She gazes at the sky full of sunshine and swallows, at the zigzag summits of the Esterel over yonder, and at the sea, the blue, calm, beautiful sea, close beside her.
She smiles again, and murmurs:
"Oh! how happy I am!"
She knows, however, that she is going to die, that she will never see the springtime, that in a year, along the same promenade, these same people who pa.s.s before her now will come again to breathe the warm air of this charming spot, with their children a little bigger, with their hearts all filled with hopes, with tenderness, with happiness, while at the bottom of an oak coffin, the poor flesh which is still left to her to-day will have decomposed, leaving only her bones lying in the silk robe which she has selected for a shroud.
She will be no more. Everything in life will go on as before for others. For her, life will be over, over forever. She will be no more. She smiles, and inhales as well as she can, with her diseased lungs, the perfumed air of the gardens.
And she sinks into a reverie.
She recalls the past. She had been married, four years ago, to a Norman gentleman. He was a strong young man, bearded, healthy-looking, with wide shoulders, narrow mind, and joyous disposition.
They had been united through financial motives which she knew nothing about. She would willingly have said No. She said Yes, with a movement of the head, in order not to thwart her father and mother. She was a Parisian, gay, and full of the joy of living.
Her husband brought her home to his Norman chateau. It was a huge stone building surrounded by tall trees of great age. A high clump of pine trees shut out the view in front. On the right, an opening in the trees presented a view of the plain, which stretched out in an unbroken level as far as the distant, farmsteads. A cross-road pa.s.sed before the gate and led to the high road three kilometres away.
Oh! she recalls everything, her arrival, her first day in her new abode, and her isolated life afterward.
When she stepped out of the carriage, she glanced at the old building, and laughingly exclaimed:
"It does not look cheerful!"
Her husband began to laugh in his turn, and replied:
"Pooh! we get used to it! You"ll see. I never feel bored in it, for my part."
That day they pa.s.sed their time in embracing each other, and she did not find it too long. This lasted fully a month. The days pa.s.sed one after the other in insignificant yet absorbing occupations. She learned the value and the importance of the little things of life. She knew that people can interest themselves in the price of eggs, which cost a few centimes more or less according to the seasons.
It was summer. She went to the fields to see the men harvesting. The brightness of the sunshine found an echo in her heart.
The autumn came. Her husband went out shooting. He started in the morning with his two dogs Medor and Mirza. She remained alone, without grieving, moreover, at Henry"s absence. She was very fond of him, but she did not miss him. When he returned home, her affection was especially bestowed on the dogs. She took care of them every evening with a mother"s tenderness, caressed them incessantly, gave them a thousand charming little names which she had no idea of applying to her husband.
He invariably told her all about his sport. He described the places where he found partridges, expressed his astonishment at not having caught any hares in Joseph Ledentu"s clever, or else appeared indignant at the conduct of M. Lechapelier, of Havre, who always went along the edge of his property to shoot the game that he, Henry de Parville, had started.
She replied: "Yes, indeed! it is not right," thinking of something else all the while.
The winter came, the Norman winter, cold and rainy. The endless floods of rain came down tin the slates of the great gabled roof, rising like a knife blade toward the sky. The roads seemed like rivers of mud, the country a plain of mud, and no sound could be heard save that of water falling; no movement could be seen save the whirling flight of crows that settled down like a cloud on a field and then hurried off again.
About four o"clock, the army of dark, flying creatures came and perched in the tall beeches at the left of the chateau, emitting deafening cries. During nearly an hour, they flew from tree top to tree top, seemed to be fighting, croaked, and made a black disturbance in the gray branches. She gazed at them each evening with a weight at her heart, so deeply was she impressed by the lugubrious melancholy of the darkness falling on the deserted country.
Then she rang for the lamp, and drew near the fire. She burned heaps of wood without succeeding in warming the s.p.a.cious apartments reeking with humidity. She was cold all day long, everywhere, in the drawing-room, at meals, in her own apartment. It seemed to her she was cold to the marrow of her bones. Her husband only came in to dinner; he was always out shooting, or else he was superintending sowing the seed, tilling the soil, and all the work of the country.
He would come back jovial, and covered with mud, rubbing his hands as he exclaimed:
"What wretched weather!"
Or else:
"A fire looks comfortable!"
Or sometimes:
"Well, how are you to-day? Are you in good spirits?"
He was happy, in good health, without desires, thinking of nothing save this simple, healthy, and quiet life.
About December, when the snow had come, she suffered so much from the icy-cold air of the chateau which seemed to have become chilled in pa.s.sing through the centuries just as human beings become chilled with years, that she asked her husband one evening:
"Look here, Henry! You ought to have a furnace put into the house; it would dry the walls. I a.s.sure you that I cannot keep warm from morning till night."
At first he was stunned at this extravagant idea of introducing a furnace into his manor-house. It would have seemed more natural to him to have his dogs fed out of silver dishes. He gave a tremendous laugh from the bottom of his chest as he exclaimed:
"A furnace here! A furnace here! Ha! ha! ha! what a good joke!"
She persisted:
"I a.s.sure you, dear, I feel frozen; you don"t feel it because you are always moving about; but all the same, I feel frozen."
He replied, still laughing:
"Pooh! you"ll get used to it, and besides it is excellent for the health. You will only be all the better for it. We are not Parisians, d.a.m.n it! to live in hot-houses. And, besides, the spring is quite near."
About the beginning of January, a great misfortune befell her. Her father and mother died in a carriage accident. She came to Paris for the funeral. And her sorrow took entire possession of her mind for about six months.
The mildness of the beautiful summer days finally roused her, and she lived along in a state of sad languor until autumn.
When the cold weather returned, she was brought face to face, for the first time, with the gloomy future. What was she to do? Nothing. What was going to happen to her henceforth? Nothing. What expectation, what hope, could revive her heart? None. A doctor who was consulted declared that she would never have children.
Sharper, more penetrating still than the year before, the cold made her suffer continually.
She stretched out her shivering hands to the big flames. The glaring fire burned her face; but icy whiffs seemed to glide down her back and to penetrate between her skin and her underclothing. And she shivered from head to foot. Innumerable draughts of air appeared to have taken up their abode in the apartment, living, crafty currents of air as cruel as enemies. She encountered them at every moment; they blew on her incessantly their perfidious and frozen hatred, now on her face, now on her hands, and now on her back.
Once more she spoke of a furnace; but her husband listened to her request as if she were asking for the moon. The introduction of such an apparatus at Parville appeared to him as impossible as the discovery of the Philosopher"s Stone.
Having been at Rouen on business one day, he brought back to his wife a dainty foot warmer made of copper, which he laughingly called a "portable furnace"; and he considered that this would prevent her henceforth from ever being cold.
Toward the end of December she understood that she could not always live like this, and she said timidly one evening at dinner:
"Listen, dear! Are we, not going to spend a week or two in Paris before spring:"
He was stupefied.
"In Paris? In Paris? But what are we to do there? Ah! no by Jove! We are better off here. What odd ideas come into your head sometimes."
She faltered:
"It might distract us a little."