He turned aside from such fruitless remembering, and set himself to the order of his vigil. He confessed his sins, remembering them as well as he could since the last time he had been in this mountain. There were some he remembered easily, the lie in the train, the lie to his brother, when John had barred the door against him and shut him out in the street; his loss of faith in Johannesburg, and his desire to hurt the girl, the sinning and innocent child. All this he did as fully as he could, and prayed for absolution.
Then he turned to thanksgiving, and remembered, with profound awareness, that he had great cause for thanksgiving, and that for many things. He took them one by one, giving thanks for each, and praying for each person that he remembered. There was above all the beloved Msimangu and his generous gift. There was the young man from the reformatory saying with angry brows, I am sorry, umfundisi, that I spoke such angry words. There was Mrs. Lithebe, who said so often, Why else were we born? And Father Vincent, holding both his hands and saying, Anything, anything, you have only to ask, I shall do anything. And the lawyer that took the case for G.o.d, and had written to say there was no mercy in such kind and gentle words.
Then there was the return to Ndotsheni, with his wife and his friend to meet him. And the woman who threw her ap.r.o.n over her head. And the women waiting at the church. And the great joy of the return, so that pain was forgotten.
He pondered long over this, for might not another man, returning to another valley, have found none of these things? Why was it given to one man to have his pain trans.m.u.ted into gladness? Why was it given to one man to have such an awareness of G.o.d? And might not another, having no such awareness, live with pain that never ended? Why was there a compulsion upon him to pray for the restoration of Ndotsheni, and why was there a white man there on the tops, to do in this valley what no other could have done? And why of all men, the father of the man who had been murdered by his son? And might not another feel also a compulsion, and pray night and day without ceasing, for the restoration of some other valley that would never be restored?
But his mind would contain it no longer. It was not for man"s knowing. He put it from his mind, for it was a secret.
And then the white man Jarvis, and the inkosikazi that was dead, and the small boy with the brightness inside him. As his mind could not contain that other, neither could this be contained. But here were thanks that a man could render till the end of his days. And some of them he strove now to render.
He woke with a start. It was cold, but not so cold. He had never slept before on these vigils, but he was old, not quite finished, but nearly finished. He thought of all those that were suffering, of Gertrude the weak and foolish one, of the people of Shanty Town and Alexandra, of his wife now at this moment. But above all of his son, Absalom. Would he be awake, would he be able to sleep, this night before the morning? He cried out, My son, my son, my son.
With his crying he was now fully awake, and he looked at his watch and saw that it was one o"clock. The sun would rise soon after five, and it was then it was done, they said. If the boy was asleep, then let him sleep, it was better. But if he was awake, then oh Christ of the abundant mercy, be with him. Over this he prayed long and earnestly.
Would his wife be awake, and thinking of it? She would have come with him, were it not for the girl. And the girl, why, he had forgotten her. But she was no doubt asleep; she was loving enough, but this husband had given her so little, no more than her others had done.
And there was Jarvis, bereaved of his wife and his son, and his daughter-in-law bereaved of her husband, and her children bereaved of their father, especially the small boy, the bright laughing boy. The small boy stood there before his eyes, and he said to k.u.malo, When I go, something bright will go out of Ndotsheni. Yes, I see, he said. Yes, I see. He was not shy or ashamed, but he said, Yes, I see, and laughed with his pleasure.
And now for all the people of Africa, the beloved country.Nkosi Sikelel" iAfrika , G.o.d save Africa. But he would not see that salvation. It lay afar off, because men were afraid of it. Because, to tell the truth, they were afraid of him, and his wife, and Msimangu, and the young demonstrator. And what was there evil in their desires, in their hunger? That men should walk upright in the land where they were born, and be free to use the fruits of the earth, what was there evil in it? Yet men were afraid, with a fear that was deep, deep in the heart, a fear so deep that they hid their kindness, or brought it out with fierceness and anger, and hid it behind fierce and frowning eyes. They were afraid because they were so few. And such fear could not be cast out, but by love.
It was Msimangu who had said, Msimangu who had no hate for any man, I have one great fear in my heart, that one day when they turn to loving they will find we are turned to hating.
Oh, the grave and the sombre words.
