"Oh, yes." She still did not know. She was only pretending. Being polite. Mrs. McFetridge was always polite.
At the graduation party, I had seen her talking to my mother. Or, rather, I had seen my mother talking to her. Talking and talking and talking. I had drifted over to perform some kind of rescue operation, but when I got close enough I realized my mother was telling her all about my friends the Gregorys, who had been kind enough to have me to their house in Palm Beach. Mrs. McFetridge had grown up with the Gregorys. She had known some of the Gregory sisters and wives at least since Miss Porter"s School. And here my mother was, name-dropping, no doubt making up a few disparaging comments in her effort to be en famille. I hesitated now to bring up anything that would remind Mrs. McFetridge of that painful moment. I told her instead that I had been a guest at her place on a few occasions when Paul and I spent the weekend in New York.
She responded by saying, "How nice of you to call." Perhaps she thought I was soliciting for the alumni fund.
"I was wondering if you could tell me how I could get in touch with Paul."
"He doesn"t live here anymore."
Of course he didn"t. He was thirty-four years old. But I just murmured as though that was my bad luck.
"He lives in Idaho. He"s sort of an adventurist."
I did not know what an adventurist was. She did not know who I was. Two people heaving information into the dark.
"Um, can you tell me where I can get hold of him in Idaho?"
"Well, I don"t really know. You fly to Boise and then you wander off in the woods somewhere until you get to a river. I believe he"s what is known as a river guide." She said the last two words going uphill with "river," resting at the peak, then going downhill with "guide."
Mrs. McFetridge"s son had gone four years to St. Paul"s before going four years to an Ivy League school. Eight years of very expensive education and now he was a river ... guide. I did not have the feeling Mrs. McFetridge was overly pleased to be telling me that.
"He likes to be outdoors," she added. "Skis all winter, rafts all summer, heaven knows what he does in between."
"Is there a phone number where I could reach him?"
"Well, I don"t know. Why don"t I take your number and I"ll have him call you if I hear from him? And if you should get in touch with him through another source, perhaps you could have him call me."
"Ah, yes, of course, Mrs. McFetridge."
I KNEW CORY GREGORY A LITTLE.
I had met her once. We had been sitting at a big round table in the middle of the floor at the British Beer Company on Main Street in Hyannis-some of the defense guys and me-when she walked in with a couple of her friends. About five-feet-four, with short, somewhat muscular legs that she was showing off in a pair of white shorts that stopped halfway down her smooth brown thighs, she was not what you"d call cla.s.sically beautiful, but she caught your attention.
She had, in fact, just come off a tennis court, but there was nothing other than her clothes to indicate that. Her shoulder-length brown hair, perfectly highlighted, did not have a strand out of place. She looked cool and smooth and, if anything, probably smelled of talc.u.m powder. Her cheekbones were high and prominent, her jaw was strong, and you knew right away who she was. She might not have been Cory, exactly, but there was no doubt she was a Gregory.
Buzzy Daizell grabbed her wrist as she went by. She went ice cold for an instant and there was a feeling that all kinds of things could happen and then she recognized who it was and said, "Buzzy!" just like any other girl and bent down to give him a hug. I watched as her arm, thin in comparison with her legs but just as tanned, just as smooth, briefly encircled his neck and shoulders, and for one moment the electricity was so strong that I felt almost as though it was wrapping around me.
She straightened up again and looked at the rest of us with an expectant smile on her face. Her lips parted and she flashed teeth that were slightly too long and blindingly white. The woman was a collection of imperfections, put together in one exquisite package. I got to my feet. So did everyone else at the table. We had never done that for any other woman we had whistled down, called over, grabbed, or greeted when she walked past.
