Continuous School

"IT"S YOUR FAULT!" my mum screamed as she threw books at me.

"YOU"RE THE REASON FOR ALL THIS!" Reason for what?

"WHY COULDN"T YOU JUST BE A GOOD GIRL!?" She kept saying.

"WHY DID YOU LIE! WHY! WHY! WHY! WHY! WHY!" she said as she kept hitting me.

"YOU ARE THE REASON HE LEFT! YOU RUINED MY LIFE!"
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Even to this day, I live with my mum. My dad left for obvious reasons but I was stuck with my mum. My life was a constant loop as you can probably tell. The same beatings, the same insults, the same beatings, the same insults, same beatings, same insults, beatings, insults, it never changed.

It stayed this way for a long time. I was left alone in the house. I didn"t feel upset or anything, I didn"t feel like it was unfair. I felt as if I deserved it. I could only apologise for the pain I"ve caused. I could only do something to make others feel better.

The next day I wore my hoodie under my blazer for the first time. The teacher tried to force it off me but I didn"t say anything or do anything. I was given detention and the bullying kept going and going. It saw no end. I wore the hoodie to protect myself. Through it all, the hoodie was there for me. I felt safe with it on. I didn"t care about how I looked. No one ever said I looked pretty or cute or beautiful or gorgeous or any of that.

Eventually, I refused to go to school. I was sick of it all and protested, maybe it was just a rebellious phase. Either way, I had to transfer.

Starting year 9 I was in a new school, with the same hopes as each time I started school. I hoped to make friends.

That fell apart as soon as I saw ****. We were now in the same school. I didn"t even speak to him. He tried to speak to me several times but I always ignored him. I began pulling at my hands and hiding them in my sleeves each time he would look at me or talk to me. I kept my hood up to hide my face and carried on with school.

One day, to my surprise. My favourite rumour crept back up.

"Lily loved ****" Sure I did.

"You better stay away from ****," A girl said to me one day. I guess she must love him.

"You don"t deserve to be with anyone." Another girl said the following day.

"Why do you even show up?" I wonder that as well.

I"ve learnt to hide myself. If you don"t talk back they"ll get bored and leave, they"ll just ignore you. They"ll never want to do anything to you. It"s not fun for them if you don"t react.

One day I was doing that. I was hiding at the back of the cla.s.sroom, resting on my desk with my hood up. Only to be covered in multiple cups of water.

"That"s what you get. I told you to stay away from him." I haven"t spoken to him in years.

"Why don"t you run home to your parents?" She said. "Oh, Sorry. I forgot your dad left."

I don"t know why but I stood up as if I was about to hit her. Just hearing that made me mad. Perhaps I hit my limit. It was sudden, but all my anger quickly turned to sadness and tears began blending in with the dripping water. I was embarra.s.sed and ran out of the cla.s.sroom.

I didn"t know where to run to, I didn"t expect them to chase me, they all just laughed.

"Wait, Lily!" A voice called out in a way I"ve never heard before.

"Please wait!" it kept calling. I didn"t want to turn around and see who it was but eventually did. They seemed to be persistent so I listened.

When I stopped the person raised their arms as if they were about to hit me. I was expecting it so I flinched beforehand but quickly found them wiping me with whatever they could find.

"Oh, dear." The voice said. "What a mess."

I looked up as I recognised the voice. My form tutor. She taught geography. Stood above me smiling, not question my hood like before, but helping. At first, I thought it was a lie. It had to have been. I left with nothing to do. I just left school.

"Hey, Lily!" my form tutor said as I walked through the door with a smile on her face.

"Hi, Lily!" She said when she saw me in the hall sitting by myself.

"Lily, How are you?" she called from the other end of the hall sitting down next to me.

This continued for some time and I eventually gave up. She kept me back after school one day and I told her everything that happened. She seemed sad when I spoke. Maybe it was because my voice sounded so hoa.r.s.e that she was worried.

I spent the next few days after school talking to her. We spoke about whatever was on my mind. She must have been a therapist or something. She seemed to be trying to help me, but I couldn"t forget that she ignored it for so long.

"I"m sorry, Lily." She said randomly one day. "I always thought you were a trouble maker. I thought you were the one who refused to cooperate and the other kids didn"t like you for it. I wish I had helped you sooner. I wish I understood how nice you were."

"What a dumb teacher," I thought to myself. Like the others, she knew what was happening but couldn"t help because she was scared. I don"t blame her for that. Even if I wanted to say something to her I could only say, "Sorry."

"Don"t apologise." She said holding me in her arms. "It"s my fault."

For whatever reason it could have been, perhaps it was a common theme at this point, I cried. I cried when she hugged me, but it wasn"t like the other times. She even started crying herself. We both let out all the tears that were inside of us.

A day later, although she wished I could get along at school, she saw it wasn"t improving. She proposed the deal I used to have. I receive all my work for each subject in the morning and have it all done by the next morning where I return it and receive the next amount. For exams, I would come in and do them in a separate room with a teacher and leave afterwards.

It was a strange system but it worked for me.

My grades never fell and I started to take a new interest in subjects such as History. Even if at home my mother was yelling at me, the only time she wasn"t was when I received good grades. Perhaps it"s why I studied so much.

