Chapter 106 - Living in the Present
Before she could continue her current train of thoughts, Lu Chen finally broke his silence.
"Xiu Mei."
When he called her name, she immediately looked at him whose face is now filled with seriousness. She slowly returned to her senses, finally realizing the weight of her words.
She stopped him from speaking by placing her hand on his mouth.
"Sorry, I… I think I"m worrying too much when there"s nothing confirmed yet." She averted her gaze and decided to run away for now.
"I"ll go back to my room to rest. Goodnight."
Xiu Mei rushed back to her room without even looking back. She leaned behind her door as soon as she finally entered her room and let out a deep sigh. She ran away because she was afraid of Lu Chen"s response to her statement.
Deep inside her heart, she knows that Lu Chen would surely a.s.sure her that everything"s going to be fine, just like how he stayed beside her and comforted her last night when she had her another episode.
Still, there"s still a fear lingering somewhere in her mind that maybe one day, he will leave because of all the dangers she brings to people around her.
After staying like that for a few seconds, Xiu Mei immediately slapped her cheeks as if she was trying to wake herself up from all her gloomy thoughts.
"Stupid Xiu Mei, you"re losing it again."
With heavy steps, she approached and threw herself on the bed staring at the ceiling.
Lately… she"s getting too vulnerable. She was losing herself again because of that misery from ten years ago.
Ten years… and it"s still the same.
Xiu Mei raised her left arm to glance at her fair wrist. She could barely see the scar from her first suicide attempt a month after the kidnapping incident.
She was still so young, extremely traumatized by the cruelty and death she witnessed. Then remembering the despair and resentment of Ying Yue"s parents, her young mind could barely hold on to that extreme emotions.
Ten years had pa.s.sed and now, that scar was barely visible now. Since she didn"t have a good grip, she wasn"t able to cut deep in her wrist so the wound wasn"t all that bad at that time. But she could remember the face of her mother when she saw her bleeding.
Her strong mother froze on the spot as if she couldn"t believe what she was seeing. It was her brothers who immediately moved to rush her to the hospital. And the next thing she could remember was her mother sobbing beside her hospital bed, gripping her right arm so tight with her trembling hand.
She overheard their conversations once. Her parents blamed themselves at that time. Because they felt that it was because of their incapability that she became like that. That it was them who caused their daughter to kill herself.
Immediately, regret swept over her.
"Ah… I am hurting my family because of my actions ah…" was what she thought.
The very next day, she willingly cooperated to undergo psychiatric treatment. The young Xiu Mei realized that she was reverting back to the old selfish and arrogant self that caused her to become like this in the first place.
She was getting blinded by the pain that she was ignoring the pain pf her family too.
Her path to recovery took years. She did not recover one hundred percent, but it was enough that she was finally allowed to live on her own.
"...I should stop." She whispered while staring at her wrist.
A knock on the door suddenly interrupted her train of thoughts. She paused in the direction of the door and hesitated.
Should she open it?
Xiu Mei rose from the bed and walked to the door to open it but halted. Her attention was caught by the photo lying on the floor just in front of her door.
Did Lu Chen slip it underneath?
She crouched down to pick it up and recognized the photo. It was the recently taken family picture with Lu Chen and Lu Qiang in it.
The last time when her family visited her, her mother forced everyone to pose for a family picture. She said that since Xiu Mei is now married, Lu Chen and Lu Qiang are now part of the Xiu family as her son-in-law and grandson.
Xiu Mei stared at the picture for a while and smiled. She remembered feeling so happy and awkward at that time because of her mother"s antics but then, she"s the queen of the family so her words are to be treated like a decree.
She flipped the photo and saw a sentence written behind it.
"Let"s live only in the present."
That is what was written on the photo. She recognized that it was Lu Chen"s handwriting.
The words resonated in her mind as she read it over and over again.
Live only in the present.
...Indeed.
She was so stuck in the past that she kept forgetting the things in front of her. She was too worried about the uncertain future too.
So Lu Chen told her to live only in the present.
She brushed her fingers over the words. Is it really fine to live like that?
Xiu Mei gradually returned to her normal routine after that. After being cleared to work normally again by the doctor, she slowly returned to her previous work cycle. Though this time, she adjusted her time a little bit since she had to go home to accompany Lu Qiang since he"ll be going to school in the next few months.
When they first told Lu Qiang the news, he acted as if he did not mind whether he was homeschooled or not. But the sparkle in his eyes failed to hide his emotions that were full of excitement and curiousness.
After inquiring and getting all the paperwork down, Lu Qiang was now ready to go to school for the upcoming school year.
Right now, Xiu Mei is eating at Kei"s family restaurant since Lu Chen was out of the country to attend some business. However, she was forced to bring some bodyguards whenever she goes out to a.s.sure her safety.
"Kei, stop stealing my food already!" She fumed, slapping away the pair of chopsticks that were reaching out for the meat she was eating. She glared at the person in a chef"s uniform sitting opposite her who was acting like a thief.
"Hey, I cooked that you know!" Kei argued.
"But I paid for that."
"Why are you so stingy? I thought we were friends!"
"I am stingy, so what? Order your own food, heck, it"s your own restaurant you know!"
Xiu Mei and Kei argued back and forth just like that during lunch. They acted as if they"re kids arguing over a stupid snack.
"Mei, you"ve become so stingy after getting married ah." Kei complained after finally compromising to Xiu Mei and ordered his own food. He looked at her as if he was wronged by her.
"And you"ve become a glutton since the last time I saw you ah." She retorted, putting a piece of vegetable in her mouth. She pointed her chopsticks to Kei"s direction and warned.
"And stop blabbing about my marriage. What if someone hears you?"
Kei clicked his mouth after getting reprimanded. Then he stood up and sat on the seat closer to Xiu Mei and leaned over to her.
"Speaking of that, you really surprised me when you said you"re already married. I mean, I visited you not that long ago, and then you call me to say you"re married? Do you think that makes sense?"
"It"s inevitable." She mumbled.
"Inevitable? Oho." Kei grinned at her and started teasing his newly married childhood friend.
"Is Mr.Lu that aggressive that he wouldn"t let go of you? I bet you"re always tired in the morning. Do you want to take a break first?"
"Hey, stop imagining dirty things! I"m still eating." She slapped Kei on his side after hearing him say such embarra.s.sing things.
"Oho, but he"s eating you right?"
And with that, Xiu Mei slapped Kei"s head to shut him up.
d.a.m.n it! Why was she even having this kind of conversation with Kei, with a guy nonetheless!
"Can"t you just shut up?!"
"Jeez, why are you so moody? Are you pregnant?"
"KEI!"
"I"m zipping my mouth!" Kei finally surrendered after being threatened by the glare that Xiu Mei threw to him.
"By the way, did you receive the invitation to our middle school gathering?" Kei brought up while he was digging into his food.
"I thought you"re zipping your mouth?"
"Oh come on, it"s a different topic now isn"t it?"
"Tsk."
"So did you?"
"I did. Are you going?"
"I"m still not sure. How about you?"
Xiu Mei thought about it for a little while before making up her mind. "I think I should go. It"s been a while since I"ve last met with some of our friends in middle school. Also, I"d like to talk with some of our teachers as well since it"s been quite a long time."
"But will you be fine?" Kei worriedly asked.
Xiu Mei understood what he was asking about and wryly smiled at him.
"Who knows. Maybe not, maybe yes?" She paused on her movements when she remembered Lu Chen"s message again.
Live in the present.
"But you know what, maybe, I should stop running away now. What do you think?"
She looked up and flashed a determined smile to Kei.