I am sending all the money I earned in America to India. Now I am free, the begging-monk as before. I have also resigned from the Presidentship of the Monastery. Thank G.o.d, I am free! It is no more for me to carry such a responsibility. I am so nervous and so weak.
"As the birds which have slept in the branches of a tree wake up, singing when the dawn comes, and soar up into the deep blue sky, so is the end of my life." I have had many difficulties, and also some very great successes. But all my difficulties and suffering count for nothing, as I have succeeded. I have attained my aim. I have found the pearl for which I dived into the ocean of life. I have been rewarded. I am pleased.
Thus it seems to me that a new chapter of my life is opening. It seems to me that Mother will now lead me slowly and softly. No more effort on roads full of obstacles, now it is the bed prepared with birds" down. Do you understand that? Believe me, I feel quite sure.
The experience of all my life, up to now, has taught me, thank G.o.d, that I always find what I am looking for with eagerness. Sometimes it is after much suffering, but it does not matter! All is forgotten in the softness of the reward. You are also going through troubles, my friend, but you shall have your reward. Alas! What you now find is not a reward but an additional affliction.
As to myself, I see the cloud lifting, vanishing, the cloud of my bad Karma. And the sun of my good Karma rises - shining, beautiful, and powerful. This will also be the case for you, my friend. My knowledge of this language has not the power to express my emotion. But which language can really do so?
So I drop it, leaving it to your heart to clothe my thought with a soft, loving, and shining language. Good night, gute Nacht!
Your devoted friend,
VIVEKANANDA. PS. We shall leave Paris for Vienna on October 29th. Mr. Leggett is leaving for the United States by next week. We shall notify the Post Office to forward our letters to our further destinations.
V.
CXCVI.
To Miss Josephine MacLeod
PORT TEWFICK.
26th November, 1900.
DEAR JOE, The steamer was late; so I am waiting. Thank goodness, it entered the Ca.n.a.l this morning at Port Said. That means it will arrive some time in the evening if everything goes right.
Of course it is like solitary imprisonment these two days, and I am holding my soul in patience. But they say the change is thrice dear. Mr. Gaze"s agent gave me all wrong directions. In the first place, there was n.o.body here to tell me a thing, not to speak of receiving me. Secondly, I was not told that I had to change my Gaze"s ticket for a steamer one at the agent"s office, and that was at Suez, not here. It was good one way, therefore, that the steamer was late; so I went to see the agent of the steamer and he told me to exchange Gaze"s pa.s.s for a regular ticket.
I hope to board the steamer some time tonight. I am well and happy and am enjoying the fun immensely. How is Mademoiselle? Where is Bois? Give my everlasting grat.i.tude and good wishes to Mme. Calve. She is a good lady.
Hoping you will enjoy your trip.
Ever affectionately yours,
CXCVII.
To Mrs. Ole Bull
THE MATH, BELUR, HOWRAH DIST., BENGAL, INDIA,.
15 December, 1900.
MY DEAR MOTHER,.
Three days ago I reached here. It was quite unexpected - my visit, and everybody was so surprised. Things here have gone better than I expected during my absence, only Mr. Sevier has pa.s.sed away. It was a tremendous blow, sure, and I don"t know the future of the work in the Himalayas. I am expecting daily a letter from Mrs. Sevier who is there still.
How are you? Where are you? My affairs here will be straightened out shortly, I hope, and I am trying my best to straighten them out. The remittance you send my cousin should henceforth be sent to me direct, the bills being drawn in my name. I will cash them and send her the money. It is better the money goes to her through me.
Saradananda and Brahmananda are much better and this year there is very little malaria here. This narrow strip on the banks of the river is always free from malaria. Only when we get a large supply of pure water the conditions will be perfected here.
Lx.x.xVI.
To Miss Josephine MacLeod G REY COAT GARDENS, WESTMINSTER, S.W., LONDON,
3rd December, 1896.
DEAR JOE, Many, many thanks, dear Joe Joe, for your kind invitation; but the Dear G.o.d has disposed it this way, viz I am to start for India on the 16th with Captain and Mrs. Sevier and Mr. Goodwin. The Seviers and myself take steamer at Naples. And as there will be four days at Rome, I will look in to say good-bye to Alberta.
Things are in a "hum" here just now; the big hall for the cla.s.s, 39 Victoria, is full and yet more are coming.
Well, the good old country now calls me; I must go. So good-bye to all projects of visiting Russia this April.
I just set things a-going a little in India and am off again for the ever beautiful U.S. and England etc.
So very kind of you to send Mabel"s letter - good news indeed. Only I am a little sorry for poor Fox. However, Mabel escaped him; that is better.
You did not write anything about how things are going on in New York. I hope it is all well there. Poor Cola! is he able now to make a living? The coming of Goodwin was very opportune, as it captured the lectures here which are being published in a periodical form. Already there have been subscribers enough to cover the expenses.
Three lectures next week, and my London work is finished for this season. Of course, everybody here thinks it foolish to give it up just now the "boom" is on, but the Dear Lord says, "Start for Old India". I obey.
To Frankincense, to Mother, to Holister and everyone else my eternal love and blessings, and with the same for you,