I introduced myself, shook her hand, forced myself not to say I knew her cousin Peter, and waited while the introductions went around the table. She waved her hand at her friends, wanting us to meet them, too, and this time we all nodded and immediately forgot their names. It was decided that they would join us, we would all squeeze in together, four women and four men. Cory took a chair between Buzzy and Alphonse, and I ended up with three girls on my right and Jimmy Sh.e.l.ley on my left. Since Buzzy was talking to Cory, Jimmy had no one to talk to but me. Since the three girls with Cory were bunched together, they talked among themselves. Occasionally I got in a few words with the girl immediately next to me. So, where you from? Really? I was there once. Just here visiting? Ah. How did the tennis game go? Aha. Oh, yes. Oh, my. She would answer my questions and then go back to huddling with her friends.
They left after one drink. I could not say I really knew Cory Gregory.
I did know Buzzy, though, so I tried calling him. I was in the dungeon when I made the call and Barbara Belbonnet was sitting at her desk. For once, she was not on the phone herself, which meant she heard everything I said, most of which went along the lines of, "I just want to talk with her.... No, I"m not going to ask her out.... We"ve got a mutual friend, that"s all, and I"m trying to find him."
It turned out Buzzy, for all his bravado, did not have Cory"s number. He had met her at a charity auction. They had stood in a group drinking champagne and now, whenever he saw her, he said h.e.l.lo and was lucky enough to have her remember who he was. So no, he couldn"t help me other than to tell me where she lived, which everyone knew was on Sea View Avenue in Osterville. But there was a guard at the gate, and don"t even think about trying to get past him just because you claim you want to see Cory.
I hung up and found Barbara watching me. "You want Cory"s number, why didn"t you ask me?"
"You know her?"
"Only all my life."
Of course. Barbara was an Etheridge. Etheridges knew everybody on the Cape.
"You know, George, there"s lots of things I could tell you if you"d only ask."
Because Barbara was tall, because she had perfect posture even when she was sitting, she was able to look at me over the top of her computer screen. And I was able to look directly back at her. Her face was so often worked up in emotion that it was hard to remember it was startlingly pretty when, like now, it was in repose.
"Want me call her for you?"
IT WAS ARRANGED THAT I WOULD MEET HER AT BREAK A"DAY, A coffee shop across the street from Pogo"s. The meeting was to be at 10:00 a.m. on Sat.u.r.day morning. I got there at 9:30 to make sure we got a table. Break A"Day was not a large place. In the summer, Break A"Day had tables with umbrellas outside on the patio, but this time of year the seating was only on the inside and it was crowded with locals and weekenders. There was a counter for twelve and another twelve tables that would seat two to four people, depending on how much you were willing to be jammed together. Nine-thirty on a Sat.u.r.day morning, it turned out, was too late. All the tables were taken and the waiting list was forty minutes.
The hostess was a small woman with a round face and dark skin, her hair pulled back in a careless ponytail. Her name tag said Di. I gestured for her to move closer. She did not, but she allowed me to lean forward enough to whisper in her ear. "I"m meeting one of the Gregorys here at ten. It"s a business matter, and I really need one of the tables, preferably in the back or one of the corners."
Di made a noise with her lips, pulled her head, rolled her eyes, all of which was meant to show my request was inappropriate; famous people came in here all the time, and we could wait in line like everybody else.
I leaned in again. "You don"t want there to be all kinds of commotion, people coming up to her, trying to talk to her, clogging things up while we"re standing around waiting. So if it would be at all possible to kind of move us up if something opens-" I tried to slip her five dollars and she reacted as if I were trying to hand her a toad.
A couple got up from a table along the far wall. I looked. Di looked. She lifted a clipboard, called the name of the next people on the list, and directed them to take their place. At this point, I had not even given her my name and was not sure what I should do. She walked off with her clipboard to greet some new arrivals. Two more times she called out names to replace departing customers and then she walked by me and threw her arm toward a newly opened table in the far corner. "Take that one," she said, and I had what I wanted.
At 9:55 a large black man entered. There was nothing unusual about that, in and of itself, except this man was ebony black, wore a blue topcoat, had a shaved head and a diamond stud in his ear, and in general was not the kind of fellow one usually saw on Cape Cod, at least in the off-season. He looked around the room, looked at each and every person sitting there, looked no longer at me than anyone else, then turned and left. By bending various ways, I could see him outside on the patio, talking on a cell phone. Then I could see him walk to what looked like a large Jeep, get in behind the wheel, shut the door. But it was not a Jeep. It was a Hummer, and it did not move.
