Phew…….this was a long and wordy chapter. Almost didn’t make the weekly release……sorry in advance if it’s a little clunky. I had to reword some parts to make it flow better in English, so some parts of the translation are a bit more liberal too.
CSWH Chapter 29: Tears"……why did all of you become soldiers?"
Around the time the atmosphere had warmed up, I mouthed a question that I had been thinking about.
"Why we became soldiers, you ask……well, for money. Since I have a lot of siblings."
Failing to understand what having a lot of siblings had to do with the reason why, my head tilted unconsciously.
"Ahh, well. In other words, it was in order to reduce food expenses. For someone like me without any education, the easiest and best way to rise up was in the Army, which has a merit system. Well, the fact that I also had a bit of confidence in my skill also played a role though."
The words "in order to reduce food expenses" gave me a considerable amount of shock.
……after all, I didn"t know about something like that.
Because I thought that it was natural for a warm meal to appear as long as you desired it.
Was that not a natural thing?
"Though that self-confidence was crushed by the General early on."
While my thoughts were spinning round and round in my head, the other people began to tease him.
Everyone else didn"t show a surprised expression like me.
Rather, it was as if what he had said was common sense.
"Shaddup. Then how about you guys, why"d you become one?"
"Me? Because it"s cool! When I saw the General"s triumphant return to the country, I thought that I definitely had to become a soldier in the future."
"Ahh, I get that. I unconsciously thought that as long as that person is here, we, and this country will be fine. I also thought that too."
"That"s true. The General"s existence is big…….during the war, I was part of one of the villages that the General saved. That"s why I wanted to follow that person, and decided that I also wanted to become someone who could protect others."
"I"m not like you guys with some circ.u.mstances giving you a motive and resolve. It"s just I somehow felt like it~. I understand those feelings. When I entered the Army, I was lucky and got a.s.signed to the General"s unit. But what that person carries on his back is immense, and made me feel that I wanted to chase after him no matter where he goes. Before I knew it, I started to feel that continuing to chase after that person"s back was something to be proud of."
Unnoticed, the topic changed to discussions like the contents of father"s training, and father"s martial stories.
Though they had grim appearances, their eyes sparkled like the eyes of children when they spoke about father.
Saying that they were proud to continue chasing after father"s back.
That they want to be like father, becoming a protector of someone.
They spoke with an extremely hot pa.s.sion.
"……why does everyone…….feel that they want to protect others?"
Suddenly, I raised a question to Kuroitsu-san sitting next to me.
"Protect, is it? In the beginning, the ones who held such great intentions were probably only those like that guy who were affected by the war. Money, honour……everyone here had their own reasons why they knocked on the Army"s door. To protect is a n.o.ble intention, but it"s not like they had that intention from the start. However, before we realized it, to us, being able to work under the General became our greatest pride. Everyone"s been charmed. By the General. When we think about how we want to be like that General, our bodies move naturally. And that is connected protecting another, becoming yet another thing that we are proud of…….going round and round, we believe that it would be good as long as we can protect the country and our important people."
"Going round and round, you say……"
"Well, one day Ojou-chan will probably understand it."
Kuroitsu-san was called out by another person, so the conversation was cut off, but the hazy feeling I felt in my heart at that moment continued to smoulder deep within my chest.
……that continued even after I returned home.
"Mel-sama, welcome home."
"……say, Granny. Has father returned yet?"
Quietly, I whispered into her ear.
"Yes. He has already returned."
"I wonder if it would be okay to visit him?"
"……according to the steward, he no longer has any more arrangements for today."
"Is that so. Then, I"ll be off for a bit."
Making small steps, I headed towards father"s study.
Now that I think of it, it"s been a while since I last talked to father face-to-face.
At the very least, right after father subjugated the bandits, I had shut myself in my room, and after that it was busy on father"s side.
When I entered father"s room while feeling a bit nervous, father was drinking a bit of alcohol, relaxing.
"Melly, is it?"
Melly is my pet name. The one for the Marquis" daughter, Mellice.
Because n.o.body other than father was present, he called me that despite my current setting as a bodyguard.
"It"s rare for you to come to my room…….come to think of it, you went out today with Kuroitsu and everyone to play, right?"
"Yes, it was very fun."
"That"s good……and so, what is it?"
"There isn"t really anything, but I had something that I wanted to ask father. Why did father come to want to protect the citizens?"
