Marriage Customs.
BY ENGLAND HOWLETT, F.S.A.
In all ages, and in all countries, a halo of interest attaches to the marriage ceremony, and formerly, when superst.i.tion was so rife in the country, it naturally followed that all sorts of curious customs arose in connection with marriage--customs which, at the time of their inauguration, were full of meaning and real interest, but many of which in process of time, and owing to an altered state of society, have fallen either into oblivion, or become so changed as to be hardly recognisable.
Marriage, in one form or other, is the oldest inst.i.tution of society, and the source of its most ancient laws. The primitive ceremonies of marriage are of immense number, and many of them have left distinct survivals in modern customs. As regards Christian Europe, in 1085 Hildebrand declared Marriage to be a sacrament of the Church; and, at the Reformation, Calvin declared it to be an inst.i.tution of G.o.d. The School of Grotius, on the other hand, describes it as a contract of partnership.
The Anglo-Saxon marriage ritual was for the parties, with their attendants, to come to the porch of the Church: here they were met by the priest; first he blessed the ring and gave it to the bridegroom, who placed it on the middle finger of the bride"s left hand. After this the priest recited a form of blessing over the parties; then he led them into the Chancel where they remained while ma.s.s was celebrated, towards the close of which they received the solemn nuptial benediction, and afterwards the Pax, and the holy communion.
Before the Council of Trent a valid marriage in the eyes of the church might be effected by a simple declaration of the parties to be man and wife; no witnesses were necessary under these circ.u.mstances, and the presence of a priest might also be dispensed with. It will at once be seen that a practice such as this was open to very great and grave abuse where the interested parties were only too often the only witnesses of the declaration. After the Council of Trent, and in all countries where the discipline of Trent is received and promulgated, the presence of the parish priest is absolutely necessary to const.i.tute a valid marriage in the eyes of the Roman Church by mere declaration of the parties to be man and wife, and under no circ.u.mstances can marriages such as these be recognized by the law.
It was customary in many places for the priest to entwine the ends of his stole round the joined hands of the bride and bridegroom, at the words "Those whom G.o.d hath joined together," in token of the indissoluble union thereby effected. Most probably this practice led to the familiar expression "Tying the knot." Neither the Roman nor the Sarum Missals contain any direction for this ritual, which would appear to be a pure innovation on the part of the priests.
In ancient Rome the Patrons or Patricians only might marry with each other. If a Patrician married a client or va.s.sal, their children were not allowed to take Patrician rank; because these clients or va.s.sals had not connubium, or right of marriage with their Patrons. Under Caesar"s rule a married woman was allowed the use of more ornaments, and more costly carriages, than the laws of Rome permitted to women generally. A married man who had three children born at Rome, or four born in Italy, or five in the provinces, enjoyed freedom from certain duties and charges: this no doubt was done to encourage the marriage tie, which at that time had become exceedingly lax.
The drinking of wine in the Church at weddings is enjoined by the Hereford Missal. The Sarum Missal directs that sops immersed in wine, as well as the liquor itself, and the cup containing it, should be blessed by the priest. The beverage was drunk not only by the bride and bridegroom, but by the rest of the company. A distinct survival of this custom, although in a debased form, lingered beyond the middle of the present century, at Whitburn, in Durham, where the custom of giving what they called _Hot-Pots_ was kept up; that is, on the conclusion of the marriage service the bride and bridegroom were served in the porch with steaming compounds of brandy, ale, sugar, eggs, spices, etc., the bridesmaids also partook of this, and the remainder was distributed amongst the guests. The custom of nuptial drinking appears also to have prevailed in the Greek Church: and the Jews have a custom at the present day, when a couple are married, to break the gla.s.s in which the bride and bridegroom have drunk, to remind them of mortality.
The use of torches at weddings is very ancient. At Rome the practice was that two children should lead the bride, and a third carry before her a torch of white thorn. The Greeks used also a nuptial torch, which was carried by the bride"s mother. Lamps and flambeaux are used at j.a.panese weddings, and torches are still used at Turkish marriages.
Knives formerly formed part of the accoutrements of a bride. This is easily accounted for by the fact that anciently it formed part of the dress for women to wear a knife sheathed and suspended from their girdles.
