She could feel the beating of his heart, brought to an almost human rate by fear and exertion.
"Don"t be afraid," she said, though he had no reason totrust her, "I"ll guard your sleep."
He closed his eyes.
He took one more breath ...
. . which he didn"t exhale.
202.
CHAPTER NINETEEN.
L VENTUALLY MARSALA"S Madame b.u.t.tafty tape ended.
l-^Kerry could hear the sounds of traffic, very faintly, from outside. What if the police came to question Marsala again?
What if a neighbor came to complain about all the noise in the earliest hours of the morning? Kerry was determined that she would protect Ethan, even if she had to hold the door closed with her fingernails against prying intruders- Her arm became numb from his never-stirring position and she shifted him as gently as she could, even knowing that in all probability she conUn"t wake him up, even if she wanted.
She began to think of how hungry she was, which made her think of how hungry he was likely to be, come rousing 203.
at sunset, which made her think that the most sensible thing to do was to kick open the closet door Anyone be kills after this. she thought, it"K be lifcc I killed them.
It was an unsettling thought.
But still she couldn"t open the door.
Eventually she fell asleep, and when she did, she had another vampire dream It started, like the previous one, with Ethan"s story ofRegina making him into a vampire, except this time it was Kerry herself who lay by the side of the road, and when she looked up at the sound of footsteps approaching on the grave!, it was Ethan who stood there.
She looked up at him, afraid and expectant at the same time, and he knelt beside her, then sat, putting her head on his lap She had lost so much blood from her vague and unspecified wounds that for once she felt cold and his touch was warm Warm and gentle and sensuous, although all he touched was her face He leaned over her "1 won"t hurt you," he whispered, so softly she couldn"t make out the words, but she knew them.
by feeling the breath of them on her throat.
And then he bit her.
There was a moment of pain but, as he had promised, it felt very, very good She was aware of her heart slowing as her life"s blood drained out of her, and of his heart beating faster as her blood filled his veins, but still hers was faster than his.
Finally-she tried to pull him back-he straightened.
Then he lifted his own wrist to his mouth and ran it across his teeth Blood welled up, as it had done in the laundry when she"d accidentally cut him with the razor blade. His and mine together this time. she thought as it ran over the white cuff of 204.
his shirt and dripped onto the ground. He held his arm out to her "Choices." she remembered him saying, as he put his wrist to her mouth. At first she recoiled from the taste, but it filled her mouth and she had to spit it out or swallow. She swallowed. And a second time: she hesitated and the warm, coppery blood filled her mouth again. But then she began sucking on his wrist, drawing the blood from his arteries, unable to stop. He had his eyes closed, his head thrown back.
She could feet his emotions running through her veins, sense his very thoughts as though they were her own. There wereno more lies possible There were no lies necessary- She tugged on his arm till he was lying down with her, holding her against him so that she felt their hearts at last-at long last-beating in unison. He bit her neck again and began to drink back the blood she had just taken. Kerry realized there had to be more to it than this, that they couldn"t survive forever on just each other"s blood, but-What the heck.
she thought, it"s just a dream, it doesn"t have to make sense.
But with that thought she woke up.
Ethan, of course, hadn"t moved. Kerry, however, figured she"d better She stood, leaning him against the side wall, but the closet wasn"t big enough for her to get as far away as she wanted.
She glanced at her watch. Another two hours till sunset.
Surety he"d be all right for two hours. But she didn"t dare leave him, didn"t dare open the door a crack for fear of the trickle of sunlight that would kill him.
Miserably, she sat back down on the floor at the greatest distance she could in this cramped s.p.a.ce, a distance that was still so close she could touch him if she wanted, and she tried to convince herself she didn"t want to.
Choices, she thought again. She had to make her own, and 205.
those were the only ones she was responsible for Not his Not-this was a new thought-her mother"s Let go of those.
she told herself It was the first time since her mother left that she felt free ETHAN GROANED AT 4 35 and woke with a shuddering breath "Welcome back," Kerry said Ethan looked at her warily His hair had grown longeryet during the day"s sleep, so that it hung loose in the ponytail holder she"d loaned him, giving him a rumpled look that his motionless sleep wouldn"t have He brushed the hair away from his face with the back of his hand "I a.s.sumed you"d change your mind," he said softly "I told you 1 would watch over you " She didn"t say that she had thought about it, but she imagined he probably knew that He sat up from his undignified slump, awkwardly, wincing with pain, as she pushed open the closet door His face, especially on his cheeks below his eyes, was sunburned When his shirt gaped at his neck, she could see that he was burned even where his clothes had covered his skin, he looked sun- burned, like someone who had sat outside too long on the first sunny day or summer His arms, exposed where his sleeves had been rolled back, were blistered and raw "Will you recover?" she asked He nodded, grimacing as he evaluated the damage. "Much slower than from any other kind of injury," he said "Slower even than it would take a human to heal but eventually"
He still hadn"t gotten over his surprise at being alive, she could tell Thank you," he said 206.