When he woke again there was a faint change in the east, and he looked at his watch almost with a panic. But it was four o"clock and he was rea.s.sured. And now it was time to be awake, for it might be they had wakened his son, and called him to make ready. He left his place and could hardly stand, for his feet were cold and numb. He found another place where he could look to the east, and if it was true what men said, when the sun came up over the rim, it would be done.
He had heard that they could eat what they wished on a morning like this. Strange that a man should ask for food at such a time. Did the body hunger, driven by some deep dark power that did not know it must die? Is the boy quiet, and does he dress quietly, and does he think of Ndotsheni now? Do tears come into his eyes, and does he wipe them away, and stand up like a man? Does he say, I will not eat any food, I will pray? Is Msimangu there with him, or Father Vincent, or some other priest whose duty it is, to comfort and strengthen him, for he is afraid of the hanging? Does he repent him, or is there only room for his fear? Is there nothing that can be done now, is there not an angel that comes there and cries, This is for G.o.d not for man, come child, come with me?
He looked out of his clouded eyes at the faint steady lightening in the east. But he calmed himself, and took out the heavy maize cakes and the tea, and put them upon a stone. And he gave thanks, and broke the cakes and ate them, and drank of the tea. Then he gave himself over to deep and earnest prayer, and after each pet.i.tion he raised his eyes and looked to the east. And the east lightened and lightened, till he knew that the time was not far off. And when he expected it, he rose to his feet and took off his hat and laid it down on the earth, and clasped his hands before him. And while he stood there the sun rose in the east.
Yes, it is the dawn that has come. The t.i.tihoya wakes from sleep, and goes about its work of forlorn crying. The sun tips with light the mountains of Ingeli and East Griqualand. The great valley of the Umzimkulu is still in darkness, but the light will come there. Ndotsheni is still in darkness, but the light will come there also. For it is the dawn that has come, as it has come for a thousand centuries, never failing. But when that dawn will come, of our emanc.i.p.ation, from the fear of bondage and the bondage of fear, why, that is a secret.
List of Words
AFRIKAANSThe language of the Afrikaner, a much simplified and beautiful version of the language of Holland, though it is held in contempt by some ignorant English-speaking South Africans, and indeed by some Hollanders. Afrikaans and English are the two official languages of the Union of South Africa.
AFRIKANER"A" as in "father." The name now used for the descendants of the Boers. Some large-minded Afrikaners claim that it has a wider connotation, and means white South Africans, but many Afrikaans-speaking and English-speaking South Africans would object to this extension of meaning. It is used here in its usually accepted meaning.
INGeLIThe first "i" as in "pit," the second as "ee." The "e" is almost like "a" in "pane."
INKOSANAThe "i" as in "pit," the "o" midway between "o" in "pot" and "o" in "born." The "a" as in "father," but the second "a" is hardly sounded. Approximate p.r.o.nunciation "inkosaan." Means "little chief," or "little master."
INKOSIAs above, but the final "i" is hardly sounded. Means "chief" or "master."
INKOSIKAZIAs above. The second "k" is like hard "g." The final "i" is hardly sounded. p.r.o.nounced "inkosigaaz." Means "mistress."
IXOPOThe name of a village. Its Zulu p.r.o.nunciation is difficult, and would be considered affected in English speech. It is p.r.o.nounced in English, "Ickopo," with "o" as in "hole."
JOHANNESBURGAn Afrikaans word, but p.r.o.nounced in English as it is written. It is the centre of the gold-mining industry.
KAFFERBOETIEp.r.o.nounce "boetie" not as "booty" but to rhyme with "sooty." A term of contempt originally used to describe those who fraternized with African natives, but now used to describe any who work for the welfare of the non-European. Means literally "little brother of the kaffir." Afrikaans.
KLOOFAn Afrikaans word now as fully English. p.r.o.nounced as written. Means "ravine" or even a valley if the sides are steep. But it would not be used of a great valley like the Umzimkulu.
KRAALAn Afrikaans word now as fully English. p.r.o.nounced in English "crawl." An enclosure for cattle, where they come for milking, or where in the early days they were kept for protection. But it may also mean a number of huts together, under the rule of the head of the family, who is of course subject to the chief.
k.u.mALO"U" as "oo" as in "book," "a" as in "father." The "o" midway between "o" in "pot" and "o" in "born."
LITHeBEp.r.o.nounced "ditebe," "e" approximately as in "bed."
