Portland, Ore. "Neer & Farr, Coal Dealers."
Paris, Ky. "Ice Cream & Washing Done Here."
Spokane, Wash. "Bed Bath & Booze 15c. All Nations welcome but Carrie."
Louisville, Ky. "Beds 15cts. Hot cat fish all night."
Atlantic City. "Shoes Shined Inside. Also Ladies."
Spokane, Wash. "Ole Johnson Him Harness Maker."
Brownsville, Ark. "H. Robinson, Tacks Collector."
Chicago. "Precious Stones Setted."
Milwaukee. "Sweet Pickles and N. Y. Sunday papers for sale here."
Denver, Colo. "Hot Roast Chicken served from 11-30 until gone."
Buffalo, N. Y. "Shoes Repaired; neat; Quick & Well."
Chicago (in the Ionia Cafe). "No meals exchanged."
Philadelphia (in a j.a.panese cafe). "No suiciding Allowed Here."
Chicago. "Broken lenses duplicated."
Platte Canyon, Neb. "Private Grounds. You must not shoot or pick the flowers without permission."
CLOSING NUMBER
As I don"t know whether this effort is going to get applause enough to take a bow, I am going to finish with a story that has got two bows in it.
There was an old English actor who had struggled all his life for recognition; and never got it. He had never been in a decent company--never had a decent part in his life. And for years he had been reading of the wonderful success many of the English players were meeting with in America, so at last he sailed for that Land of Promise.
But it was the same sad story it had been at home. And dollar by dollar, and penny by penny his money went until at last he was penniless. And then came that longing for HOME that cannot be resisted. And one dark night he went down and stowed away on a steamer bound for Liverpool.
The next morning he was discovered, and put to work helping in the kitchen. This was the last straw; there he sat, in his fur lined overcoat and silk hat, peeling potatoes. That night he decided to end it all. So at midnight he said "Farewell vain world" and went over the rail.
"Man overboard!" cried the Lookout.
The life belts were thrown over. The powerful electric search lights were thrown upon the waters. These life belts as soon as they strike the water begin to burn a bright red light.
The poor old actor came up for the last time--and just between the two life belts with their red fires burning. At the same moment the dazzling stream of light from the search light fell full upon him. The old man opened his eyes; and a look of ineffable joy came over his face. For the first time in his life he was in the spot light.
So he took two bows--and went down--forever.