HENRIETTE. [_Sharp and even antagonistic._] Yes, I have that unfortunate gift of understanding things before people have finished explaining them. While the others are waiting for the explanation, I can"t wait, and I fly on miles ahead----
ALBERT. Hm--that sounds probable; I sha"n"t say anything more about that just now. But while I"m on the subject, I have more than once noticed that you are guilty of the worst vice woman ever possessed----
HENRIETTE. And what, if you please?
ALBERT. Vanity.
HENRIETTE. I vain? Oh, you"re going too far!
ALBERT. [_Unruffled._] Not a word! Every time I tell you a fault, you twist it round to your own advantage. Whereas you are really worse----
HENRIETTE. [_Rising and gathering her skirts about her with virtuous indignation._] You are rude! I suppose you would find fault with me if I considered myself more polite than the person whom I have the honor to address?
ALBERT. I hope you don"t intend that remark as personal.
HENRIETTE. I certainly do.
[_She crosses to the other side of the stage and sits down._ ALBERT _rises and goes up to her_.
ALBERT. Henriette! No! [_Laughing._] I see your trick.
HENRIETTE. What do you mean?
ALBERT. You can"t deceive me by pretending to be angry. You wanted to see whether I could withstand your temper. Let us now proceed to the next chapter: your manner of dressing.
HENRIETTE. [_Now really outraged._] My manner of dressing? You dare!
[HENRIETTE _crosses_ L. _Front_, ALBERT _following her_.
ALBERT. Yes, that will be enough for to-day----
HENRIETTE. And then you"ll begin again to-morrow!
ALBERT. Yes.
HENRIETTE. And do you think for one minute that I"ll listen to you while you insult me to my face? _You_ are the vain one, to think you can come to that! _You_ are the frivolous one, _you_ are the----
ALBERT. [_Slightly perturbed._] Be careful what you say!
HENRIETTE. I"ll take care of that. Let me tell you that you are a detestable cynic. You are disgustingly personal; always dwelling on details, on the least----
ALBERT. Which is as much as calling me a fool?
HENRIETTE. Just about. You would be if you didn"t read your morning paper regularly; so regularly that I know in advance exactly what you are going to say to me during the day.
ALBERT. Why not call me a parrot?
HENRIETTE. That would flatter you, for you don"t speak as well as a parrot; a parrot"s memory never gets clouded, a parrot has at least the common politeness to----
ALBERT. [_Between his teeth._] I won"t stand for this. I wonder how you could have endured me so long if you thought me such a fool.
HENRIETTE. I believed you harmless.
ALBERT. Are you aware that you have wounded me cruelly?
HENRIETTE. _You_ have wounded _me_. Thank heaven, though, we had this discussion! Now I"ll know how to conduct myself toward you in the future.
ALBERT. Thank heaven for the same thing! It was high time! I grieve to think that only last night I had fully made up my mind to ask you to be my wife!
HENRIETTE. My dear friend, if you ever do so, I shall show you the door immediately.
[_Enter_ JACQUES _hurriedly_. HENRIETTE _runs to him as for protection_.
JACQUES. What"s all this noise? What"s the matter?
HENRIETTE. Oh, Jacques--I"m so glad you"ve come.
ALBERT. Just in time! You put an end to our pleasant little tete-a-tete.
JACQUES. But what"s happened?
HENRIETTE. Well, monsieur here----
ALBERT. No, it was mademoiselle who----
[HENRIETTE _and_ ALBERT _each take an arm of_ JACQUES _and bring him down-stage_ C. _His attention is constantly shifting from one to the other, as they address him in turn._
HENRIETTE. Just think, Jacques----
ALBERT. Jacques, she had the audacity to----
HENRIETTE. Stop! I"m going to tell him first----
JACQUES. You"re both too excited to explain anything. Albert, you take a little stroll and cool off.
ALBERT. [_Retreating toward the door._] Charmed.
HENRIETTE. Then I can draw a free breath.
JACQUES. [_To_ ALBERT.] I"ll fix up things while you"re away.
ALBERT. [_To both._] I won"t give in.
HENRIETTE. Neither will I.
JACQUES. Tut, tut!
ALBERT. Good-day, mademoiselle.