MSIMANGUThe word is p.r.o.nounced with the lips initially closed. Therefore no vowel precedes the "M." p.r.o.nounced approximately as written.
NDOTSHeNIApproximately "Indotsheni." "O" midway between "o" in "pot" and "o" in "born," "e" almost as "a" in "pane," "i" as "ee." Last vowel hardly sounded.
NKOSI SIKELeL" iAFRIKAMeans "G.o.d bless Africa," though in the book it is taken to mean "G.o.dsave Africa." This lovely hymn is rapidly becoming accepted as the national anthem of the black people. At any mixed meeting therefore, where goodwill prevails, three such anthems are sung at the conclusion, "G.o.d Save the King," "Die Stem Van Suid-Afrika," and "Nkosi Sikelel" iAfrika." This is co-operative, but very wearing. But such meetings are rare. p.r.o.nunciation, "Nkosi" almost as "Inkosi," "sikelele" with "k" as hard "g," and "e" approximately as in "bed," "iAfrika" with "a" as in "father," "i" as shortened "ee."
ODENDAALSRuSTp.r.o.nounced by English-speaking people as written.
PIETERMARITZBURGp.r.o.nounced by English-speaking people as written. A city founded by the Voortrekkers Piet Retief and Gert Maritz. Capital of the Province of Natal.
PRETORIAp.r.o.nounced by English-speaking people as written. A city named after the Voortrekker Pretorius. Capital of the Union of South Africa.
SIYAFA"I" as "ee," "a" as in "father." Means "we die."
t.i.tIHOYAA plover-like bird. The name is onomatopoeic.
TIXOI rejected the Zulu word for the Great Spirit as too long and difficult. This is the Xosa word. It is also difficult to p.r.o.nounce, but may be p.r.o.nounced "Teeko," the "o" being midway the "o" in "pot" and the "o" of "born."
UMFuNDISIThe last "i" is hardly sounded. p.r.o.nounce approximately "oomfoondees," the "oo" being as in "book," and the "ees" as "eace" in the word "peace." Means "parson," but is also a t.i.tle and used with respect.
UMNuMZANAp.r.o.nounced "oomnoomzaan." Means "sir."
UMZIMKuLUp.r.o.nounced by English-speaking people as "umzimkooloo," but the "oo" is very long as in "coo."
VELDAn Afrikaans word now as fully English. p.r.o.nounced in both languages as "felt." Means open gra.s.s country. Or it may mean the gra.s.s itself, as when a farmer looks down at his feet, and says, this veld is poor.
XOSAThe p.r.o.nunciation is difficult. English-speaking people p.r.o.nounce it "Kosa," "o" midway between "o" in "pot" and "o" in "born," "a" almost as "u" in "much." A native tribe of the Eastern Cape.
ZuLUThe great tribe of Zululand, which overflowed into Natal and other parts. Both "u"s are long as in "coo."
In all cases where such words as "umfundisi," "umnumzana," are used as forms of address, the initial vowel is dropped. But I thought it wise to omit this complication.
About the Author.
Alan Paton was born in 1903 in Pietermaritzburg, in the province of Natal, South Africa. After attending Pietermaritzburg College and Natal University, he taught school for three years in the rural village of Ixopo, the setting forCry, the Beloved Country . In 1935, he was made princ.i.p.al of the Diepkloof Reformatory near Johannesburg, a school for delinquent boys, where he inst.i.tuted numerous reforms. Toward the end of World War II, Paton decided to make a study of prisons and reformatories, and traveled to Sweden, England, Canada, and the United States. It was on a visit to Norway that he began to writeCry, the Beloved Country , which he finished three months later in San Francisco. Paton retired from Diepkloof Reformatory shortly thereafter, and went to live on the south coast of Natal where he wrote many articles on South African affairs, and helped form the liberal a.s.sociation of South Africa, which later emerged as a political party. Written with simplicity and restraint, eloquence and compa.s.sion, his other works of fiction include two novels,Too Late the Phalarope (1953) andAh, But Your Land Is Beautiful (1982), and a collection of short stories,Tales from a Troubled Land (1961). Among his nonfiction works are:South Africa in Transition (1956),Hope for South Africa (1958), a volume of essays edited by Edward Callan,The Long View (1968), a memoir and tribute to his wife,For You Departed (1969), and the first volume of an autobiography,Towards the Mountain . He died in 1988.