HUGH. [_Drearily._] Better? Aye, I"m better. It did not hurt me whatever.
NELI. [_Jerking head backwards toward_ DEACON ROBERTS _and again forming letters with lips_.] B-U-T-T-E-R!
HUGH. What, water? Nay, I don"t want any water.
DEACON ROBERTS. [_Coughing, ill at ease and glancing suspiciously at bowl that has come to rest near his leg._] Ahem! "Tis cold here, Mrs.
Williams, mum, an" I must be movin" on.
NELI. [_Savagely to_ DEACON.] Stay where ye are whatever!
DEACON ROBERTS. [_Unaccustomed to being spoken to this way by a woman._]
Well, indeed, mum, I could stay, but I"m thinkin" "tis cold an"--I"d better go.
NELI. [_Again savagely._] Nay, stay! Stay for--for what ye came for whatever!
[NELI _looks challengingly at the_ DEACON. _Then she goes on wiping brine carefully from husband"s hair and from behind his ears. The_ DEACON _coughs and pushes bowl away with the toe of his boot_.
DEACON ROBERTS. [_Smiling._] "Tis unnecessary to remain then, mum.
NELI. [_To_ HUGH.] What did he get?
HUGH. [_Sneezing._] N--n--Achoo!--nothin"!
DEACON ROBERTS. [_With sudden interest, looking at the floor._] Well, indeed!
NELI. [_Suspiciously._] What is it?
[_He reaches down with difficulty to a small thick puddle on the floor just beneath his left coat-tail. He aims a red forefinger at it, lifts himself, and sucks fingertip._
DEACON ROBERTS. [_Smiling._] Ahem, Mrs. Williams, mum, "tis excellent herrin" brine! [_From the basket on the counter he picks up an egg, which he tosses lightly and replaces in basket._] A beautiful fresh egg, Mrs. Williams, mum. I must be steppin" homewards.
HUGH. [_Struggling to speak just as_ NELI _reaches his nose, wringing it vigorously at she wipes it_.] Aye, but Neli, I was just tellin" ye when I fell that I could not find the deacon"s relish--uch, achoo! achoo!
DEACON ROBERTS. [_With finality, tossing the egg in air, catching it and putting it back in basket._] Well, indeed, mum, I must be steppin"
homewards now.
[NELI"S _glance rests on fire burning on other side of room_. _She puts down wet cloth. She turns squarely on the_ DEACON.
NELI. What is your haste, Mr. Roberts? Please to go to the fire an"
wait! I can find the relish.
DEACON ROBERTS. [_Hastily._] Nay, nay, mum. I have no need any more--[_Coughs._] Excellent herrin" brine.
[_Goes toward door._
NELI. [_To_ HUGH.] Take him to the fire, Hugh. "Tis a cold day whatever!
[_Insinuatingly to_ DEACON.] Have ye a reason for wantin" to go, Mr.
Roberts?
DEACON ROBERTS. [_Going._] Nay, nay, mum, none at all! But, I must not trouble ye. "Tis too much to ask, an" I have no time to spare an"----
NELI. [_Interrupting and not without acerbity._] Indeed, Mr. Roberts, sellin" what we _can_ is our profit. [_To_ HUGH, _who obediently takes_ DEACON _by arm and pulls him toward fire_.] Take him to the fire, lad.
[_To_ DEACON.] What kind of a relish was it, did ye say, Mr. Roberts?
DEACON ROBERTS. [_Having a tug of war with_ HUGH.] "Tis an Indian relish, mum, but I cannot wait.
HUGH. [_Pulling harder._] American, ye said.
DEACON ROBERTS. [_Hastily._] Yiss, yiss, American Indian relish, that is.
NELI. Tut, "tis our specialty, these American Indian relishes! We have several. Sit down by the fire while I look them up. [_Wickedly._] As ye said. Mr. Roberts, "tis cold here this morning.
DEACON ROBERTS. There, Hughie lad, I must not trouble ye. [_Looks at clock._] "Tis ten minutes before twelve, an" my dinner will be ready at twelve. [_Pulls harder._
NELI. [_To_ HUGH.] Keep him by the fire, lad.
DEACON ROBERTS. There, Hughie lad, let me go!
[_But_ HUGH _holds on, and the_ DEACON"S _coat begins to come off_.
NELI. [_Sarcastically._] The relish--American Indian, ye said, I think--will make your dinner taste fine and grand!
DEACON ROBERTS. [_Finding that without leaving his coat behind he is unable to go, he glowers at_ HUGH _and speaks sweetly to_ NELI.] "Tis a beautiful clock, Mrs. Williams, mum. But I haven"t five minutes to spare.
NELI. [_Keeping a sharp lookout on the rim of the_ DEACON"S _hat_.]
Well, indeed, I can find the relish in just one minute. An" ye"ll have abundance of time left.
DEACON ROBERTS. [_Trapped, and gazing at clock with fine air of indifference._] "Tis a clever, shinin" lookin" clock whatever, Mrs.
Williams, mum.
NELI. Have ye any recollection of the name of the maker of the relish, Mr. Roberts?
DEACON ROBERTS. [_Putting his hands behind him anxiously and parting his freighted coat-tails with care; then, revolving, presenting his back and one large, well-set, bright-colored patch to the fire._] Nay, I have forgotten it, Mrs. Williams, mum.
NELI. Too bad, but I"m sure to find it. [_She mounts upon chair. At this moment the shop door-bell rings violently, and there enters_ MRS. JONES THE WASH, _very fat and very jolly. She is dressed in short skirt, very full, clogs on her feet, a bodice made of striped Welsh flannel, a shabby kerchief, a cap on her head, and over this a shawl._ NELI _turns her head a little_.] Aye, Mrs. Jones the Wash, in a minute, if you please. Sit down until I find Deacon Roberts"s relish whatever.
MRS. JONES THE WASH. [_Sits down on chair by door back centre and folds her hands over her stomach._] Yiss, yiss, mum, thank you. I"ve come for soap. I came once before, but no one was in.
NELI. Too bad!
MRS. JONES THE WASH. An" I looked in at the window an" saw nothin" but a skippin" shadow looked like a rat. Have ye any rats, Mrs. Williams, mum, do ye think?
NELI. Have I any rats? Well, indeed, "tis that I"m wantin" to know, Mrs.
Jones the Wash!
MRS. JONES THE WASH. Well, I came back, for the water is eatin" the soap to-day as if "twere sweets--aye, "tis a very meltin" day for soap!
[_Laughs._