No. He"d be inconsolable if it were her.
Concentrate.
Eerie silence surrounded her.
Then...burns my a.s.s how I found out that our father was dead.
It clicked. And she was spun into another memory...
Seeing Casper"s truck pull into the drive so early in the morning set off Carolyn"s warning bells. He always made Carson go to him if something needed to be discussed about the ranch.
That man was more than a little off. She"d considered asking if Casper had been the deranged kid pulling the wings off b.u.t.terflies, or torturing barnyard animals, but part of her didn"t want to know. She decided to give Carson a little time with his brother before she wandered outside. She had a legitimate excuse for interrupting; she"d talked to Joan two days ago and baby Dalton was fighting some kind of respiratory infection.
She got sidetracked by Carter looking for his baseball cleats, and then by Cam searching for his library card.
Ten minutes had pa.s.sed when Carson stormed into the house, right past her, went into his office and slammed the door.
That"d never happened before.
She hovered by the closed door, trying to hear who Carson was talking to. She waited until several minutes of silence pa.s.sed, then she knocked once and stepped inside the room.
Carson had his back to her as he stared out the window.
She closed the door and started toward him. "Sweetheart, is everything okay?"
He shook his head.
"What happened with Casper?"
"He came to tell me, to gloat really, that our father is dead."
Carolyn froze. "What?"
"Evidently Jed died during the night. For whatever reason they couldn"t get ahold of Cal so they called Casper."
"And he"s just letting you know now?"
"Claims he wanted to tell me in person."
"Does Cal know?"
"He does now. I just called him. And Charlie. f.u.c.k."
She went to him, nestling her cheek against the rigid line of his back, wreathing her arms around his waist. "I"m sorry."
"Yeah, well, so am I. I hated putting him in that f.u.c.kin" nursing home. Even after that last stroke and Cal and Kimi couldn"t take care of him..."
His entire body was rigid even as it shook.
"The man who spent his life outside, battling the elements, putting his blood and sweat into the land so he"d leave behind some kind of legacy for us, died alone in a tiny windowless room."
Her tears fell. Carson wasn"t looking to be absolved of guilt; he was in one of those rare moods where he needed to vent.
"My father, a man I admired my whole life even when he could p.i.s.s me off like no one else...is gone. Who the f.u.c.k would ever be happy about that?"
Had Casper acted happy that Jed McKay had died? Had the idiot said that to Carson?
"I know Dad ain"t been the same for a few years, but he was always there. G.o.ddammit, I just saw him yesterday. Now I"ll never see him again. Keely is four; she won"t remember him. He was so d.a.m.n tickled to have a granddaughter. He won"t see Cord graduate or take on more ranch responsibilities. He won"t know that I..."
"That he did know. Jed McKay knew exactly how much you cared about him, about this family. How much blood, sweat and love you"ve poured into this place over the years. That"s why he put you in charge, Carson. He understood you have the drive and the love of the land, and the cattle business, and will make sure the legacy he built will be pa.s.sed on to the next generation of McKays. He was proud of you. He told me that himself. We both know the man wasn"t p.r.o.ne to handing out any kind of praise unless it was earned. You earned it and his respect."
He didn"t respond for the longest time. When he finally said, "Thank you," in such a quiet and sad tone she scarcely heard him. Then he disentangled from her embrace and faced her.
His eyes were dry. Not that she"d expected him to be sobbing, but beneath the sadness Carson was seething.
"I"ve gotta meet up with Cal and Charlie and go over the funeral stuff."
"What do you want me to do?"
"Tell the kids. Then we"ll talk about it later."
She shook her head. "You-we-need to tell them before you leave."
"Caro-"
"He was your father; this c.r.a.ppy job shouldn"t fall on me. And we broke it to the kids together last year when my dad pa.s.sed on."
"Fine. They all here?"
"Except for Cord. You sent him to town."
"h.e.l.l, he"s probably already heard the news about his grandpop at the hardware store. Round the rest of "em up."
The kids lined up on the couch, from Colby to Keely, and Carson matter of factly informed them their grandfather was dead.
Carolyn understood the man was in shock, but still, it was a pretty abrupt way to break the news, especially to children. Gently, she said, "How about if we say a prayer for Grandpop, since he"s at peace and in a better place."
Keely blurted out, "Grandpop Jed is at Disneyland?"
Carson cracked a smile at that. "No, punkin. Grandpop is in heaven now."
"Oh."
It was clear by the look Cam and Carter exchanged that they thought Disneyland was a much better option than heaven.
They all bowed their heads, Carolyn said the prayer and before they hit the last consonant in amen and crossed themselves, Carson had booked it out the door.
He didn"t come home until late that night. But Carolyn hadn"t been worried because Cal and Charlie were both out with him, doing whatever.