She nodded "I"m going home now," she told him "I owed you this one day"s protection, but my father doesn"t even know yet whether I"m alive "
He got to his feet seconds after she did, slowed down by his injuries "Kerry" He took her hands lightly in his own He was warm, finally, the effect of the b.u.ms Which was too much like her dream "Why didn"t you tell me they were all right?" she de-manded, pulling her anger back up around her "You knew how frantic I was You knew "
"I also knew you wouldn"t help me unless you thought your family was still in danger," he admitted What could she answer, when he was right? "Couldn"t you think how crazy it"d make me to see it there in the paper and realize you"d known and hidden it from me?"
"He had a newspaper" Ethan groaned, finally putting things together He shook his head "I overlooked that pos- sibility 1 a.s.sumed Marsala would tell you, and that you"d think he was lying I never stopped to think what would happen if he had proof"
She looked up into his eyes and tried not to let herself be distracted because he was so very attractive Not J was wrow) to lie, but / was wrong to get caught "How would you have felt if our positions had been reversed?" she demanded "If it was someone you loved? If I knew Regina was safe when you thought she was dead-"
"First of all," Ethan interrupted, reaching to touch her hair, "f already told you, Regina and I were not lovers-"
"No," Kerry interrupted him, "first of all, that is not the point Second of al!"-she punched his arm as hard as she could He looked surprised, but didn"t protest-"can"t you say two sentences without lying? Every single time Regina"s 207.
name comes up, you get all crazy, and you have the nerve to tell me you weren"t lovers?" She turned her back. on him and shrugged off the hand he put on her shoulder- "And third of all, I don"t care if you were lovers or not"
"Kerry," Ethan said- She refused to turn around "We were both vampires, sharing for a time the same small town- We were temporary companions of the night.Never lovers in any sense of the word. But I thought I"d led them to her. I thought I"d done something, and they"d found me out, and followed me, and killed her because of me. I thought it was my fault"
The idea that he, too. had been blaming himself for some- one else"s actions caused Kerry to turn around, and she made the mistake of looking into his eyes- She let him draw her in closer, let him kiss her-finally-on the lips She put her arms around him, gently, so as not to hurt him, and for a few sweet moments let herself pretend that it could stay this way forever.
Which was a dangerous thought, considering.
"Ethan," she asked, remembering how he had made her fall asleep the night they had fled together so that she couldn"t see how to get into the Rochester subway system, "can vam- pires affect people"s dreams?"
"No," he said- He"d lied so often, about so many things, there was no reason to believe him now, except that she very much wanted to. And he did, she thought, sound puzzled by her question.
She could feel the strong but incredibly slow beating of his heart and knew that her own was going faster than it should have. He ran his hands over her back and shoulders, and she truly, truly didn"t want to stop- 208.
His kisses went lower, to her throat, which felt incredibly good J just want to know what it feth like, she thought H! stop him before it goes too far. But then she thought that it had already gone too far. That it was already going to be the most difficult thing she had ever done to say- "Ethan."
He kissed her lips again, perhaps to prevent her from speaking anymore.She returned that kiss, then tipped her, face away.
He resumed kissing her neck.
"Ethan"
He didn"t stop, so she spoke even as he kissed her "Ethan, 1 just want you to know-not that anybody can ever Iruly know exactly how they"re going to react to any given situation until they"ve actually been in that situation, and then it"s too late because then you"re saying how you did react instead of how you"re going to react, so you can only guess. Which is what I"m doing, even.though I don"t have all the information, so you might think I"m being terribly naive, which I probably am But I don"t want you thinking I"m im- plying any sort of criticism of anybody who may or may not have been in the same situation, which is obviously impossible anyway because every situation is different He had pulled back and was frowning, probably from concentration as he tried to follow what she was saying, and she couldn"t fault him because she"d lost track her- self.
