Contradicting Worlds

My heart leaps as I try to remember what happened the other night. How my own hands were buried in his hair. How we tightly embraced each other. Unconsciously, I touch my lips. The memory of his lips lingers in mine. He tasted like sugar-coated apple. Our kiss was gentle and hesitant almost like we couldn"t believe what we"re really doing--that we"re doing what we"re doing--remembering sends shiver down my spine.

A knock came on the door. "Come in," my heart plummets as a girl--I notice with a soft surprise was Mich-came in with a tray of food. I try to hide my disappointment but she sees through it.

"I"m sorry," she sighs then set down the tray on the table beside me. "I wasn"t the one you"ve been expecting for."

"Oh no," I cover-up. "I am not really waiting for someone..certainly not..really..not someone in particular." I stater and I want to slap myself for being dumb. Hadn"t I wanted to meet Micha again? "El, don"t try to hide anything from me," she said with a soft voice.

"I"m sorry," I whisper, my face flushing with I think is an embarra.s.sment.

"It"s okay. Now help yourself. You"ve hardly eaten anything this past few weeks. You"re going to need your strength."

"Uhm," I started unsure of what I"m going to say. I settled with something that came through my mind the moment I woke up. "Do you know where he is?"

She shrugs. "Nope, maybe doing something we ought not to know." She sees my scowl then rea.s.sures me. "Don"t worry I bet he"ll be back before dinner time." She smiles then bids me goodbye.

She"s wrong. He hadn"t come back that night nor the next night or the next night. It"s been three days since he"s disappeared and I am starting to get worried. On the fourth morning, I washed myself

to get ready for breakfast. I chose to wear a black jacket (not that I have my options) tucked neatly inside black ripped jeans. I braided my hair so tight it made my eyes tear up. My worries for him turned into anger. Did he leave because of the kiss? Am I so dirty for him to stay away from this long? I rolled my eyes in frustration as I stare at myself in the mirror. My eyes are red with anger and sadness and something like...I push that thought away. I made my way into the canteen. The room is almost fully packed. The soft clanging of spoons and the chatter and laughter of people fill my ears. I saw Micha waved at me, smiling, her whole face lights up, I can"t help returning the smile. I note the girl beside her who"s glaring at me with full hatred like she"s mad at me for stealing Micha"s attention. Oh, great another annoyance. I ignore her when I get my food and as I make my way to Micha"s side. As soon as I sit Micha engages me into a conversation already. I cannot catch up on what she"s saying just nodding along, saying yes and yes and nos. My mind wanders again on where Raven has gone to.

My attention curves at the sound of a speaker. The room went dead silent, everyone held their breaths. "Good morning everyone," a voice echoes around the room. We all look up just in time to see The Head of the Defiance steps out into view. She"s wearing a long black detective outfit. Her eyes were sad and angry and full of grief. "This will not be pleasant news for everyone and we shall all mourn for the death of one of our own," A picture of a girl appears in above the heart of the room. She looks young and her image reminds me of someone that sends a cold quiver running down my spine. I force myself to look away. Then we heard a piercing scream. I fall from my seat, my hands clamp my ears, my eyes roll at the back of my head, I try to stand but fails. "Someone restrain her!" I know all of us are shouting but it turns into a soft whisper. Through my unclear vision, some are still standing while others are trying to get at the girl who"s continuing to scream.

With my four days staying here I realize that all of us have our own unique ability inside ourselves though I am still figuring out what"s mine. And this girl has a h.e.l.l of an ability. My hand feels sticky that I notice is because of blood. Surely with this octave, my ears will certainly bleed. My mind swirls, the screaming won"t stop. Unfortunately there having a hard time restraining the girl. My head tries to focus on a little girl approaching me. I can"t see her face clearly, she crouches in front of me her hand reaching out to touch my cheek. As she did her hand felt cold against my skin, a slight tremble past through me.

She stands up and begins to leave. I try to reach out for her but my hands are glued on my ears. Her name lies softly on my lips as everything went black.

I felt a searing pain in my head as I try to sit up. "ARGH," I lie back heavily on the bed my hand pressing the point of my head that hurts.

"Are you okay?" I felt tense at the sound of his voice. I haven"t realize how I miss the sound of his voice. "Hey, it"s alright. You"re good."

"What happened?" I manage to say, tightly closing my eyes.

"Everyone"s okay if that"s what you"re asking," his voice is rough and husky in my ears. "You"re the only one that"s fainted. What happened to you?"

"I don"t know," I said through gritted teeth. "Everything just went..into...void." I sigh. We settle into an awkward silence. A question is stuck in my throat.

"You seem like you want to say something."

"Where did you go?"I blurt out. He seems taken aback by my question because it takes a few seconds before he answers.

"Running errands," he answers shortly.

I clench my teeth. "Not for the defiance."

"Nope."

I force my eyes open giving him a hard stare. "Let me guess this is one of your "I cannot tell you" secret?"

"Yes," he sighs.

"Get out." I set my teeth.

"What?!"

