Lightning quick, Simon"s hand lashed out. For one dreadful moment, Meghann thought he planned to strike her but all he did was grasp her chin while staring into her eyes with an intensity that made her heart drop to her shoes. "My pet, you are simply too forthright to ever be an accomplished liar. You"ve never been able to dissemble or conceal your true feelings that"s why you have so many enemies at Ballnamore. Even if you never speak a word, they see your contempt for their old- fashioned ways and narrow view of the world."
"How do you know about all that?" Meghann demanded.
"Because I know you," Simon told her. "I can well imagine what those pious fools would think of my headstrong, prideful consort. Enough about those imbeciles answer my question, Meghann O"Neill. Are you my enemy?"
"I I don"t know," Meghann said at last. She had to concede Simon had a point when he told her to make peace with him and she couldn"t say she hadn"t enjoyed herself tonight. The way they"d laughed and talked together it was almost like being friends. She"d forgotten that sometimes she used to genuinely enjoy being with Simon, that as he"d pointed out earlier they never ran out of things to talk about or disagree over in a friendly, lighthearted way. But how could she forget all the atrocious things he"d done to her, to the people she cared about?
She thought her answer might anger him, but Simon only smiled. "A considered, uncertain response is certainly a vast improvement over what I would have gotten from you a few weeks ago. Somehow I do not think you are planning after tonight to go back to greeting me with scowls and spiteful words."
"Maybe not," Meghann answered. "But is that all you want for me to be nice to you?"
"I want a great deal more but I have learned from our past encounters. I will force from you nothing that you are not willing to give freely. When you are ready to be a bit more than "nice," I shall be waiting."
You"ll wait a long time, Meghann thought. What did he think one dinner, some sob story about his dysfunctional family, a few gropes, and she"d leap into bed with him? Maybe it was to her benefit to be on his good side, but this was it their relationship was going no further than it stood right now.
"Do you think your life would have been worse if you"d been born a girl?" she asked Simon to change the subject.
"Of course. It would have been easier for my father and Roger to use me."
Meghann winced at the bitterness in his voice. What must it have been like for him, to grow up in such a loveless atmosphere? Of course, his upbringing couldn"t excuse what he"d become, she told herself firmly. Still, how different would her character be if she hadn"t had her father"s love and support when she was growing up? If her brothers had looked at her as a potential rival instead of the spoiled darling of the family they"d made their younger sister into? She remembered how Simon had always snapped at her whenever she spoke of her family, told her to stop speaking of people she"d never see again. At the time, she"d a.s.sumed he was jealous of her love for them but now she wondered if she"d caused him pain when she spoke of an upbringing so different from his own.
"Don"t compare my life to yours, Meghann. We come from very different times. Too, your father was a far better man than mine. He had a large family, yet each of you were well provided for."
"Yes." Meghann nodded, remembering how every child, including her, went to college and one brother, Seamus, was sent to law school. She bunked rapidly, feeling the familiar tears that stung her eyes whenever she thought of the family she"d had to give up for immortality.
"Meghann." Simon pulled her against him, wrapping his arms around her and putting her back against his chest. "Don"t become sad because the past is gone.
Think of the future, of the beautiful child we"re going to have. Experience the present this wonderful, wild place we find ourselves in."
"It is beautiful here," Meghann agreed, drinking in the beauty of the desert. It wasn"t just the stark outline of rock formations and the dark, fathomless lake nearby that captured her heart the wild vastness of the place gave her a sense of exhilaration and freedom that she"d never felt before.
"Can you feel the power of this land, Meghann?"
She nodded, the wind buffeting her hair around her face as she gazed up at the star-studded sky. "It goes on forever there"s such energy here, such such magic!"
"It is an enchanted spot," Simon agreed. "I fell in love with the Southwest desert the moment I saw it. Grand, impervious to time and mortals this place does not call the heart of man, Meghann. It calls to us."
For a while, they sat together quietly, taking in the wild beauty of the desert.
Meghann stared at the stark landscape, thinking how much the desert suited Simon. An untamed land, a harsh place that did not forgive or offer comfort, that would kill if you allowed it to but with a majestic beauty and power that had to be acknowledged.
No wonder he likes it here, Meghann thought and turned around, feeling a little bemused by the strength emanating from him. She"d be a fool to persist in angering this formidable creature instead of taking the olive branch he held out to her.
"Thank you for tonight," she said softly and smiled.
