"Could I ask you a question?" she asked.
"How many?" he asked, still in a playful mood. Obviously, he hadn"t caught her shift. "Because that counts as one."
"As many as it takes."
This time, he must have caught the change in her tone because he frowned. His eyes shut down and all the beauty that had been in his face vanished.
"Ask," he said.
She swallowed. Munin raised his head and watched her. Apparently he hadn"t been as deeply asleep as she thought.
"Does Quixotic frown on relationships between employees?"
His face shut down even more. "Why? Is there someone there who interests you?"
"Yes," she said.
He nodded, then turned back toward the food. "When you ask about Quixotic, do you mean is there a company policy?"
"Yes," she said.
"We"ve never needed one. We"re a small operation." His words were clipped.
"But would it create problems?"
"With me or with Alex?"
"What"s happened in the past?" she asked.
"It"s never come up." His words were curt.
"You"ve never had employees who"ve gotten involved with each other?"
"It"s not that kind of place." His reaction was puzzling her. He had no idea what she was talking about. He obviously thought she was interested in someone else.
Munin was sitting up, looking at her with vast disappointment. She had no idea that a dog"s face could be so expressive.
"What kind of place is that?"
"A place where people get involved with other people."
"Oh." She spoke quietly. "You think it would disrupt things, then?"
"Probably."
She nodded, glad to have his honest a.s.sessment before she told him how she felt. She didn"t want to create problems for him at work.
"What if I quit?" she said.
He whirled. Spaghetti flicked off the tongs he held in his left hand and landed next to the dog. Munin seemed to debate a moment between the food on the floor and continuing to let Ariel know about his displeasure.
The food won.
"We don"t want you to quit." Vari looked ferocious. "The other guy will have to quit."
Ariel suppressed the urge to smile. "I don"t think he can quit. He"s a fixture at Quixotic."
"No one"s a fixture there." He brandished the tongs as if they were a club.
Munin had devoured the spaghetti and was watching Vari again. This time, the dog seemed worried.
"Not even you?" Ariel asked.
"Me?" He shook his head. "I don"t count. Alex and I are a team. We have been forever."
She took a deep breath. When it came to himself, he was so dense. "And if I got in the middle of that team?"
Vari snorted. "Fat chance. Alex is a happily married man. In fact, not many people are more happily married than he is. He wouldn"t even give you a second glance, not that you"re not deserving of one--you are--but he wouldn"t because he doesn"t, not anymore--"
"I wasn"t talking about Alex," she said.
Vari brought the tongs down. Then he sat down and peered at her as if she had lost her mind. "You"re talking about me?"
"What"s so hard to believe about that?"
"You"re interested in me?"
She smiled. "Yes."
"For G.o.d"s sake, why?" Then he shook his head. "I know why. Cupid. Dammit."
"Cupid?" Her smile grew. "You believe in Cupid?"
"No, I don"t believe in him. I know hi--um, I think he might have gotten his arrows crossed."
She reached for Vari"s hand. It was as strong as she had imagined it would be. "Is it that hard to believe that I would be attracted to you?"
"Yes." He tried to pull away, but she held on to his fingers.
Slowly he raised his eyes to hers, and she saw pain in them. Deep, old pain. And with it, something else she recognized. He was too vulnerable. He couldn"t take more hurt.
"Ariel," he said, "I don"t know if you"re trying to get back at me for the whole Darius thing, but this isn"t something you should play with."
"I"m not playing." She scooted her chair closer. His eyes were beautiful, but so were his lips. Thin and fine, perfectly formed. If his nose didn"t look like it had been broken dozens of times and his cheekbones weren"t in the same condition, his face would be conventionally attractive. As it was, he was very attractive--to her.
"Ariel," he whispered. "Don"t."
She let go of his fingers. He flexed them. Then she slid her hands around his face and pulled him close, her lips touching his.
The kiss was electric. He tasted fine and familiar, and as his mouth opened beneath hers, she could sense his longing. Hers matched it. She wanted nothing more than to keep kissing him for a very long time. This was where she was supposed to be. This was the man she was supposed to be with. This- "No." He said it against her mouth and then pulled away. The pain in his eyes was deep. He rested his forehead against hers. "I"m so sorry, Ariel."
This was the second time in six months that a man had apologized to her after kissing her. And around a spaghetti dinner too.
What was wrong with her? Why wasn"t anyone interested in her?
"I"m not sorry," she said.
He shook his head and pushed away from her. "It won"t work."
"Why not? I asked about Quixotic."
"There"s so much you don"t know about me. I can"t tell you."
"Why not?" she asked.
"Because," he said, standing and walking away from her. "I"m not supposed to be the one who falls in love with you."
Munin whimpered.
"Excuse me?" she asked.
"I"m not the right person for you, Ariel."
She clasped her hands together, twisting them. "I think I"m supposed to be the one who decides that. Who"s right for me and who"s not. That"s my decision."
"Usually, yeah, but sometimes circ.u.mstances--"
"You"re talking about Dar, aren"t you?" she asked.
Munin whimpered again.
"In a way." Vari bowed his head.
"Dar doesn"t matter to me," she said. "You were right. It was an infatuation. A reaction to the accident. Nothing more than that."
"Nothing?" His voice was hoa.r.s.e.
"Maybe an attraction, but that was it. I"m past that."
"And attracted to me now." He made it sound like she didn"t know her own mind, as if she was attracted to any man who was kind to her.
"It"s not like that," she said.
"How is it, then?"
"I think I"m in love with you," she whispered.
He raised his head. For a moment, his expression was unguarded and in it she saw longing--and anger. "You can"t be."
"What does that mean, I can"t be?" Now she was getting angry. "I am."
"No," he said. "You just think you are."
"What?"
"You just think--"
"I know what you said. And I know how I feel. How dare you minimize it just because you"re not interested? You should say something polite, like, "Gosh, Ariel, how nice of you, but you know, you were right, it wouldn"t work because of work" or "Gee, Ariel, I"m flattered, but I don"t have those feelings for you." You"re not supposed to say, "Hey, lady, judging by your past behavior, you"re too stupid to know how you really feel. Maybe you should get some counseling." "
"I didn"t say anything about counseling."
"No," she snapped. "I did. Maybe I can find out why I"m falling in love with inappropriate men."
She stood, stalked past Munin, who didn"t even try to follow her, and headed for the front door.
"Ariel."
She stopped.
"Stay for lunch." His voice got softer, gentler. "Maybe we can sort this out."
Her heart ached. She should have known better than to open up to him. He was kind and he was nice, but he wasn"t interested in her, and she had just embarra.s.sed herself even more than she had before.
"No, thanks," she said. "I"ve just realized that spaghetti is a very unlucky meal for me."
And then, as quietly as she could, she walked out of Andrew Vari"s house.
*Seventeen*
She didn"t even slam the door. He would have slammed the door if someone had spoken to him like that. He would have screamed and shouted and made a horrible scene, and then slammed the door just for effect.
Munin was staring at him.
Darius glared back. "All right. Now you know who the stupid one is in this relationship."
The puppy c.o.c.ked his head.
"But you don"t know the whole story. There"s Cupid, you see, and his d.a.m.n arrows ... ."
The puppy tilted his head back, as if he were listening but not believing.
"Well, it is his fault. If he hadn"t shot her, then she wouldn"t think she was in love with me. And if she didn"t think that, then she"d be free to find her real soul mate."