Things are beginning to hum for me; they will presently roar. I shall remain quiet though, all the same. Things are not humming for you just now. I am so sorry, that is, I am trying to be, for I cannot be sorry for anything and more. I am attaining peace that pa.s.seth understanding, which is neither joy nor sorrow, but something above them both. Tell Mother that. My pa.s.sing through the valley of death, physical, mental, last two years, has helped me in this. Now I am nearing that Peace, the eternal silence. Now I mean to see things as they are, everything in that peace, perfect in its way. "He whose joy is only in himself, whose desires are only in himself, he has learned his lessons." This is the great lesson that we are here to learn through myriads of births and heavens and h.e.l.ls - that there is nothing to be asked for, desired for, beyond one"s Self. "The greatest thing I can obtain is my Self." "I am free", therefore I require none else for my happiness. "Alone through eternity, because I was free, am free, and will remain free for ever." This is Vedantism. I preached the theory so long, but oh, joy! Mary, my dear sister, I am realising it now every day. Yes, I am - "I am free." "Alone, alone, I am the one without a second."
Ever yours in the Sat-Chit-nanda,
VIVEKANANDA. PS. Now I am going to be truly Vivekananda. Did you ever enjoy evil! Ha! ha! you silly girl, all is good! Nonsense. Some good, some evil. I enjoy the good and I enjoy the evil. I was Jesus and I was Judas Iscariot; both my play, my fun. "So long as there are two, fear shall not leave thee." Ostrich method? Hide your heads in the sand and think there is n.o.body seeing you! All is good! Be brave and face everything - come good, come evil, both welcome, both of you my play. I have no good to attain, no ideal to clench up to, no ambition to fulfil; I, the diamond mine, am playing with pebbles, good and evil; good for you - evil, come; good for you-good, you come too. If the universe tumbles round my ears, what is that to me? I am Peace that pa.s.seth understanding; understanding only gives us good or evil. I am beyond, I am peace.
V.
CLXVI.
(Translated from Bengali.)
To Swami Turiyananda
SAN FRANCISCO,.
March, 1900.
DEAR HARIBHAI, I have just received a bill of lading from Mrs. Banerji. She has sent some Dl (pulses) and rice. I am sending the bill of lading to you. Give it to Miss Waldo; she will bring all these things when they come.
Next week I am leaving this place for Chicago; thence I go over to New York. I am getting on somehow. . . . Where are you putting up now? What are you doing?
Yours affectionately,
VIVEKANANDA.
CLXVII.
To Miss Josephine MacLeod
1719 TURK STREET, SAN FRANCISCO,.
30th March, 1900.
MY DEAR JOE, Many thanks for the prompt sending of the books. They will sell quick, I believe. You have become worse than me in changing your plans, I see. I wonder why I have not got any Awakened India yet. My mail is getting so knocked about, I am afraid.
I am working hard - making some money - and am getting better in health. Work morning and evening, go to bed at 12 p.m. after a heavy supper! - and trudge all over the town! And get better too!
So Mrs. Milton is there, give her my love, will you? Has not Turiyananda"s leg got all right? I have sent Margot"s letter to Mrs. Bull as she wanted. I am so happy to learn of Mrs. Leggett"s gift to her. Things have got to come round; anyway, they are bound to, because nothing is eternal.
I will be a week or two more here if I find it paying, then go to a place near by called Stockton and then - I don"t know. Things are going anyhow.
I am very peaceful and quiet, and things are going anyway-just they go. With all love,
VIVEKANANDA.
PS. Miss Waldo is just the person to undertake editing Karma-Yoga with additions etc.
V.
CLXVIII.
(Translated from Bengali.)
To Swami Turiyananda
DEAR HARIBHAI, I am glad to hear that your leg is all right and that you are doing splendid work. My body is going on all right. The thing is, I fall ill when I take too much precaution. I am cooking, eating whatever comes, working day and night, and I am all right and sleeping soundly!
I am going over to New York within a month. Has Sarada"s magazine gone out of circulation? I am not getting it any longer. Awakened also has gone to sleep, I think. They are not sending it to me any more. Let that go. There is an outbreak of plague in our country; who knows who is alive and who is dead! Well, a letter from Achu has come today. He had hidden himself in the town of Ramgarh in Sikar State. Someone told him that Vivekananda was dead; so he has written to me! I am sending him a reply.
All well here. Hope this finds you and all others well.
Yours affectionately,
VIVEKANANDA.
CLXIX.