Simon smiled back and took her hand, kissing it lightly. "Anytime, little one you have but to ask. Now, are you aware that it is past four? I best get you home before your chaperone starts tearing his hair out."
"My G.o.d!" Meghann cried. "Charles I forgot all about him! And Jimmy Simon, I lowered his medication and I was supposed to stay and watch him! What if he had a relapse? What if he got away?"
Simon waved her concerns away like an annoying fly. "You know he cannot cross the threshold of that room without my permission. And if he had become unruly, Vinny would have contacted me by now." Simon flicked open his blazer to show Meghann the small cellular phone he carried with him. "You may take his silence to mean that thing can handle a lower dose of your potion."
Meghann didn"t bother telling Simon not to call Jimmy a thing, just promised herself she"d spend all of the next night with him to make up for her neglect.
"Here." Simon put the keys to the Ferrari in her hand. "I believe I promised you could drive."
Eagerly, Meghann got behind the wheel, familiarizing herself with all the b.u.t.tons and paddles on the console while she adjusted the seat and steering wheel.
Used to her own simple Caddy, she struggled with the engine immobilizer for a few minutes before Simon leaned over and showed her how to put her foot on the brake and pull the right paddle behind the steering wheel.
"Now?" Meghann said, giving Simon a quick glance.
"Whenever you"re ready."
Grinning widely, she selected first gear, hammered down on the go-faster aluminum pedal in the driver"s footwell, and the Ferrari took off in a cloud of red dust. The car went to 183 mph in a mere eleven seconds, impervious to the rocky desert road, purring along at top speed in stealthy silence.
Expertly, Meghann navigated the winding curves and spared a glance for her pa.s.senger. Unlike Charles, who tightened his lips and clutched the dashboard when she got speed-happy, and Jimmy, who yelped and demanded she slow down before she killed him, Simon seemed to be enjoying the wild ride as much as she was.
Meghann watched the desert scenery race by and thought she had to get one of these cars for herself. It was more like flying than driving she couldn"t remember the last time she"d had so much fun as she was having right now, soaring through the desert night in this elegant machine.
Only when they approached town did Meghann reluctantly slow down in deference to the cars around her. Easily, she drove through Spanish Hills and parked the car in Simon"s garage before heading over to her still beloved Caddy.
Simon walked her to her car and Meghann stood indecisively for a few moments, unsure of how to end this strange evening.
Simon lifted her hand and gave it a polite kiss good night, caressing the wrist for a moment before he turned and walked into the house.
On the drive home, Meghann considered the events of the night, still unsure of how she went from wishing Lord Baldevar dead to to what? Liking him? No, well maybe.
What was not to like? Even Alcuin had once conceded that Simon Baldevar could be very charming when he wished to be. But Meghann knew what lurked under that charm didn"t she?
She hadn"t known of his lonely, brutalizing childhood. Maybe if he told her more, she"d understand him, and in understanding him Now you"ve lost it, a voice inside her head p.r.o.nounced. What are you thinking you"re going to change him? Make Lord Baldevar a good guy?
Meghann laughed out loud at that thought, making a driver next to her wrinkle his brow in concern. No, Meghann had no illusions about Simon changing his stripes. But it was possible she could get him to make some concessions. Already she"d gotten him to leave Jimmy alive.
If she couldn"t destroy him (and the zero-for-two record she and Charles had indicated she couldn"t), then she had to find a way to have him in her life where she could tolerate him. Certainly tonight he"d been quite tolerable except for when he started pawing her and giving orders for whom she could sleep with as if he were some king and she were his untouchable wife.
Meghann glanced at the strip should she throw down the gauntlet and go pick up some gambler? No, not tonight it was nearly five A.M.; she had to get home.
Well, there was always tomorrow. Maybe she and Charles and Lee could go to some club. Meghann thought Charles would probably stand up and cheer if she found herself some transient stud to ease away her anxiety. Momentarily, she worried about being unfaithful to Jimmy but then she thought what he didn"t know about what she did while he was ill couldn"t possibly hurt him.
As for Charles, there was no reason to tell him how she spent her evening, Meghann decided, and pulled her car into Lee"s driveway, careful not to block his Jeep Cherokee. She"d work her way up to it, to gradually convince Charles that maybe they should make peace with Lord Baldevar. If she hit him with it all at once, he might decide it was she and not Jimmy that needed to take antipsychotic medication, Meghann thought, smiling at Charles when he came out of the house.
One glance at his shining eyes and rumpled hair told Meghann his evening was all he"d wanted it to be.
