Contradicting Worlds

I look at Raven to see him smiling down at me. "Get ready, today is the day." With that, memories of yesterday came crashing down on me.

I sit up and ma.s.sage my temples to stop the headache from coming. "Uhm, yesterday, what happened? I mean, what happened after I--I pa.s.sed out?"

"Don"t worry, they got Kaori, the woman"s name that is, acquainted. She refuses to talk with anyone though. Is that because of your power?"

"Yes, I didn"t know what I was doing. I wasn"t really planning on giving her a hard time or using my ability on her but she--she said something that made me lose my control." I start to sob and Raven"s arm went around me. "I hate myself. I hate myself for losing control. I hate myself for doing what I did to her. I hate myself for having this kind of ability. It hurts people, Raven. It kills them. I killed them," I continue to cry and his arms tightened around me.

"Shhh," he cups my face in his hands. "Don"t hate yourself for having this gift. It is not your fault that you have this. It is not our fault that we want to hurt the people who hurt us."

"But I don"t just hurt people, I kill them."

"I know, I know. We all have our own monsters inside us, remember? We all want to run away from our past. But how about you try to lessen up the burden that you have been carrying, huh? I am not saying that you should forget about your past because your past is a part of you that makes you whole. And this, your ability, is a part of you that will never change. Our past and our ability are the only things that are constant in this world. But your burden? It will never be a part of you, if you let your burdens drag you down you may never find the reason to stand up and fight again. You will be locked up in your own darkness. The chains will bind you forever. So you need to learn how to lessen your burden until there"s nothing left to hold you back anymore. The question is, what is that burden that keeps you from fighting and from being you?" His eyes are so intense I wonder why I haven"t melted from them. "I"ll leave you to get ready. They are already on the platform, readying the equipment."

Raven left me without saying another word. And I sit there, thinking if I am still breathing and pondering over his little speech.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

I didn"t head straight for the platform instead I head for the clinic. I found Kaori there, packing bags, she"s still going I guess.

When she sees me in the doorway, she stopped and I stopped too when I saw her eyes. A mix of terror, horror, fright, dread and---understanding? flashes her expression. Why did I spot understanding?

"You are still going?" I was the first one to broke the silence.

"Yes," her voice shakes a little while she avoids my eyes.

I gulp loudly before speaking again. "I am sorry. For what happened yesterday in training. I didn"t mean to--"

"Was that your ability?" she stops from putting medicinal stuff in her bag then finally make an eye contact. "You can--can make--make a fear?"

"Yes," I said. "technically speaking, yes. I can make a person scared of something."

"Wow," she breathes out. "That-that is incredible."

"Thank you?" I look at her skeptically.

"I have never encountered anything like that before." she stares at me like she admires me or anything. "What I saw yesterday? was that..."

"No. I wasn"t trying to make you feel scared of that. I just. You kind of touch some nerves when you talked about Elisa and Chelssey," I wince at the pang I feel in my heart. "I got lost. I really didn"t know what I was doing. I just--all I--all I know is that I wanted you to feel what we felt. To experience what we experienced." I look at her and she"s staring at me in a weird way. "I am really sorry for what I did. I acted on impulse. I am sorry--"

"No, no, no. It"s okay. It was my fault in the first place after all but can I ask you something?"

"Sure," I purse my lips together, hoping that she will not start asking about my story.

"Can you--can you take the fear off? Because I think it is not good for me to fight while in this kind of state." She gave me a shaky laugh and I let out a sigh of relief. Not that what she was asking is easy but I am thankful because she didn"t ask what I thought she would ask. I wasn"t really up for any pep talk.

"I d-don"t know," her face fall. "I haven"t done that before. But I guess I could give it a shot?" her face lightens up a little when she smiles.

I walk over her, I can see her shaking from fear but her toughness stood out. I approach her, without knowing what exactly was I was doing. I put my hands on either side of her head, touching her temples, my hand are shaking so bad, afraid that I might send another wave of fear in her. I close my eyes to focus on whatever I am doing.

