How to get along in the world. Walk.
A little girl visiting the country for the first time, saw a man milking. After looking a few minutes, she asked, "Where do they put it in?"
When is a man thinner than a shingle? When he"s a-shaving.
What was the first carriage Washington ever rode in? When he took a _hack_ at the little cherry-tree.
What did Lot do when his wife became a pillar of salt? He got a fresh one.
"Mike," asked a man, addressing a bow-legged friend, "are them legs of yourn natural or artificial?" "Artificial, me lad. I went up in a balloon, and walked back."
GENERAL ITEMS.
Letters were received from Dr. Ward and family, that they are enjoying themselves in the Swiss mountains. Mamma is better. She says they have such funny little boys there.
Mr. Billy Ruggles is going to have a new shiny hat. Kenneth sat down on his other one, and it got all flattened out, and it looks like fury, and grandma says he can"t wear it any more.
Bridget has a new dishpan.
Luke says he has forty-eight chickens.
Maggie Sampson"s little donkey can"t go nearly as fast as Mopsie and Charcoal Ward.
Mr. Simon has his summer stock of fresh red and white peppermints in. He won"t have any chocolates till August, because he bought such a large stock in May.
There is to be a church sociable in the Methodist church. I wish auntie would condescend to let us go, for we haven"t ever been to a Methodist sociable. I never went to any kind of a sociable.
Miss Hildegarde Genevieve Montague wishes to say that, if she was a boy, she doesn"t think it would be any fun to cut up pieces of whalebones, and put them under the sheet in his sister"s bed.
There will be a special and _very_ private meeting of the E. C.
in some _very_ secret place, to decide whether we will let the boys be honorary members or not. If they are elected honorary members, we will turn them out any time that they don"t behave themselves very well indeed.
* FAME. *
THE END--FINIS.
The tail-piece was Cricket"s ambitious flight of fancy. She drew a long breath and sat down, amid vigorous applause.
"That"s very creditable, my little authorlings," said auntie, encouragingly. "Cricket, you did more than your share, I think, if you copied all that, and wrote a story and a poem beside."
"I had them all thought before, auntie. I made up the poetry the day I was caught on the mud-flat. I love to think out stories."
"Oh-h!" groaned Edna. "How any one can think out stories just for fun, I _don"t_ see. I"d almost rather fight skeeters. Mine"s the stupidest story that ever was, but I don"t believe I slept a wink for three nights, while I was making it up. You don"t catch me writing any stories, girls, when I am editor."
"I am afraid you weren"t intended for an author, my dear," said her mother, laughing.
"Somebody must _read_ the stories," said Edna, defensively.
CHAPTER XII.
THE HAIRS OF HIS HEAD.
The Maxwell family were coming home from church along the sandy, sunny road. Eunice and Edna, arm in arm, were ahead, laughing and talking over some profound secret. Will and Archie mimicked them behind, while grandmamma and Auntie Jean, under a generous black sun-umbrella, strolled slowly along some distance in the rear. Cricket, in the misery of a dainty organdie, which she _must_ keep clean for another Sunday, and with the unhappy consciousness of her Sunday hat of wide, white Leghorn, which, with its weight of pink roses, flopped uncomfortably about her ears, walked along by herself, in an unusually meditative frame of mind. She refused, with dignity, the boys" proposal to walk with them, and told the girls it was too hot to go three abreast.
Presently, down a cross street, she spied a familiar figure, tall and bent, with a head of bristling hair, and a high silk hat,--it was Billy, and she instantly ran to meet him. Billy could never be induced to attend the little Episcopal chapel where Mrs. Maxwell went, but "favoured his own meetin"-"us," he said, which was the little white Unitarian church by the post-office.
"Folks didn"t set easy in Mrs. Maxwell"s church," he often said, "and he didn"t like to see a minister in a white petticoat, with a black ribbund around his neck." It didn"t seem respectful to him to have so much to do with the service. But Billy was very devout in his own way, and never missed service nor Wednesday evening prayer-meeting in his own church.
"H"lo, Billy!" cried Cricket, beaming. "Don"t you want to carry my prayer-book? I want to get those wild roses."
Billy was only too delighted.
"Had a good sermon?" pursued Cricket, in very grown-up fashion, as they walked along, side by side, after the roses were secured.
"Oh, very decent, very decent," answered Billy, who always nodded from the text to "Finally."
"What was it about?" went on Cricket, feeling that she must give a Sunday tone to the conversation.
Billy took off his hat and scratched his head, to a.s.sist his ideas.
""Bout--"bout very good things," he said, vaguely. "We sang a pretty hymn, too."
"Did you? What was it?"
"That hymn about "Hand Around the Wash-rag." I"ve heard you a-singin"
it."
"Hand around the _wash_-rag! Why Billy Ruggles, what can you mean?"
"Yes," insisted Billy, who had a good ear for music in his poor, cracked head. "You was singin" it las" night."
"I can"t imagine what you mean, Billy. When we were on the piazza, do you mean? We didn"t sing anything about wash-rags, I"m sure. We didn"t sing but three things, anyway, because grandma had a headache."
"It was the first thing you sang," persisted Billy.
"Oh--h! "Rally Round the Watchword,"" and Cricket, regardless of her Sunday finery, sat down on a stone to laugh. "You _funny_ Billy!"
Billy grinned, though he did not see the joke.
"That"s as bad as what Helen insisted they sang last Christmas, in the infant cla.s.s, something about "Christmas soda"s on the breeze!" I don"t know what she means," said Cricket, forgetting that Billy would not understand. It was such a relief when any one else, even old Billy, misp.r.o.nounced words, and thus gave her a chance to laugh at them. It was her heedlessness that made her make so many mistakes, for her quick eyes flashed along the page, taking in the meaning and general form of the words, without grasping the exact spelling.