She"d talked to Joan, who"d been even more subdued than normal. Evidently Casper hadn"t been with his brothers. In fact, Joan hadn"t seen Casper at all.
The next morning Carson bounded out of bed and out of the house before Carolyn. During the day the phone rang off the hook. Friends and neighbors wanting the details on the funeral service and if they should bring food to one place so the four McKay wives could divvy it up for the McKay sons" families.
When her husband hadn"t shown up for supper, and Cal and Charlie were mum on his whereabouts, Carolyn figured Carson had gone looking for a fight.
She knocked on Cord"s bedroom door.
He barked, "What!"
"I need your help."
Cord immediately opened the door and stepped into the hallway-probably so she couldn"t see the mess inside his room. "Ma? What"s goin" on?"
"I need to find your father. You"re driving. I"ll meet you downstairs." Next she knocked on Colby"s door.
He barked, "What!"
"I"ll be gone a while. Cord"s coming with me so you"re on babysitting duty."
Colby immediately opened the door and stepped into the hallway-probably so she couldn"t see the mess in his room either. "Babysitting again?"
"I"m not a baby!" Keely yelled from her room.
"Me neither," shouted Carter from the bathroom.
"Just watch your younger siblings, okay? I don"t know when I"ll be back."
Cord didn"t say anything until they were halfway to town. She"d directed him to Moorcroft rather than the Golden Boot in Sundance-Carson"s usual hangout. "I ain"t surprised Dad"s takin" Grandpop"s death so hard. I haven"t seen him since yesterday and he never disappears like this."
"Not in recent years. But before..." She shot Cord a look. "Let"s just say you boys come by your fighting nature naturally."
"I"d heard rumors about Dad bein" like that...but I never put much stock in "em."
"Why?"
Cord"s look said, Duh. Because he"s old.
"I hope he"s just drowning his sorrows and not getting his pretty face messed up by some kid twenty years younger than him."
"Ma. Are you okay? Because you never say sh-stuff like that about Dad."
"Yes, I do. You boys just don"t hear it." Where did these sons of hers think their good looks came from?
"When was the last time Dad got into a fight?"
She closed her eyes briefly, trying to remember. "Six years ago? A guy who was bitter about some cattle deal called him out on the cheating way the McKays did business. Two things your dad won"t stand for. Someone tearing down the McKays or some guy coming on to me. Anyway, this guy wouldn"t pipe down."
"Dad took a swing at him?"
"Eyes on the road, son. Yes, your dad went after him. And that ended it."
They drove through the Ziggy"s parking lot first. No sign of Carson"s truck.
"You don"t think he could"ve left his truck somewhere and rode to the bar with someone else?"
She shook her head. "He doesn"t hide it if he"s out looking for trouble. He"s probably at the Rusty Spur."
Cord gave her an odd look. "You"ve been there?"
If he only knew. "You do realize your father and I had a life before we had children?"
"Well, yeah, but I don"t see you and dad tearing it up, getting wild and s.h.i.t."
"Because we"re old?"
"I didn"t say that."
"You didn"t need to."
He sighed. "I know where the Rusty Spur is."
They found Carson"s truck. Carolyn made Cord stay in his vehicle while she went inside.
Carson had taken a seat at the end of the bar. A full shot gla.s.s sat beside a bottle of Coors.
The bartender caught her eye. "What"ll it be?"
"A whiskey c.o.ke-hold the whiskey."
"Coming right up."
Carson picked up the cigarette smoldering in the ashtray and took a drag. "You worried you"d find me fightin"?"
"That"s been the case in the past. So I thought I"d see if you needed someone to have your back since your brothers aren"t out with you."
"Except Casper was. Long enough to take a couple of shots at me. Then I took a couple of shots at him. More than a couple." He faced her.
Carolyn winced, seeing the fat lip and the beginnings of a shiner around his right eye. "I"m a.s.suming Casper looks worse than you?"
"You"re G.o.dd.a.m.ned right he does. I hope the a.s.shole is p.i.s.sing blood." His feral grin sent a shudder through her.
She"d seen Carson fight, so she knew what kind of physical damage he was capable of inflicting. But the lingering anger rolling off him was new; usually he was much calmer after a fight. She laid her hand on his cheek. "Tell me what"s going on, McKay."
He closed his eyes and leaned into her touch-another unusual reaction from him. "We ain"t even buried Dad yet and Casper is already talkin" about selling the ranch. That was the first f.u.c.kin" thing the a.s.shole said to me after he told me about Dad bein" gone. The first f.u.c.kin" thing."
She didn"t know what to say to that.
"Casper is a big talker. But this time he actually followed through. He contacted a lawyer about dividing up the ranch and the a.s.sets."