Father made a surprised expression at my sudden question.
Even I felt that it was far too abrupt.
"……today when I was talking to Kuroitsu-san and everyone, I asked why they became soldiers. I came to know that there were many reasons why. But apart from their various reasons, they came to admire father, and aspired to be like father and protect the country……and they came to want to protect the citizens too…….however, I do not understand the origin of such a desire. That is, why does father himself try to protect the citizens?"
"……is it that odd for me to try and protect the citizens?"
"Yes. Because, father……wasn"t mother killed by those very citizens that father wanted to protect?"
I understood that father"s breathing stopped momentarily from my words.
"Is it that important to protect people whose names and faces you don"t know? ……Even though you don"t know when they"ll return the favour with enmity."
"……are the people enemies to you?"
"No. However, I do not think well of them. Instead of just giving them protection, it"s fine if they just get stronger on their own. They can become stronger themselves, and then they can just protect the things that they want to protect - isn"t it fine like that!? Just what need is there for father to protect everyone? To me, rather than the soldiers from Towair, the people of this country are……"
The sound of a slap resonated.
Feeling my cheek become hot, I understood that I had been hit by my father.
"……don"t say any more than that. You mustn"t say any more than that."
At father"s low voice, I swallowed the words I had been about to voice out.
"Even I didn"t originally have such n.o.ble intentions like wanted to protect the people or the country. It was simply for the sake of trying out my own skills."
Exhaling, father let out a heavy sigh.
"I lost myself in it. In the war, the citizens who didn"t have any proper combat skills were trampled upon. I, who had such skills, felt that I had to protect them and my body naturally moved in front of them."
Father clutched the gla.s.s in his hand tightly and tilted it. Draining the cup"s contents in a single gulp, father let out yet another sigh.
"After my wife was killed, I was made to think about various things. When I think that the ones who killed my wife were people of this country, I wonder why I tried to fight so hard at that time and find it all pointless…….however. The ones who taught me that what I did wasn"t useless, were none other than the people themselves."
As father said that, he smiled in a visibly sad manner.
"After they propped me up as a hero or whatnot, well……I had to fulfill the responsibilities attached to that name, and continued to run forward recklessly. But before I knew it, a path was made behind me. And on that path, there were people who began slowly, but surely, following after me. They were none other than the people. You have heard it, right? That the ones whose villages were burned down in the war became soldiers. They saw my exploits at that time and became people who wanted to be able to protect someone else as well. The people following after me will protect the precious people of someone whose face they do not know, and someone else will follow after those who are following me. And like that, I once again was able to feel pride in continuing my path, and was saved. What I"ve done so far wasn"t pointless. It goes round and round, and eventually, perhaps there will no longer be any people who will have to face the sadness of losing a precious person like myself."
"……but!"
"Are all of the citizens bandits? Will they become bandits? Do you not understand that the people also have precious people themselves? Being unable to protect those people by themselves, is it a sin for them to want you to protect those people?"
"………-tch!"
"Not everyone has a talent for martial arts like you. And even if they had it, they do not have the free time to spend every single day polishing it. Would you tell those people to protect themselves using their own power, and then, for that purpose, tell them to undergo the same training as yourself while forsaking them? That is what you would call arrogance."
"But, I……"
Even I could tell that I was gradually becoming unable to mouth words of reb.u.t.tal.
"For example……that"s right. If your Granny were to seek for help, would you not a.s.sist her?"
"……Granny is my precious person. Of course I"d help her."
"Then if Granny"s precious person were to seek help?"
"……since it would make Granny sad (if they disappeared), I"d protect them."
"You wouldn"t refuse them and tell them to protect themselves? Even though they are someone whose face nor name you don"t know, you would still protect them?"
I could not speak any further.
Because I understood what father was trying to say.
"It is like that. Going round and round, that is what it means to protect someone"s precious person…….not all of the people are bad. The ones who killed your mother were, in the end, bandits. The sin lies with those people alone, and the blame lies with me for being unable to protect her. It is wrong to charge all of the people for that sin."
Father gently wrapped my face with those large hands of his. There no longer was any heat nor pain.
Instead, my eyes felt hot, and tears were overflowing.
"Strangers have people who think of them as precious. I do not want to see the forms of people like me grieving at the loss of their precious people…….that is precisely why, I can only continue to go forward. That is what I feel."
Father wiped my tears and said that while smiling.