[Friday, Lesson 5 - English]"I want to ask you something?"
Like usual, I"ve just sat down in English and Ethan has decided to ask a question. We just keep getting into these quickly huh?
"What is it?"
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"What are my key features? OH, and what do people like about me? OH, and how can I improve?"
"Hang on. Slow down. Let"s go one step at a time." This definitely has something to do with Kaylee, but I won"t bully him just yet.
"Ok. start with my key features."
This is awkward, I don"t really know what to say without coming across as weird. I don"t really want to compliment him, maybe I"ll say something "abstract".
"Errrrrr. You have lovely fingernails?"
GREAT! Well done, me. Of all the things you think of why do you say fingernails. Now he is checking them out like he just had them done or something.
"What else?"
ETHAN WANTS ME TO SAY MORE?!
"Errrrrr. The way your eyes move is just like. Cool. You know?"
FANTASTIC! How awkward can I get? What am I even saying at this point, can someone just shoot me?!
"Ok? What do people like about me?"
This question is a little easier to answer, I can just say something vague and random that applies to everyone.
"You"re smart."
"Not all girls like that."
"Yeah. you nerd" I said under my breath.
d.a.m.n, I"m super awkward today, I can"t look at him in the eye at all. I can"t even sit comfortably anymore.
"I guess. You are kind. Once people get to know you, you are different from how they would expect. The people that judge you from afar don"t know what you are like in person. You"re completely different in person, you"re a good guy, don"t let it get you down just because some girl doesn"t want to talk to you."
I didn"t know what else to say, I don"t really know how to cheer people up when they are down. All I can do is speak my mind and hope they understand, but Ethan was just sitting there thinking about it all.
This silence was just as awkward as me, he didn"t even reply to what I said. He"s just sitting there like nothing happened, in a world of his own.
"D-do you wanna hear what I gotta say about the next one?"
"No." Ethan said. "It"s fine. I"ve heard enough."
We both sat awkwardly in silence continuing with work. Sometimes we forget we are in a school.
"If you don"t mind me asking? What happened when you walked home with her after the performance?"
"Nothing. We walked in silence and Simon came to pick her up. Literally, nothing happened, ok?"
"Ah. I"m sorry."
"Why are you apologizing?"
"N-no. It"s just. n-nevermind."
He was right. I shouldn"t be apologizing, but I just don"t know what to do. I"m useless, I don"t have any siblings and I"m not really close with my parents so I"m not used to dealing with this stuff. I"ve always just dealt with it myself.
I wish I could help, I really do. Maybe I was wrong to force them together.
They should have taken it at their own pace. I wish I didn"t get involved.
"Don"t blame yourself." Ethan said.
"Huh?"
"You probably feel bad for forcing us to walk home together, well don"t. I don"t want you to blame yourself for something I caused by liking her."
Is this really what he thinks?
"You do know it"s not wrong to like someone right?"
"Hmm. it sure feels like it sometimes."
"Ah. I see."
Nothing I do can cheer him up, if I keep meddling now it"s just going to get worse.
I just wish I could cheer him up.
Even if he tells me not to blame myself, I can"t help but know that I caused all this.