"Where"s Lee?" Meghann asked, linking her arm through his as they walked into the house.
"Sleeping," Charles said, the self-satisfied tone in his voice making Meghann laugh.
"Hey," he said, looking her up and down. "You seem different, happy. Has Jimmy improved?"
Meghann shrugged and began making up the bed for her daytime rest. "I just decided I have plenty to be happy about you and Lee are with me and the baby is in all likelihood going to be born healthy."
Charles nodded and kissed her cheek good night. "You"re right, Meghann.
Alcuin always told us to find the good in a situation and focus on that. You have every right to be happy over impending motherhood."
After Charles left, Meghann threw on an oversize Mets T-shirt and crawled into bed, thinking she"d made the right choice in not telling Charles just who was responsible for her newfound equilibrium.
CHAPTER NINE
August 16, 1998
"Therapy"s over for tonight, kid," Meghann said to Jimmy and closed Please Kill Me, a book about the birth of punk during the seventies. "I"ve gotta get ready for the big night out with Charles and Lee." Earlier that evening, her friends had surprised her with a slinky black sheath they"d bought at Versace and an invitation to go dancing, Charles insisting it was high time Meghann found herself somebody.
Of course, she reminded herself guiltily, Charles still didn"t know that "somebody" had already volunteered his services as suitor or about the wild rides through the desert and occasional dinners she"d hardly discouraged. Meghann could not begin to imagine what Charles"s reaction would be when he found out that it was becoming more and more of a temptation to give Simon a second chance.
Though Meghann hadn"t been able to risk losing Charles"s friendship by telling him of her changing feelings toward what he a.s.sumed was their mutual enemy, she had confided in Lee. Expecting a watered-down version of the incredulity and contempt she might see in Charles, Meghann was shocked when the mortal physician said a reconciliation between her and Lord Baldevar might not be such a terrible thing.
Lee"s argument was simple. Yes, he knew of the atrocities Lord Baldevar had committed hadn"t he almost suffered them himself as a child? But the situation had changed drastically in the forty years since Meghann had left him to die.
Meghann was no longer a helpless young vampire living completely under her master"s thumb. If Simon wanted her, he had to make some compromises recognize her need for independence and treat her with the respect she deserved.
And he had, Lee said, pointing to Simon"s impeccable behavior over the past six weeks. Hadn"t he backed off when Meghann insisted their relationship remain chaste? Had he made any move to harm Charles or stop her from helping jimmy out of his catatonia?
Meghann smiled grimly, thinking Simon of late used a more insidious method to thwart her efforts to heal Jimmy. Instead of brute force or threats, Simon had taken to lurking around the house on her nights of working with Jimmy and inquired whether Meghann would like to have dinner with him on the veranda overlooking his magnificent sculpture garden and listen while he told her more tales from his mortal youth. Or he offered a far greater temptation Simon was finally explaining his magick to her, actually showing her how to perform a few simple rites. Just the other night, he"d taught her how to make herself invisible to other vampires by imagining a heavy cloak over her presence. Thus far, she hadn"t completely mastered the trick; Simon could find her in two seconds, but she had been able to fool Charles about her whereabouts for a full five minutes the other night. With lures like that, Simon certainly hadn"t had to twist her arm to get her to spend time with him. But it was more than simply giving her a more amusing alternative to her grueling therapy sessions with Jimmy. Somehow, she wasn"t sure exactly when, she"d started looking forward to seeing Simon, started feeling that funny stomach-plummeting, heart-thumping tension at the sight of him that meant No! She absolutely was not going to fall in love with Simon Baldevar! Lee spoke from ignorance when he encouraged Meghann to listen to her heart he hadn"t been there the night Simon ruthlessly slaughtered Alcuin before her eyes or watched him torture Jimmy to the point of death.
Meghann sighed and forced herself to meet Jimmy"s blank eyes. Looking into his gray-blue eyes with those shots of indigo radiating from the pupils used to be like watching a storm over the ocean; now they resembled faded old marbles.
How could she possibly reunite with the creature that did this to Jimmy? Wasn"t Jimmy Delacroix the ultimate proof of what Simon Baldevar was capable of?
"I"m sorry, baby," Meghann said and patted Jimmy"s cheek. "I know I"ve neglected you. I promise I"m not going to do that anymore. From now on, we work the way we did when I first started your therapy ten hours a night, four nights a week. We"ll have you up and around in no time."