At exactly 10:00, the door opened, the people waiting for their tables parted, and Cory Gregory, smiling and saying, "h.e.l.lo. Hi. Hi. Hi," made a beeline straight to my table. "Hi, Georgie," she said, grabbing my hand and kissing me on the cheek before I was halfway to my feet. I melted back into my chair.
She was dressed rather mannishly, wearing a pair of what we used to call "white ducks" for slacks, a white polo shirt, and a blue pullover windbreaker. On her feet were a pair of two-tone suede shoes that would not have been out of place in a bowling alley.
"I love this cafe," she said, picking up her menu, bouncing around in her seat.
And I loved her. I didn"t say that. But I felt it. I also felt the burn on my cheek where she had kissed it. Cory Gregory had kissed me. And now she was sitting directly across from me at this tiny table, where anytime I wanted I could reach out and lay my hand on top of hers, maybe slide it along her forearm, feel that slender but no doubt powerful wrist honed by chip shots and spinnaker raisings.
"This is so exciting," she said, leaning across that very same tiny table, bathing me in breath that was imbued with honey, locking brown eyes on me that said I was the only other person in the universe despite the fact that everyone in the little cafe was looking at us, "to hear about Paul. I didn"t know you knew him."
Paul. Of course. McFetridge. She didn"t know I knew him. She had met me one time, across a table, in a brew pub, and she was surprised that hadn"t been revealed.
"We were roommates in college," I explained.
She was listening, I"m sure, but she was also taking off her windbreaker, pulling it over her head, getting it caught in her hair. I had the briefest glimpse of her b.r.e.a.s.t.s poking through the cloth of her polo shirt, b.r.e.a.s.t.s the size of sparrows. Delicate little things.
"Fraternity brothers," I gasped.
"Oh, at Cornell."
"No. Penn."
The slightest furrow appeared in her brow. I had the irrational fear that we might be talking about two different Paul McFetridges, and I quickly played my trump card. "He and I went down to Florida one time, hung out with your cousin Peter."
"Oh, Petey. He"s such a big bear."
With that, the image of Peter Gregory Martin looming over Kendrick Powell filled my mind. I stopped feeling so giddy.
"That"s what I used to call him," she said, "Big Bear." She was the one sounding giddy.
The waitress appeared next to us, pad in hand. "Good morning. My name is Maxine." She looked at Cory with frank curiosity. "All the m.u.f.fins are fresh this morning," she told her, ignoring me. "Corn and bran are the best." She said "cahn" for corn.
"I"ll just have coffee," Cory said, handing back the menu without even glancing at poor Maxine. "Decaf."
I ordered coffee and both the m.u.f.fins Maxine had suggested.
"That it?" she wanted to know.
I nodded and she went away disappointed, apparently having been laboring under the impression that a Gregory and her companion would be issuing multiple orders for eggs Benedict, eggs Florentine, eggs with oysters and big chunks of lobster.
"So," Cory said, smiling at me, just at me, only at me, "what is it you can tell me about Paul?"
"Well, no. I"ve lost him. That"s the thing."
I stopped because Cory appeared confused. Her distinctive features molded to ask what "the thing" could possibly be.
"I tried reaching him through his mother," I said. "I got the impression she hadn"t seen him in some time."
I stopped again because Maxine was already back with the coffees, a pot in each hand. I waited until she had finished displaying her ambidexterity and meandered off. I watched as Cory filled her cup to the brim with cream, lifted the cup toward her mouth, and the mixture slopped onto the table. "Whoops. Umm. Ahh," were some of the sounds she made before she put the cup back down.
"Mrs. McFetridge," I said, feeling a little more uncertain about my love than I had a minute ago, "said he was off in Idaho somewhere, working as a river guide."
"You"re kidding!" Cory said, thrusting her upper body forward, her voice soaring.
That movement, the jolt against the table, not only spilled more coffee but seemed to bring the general hubbub of the cafe to a halt. Cory, however, was oblivious.
