"Much as I can"t wait to get my hands on you, think about what you and me goin" at it does to your heart rate. You want the nurses to see that on the monitor and race in here and see my a.s.s in the air as I"m bouncing on you?"
"Even when I"m decrepit in a hospital bed, with bad hair and a bad att.i.tude, you"re scheming to nail me." She smiled softly. "It"s good to be me. But I"m serious. I want to sleep in your arms tonight, Carson. I"m never scared when I"m with you."
He stroked her cheek. "Did you have nightmares while you were under?"
"Only that I"d never find my way back to you."
"You did." He kissed her cheek. "Make room for me while I get undressed."
Lissa, the night nurse...
Lissa hadn"t been in to check on Carolyn McKay for forty-five minutes. She"d gotten sidetracked but the monitor readings were normal so she wasn"t worried. As she entered the room she was making a mental checklist of all the things she needed to accomplish before shift change so she didn"t notice them at first.
But when she reached the foot of the bed she stopped and stared.
At some point in the last hour, Carson McKay had crawled into the hospital bed with his wife. The gruff rancher, always decked out in boots, jeans and a long sleeved western shirt, at all hours of the day or night, had donned a hospital gown and a pair of flannel pants. His bare feet stuck out the end of the bed, but she could see beneath the blanket his legs were entwined with Carolyn"s.
Carolyn had curled into him, resting her head on his chest, her left hand clasped in his right. He"d draped his left arm across her back and palmed her b.u.t.t. The posture couldn"t have been more intimate even if they"d been naked.
Feeling intrusive, Lissa backed out of the room until her shoulders. .h.i.t the wall. She couldn"t stop the tears.
Justine, the other night nurse was right there. "Lissa? What"s wrong?"
"Nothing. Everything is right."
"Then why are you crying?"
Lissa gestured to the room with her head. "I"ve been taking care of her for a week and watching him. It broke my heart because he was just so...lost without her. Now watching them together? That"s the first time I"ve ever really seen the I-can"t-live-without-you kind of love that everyone talks about. They have it. They"ve had it for half a century." She sniffled. "Now they"re wrapped up in each other"s arms, sleeping in that small bed, because they couldn"t bear to spend another night apart. I can"t imagine loving someone that much." She glanced through the doorway to the room. "I want that. I want a man who will be by my side for the next fifty years. I"m done settling for good enough."
"Good for you. But you know him sleeping in ICU is against the rules."
"Her vitals have improved in the last hour and that"s all that matters, right?"
"Right."
"Let them be. After all they"ve been through they deserve this."
Chapter Thirty-Two.
Carolyn didn"t know why she was nervous to see her own kids. She"d birthed them, nursed them, raised them and cherished them. She"d let them go when they started families of their own.
Everything was so disjointed.
She still didn"t feel like herself.
She"d lost a week of her life.
A week in which she"d relived her life-long love affair with Carson McKay.
Part of her feared this hospital scene was just another memory. That she was dying and this was her life flashing before her eyes.
Upon waking in Carson"s arms in the small hospital bed, she"d been hit with the dizzying sensation of being plucked out of the void of her mind and shoved into a memory.
She"d panicked and fought against it.
No! I want to stay here, in this time.
Evidently her reaction had sent her heart rate soaring. The nurses burst into her room to see why their monitor screen had gone crazy.
That"s when they"d kicked Carson out of her bed, but he"d refused to leave her room. He"d insisted the doctors check her out thoroughly. Immediately. The stubborn man made a real nuisance of himself until he got his way.
Speaking with her doctors didn"t alleviate her anxiety. They"d performed a complete examination on her-physical and psychological-that took an eternity. Some of the questions they asked her didn"t make sense. But she wondered if that was part of the test-if she could differentiate between gibberish and jabberish.
Was jabberish even a word? But that"s what some of the tests they"d given her had looked like. Gibber-jabber.
She"d drifted in and out as they"d awaited the test results. Finally the doctors had declared her on track to recovery.
Except...the doctors had taken Carson out of the room and spoke to him out of earshot. She"d been a little p.i.s.sy about that. It was her brain. If there were problems with it she deserved to know.
When the staff delivered her food, she managed to eat half of it, despite the fact it had zero flavor. She stared at the evening dinner menu choices, but again the words on the page were a jumbled mess. She"d have to ask Carson to find her reading gla.s.ses.
The therapist forced her to walk around. Moving about had buoyed her spirits even when she"d kept a snail"s pace up and down the hallway.
Carson hadn"t complained. He"d just hovered. Encouraged her. Held her up when her body and her will had started to falter.
Exhausted and sore from working her muscles after a week of no activity, she returned to her room. But her fear about getting lost in sleep kicked in again. She couldn"t breathe, she couldn"t think, she couldn"t settle down until Carson climbed in bed with her.
Luckily she"d slept without dreams.
But again she woke in a panic.
