by the sight of a room surrounded by a metal cage .
“This is the place, Iris . ”
There was a woman standing where Lady Letticia pointed .
I inhaled sharply at the sight of her .
Of course she still looked like herself, but in another way she was completely different .
Skinny, dry-haired, dull skin, and eyes red from crying that just stared upwards .
“It’s been a long time, Lady Yuri . ”
Considering I couldn’t show my shock through my voice, I purposefully spoke to her in a calm tone .
“It’s been a while, Lady Iris . ”
She chuckled, looking at me .
“Why did you summon me?”
“Nothing . I just wanted to see you before I died . ”
Her cold gaze and smile was something I’d never seen before, but it didn’t seem out of the ordinary on her face .
Finally she was showing her true colors .
“Are you satisfied then?”
I smiled sarcastically too .
“Who knows…it’s a little less interesting than I thought it would be . ”
“Ah, this really is…”
Why the h.e.l.l did you call me here then? I didn’t ask the question on my mind .
“Then can you let me ask you a few questions?”
She didn’t confirm or deny, so I took that as acceptance .
“Did you ever love Prince Edward?”
“What’s the use in knowing that?”
“Just curiosity . ”
The moment I said that, she smiled .
Her face was full of contempt for me as she opened her mouth wide .
She looked almost scary, sending chills down my spine .
“What are you saying? You don’t want to admit someone you’ve loved was stolen by a woman who just wanted to use him?”
Well, look who suddenly became a lot more talkative .
“You already know the answer to that . I worked on behalf of the Towair Kingdom to engulf this country in chaos, attacking the highest n.o.bility in this nation . ”
“Yes, that has become clear now . ”
“How does that make you feel? He died to protect me, saying he died for the person he loved . He loved me . How does it feel to force him into engagement without really earning his love? You must be resentful . Hate me now…”
Her words were sharp .
But it felt like she wasn’t hurting me with her words . She was hurting herself .
“Tell me you’re resentful…tell me you hate me!”
She grabbed onto the bars of the cage .
We were close enough to touch each other .
“It’s like you’re saying you love him . ”
She raised her head suddenly in response .
“Ha? What the h.e.l.l are you talking about?”
Her condescending att.i.tude made me laugh .
“Am I wrong? What you said was basically a confession of love . That’s what it sounded like to me . ”
She didn’t respond to what I said .
I a.s.sumed she would respond with more verbal attacks to deny this, no matter what the truth was .
I stared at her . And then tears began to flow from her eyes .
She really did love him .
Any words were less convincing than her current state .
“W-what are you saying, I don’t understand . ”
She lowered her head .
Although I had been staring at her for a while, she didn’t seem inclined to budge at all .
“I’ve never been resentful . Our engagement was something from the past . Our paths diverged then . No matter what happened to him from then on was not something I needed to know . ”
When I said that she raised her head to glare at me .
“Plus, Prince Edward selected you, the one whom he loved the most . No matter what you think about it, he protected the person he loved . He died happy . Out of mourning, it’s impossible to hate someone on behalf of not loving him . ”
“Your expression of understanding is obnoxious . ”
I cracked half a smile at her bitter words .
“Even if you find it obnoxious…”
“Ever since you were born, you’ve had everything! Money, status, people surrounding you . I hate you!”
Screaming, she shook the cages so hard they groaned like they were crying .
“And so you attack me?”
“Hmph…it felt really good . ”
She smiled happily . It was a dark smile .
“Is that so . ”
Thinking about the fact that this rationale was enough for her to pick on me like that, I felt the heat of anger rise in my chest .
Frustrations differed by person and look so completely unusual to anyone on the outside .
Even knowing that, I couldn’t forgive completely as the victim of the situation .
“How are you different from me? I’m also beautiful, I’m also capable of gathering the hearts of others! To prove that, Prince Edward chose me! So why am I here now…”
Her screeching broke the last thread maintaining my rationality .
I raised my hand like I was going to slap her in the face .
But even so, the cage between us made it impossible to reach her .
In contrast, my hand struck the cage and ached immensely .
The cage rattled, as if crying out on my behalf .
What the h.e.l.l was she doing…I’m sure everyone around me wore that expression . Even Yuri looked dumbfounded . My heart hurt more than my hand .
“If I were the one to comment on it, I’d have to say I’m completely different from you . ”
“What? Your position in society? Or your luck?”
“Who the h.e.l.l is going to talk about something like that? You only kept people around you to use them . I trust the people in my life . ”
“What’s the difference!”