Taking a deep breath, she said, "1 just want to let you know that I don"t intend to become a vampire "
He was studying her face, his blue eyes wide, but she couldn"t tell what he was thinking, and it occurred to her that perhaps he had never intended to make her a vampire, 209.
that perhaps he was just going to get rid of the last witness in as kind and gentle a way as he could "In case the question ever comes up," she finished lamely He was startled, for he said, Then why did you help me?"
"Because " She looked away so he wouldn"t see hereyes, which were suddenly filled with tears "Because-stupid as it is-1 love you "
He caressed her face and she threw her arms around him once again, sobbing into his chest before she remembered his b.u.ms and that she was probably hurting him She pulled away and he leaned to kiss her, and she repeated, frantically, forcefully, "1 don"t intend to become a vampire"
She braced herself for the bite He hugged her, but without the intensity of before, and he rested his chin on her head as he rocked her slightly, more a comforting movement than anything else.
I could slill cbanift my mind. she thought, both wanting to and not And, because it was the last thing she wanted to do, she pulled away from him "If you aren"t going to kill me," she said, "I need to know what to tell the police What do 1 claim happened?"
Ethan studied her face Then he sighed, looking away Kerry stared at the toes of her sneakers "Your father didn"t come to pick you up," he said softly, calmly, with years and years" worth of experience, "so you accepted a ride home from Ethan Bryne, a customer at the store whom you"d chatted with before "
"Did I like him?" Kerry asked Ethan smiled "Not all that much, but you were desperate for a nde"
210.
"t don"t think I like this story""It gets worse," Ethan a.s.sured her "As the two of you walked out to his car, a man you did not then recognize, but who will turn out to be Gilbert Marsala, came out of the shadows He had a gun and threatened to shoot unless Ethan drove where he was instructed, which turned out to be here, Marsala"s home Marsala put you in the sauna room in the bas.e.m.e.nt, moving something heavy in front of the door so that you couldn"t get out You yelled for help, but apparently n.o.body heard you After a long time-you had the impression it was the next night-Marsala came to get you out You demanded to know what had happened to poor Ethan Bryne, but alt Marsala would talk about was Satan and vampires "
"In favor or against?" Kerry interrupted "In favor of Satan but not vampires" Ethan stooped to touch a singed area on the rug where he had bled last night and where the sun had burned through She crouched across from him "I"ll pour lighter fluid on these," he said, "and b.u.m them even more You can say Marsala raved about burning out all the vampire blood, including yours, which is when you shoved him, and he fell down the stairs You were sure he was hurt but didn"t realize he was dead, you Just figured he"d be more furious than ever You were sure that if you tried to go down those stairs, he"d grab you You ran into the library and jammed the desk chair under the doork.n.o.b, certain he"d come banging on it any moment You waited and waited Eventually, you fell asleep Finally, when you couldn"t stand it anymore, you pulled the chair away and peeked down the stairs It was only when you saw him in the same position that you realized he"d been dead all along Unfortunately, in because of your ordeal, you weren"t thinking straight, so in- stead of calling the police from here, you walked home Which will give me time to . . arrange things here."
"What about Ethan Bryne?""Never to be seen again, I"m afraid"
"Are you really going to let me go?" she asked.
Ethan, still crouched by the burned bloodstain, held his hands up to indicate he wasn"t going to stop her. "How can you ask that?" he said with what sounded like sincere hurt and amazement.
Which stilt might have meant either yes or no.
She made it to the door of the room before he stopped her He called, "Is there any chance you"d ever change your mind?"
She turned back It was tempting. Faced with the prospect of never seeing him again, it was very tempting. But her only hope was not to let him see that. "Is there any chance you"d change yours?" she countered.
"It would be nice not to have to be looking over my shoulder all the time," he acknowledged. "And to see your hair in the sunlight." He glanced away as though embarra.s.sed at the sentimentality of that- He made no a.s.surances, which might have been more promising than if he did- "Good-bye, Kerry. In the future, be careful whom you rescue."
"Good-bye, Ethan," she said "Michel," he corrected, and because he gave it the French p.r.o.nunciation, she thought maybe it was his real name.
It was more encouraging than any of his honcsttys or trulys.
"Good-bye, Michel," she said- She walked down the stairs, past Marsala"s body, and out the door, heading for home 212VI."I/"-N V."-JM V .4 I:, the author of six fantasy novels. Hei nume""ous shoi t stories hav"e been published in /"* c"-^i, Abon^n".a" Sc;e;)cp F!C"I"O! and Isucsc A"--"; ,;. s Sci"erice F".cfiO1"1 Mr_!".:yiZir"e She lives with hei husband and daughter in Rochester Nc-/.- Yor<>