Carson calmed her down before the nurses barreled in. "Hey, sugar. Listen to me. If something doesn"t feel right, you need to tell someone. If you"re havin" headaches or hallucinations or you"re feelin" paranoid, some of that is a normal reaction as the drugs are getting washed out of your system. Don"t be embarra.s.sed. Don"t try and hide it. The doctors can"t help your recovery process if they don"t know what they"re dealin" with."
She closed her eyes and nestled her face in his neck. "I"m scared."
Carson didn"t say anything; he just trailed his fingers up and down her spine.
After a bit she began to talk. Then it all spewed out, in a fragmented mess. Her emotions were all over the place.
"Did that help?"
"Just being with you helps."
"Mmm. I love the sweet talkin" side of you." He traced her jawline with his thumb. "You know you can tell me anything, but you oughta rethink your stance on talkin" to the lady psychologist because I think she can help you."
She frowned. "What stance?"
"You told her you didn"t need her help."
"I don"t remember." Another memory lapse. How many had she had since she came out of the coma? Two? Three? A dozen? "Was I rude to her?"
Carson shrugged. "I"m sure she"s used to patients tellin" her to get the h.e.l.l out of their rooms and to never come back."
Her stomach roiled. "I said that?"
"It wasn"t like you made her cry or nothin"."
Carolyn wanted to cry. "Am I going through one of those personality changes? Where I was a nice woman and after bein" in a coma I become a total a.s.shole?"
"Hey, it was one incident. You"re ent.i.tled to a little bad behavior after what you"ve been through. Don"t get yourself riled up."
"Too late."
"Sugar, just breathe, okay?"
"I can"t. I"m suffocating."
He kissed her then, a sweet distraction. Soft smooches and the gentle brush of his lips across hers, the tease of his breath mingling with hers while his thumb continued to caress her face with utmost tenderness.
It settled her. It soothed her. She curled into him. His heart beat steadily beneath her ear. His outdoorsy scent filled her senses."What time are the kids coming?"
"Whenever you"re feelin" up to it. No rush."
Carolyn lifted her head from his chest. "I thought they were all fired up to see me since you kept them out of ICU for the past week."
"They are very anxious to see you. But they were also warned you might have a setback the first couple of days, so they"re on standby."
"Setback? I haven"t had a setback."
The look in his eyes contradicted her statement. "Answer me this. How long have you been out of the coma?"
"Not even twenty-four hours."
He shook his head. "It"s been forty-eight hours."
Time confusion in the first couple days is an aftereffect for coma patients, the doctors had a.s.sured her.
"You were agitated by the pain, so they had to sedate you and keep you in ICU."
"It"s a blur."
"It"ll get better."
"You"re sure?"
"No, but whatever happens, Caro, we"ll deal with it together."
"I hate that I put you through this."
"Just another b.u.mp in the road. We"ve had a few of "em the past fifty years."
Later that day Carolyn felt a million times better after they let her shower. It was such a shock to see her hair buzzed almost to her scalp. Carson already said he was used to it and he liked it. Then he"d gone into great detail about all the places on his body he couldn"t wait to feel her rubbing that short hair.
If the thought of that man"s wicked mouth and skilled hands all over her didn"t speed up her recovery process and her desire to go home, nothing would.
Carson had summoned their kids. She"d debated putting on makeup so as to not scare them, but nothing would hide the pallor of the last week so she opted to let her age show.
She was wired as she waited. Carson sat beside her on a tall chair, his hands in near constant motion. Seemed he had a case of nerves too.
The door opened and her children filed in, lined up by birth order like she used to demand whenever they were in trouble. No surprise they still knew how to do it.
Carson"s hand tightened on hers. His mouth brushed her ear. "Any time this is too much, let me know and I"ll kick "em out."
"I always make you the bad guy, don"t I?"
"No reason for us to change that now."
Her gaze started with Cord, who gripped a bouquet of flowers from her garden. Then she focused on Colby. His hair held more gray streaks than Cord"s. Her gaze moved to Colt. Still the image of his handsome father, down to his dimpled grin. Cam, her burly boy, wept openly. He"d clamped his hand on Carter"s shoulder, as if his little brother was holding him up. Then she noticed somber-eyed Carter also clasped Keely"s hand. Tears streamed down her daughter"s cheeks.
None of them said a word.
She cleared her throat. "What a fine looking bunch." And because she was feeling ornery, and because these h.e.l.lions had played numerous pranks on her over the years, she kept a confused look on her face, and said, "Who are all of you again?"
The room, already silent, went deadly still. The kids exchanged bewildered looks with each other. Then they looked at Carson. And finally at her.
Just as Cord opened his mouth to speak, Carolyn smiled and said, "Just kidding."
"Jesus, Ma, that was mean," Cam complained.
"Really mean," Carter added.
She flapped her hand at them. "Oh pooh, you all deserved that and you d.a.m.n well know it."
Colt grinned. "And you"re swearing at us? Now I know you had a head injury."
Silence.
Then Colt said, "Ah, too soon?"
"Ya think, a.s.shole?" Colby shoved him.