Without hesitation I burst out laughing .
It seems like this only aggravated her suffering . Her glare at me became even sharper .
“Do you understand what I’m talking about? When you use someone, you abandon them easily whenever they’re causing you inconvenience . People who still approach you under those circ.u.mstances aren’t interested in placing their trust in you . They want to use you too . ”
Somehow those words shut her up .
Seems like I was right on .
“Trust means believing in them and relying on them . You should only rely on people if you trust them . Trustworthy people are not replaceable in my life . If something happens, I’ll risk everything to protect them! So don’t you dare compare us . ”
Because I was crying out in rage, my breathing became uneven .
When I took a deep breath to calm myself, she spoke quietly .
“Why…”
Her voice was so quiet I didn’t hear it over the sound of my own breathing .
“Why can you trust? After everything’s happened to you, you shouldn’t be able to trust anyone anymore . ”
“Do you mean the engagement? Or the merchants’ guild? Or…”
“Everything . But if I had to pick one, the engagement . The feeling of being thoroughly rejected by someone you love, and even your family turning against you . ”
Her question was one I’d asked myself countless times . But somehow the question was almost humorous coming from her .
“Yes . I did become afraid to trust . But my companions from the past have responded to me by saying it’s okay, that they’ll stay with me no matter what . It’s brought me out of my fearfulness . ”
I had been afraid of trusting and then being betrayed again .
My heart had been wounded so deeply .
Because I was afraid of others seeing my weakness, I pretended to be fine .
The people who tore that facade down was everyone I’d trusted since childhood and Dean .
“I still fear people now, but I don’t think it’s a bad thing to trust . If I were paralyzed by the fear of trusting others, I’d be forgetting everything I went through with the important people in my life, when a little courage was enough to give me so much . ”
I gazed at Tanya while I said this . She smiled proudly in response .
“But you might be betrayed again…?”
“Yes . It might happen . But living in fear of that means not moving forward . If you’re looking past beautiful things for the sake of fear, you’re only missing out . Plus, this world is not so gentle that people can live without getting hurt . The only thing you can do when you’re hurt is to keep living, keep surviving . ”
“…Yes . ”
She laughed out loud as she said that .
It was almost like a demon leaving her body .
“In the end, I really do hate you after all . ”
I couldn’t help but laugh too .
“I don’t like you either . ”
“That’s right . If you ever said you didn’t dislike me that would frankly be disgusting to me . ”
“You’re right . ”
We both smiled .
“Hey…Iris, what does it mean to love someone?”
“Who knows . It’s something you can’t explain . But if you feel like that person’s more special than anyone else…no matter what form that affection takes, I think that’s love . ”
“Special…indeed . ”
Her face, looking like it was about to burst into tears, twisting into a smile instead .
“I’m an idiot . When I lost him, that’s when I realized he was something special to me . ”
“You’re right . You are an idiot . ”
I was still smiling . But thanks to her, I almost wanted to cry too .
“There were so many opportunities for me to communicate that to him . But now it’s too late . I am, we really are idiots . ”
When I said this, her eyes went wide .
“I’m not talking about Prince Edward . Of course, I mourn his death too . ”
“What are you mourning?”
Her voice trembled when she asked .
“For Prince Edward?”
She nodded quietly .
“Even if it’s someone you hated from the bottom of your heart, you can’t keep hating them after they die . Instead of bottling up your hatred, you might as well remember your good memories together . It’s better for the people who survive . That’s what my subordinate told me . Although I hated him from the bottom of my heart when he was alive, we had good memories too . Right now that means I can only pray for him . ”
Her tears spilled forth .
“I thought no one else in this world would still grieve him, after Queen Ellia and Marquis Maelia pa.s.sed . And I…”
“I will mourn him . Also, there might still be more people out there that you don’t know of who are mourning him . Humans are complex . We aren’t just single-sided . ”
“Is that so…that’s great . I hope his name isn’t just something to mock . ”
Watching her cry as she said this, I almost felt my tears flowing out too .
That’s how she loved him in the end .
She feared his name being a.s.sociated with evil .
Instead of thinking about herself, she cared more for his reputation . If that wasn’t love, what was it?
“Iris, you should go home . Your majesty, I’ll tell you everything . ”
When she finally managed to stop her tears, her expression was determined .
“I see . It was good to see you, Lady Yuri . ”
I had nothing more to say now .
“Good to see you, Lady Iris . ”
She smiled gently . It was a smile from her past .
And with that I left .