Suddenly, even with my eyes close, I can feel the shift in our surroundings. My breathing got labored and so does hers. I can see the fear I have put inside her and it is something that I don"t want to go back into but Raven"s words echo in my mind. What is the burden that is keeping me from growing? How do I let go of something I didn"t know that I have been holding?

I reach inside her head, into the back of her mind, rummaging through memories after memories and it feels like I am invading a private property but if I don"t do this, she will suffer. Finally, I get a hold of the thing and I don"t really have any idea of what"s going to do next, all I know is I need to take away her fear. So I did. With every will power that I have I pull it out of her without having the idea of what I just did.

We fall away from each other and we stared at ourselves wide-eyed. She laughs though I have no idea what she was laughing from. "You said you didn"t know how!" she exclaims.

"I didn"t, I swear. It--is just--come."

"Well, in any case, I am glad you did it."

"I did? I mean, is it gone?"

"Yeah, think so." her eyebrows furrow.

"Well let"s test it." I grab her hand then pull her to stand up. "Are you afraid of the warriors? Or of dying? Maybe something like that?"

"No...Actually, I think I am ready to fight them." I can feel her excitement and I smile--a real smile!

"Well, if you are ready then let"s go. I have one more fear to conquer." We finished packing the medicines and all of the first aid kits that we may need.

When we went into the platform together, we pa.s.s by some worried glances and thankfully Kaori isn"t making anything more awkward, she flips them off by laughing. She promised me that she will not say a word about my ability and once again I am thankful with her.

Raven is grinning from ear to ear when he sees me walking towards him causing me to smile like a fool but I don"t care because as soon as I see him, everything feels in place, everything seems awfully right even this battle seems nothing with him around me.

My stride turns into a run and he just has a few minutes before I came jumping in his strong arms. He took one step back but still hold me tightly, he seems to be in the mood just like me. I hug him fiercely, fully aware of eyes watching us but we don"t give a thing about them.

I close my eyes to savor the moment because we both don"t know what will happen next. "Thank you," I said, looking into his eyes and breaking the hug.

"For what?"

"For coming into my life. For everything." I smile warmly at him and this is the second time that I have smiled for just in a matter of minutes and all of that was because of him. He gives me a smug look before finding a sly retort.

"And maybe I deserve a reward for doing everything for you?" he kisses the tip of my nose and I giggle--I effing giggle! I grab the back of his neck and pull him in while his arms have already found their way around my waist. We reel each other in and our lips came in contact.

My stomach feels ticklish from the inside and I take that as a good thing. Sparks fly behind my eyes. My heart hums in satisfaction and contentment. I tighten my arms around his neck as his tongue found their way inside my lips. I groan from the pressure of our once-sweet-now-turn-into-hungry-pa.s.sionate kiss.

We pull apart from each other when we heard a throat cleared. I purse my lips in disappointment and the sudden feel of emptiness in my stomach and the drums in my heart are now gone.

I turn to see Ila with her arm snaked around Mica"s waist. "Well, lovebirds, this is not the time for a victory kiss, we have exiles to free and a h.e.l.l of a number of crew we need to a.s.sist. And for the most part, we have just had our breakfast, we don"t want to waste our food, do we?" Mica elbows her in the gut but she just smirks at her. "I"m sorry, baby." But something in her looks told me that she is really not sorry.

Mica pulls away from her and Ila crosses her arms over her chest and gestures for Raven to follow her. Raven arch an eyebrow towards me and I mouthed go to him. He shrugs before walking away, leaving me with Mica.

We stood there awkwardly then I decide that it is up to me to start this pep talk. "So..." I drawl out. "You and Ila, huh?" She looks up and a shy smile tugs at her lips telling me everything that I need to know. I approach her and hug her smiling over her shoulders. "I am happy for you really." She knows that I am not really the conversational type of girl so she didn"t ask why I didn"t ask her about them.

"I am happy for you too," she rubs my back then break our embrace. "Before we head into the b.l.o.o.d.y bath--" our term for battle--"I want you to have this." She pulls out a white ribbon from her pocket. It doesn"t look like any other kind of ribbon I have ever encountered. This one is so beautiful with the gold lines on its edges, and a "black hunter" is scribbled in the middle in a fancy type of text with a dove spreading its wings at the end of my alias.

