Madame Bondel was growing uneasy; she snapped: "What? Who can a.s.sert it? Why, everybody! everybody! it"s as clear as the nose on your face. Everybody knows it and is talking about it. There is not the slightest doubt."
He was grinning: "For a long time people thought that the sun revolved around the earth. This man loves his wife and speaks of her tenderly and reverently. This whole business is nothing but lies!"
Stamping her foot, she stammered: "Do you think that that fool, that idiot, knows anything about it?"
Bondel did not grow angry; he was reasoning clearly: "Excuse me. This gentleman is no fool. He seemed to me, on the contrary, to be very intelligent and shrewd; and you can"t make me believe that a man with brains doesn"t notice such a thing in his own house, when the neighbors, who are not there, are ignorant of no detail of this liaison-for I"ll warrant that they know everything."
Madame Bondel had a fit of angry mirth, which irritated her husband"s nerves. She laughed: "Ha! ha! ha! they"re all the same! There"s not a man alive who could discover a thing like that unless his nose was stuck into it!"
The discussion was wandering to other topics now. She was exclaiming over the blindness of deceived husbands, a thing which he doubted and which she affirmed with such airs of personal contempt that he finally grew angry. Then the discussion became an angry quarrel, where she took the side of the women and he defended the men. He had the conceit to declare: "Well, I swear that if I had ever been deceived, I should have noticed it, and immediately, too. And I should have taken away your desire for such things in such a manner that it would have taken more than one doctor to set you on foot again!"
Boiling with anger, she cried out to him: "You! you! why, you"re as big a fool as the others, do you hear!"
He still maintained: "I can swear to you that I am not!"
She laughed so impertinently that he felt his heart beat and a chill run down his back. For the third time he said:
"I should have seen it!"
She rose, still laughing in the same manner. She slammed the door and left the room, saying: "Well! if that isn"t too much!"
Bondel remained alone, ill at ease. That insolent, provoking laugh had touched him to the quick. He went outside, walked, dreamed. The realization of the loneliness of his new life made him sad and morbid. The neighbor, whom he had met that morning, came to him with outstretched hands. They continued their walk together. After touching on various subjects they came to talk of their wives. Both seemed to have something to confide, something inexpressible, vague, about these beings a.s.sociated with their lives; their wives. The neighbor was saying:
"Really, at times, one might think that they bear some particular ill-will toward their husband, just because he is a husband. I love my wife-I love her very much; I appreciate and respect her; well! there are times when she seems to have more confidence and faith in our friends than in me."
Bondel immediately thought: "There is no doubt; my wife was right!"
When he left this man he began to think things over again. He felt in his soul a strange confusion of contradictory ideas, a sort of interior burning; that mocking, impertinent laugh kept ringing in his ears and seemed to say: "Why; you are just the same as the others, you fool!" That was indeed bravado, one of those pieces of impudence of which a woman makes use when she dares everything, risks everything, to wound and humiliate the man who has aroused her ire. This poor man must also be one of those deceived husbands, like so many others. He had said sadly: "There are times when she seems to have more confidence and faith in our friends than in me." That is how a husband formulated his observations on the particular attentions of his wife for another man. That was all. He had seen nothing more. He was like the rest-all the rest!
And how strangely Bondel"s own wife had laughed as she said: "You, too -you, too." How wild and imprudent these creatures are who can arouse such suspicions in the heart for the sole purpose of revenge!
He ran over their whole life since their marriage, reviewed his mental list of their acquaintances, to see whether she had ever appeared to show more confidence in any one else than in himself. He never had suspected any one, he was so calm, so sure of her, so confident.
But, now he thought of it, she had had a friend, an intimate friend, who for almost a year had dined with them three times a week. Tancret, good old Tancret, whom he, Bendel, loved as a brother and whom he continued to see on the sly, since his wife, he did not know why, had grown angry at the charming fellow.
