Hope everyone has been having an awesome 2019! I"m back from my holidays all refreshed and raring to go! On that note, hope you enjoy the chapter~
CSWH Chapter 54: His Query Because of my flowing tears, my field of vision was blurry.
However, it was not an obstacle to the familiar road I was running on.
I ran, and ran, and ran.
And then, I arrived at the tower I had become accustom to visiting.
Now that I think of it, every time things got tough, I always came here.
This was always the place that came to mind whenever I was being tortured by painful emotions that I couldn"t possibly endure on my own.
I ran up the stairs and headed for the summit.
The tallest place……when I reached that place from which you could see the entire town, I immediately searched for his figure.
However, he……Rui was not there.
I suppose he wouldn"t appear in such a convenient manner……the moment it seemed like I"d collapse on the spot while thinking that—
"So you came here too, Mel. It"s been a while."
I instantly turned around.
"Rui……"
When he saw my face, he made a slightly surprised expression.
"What"s wrong, Mel?"
I didn"t answer that question.
No, I couldn"t answer it.
I staggered towards him and then clung to him, bawling my eyes out.
He didn"t ask me anymore questions, and simply hugged me silently.
……after that, I don"t know how much I cried.
I just cried, and cried, and cried……and after I got tired of crying and my tears stopped.
As if the dark haze filled with pain and anger had been shed together with the tears, right now I had managed to regain quite a bit of composure.
……however, at the moment my heart was disturbed for another reason.
It was due to the reality that I had hugged Rui in my burst of emotion.
I was so embarra.s.sed, I couldn"t raise my head.
"……have you calmed down?"
His calm tone of voice made my embarra.s.sed increase even more.
"I-……I"m sorry, for so suddenly-……!"
"……I don"t mind it, so it"s fine. More importantly, are you alright?"
"Y-Yeah……I feel a bit more refreshed after crying……"
When I said that in a fl.u.s.tered manner, he gently pat my back.
"Well, calm down. So, can I ask what happened?"
"……that"s-……"
He made a wry smile at my unclear words.
"If you don"t want to talk about it, then you don"t have to."
"……no."
Then, I narrated the tale to Rui.
Telling him that I had been aiming to enter the Army.
And then, that I was forced to realize that it was impossible.
As I talked, my emotions would at times take over my words, causing the timeline to be all messed up. It was probably quite difficult to understand.
However, he didn"t interrupt me once, and simply listened silently.
"……you"re pretty straightforward."
And once I finished throwing out everything I wanted to say, he said those words to me after I fell silent for a short period of time.
"Straightforward?"
"Yeah. You decide on a single path and head straight for it. I really admire that single-minded att.i.tude and earnestness of yours."
"Uu……th-thanks."
I unintentionally stuttered on my words at his unexpected words of praise.
"It"s just something that I thought. ……we"ve gone off-topic haven"t we? So, you can"t enter the Army……is it? If you give up on it just because of that man"s words, then that means that it was only a wish of that level."
I reflexively glared at him due to his piercing words that hurt to hear.
Seeing my expression, he made a wry smile.
"You have a number of choices."
"……in saying that, do you mean to simply give up on the Army?"
"Not that. I mean to change your viewpoint. For example……that"s right. To begin with, why do you plan on entering the Army? For what reason are you polishing your military arts? Is it to master the military arts and obtain honour through the army, or is it to protect the people?"
"That"s……"
At his question, this time it was I who looked downwards in thought.
"First, try thinking from there. Is this not a good opportunity to look back upon yourself using a wide point of view? Was entering the Army your goal, or was it a means to your goal?"
I was unable to answer his question.
"If it"s the former, then right now it is fine to cry as hard as you want. If it"s the latter, then why is there a need to cry? If it was a means to an end, then think about your goal-oriented figure once more. It is fine even if you change your goal. What matters is how you plan on approaching that goal."
"……that"s difficult."
"For example, when you wanted to enter the Army, your method of doing so was to capitalize on the swordsmanship you have polished up until now, correct?"
"Yup."
"Is entering the Army the only way to capitalize your swordsmanship? ……that isn"t the case, right? You could get a recommendation and enroll in the Knight"s Order, and mercenaries also use swords as well."
"……that is true."
"Well, that is just an example. Like that, it is fine if you think about things one by one. First you need to establish a goal. After that, try thinking about how you will reach that goal and a number of methods on how to do that. If, after that, you still think that entering the Army is the best way to get there after all……"
"……then?"
"Then it is fine to think about how you can enter the Army, and shift your thoughts to thinking about such methods."
"But, women can"t enter the Army……"
"……yeah, that"s right. Up until now, not a single woman has ever entered the Army. However, why is it hopeless for one to do so?"
"That"s…….that"s-"
Seeing me at a loss for words, he laughed.
"See? You don"t know, right? Investigate that reason, and then crush the issues one by one……and then, would it not be fine to have them recognize you as the Army"s first female soldier?"
It felt as if the fog in front of me had cleared before my eyes*.
*T/N: She says "As if the scales had fallen from my eyes" - which essentially means that it felt like her vision cleared up. Doesn"t translate that well into English, so changed it liberally.
And at that same time, I thought that"s true, as I also laughed.
The me right now didn"t know at all the reason why women couldn"t enter the Army.
Is it because they were weak?
Or was it simply because it was an established principle?
It was precisely because I didn"t know that I wasn"t able to accept feeling like I had been unilaterally denied.
"Yeah……I see. I"ll try thinking about it. One more time, I"ll think about why I wanted to enter the Army, properly. I"ll think and think, and if in the end I find that there really isn"t any other route, at that time……I"ll do my best to struggle."
At my words, Rui"s radiant eyes narrowed as he smiled.