"It is so beautiful, Mica." I manage to breathe out. I caress it in my hand, my breathing hardens and my eyes turn watery.

"Gimme your crossbow," she demanded.

"I don"t have it with me. It is still inside the weapons room."

"Well, if I don"t see this tie around your crossbow, I am going to get every single thing that I have given you back. Understand?" Her eyes narrow but I know it"s because she is avoiding to cry. I laugh a little at seeing her tyrant side.

I just hug her because I don"t know what else to say to her. I am beyond thankful to have her as my friend. She is the only one who is there with me after all of the things that I have gone through. She is there with me for every cry, in every pain and in every feeling of loneliness. She became my light and I can"t afford to lose another family. She is my only family. The family I care about.

I let my tears fall from my eyes at the thought of losing her. No. I will not lose her. I won"t.

"Can"t you just stay here?" She pulls back.

"Now, enough of this. We have talked about this. I can"t find the will to just sit here and relax while you all are fighting there to death." I open my mouth but she silenced me. "No. I won"t stay here. You need me, you know that. Don"t worry, I will not die yet."

"Not funny, Mica."

"Oh come on, break a smile for me? Just a little please?" Mica is not weak and I know that but I just don"t want another family to die in my arms again. The corners of my mouth curl up. "There, there. You look beautiful and you will do beautiful, too. I won"t die."

"You won"t leave me, right? Promise?" I know I sound pitiful but it"s my family we are talking about.

"You have Raven now--"

"Mica, I need you to promise me that you won"t die and that you won"t leave me because I don"t think I can afford any more pain."

She smiles and takes my face in her hands. "I promise. Promise me too."

"I promise." But I don"t know if it is the promise that I can keep.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

We leave before the sun strikes above our heads. I am nervous not for myself though, but for everyone, I don"t know why I am scared for them, maybe because we don"t deserve this. We don"t deserve any of this and we sure don"t want any of this to happen but because of certain circ.u.mstances, we have to deal with this.

When we waved our goodbyes, I realized that most of them are hugging and crying and I almost feel sympathetic towards them but in this kind of world, battles and wars are always inevitable, they have to keep that in mind.

A warm hand tightens around mine and I look up though I can"t see him, I know he"s looking at me so I give him a sad smile.

Suddenly I am back with The Head, I insisted on her that Raven can"t come with us but she said this is the only way he can prove his loyalty to us, I could"ve pushed the topic but then Raven insisted on proving his loyalty so eventually I agree.

We will be okay, he mouthed at me, I nod back but I am pretty sure that neither of us will be okay at the end of all of this. But I will make sure that Mica and he will make it out alive by all means.

So far so good, Nikki"s crew together with Aida"s are doing better in turning our movements incognito. Nikki is working at making our bodies invisible while Aida"s illusion is making our sounds and footsteps go unnoticed.

I fear that the base of the defiance is not close enough to the gates of the city but I was wrong. We were only waling for about 30 minutes and I can already see the tall gates towering over us and they almost look as if something inside is going to eat us alive.

The sight of it sends a shiver down my spines, my blood went instantly cold at the familiarity and strangeness of it. My blood hums in excitement but I am shaking from anxiety.

I have been fighting pretty much all my life but somehow, the events that are going to unfold today made me want to back off. I am playing against the odds, however, I cannot achieve what I want if I don"t go. I can do this. I will do this. I should do this.

I swallow the lump forming in my throat and force myself to focus on the bright side--which is hard because as you can see there"s not so much to see in the "bright side".

As we approach the gates, I realize that it is larger than I thought. Or enormous, yeah that"s the right word, enormous or probably gigantic. From down here, it looks like a thousand feet drop from there and sure death is going to greet you if you ever fall from there. Two towering gates or should I say walls? Because they look much of a wall than a gate. The walls look like french doors except that they are certainly sliding and that it was automated from the inside. Barb wires are over the edge of the walls and now we have to figure out how to find a way in because apparently, we haven"t included that in our little plan.