I try and help my mum out at home as much as possible, even if she hates me I wanted to go back to how things were. I knew dad wasn"t coming back, and mum was all I had.

As you all know. This continued for some time and in year 11, I met him. He was strange to me at first, I didn"t trust him. His name was Sean and even my mother warned me about him.

"He"s just like the rest." She said as if she suddenly decided to believe me.

This carried on for a few days and I kept telling my mum about Sean.

"I don"t trust him." She said one day as we were cooking dinner.

"Why not?" I asked.

"Have you got a picture with him? His number? Then I will trust him." the face my mother was making was strange, it didn"t seem like the same person I remember. She seemed to have a faint smile and maybe her skin seemed lighter.

It didn"t matter what my mum thought. I continued to speak to Sean in the morning and eventually, that day came.

"Mum," I said. "I"m going to go to school tomorrow."

"What!?" she said dropping the cup she was drinking out of.

"I think I can do it," I said slightly withering away.

"No no no." She said. "I won"t allow it. Who knows what will happen. You can keep going as it is. You"ll still do your exams, get into sixth form and graduate university. You can do all that as you are."

"Mum! I"m going!" I said before quickly running upstairs as I didn"t want to hear her reaction.

Knock knock knock

A few seconds later a knock on my door appeared. My mum slowly entered and looked at me as I stared at the ceiling. I wasn"t crying or anything. I was just looking at the roof above me.

"This is the first time you"ve ever rebelled against me." She said as she raised her arm causing me to flinch.

"I"ll let you go tomorrow." She said gently stroking my hair which was spread across my bed.

Although I was nervous about tomorrow. I"ll never forget what happened when I got back home.

"Mum mum mum!" I screamed rushing into her arms and shoving my phone in her face.

"What is it, dear?" She said holding me.

"Look look! These are my friends!" I showed her the photo of us all together that we took during the day. "This guy is Sean, the one I was telling you about. The one with gla.s.ses is Owen, he is pretty cold and kinda reminds me of myself, I want to say some of the stuff he says, he says some cool advice. This is Ethan he seems alright, apparently really strange. OH! This here is Kaylee, she"s super pretty, and Ruby here has wonderful hair and they are all super kind!"

"Lily..." My mother said as she moved the phone out of her face and took off my hood.

"Y-yeah?" I looked at her but she didn"t say anything else. She squeezed me tightly and sobbed. I"ve seen my mother cry, but not like this. I held her back and cried into her cardigan, we finished that day with cooking dinner as always, and I"ve always made sure to tell her about what fun times I"ve had with my friends. She always seems happy when I speak about them. I want to tell her all about them. I told her about the murder mystery party, the beach, the festival. All of it. All of it I wouldn"t have been able to achieve if it wasn"t for Sean. I owe him an unpayable debt.

I returned to school normally after that. I went in and tried to enjoy each day unlike before. I was approached by my form tutor who started talking to me about ****. At first, I didn"t want to hear it, but she told me that he was expelled from school. I can"t remember the reason, something about fighting another student. I just remember how I felt at the time hearing that karma had gotten back at him. I was happy. Even when my teacher said I shouldn"t smile at his misfortune I still smiled, and she smiled back. "I guess that b.a.s.t.a.r.d finally got what was coming to him." Her words will always be engraved in my mind.

I read a lot of books during my time at home, and I always wanted to escape my own and live in a book. Perhaps this is my book.

# # #

To wrap up a long depressing story, let"s return to the present. In front of me is Olivia, the girl from years ago, and Sean next to me.

"Lily? I haven"t seen you in years. Still alone?" She said trying to make a joke.

"Um, Who are you?" Sean said.

"Oh, are you her victim? I"m Olivia, I was an original victim."

"Victim?" Sean said. "What do you mean?"

"Hasn"t she told you?"

"Enough-" I interrupted. "It"s ok."

"Sorry, I don"t know who you are?" Sean said. "But Lily doesn"t seem to like it so can you stop saying those things?"

"Oh?" Olivia said. "Are you her knight? Her protector? Well, she deserves it, the amount of pain she"s caused."

"Maybe she has caused pain," Sean said. "But even if what you are saying is true. She hasn"t caused me any problems."

Sean stood in front of me, protecting me, I had my hood up but I don"t know when I put it up. Olivia stood opposite us talking to Sean as he defended each and every word she said. I wanted to speak up, I have to speak up. I need to. My friends have helped me so much in the short time I"ve known them. I need to do something myself.

"Olivia." I managed to say. "I"m sorry about the past, whatever happened in the past, is years ago. What you choose to believe and whatever is the truth may be two separate things. My life is better without you. I just want you to know, I"ll never see you as a friend again." I said with the biggest smile on my face. I wish I could have seen how she reacted but she stormed off before I could see anything.

"Hahaha" Sean stood there laughing. "Seems like you"ve been talking to Owen too much. That sounded like an Owen line."

Maybe Sean was right. It was an Owen line. I"ve always wanted to go back and so those things to those people. How different it would have been if I stood up for myself like these all have done for me.

If I had the chance to go back and change it so I argued would I?

NAH! These events lead me to the way I am today. I wouldn"t change it for any other way.