I sit up, completely ignoring the hot pain burning at the back of my head. I grab the nearest pillow and fling it at him but he dodges it cleanly. "I said get out!" my voice is full of rage. I am breathing heavily and tears threaten to come out. "Don"t you know that I was worried about you! You left without telling me! You didn"t even care to tell me where the h.e.l.l you are going!" I shout so loud that my head sends a new wave of pain in me. I loll to the side. He takes an immediate step forward but I held up my hand. "Don"t. You. Dare." I glare at him. "Back off Raven, you"ll only make things worst." His flinch is clear but he does as I say and went outside. As soon as he"s out I put my face in my hands and weep.

Later that night Micha told me that they"re going to hold a requiem for Aiksha (the girl in the picture) tomorrow and that I must attend a meeting after dinner. At dinner, I refuse to acknowledge the presence of Raven even on our way to the meeting room. I sit as far away from him as possible. I could feel his gaze but I avert my eyes before I could even turn to look at him. The others arrived just a little while after we did. The Head was the last to come. Her face is as still as stone. The room went eerie as she made her way to the end of the long table. "Just this morning 150 were found dead in the forest," she started and my heart feels like exploding from my chest though I do not know why. "40 on North, 15 on East, 26 on West, and another 40 on South."

"Where are the other 29?" Someone asked before I could. The Head"s eyes skim around the room then finally rested them on mine. Sweat begins to come out of my body.

She hesitates at first then answers. "The others were found in the North West side of the forest."

Impossible is the first word that comes into my mind. Everything seems to revolve around me but I keep myself upright. I close my eyes to process her words. 150 were found dead and 29 of them are in the North-West part of the forest. The chance is so impossibly high that one of my kids may be one of the 29. Inhale. Exhale. It seems like I"ve forgotten to breathe. I open my eyes again and see them all staring at me seemingly cautious. They don"t know what I am capable of doing yet but I am pretty sure the incident earlier have left them wary. "Please proceed," I manage to say in a small voice. "I will try not to do anything. Reckless." That doesn"t seem to lift the tension but at least.

"Okay then," The Head said. "We cannot waste our time anymore. We can"t wait until the Grand Ball." The Grand Ball is an annual celebration of the aristocrats wherein they are free to pick any exiles, one for each of them, then they are also free to do anything they want to do with them. While they are presenting the exiles that"s when we will make our own grand entrance. We haven"t started our training yet since The Grand Ball is in two months time. "Friday next week they will start collecting exiles for The Grand Ball and that"s when we will make our first move." It"s too soon. I am not ready. The news about the dead is not even registering on me yet. It"s a lot to take in. "We"re going to start your training tomorrow. Everyone will be a.s.signed to a certain group. You will know it tomorrow. In the meantime, this meeting is adjourned. Rest well for you will need your strength." Slowly the room began to thin. I stand up but the sound of my name made me stop. I whirl around to see The Head sitting still she"s eyeing me intently.

"What?" I said.

Her brows furrow. "Is there something you want to tell me, Miss Ellie?"

"Maybe you. You called me." There"s no accusation in my voice just wonder maybe. I hope it just wonders. Raven is still in the room and his eyes jump between The Head and me. He"s watching me incredulously. "What? Can please anybody tell me what"s going on?"

"Ellie. There wasn"t anyone calling you not even saying your name." I stare at him ridiculously.

"No," I turn to face The Head. "I heard you. You called me. Y-you w-whisper my name."

Her eyes narrow, she rests her head on her fists.

Answer me if you can hear me. Another soft whisper. I jump back this time.

"W-What"s hhappening?"

Answer me.

No, Impossible. The words left my brain before I could even catch what I was thinking. A faint playful smile appears on The Head"s tiny lips.

You can hear me, even talk to me. I remember only Micha can do this.

W-what is happening?

"What"s happening?" Both Rave and I ask at the same time.

"I feel like I should hear something I couldn"t." Raven"s voice made my bond with The Head snapped back. A sharp pang of pain shot through my forehead, my right knee buckled under me. I stop Raven when he offers help.

"She"s tired," Raven said. "Let her sleep first she"s got a lot to take in for now." The Head sighs and nods. "Tomorrow I myself will train you, Ellie." I force a nod. Now that Raven"s said it I feel utterly exhausted. I sag sideways but a hand caught me. I look at Raven, I want to push him away but I"m too tired. "Come on," he said in a gentle tone. My vision began to blur any time soon myself would give in and his body warmth is not helping.

"I can walk," I pull out from him but as soon as I did my legs shake and I fall onto the ground. A hand slips under my knees and the other grips me by my waist. I snuggle unconsciously inside his arms. I sniff his neck smelling his sweet scent. This feeling gives a sense of familiarity. He carries me all the way to my bed. My eyes are closed but I am not yet asleep. As soon as he sets me on the bed I threw my arms around his neck, refusing to let go. I can feel him stiffens. But I don"t want this to end, this perfect moment, I want to forget about my tantrums earlier, I just want to feel him now, tonight, because after this I am afraid that he might leave me again tomorrow. "Stay," I manage to croak out. "Please." I force my eyes open and look at him pleadingly. He drew a sharp breath.