"You know," she said, "he always liked the outdoors, but ..." Like Mrs. McFetridge, she did not want to appear too judgmental. "In a way, that kind of explains everything."
"Explains what?" I said, purposely keeping my own voice low.
"Well, he hasn"t been around here since ... I don"t know, years. And he used to come regularly. He used to do the Figawi race with us."
"The one to Nantucket?"
"Yes, we do it every Memorial Day. At least one boat. Sometimes my uncle enters his boat, too, but Paul used to always be there and I bet we haven"t see him since-"
"Nineteen ninety-nine?" It was a guess, but not a wild one.
She moved her lips, counting to herself. "You know, it could have been. I really don"t know. It"s been a long time." She took another somewhat sloppy sip of her coffee. "A river guide, huh?"
"I was just wondering if anything happened the last time he was here. I mean, I know he loved to come to the Cape and he loved the race and he was good friends with Peter...." I ran out of reasons why I might be asking these questions and hoped she would pick it up from there.
She did. "Well, I"m six or seven years younger than those guys and I"m trying to figure out the last time I saw Paul, whether I was in college or at Putney."
Our m.u.f.fins arrived, my m.u.f.fins, with appropriate fanfare. "Here"s your m.u.f.fins," said Maxine. One plate, two m.u.f.fins, banged into the middle of the table. Cory absently picked the edge off the bran m.u.f.fin and began to nibble at it.
"Didn"t you guys used to have parties at your house after the race?"
"Well, usually, yeah. There was always something going on." She must have liked the bran m.u.f.fin because she took another piece.
"And was there a party the last time he was here?"
"That"s what I"m trying to figure out. The race back from the island is on Monday and there"s always a post-race party in Hyannis and then people tend to wander over to our house and stay the night, so, yeah, there could have been. But, see, 1999 was the year I graduated from Putney, and graduation was the week after Memorial Day, so I probably went right back to Vermont that day...."
She was drifting off, so I gave her what I had, twisting it only a little. "Nineteen ninety-nine was the last time I heard from him. He said he was coming up here to race on The Paradox-"
"I don"t like that name," she said. "I told Ned I wasn"t going to race on it anymore unless he changed it-"
I talked over her, tried to get back on point. "He told me Peter was going to crew and Jamie and you-"
"Peter? Well, that should be easy to figure out, because he hasn"t raced in years, either. Let me see, he was just like a first-year med student at Northwestern when he had that trouble down in Palm Beach and I know he was up here after that went away. So what is it? How many years is med school-four? So, 1996, "97, "98, "99. Yeah. And after that he didn"t come anymore. He was an intern or whatever out in San Francisco and said he couldn"t get the time off. So if Paul was sailing with him, the last year it could have been was 1999." She seemed pleased to have figured that out and ate more of my m.u.f.fin.
I was pretty sure I was no longer in love. It wasn"t fair, I realized. She was answering my questions without guile or subterfuge, taking me at my word as to the reason for my interest. And yet something about the way her mind meandered, the way she bopped about in her seat when a thought occurred to her, the way bits of bran m.u.f.fin stuck in her teeth-I wondered what it would be like waking up next to her in the morning. I wondered if she would be attractive at first light, if she would expect me to get up first, open the curtains, run the shower till it was hot, water the plants.
Cory drank more coffee and smiled at me. It was a genuine smile, a lovely smile. The bits of bran m.u.f.fin had disappeared.
I said, "So Peter, I can understand. But I"m wondering if something could have happened that weekend that affected Paul."
Was I being too direct, too obvious?
"Like what?" Cory said, still smiling.
"Look." Emboldened by what I had gotten away with so far, I set off on a new lie. "That was the last time any of his old crowd heard from him, that weekend of the race. After that he seems to have taken off out west, almost as though he was trying to get away from everything in his old life. Sort of escape, maybe."
She was still regarding me as if she and I were the only ones in the cafe, but the look of confusion had crept back into her eyes.
"So there was your cousin Ned, your cousin Peter, your cousin Jamie-"
"Jamie"s my brother."