He stopped to think, looking over the past with anxious eyes. Then he grew angry at himself for harboring this shameful insinuation of the defiant, jealous, bad ego which lives in all of us. He blamed and accused himself when he remembered the visits and the demeanor of this friend whom his wife had dismissed for no apparent reason. But, suddenly, other memories returned to him, similar ruptures due to the vindictive character of Madame Bondel, who never pardoned a slight. Then he laughed frankly at himself for the doubts which he had nursed; and he remembered the angry looks of his wife as he would tell her, when he returned at night: "I saw good old Tancret, and he wished to be remembered to you," and he rea.s.sured himself.
She would invariably answer: "When you see that gentleman you can tell him that I can very well dispense with his remembrances." With what an irritated, angry look she would say these words! How well one could feel that she did not and would not forgive-and he had suspected her even for a second? Such foolishness!
But why did she grow so angry? She never had given the exact reason for this quarrel. She still bore him that grudge! Was it?-But no-no-and Bondel declared that he was lowering himself by even thinking of such things.
Yes, he was undoubtedly lowering himself, but he could not help thinking of it, and he asked himself with terror if this thought which had entered into his mind had not come to stop, if he did not carry in his heart the seed of fearful torment. He knew himself; he was a man to think over his doubts, as formerly he would ruminate over his commercial operations, for days and nights, endlessly weighing the pros and the cons.
He was already becoming excited; he was walking fast and losing his calmness. A thought cannot be downed. It is intangible, cannot be caught, cannot be killed.
Suddenly a plan occurred to him; it was bold, so bold that at first he doubted whether he would carry it out.
Each time that he met Tancret, his friend would ask for news of Madame Bondel, and Bondel would answer: "She is still a little angry." Nothing more. Good Lord! What a fool he had been! Perhaps!
Well, he would take the train to Paris, go to Tancret, and bring him back with him that very evening, a.s.suring him that his wife"s mysterious anger had disappeared. But how would Madame Bondel act? What a scene there would be! What anger! what scandal! What of it?-that would be revenge! When she should come face to face with him, unexpectedly, he certainly ought to be able to read the truth in their expressions.
He immediately went to the station, bought his ticket, got into the car, and as soon as he felt him self being carried away by the train, he felt a fear, a kind of dizziness, at what he was going to do. In order not to weaken, back down, and return alone, he tried not to think of the matter any longer, to bring his mind to bear on other affairs, to do what he had decided to do with a blind resolution; and he began to hum tunes from operettas and music halls until he reached Paris.
As soon as he found himself walking along the streets that led to Tancret"s, he felt like stopping, He paused in front of several shops, noticed the prices of certain objects, was interested in new things, felt like taking a gla.s.s of beer, which was not his usual custom; and as he approached his friend"s dwelling he ardently hoped not meet him. But Tancret was at home, alone, reading. He jumped up in surprise, crying: "Ah! Bondel! what luck!"
Bondel, embarra.s.sed, answered: "Yes, my dear fellow, I happened to be in Paris, and I thought I"d drop in and shake hands with you."
"That"s very nice, very nice! The more so that for some time you have not favored me with your presence very often."
"Well, you see-even against one"s will, one is often influenced by surrounding conditions, and as my wife seemed to bear you some ill-will"
"Jove! "seemed"-she did better than that, since she showed me the door."
"What was the reason? I never heard it."
"Oh! nothing at all-a bit of foolishness-a discussion in which we did not both agree."
"But what was the subject of this discussion?"
"A lady of my acquaintance, whom you may perhaps know by name, Madame Boutin."
"Ah! really. Well, I think that my wife has forgotten her grudge, for this very morning she spoke to me of you in very pleasant terms."
Tancret started and seemed so dumfounded that for a few minutes he could find nothing to say. Then he asked: "She spoke of me-in pleasant terms?"
"Yes."
"You are sure?"
"Of course I am. I am not dreaming."
"And then?"
"And then-as I was coming to Paris I thought that I would please you by coming to tell you the good news."
"Why, yes-why, yes-"
Bondel appeared to hesitate; then, after a short pause, he added: "I even had an idea."
"What is it?"
"To take you back home with me to dinner."
Tancret, who was naturally prudent, seemed a little worried by this proposition, and he asked: "Oh! really-is it possible? Are we not exposing ourselves to-to-a scene?"
"No, no, indeed!"
"Because, you know, Madame Bendel bears malice for a long time."