"I thought you"re angry at me."He arcs an eyebrow.

"Not today," I am feeling nauseous and I know I am talking nonsense that I probably would regret when I wake up. "Maybe tomorrow?" He gives me a shaky laugh. I am slipping out I hug him tighter. I put my lips near his ear. I smile sloppily as he drew another sharp breath. "Lie with me. Please." Then I fell into slumber.

I manage to remain still as I woke up in his arms. His eyes are still closed and his breathing is even. He looks so peaceful and beautiful. A lump is stuck in my throat. Without realizing what I am doing I push away some of his excess hair out of his face. He shifts, my hand stops mid-way to touch his cheek. I twist around slowly. I begin to untangle his arms around me but his grip tightens pulling me closer to him. I can feel the slight movement of his chest behind me. I try to steady my breathing. "I"m sorry," his breath is warm against the back of my neck.

"For what?" my voice breaks. I swallow loudly.

He turns me around. Our noses touch, I look at him directly. And G.o.ds his eyes are so magnificent. A few heartbeats pa.s.sed between us. "I know you"re angry with me but," he started. "I need you to trust me. Please." He looks at me begging for my forgiveness.

I almost give in. But then. "I can"t," I push him away and sit up. "I"m sorry." He chew on his lower lip. "I can"t trust you if you keep hiding secrets from me."

"Everyone has their own secrets to hide."

"Yes that"s true but..." I close my eyes. "I just can"t," I speak with finality. "I"m sorry," I said in a small voice.

"No. It"s my fault anyway." He got up and go straight into the bathroom

I want to trust him. I want to accept his apology. But it"s hard to put your trust into someone especially when it"s been shattered into million pieces before.

We haven"t talked to each other since then. We walk in silence towards the training room. As we enter through the door I was mesmerized by what I see. The room is large enough to hold all of us, as in all 350 of us, including me, Raven and the other 10 squad leaders (the ones who was with us yesterday). The room is also large enough to hold different kind of training sessions Distinct teams are scattered everywhere, 10 squad leaders are training kids with similar abilities. Some are making illusions, turning invisible, conjuring something out of thin air, the others are mimic which I find kind of cool but a certain team catch my attention.

They seem not doing anything just staring at each other. They seem to focus on what they"re doing though I don"t know what it is. Then the woman teaching them turns to look at me and I was caught off guard. She smiles at me then I was caught off guard by how beautiful she looks. She"s got the face of a G.o.ddess and her smile makes it look like she"s shining.

"Hi," I shudder at the sound of her voice in my ear. I whirl around then I almost jump when I see her standing right beside me. Her feet hover a few centimetres above the ground. I look around us but time seems to stop. Everyone turns a mannequin. I open my mouth to scream but she stops me. "No," holding up her hands. "Don"t start. Because I swear it will hurt us both. Badly."

I swallow up my scream. "Okay. So you can stop time?"

She giggles. "Actually. I can stop, quickens or make time slower. Anything that has to do with time."

"Oh," is all I could manage.

"Okay, see you." Before I could even protest I was dragged back into reality again. I burst out coughing when I went back to myself. Raven"s eyes were looking at me warily, his hand gripping my shoulder, trying to steady me. "Are you okay?" He said. I gently push his hand away.

"Yes," I straighten myself up. I see a woman walking towards us with a big smile on her face. She must"ve noticed how tense I am because her smile dims a little.

"Oh my gosh! I am so sorry!"

"I-I-It"s okay. I was just a little surprised, I guess?" I give her a shaky laugh but her mood stays the same.

"You must"ve been frightened. She told that I shouldn"t use my ability like that because I might have hurt someone." Her voice turns into a whisper. She looks down as if she is ashamed for what she did.

"I-It"s okay. Really. I am not hurt besides I am as hard as a stone nothing could hurt me that easy." I give her a rea.s.suring smile. She bites the inside of her cheek then exhales loudly.

"If you say so." She"s taller than me but her shyness makes her look smaller. "Anyways I am Miyeon. But you can call me Mei or Mon or Mice." She holds out her hand and I shake it gratefully.

"I am Ellie. El for short," I said, keeping a brilliant smile on my face. Our little conversation finished when we heard the speaker echoed. We all look up at the same time. The crowd went dead silent in an instant.

"Good Morning, Fighters, I believe your squad leaders had told you what we are here for?" There"s a murmur of agreement. She nods with comprehension. "We only have a few days before the big day. I need you all to be tough and strong by then. What is our motto again?"

"We are fighters, heroes, and saviours. We speak for the voiceless, help the handless and terminate the others! And we do not leave anyone behind!" they shouted. I am not a fighter yet not because I don"t want to be but because I am still contemplating against the odds.

"Okay, good. Now scatter, move and start training!" The Head said. Our eyes find each other then we nod. Day 1 is not going to be easy.