"I do.
But I can"t."
Not right, Bree. Look what you"ve done to me.
And I thought, What did I do?
You made me need you.
He brought the crank.
Made me have to have you.
He let things get out of hand.
Not later. Not next time. Now.
And then he took my hand, Put it right there.
showed me how to make things right.
Yes, just like that.
For him.
But what about me?
Girls Get Screwed
Not that kind of screwed, what I mean is, they"re always on the short end of things.
The way things work, how guys feel great, but make girls feel cheap for doing exactly what they beg for.
The way they get to play you, all the while claiming they love you and making you believe it"s true.
The way it"s okay to gift their heart one day, a backhand the next, to move on to the apricot when the peach blushes and bruises.
These things make me believe G.o.d"s a man, after all.
I Considered That
One Day and Counting
Mom called on her cell.
You ready to come home?
Don"t forget to get to the airport at least an hour early.
Kristina? We"ve really missed you around here.
Translation: You are coming home, aren"t you?
Your father"s a dunce, so remind him.
You are coming home, aren"t you?
Dad called from work.
I took the dayshift so we could spend tonight together.
Want to go out to dinner?
Did you say good-bye to Buddy?
Translation: We really should spend one evening together.
The fridge is empty again.
He"s not over there boinking you, is he?
Adam called from the hospital.
Lince is off the respirator, but still in a coma.
Can I see you this afternoon?
I"ve got a surprise for you.
Translation: Looks like she"ll survive, with or without a brain.
Are you still on your period?
I"m on my way to pick up a bindle.
To Speed or Not to Speed?
I told Adam to come on over, I wasn"t going anywhere then proceeded to fret, as I did anytime he and Lince popped up together in a single thought, anyway I had only this day to make him remember me, however I could I knew it wasn"t a great idea, flying home, mostly high on the monster or crashing fast, the last tiny remnants of speed and I fighting to feel good, despite what the buzz had become- low, that is, so low it was hard to remember the best of it. So of course I chose to go for it. Adam, Bree, and the monster were inextricable friends.
A Couple of Toots
Skeletal lines, jaundice yellow, evil little breezes up the nose.
One.
inhale, awesome, mean, tiny hammer blows to the brain, and I didn"t care who knew that I was high, (well, okay, I preferred clueless cops) not Dad, who would be home soon. He"d want one or
two.
himself. Not the people next door, who I"m pretty sure kept an ear to the wall, waiting to see if I would fly, or attempt, like our wingless lynx, to defy all instinct and natural law, ball up courage, count to
three.
and crest the edge in one mighty leap. Or maybe she did just fall.
I wonder, as I wonder if I,.
locked in a cage of dreamless sleep, a place where only the monster can drop you so hard, heard the cry of a fallen broken bird.
But Right Then
all I could think of, in that speeded, heated moment, was my own pain, stabbing through the pleasure.
I asked Adam to hold me, kiss me longer, harder.
Oh, G.o.d. I love you.
Begged him to help me remember the taste of love.
How will I live without you?
Pleaded with him not to live without me. Write. Call.
I will. I promise.
And I promised I would come back to him.
I want to give you something.
I can"t believe I let him, me, la gallina extrema.
So you"ll never forget me.
(The extreme chicken.) Closed my eyes.
I"ll always be a part of you.