In the shower, Meghann wondered whether her last words to Jimmy were true.
Thanks to the Clozapine he was no longer a raving psychotic, but no further progress had been made. Meghann knew that the smart, funny, brave man she"d spent six years with would not thank her for keeping him alive as a catatonic vegetable. Was it time to admit defeat?
No! How could she even think that? There was no way she"d call her attempts to heal him a failure after a mere six weeks of work, three weeks of which had been sporadic at best. She"d never forgive herself if she gave up on Jimmy now.
Finished with her shower, Meghann turned the water off, pulled the shower curtain aside, and let out a short, sharp scream.
"Jimmy!" Meghann gasped. By himself, unaided, he"d walked from the foam bed into the bathroom and stood by the curtain while Meghann showered.
Meghann stared back at him for a few minutes, praying he"d do something else; speak, touch her, anything. But he simply stood and stared, though there was something a little different in his gaze. He looked like he was listening to something waiting.
"Jimmy," Meghann said again and her face lit up when she realized why he"d come into the room. "You remember my signal that I was awake for the night was I"d leave the bedroom door open and then you"d come in and talk to me while I showered. You remember, Jimmy! Something inside you woke up and made you walk into the bathroom. I knew you weren"t beyond hope, Jimmy." Meghann helped him sit on the ledge of the tub and did what she always did chatted over the whir of the blow-dryer while she dried her hair.
"You made fantastic progress tonight! From now on, I think we"ll try and mimic our old routines. I"ll take you back home to Rockaway. You love the beach, jimmy. I bet the salty smell of the ocean breeze, the pound of the surf, sand beneath your bare feet will do more for you than all the Clozapine in the world!"
How are you planning to get your catatonic vampire patient on a commercial airline? a voice inquired. For that matter, do you think Simon is going to simply allow you to go back to New York and take Jimmy with you?
Reconsidering, Meghann decided maybe it was too early to take Jimmy out of the house.
"Don"t you worry," Meghann said to Jimmy while she shimmied into the form- fitting black dress. "We"ll walk on the beach again and you"ll be aware when we do it." Meghann gave him a quick kiss good night on the temple.
Eager to meet her friends, Meghann hurried down the stairs, the heels on her gold pumps clicking noisily against the marble staircase. A glance at her wrist.w.a.tch showed she was running almost twenty minutes late.
She should probably use the phone in Simon"s study and leave a message on Lee"s pager that she was on her way. Not being of the same bloodline, she couldn"t communicate with Charles telepathically unless they were in the same room.
"Oh, my," Meghann said after she parted the sliding doors to the study and saw Vinny, comfortably perched in his boss"s leather armchair, snorting one neat line of cocaine off the triangular black lacquered wood and nickel steel desk.
"s.h.i.t!" Vinny howled, frantically gathering up the white powder and trying to stuff it back into a thin gla.s.s vial.
"It"s okay," Meghann said quickly. "I don"t mind."
Vinny gave her a guarded glance. "You"re not gonna tell him?"
"How long have you been doing it?"
"A few years."
"He knows," Meghann said dryly. "Hey, don"t look like that! Obviously it doesn"t bother him."
Vinny sat down again, seeming somewhat relieved by her words. He extended the gold snorter to her, indicating another line on the desk. "Want some?"
Meghann declined and headed for the cushioned alcove by the bay window that overlooked the front of the house her sharp ears had detected the sound of a car approaching. "If you really want to try and hide your habit from your boss, you better put your nose candy away. He"s home."
"What? d.a.m.n!" Vinny gathered up his drugs and wiped the desk clean of any residue with the shirttail hastily pulled out of his waist.
"Get your nose too," Meghann told him, indicating the area beneath his nostrils.
While Vinny made himself presentable, Meghann remained in the picture window, watching Simon emerge from a cla.s.sic Bentley how many cars did he have? Her idle speculation turned to shock when she watched him open the pa.s.senger-side door and a pair of curvaceous legs in tan stockings appeared on the pavement.
"Who is that?"
Vinny followed her outstretched ringer to the chic brunette on Simon"s arm and snorted contemptuously. "That"s Louise a s.k.a.n.k. She lets the boss f.u.c.k her six ways to Sunday even does it with other broads while he watches "cause she thinks he"s gonna help her get some promotion at the hotel."
"Is that right?" Meghann replied icily.
Vinny misunderstood her tight-lipped expression and the storm beginning to brew in her eyes. "Look, you don"t got anything to be jealous over. She"s just for "