A bride says to her jealous husband, in Dekker"s _Match me in London_, 1631:
"See at my girdle hang my wedding knives!
With those despatch me."
The use of bridesmaids at weddings is of remote antiquity. Amongst the Anglo-Saxons the bride was led to the Church by a matron, who was called the bride"s woman, and followed by a company of young girls who were called bridesmaids. It was at one time the custom for the bridesmaids to lead the bridegroom to Church, and for the bridegroom"s men to conduct the bride. This is clearly alluded to in the _Collier"s Wedding_:
"Two l.u.s.ty lads, well drest and strong, Step"d out to lead the bride along: And two young maids of equal size, As soon the bridegroom"s hands surprise."
The bridegroom"s men were anciently called Bride Knights, which was an appropriate name at the period when they actually fulfilled that office.
Bride cake is of ancient origin: it is a relic of the Roman period, when the marriage ceremony consisted princ.i.p.ally of the contracting parties partaking of a cake made of flour, salt, and water, in the presence of the Pontifex Maximus, or High Priest, and ten witnesses. The form of the cake has varied in different ages. Ben Jonson refers to it in the _Tale of a Tub_, iii., 8:
"The maids and her half-valentine have ply"d her, With courtise of the Bride cake and the bowl, As she is laid awhile."
As feasting was connected with nearly all religious ceremonies, and as each feast speedily appropriated its particular article of food, the bride cake became inseparably a.s.sociated with the bridal feast. Anciently, small cakes were made for weddings, and distributed amongst the guests; the ingredients of these doubtless changed from age to age, but there is little doubt the cake was always a sweet one which, in the early days, would be sweetened with honey with spices in it, and, after their introduction, currants. In the seventeenth century it was usual for the bride and bridegroom to kiss over the cake, and many are the superst.i.tions connected with it.
It was formerly the custom for the brides to go to church with their hair hanging loose behind. Anne Boleyn"s was thus dishevelled when she went to the altar with Henry VIII. Webster refers to this practice in _The White Devil_:
"And let them dangle loose as a bride"s hair."
Nuptial garlands or wreaths are of great antiquity; they were equally used by both the Jews and the Heathens. The Roman custom was for the bride to have a chaplet of flowers or herbs upon her head, whilst among the Anglo-Saxons, after the benediction in the church, both the bride and bridegroom were crowned with flowers. In the Eastern church the chaplets used at marriages were first blessed by the priest. Wreaths made of ears of corn were frequently worn by brides in the time of Henry VIII., and myrtle was also much used for this purpose. In many churches it was usual to keep a crown of metal for the use of brides, and for which they would pay a fee. In the churchwardens" accounts of St. Margaret"s, Westminster, for the year 1540, is the following entry:--"Paid to Alice Lewis, a goldsmith"s wife, of London, for a serclett to marry Maydens in, the 26th day of September, 3 10s. 0d."
Marriage by proxy was probably practised by the heathen Romans, and even so late as the middle ages was not at all uncommon, although then it had become confined princ.i.p.ally to the aristocracy, and later on few instances are to be met with, except in the case of Royalty. Henry VIII. married Anne of Cleves by proxy. So also James II., when Duke of York, in 1673, was married by proxy to Mary of Modena. The church always looked with great disfavour on this form of marriage, and for this reason the parties were generally re-married on the arrival of the bride in her husband"s country, or at the home of the bridegroom.
Amongst the ancient Northern nations a knot appears to have been considered as the symbol of love, faith, and friendship, pointing out, as it were, the indissoluble tie of affection and duty; hence it is that knots or bows of ribbon came to be used as wedding favours, a particular form of which came to be known as the _True Lovers" Knot_. The peasantry of France wore the bridal favour on the arm, whereas in England it was formerly worn in the hat, and consisted of ribbons of various colours; in later years white ribbon alone was used. Curiously enough Rosemary was not only carried at funerals, but was also worn at weddings, and appears to have been considered as an insignia of a wedding guest: on these occasions the sprigs of Rosemary were frequently gilded, or dipped in scented water.
Bay leaves were also used for a similar purpose, but not so generally as the Rosemary.
Wedding rings were used both by the Greeks and Romans, but then only at the ceremony of betrothal, and not that of marriage. The Anglo-Saxon bridegroom at the betrothal gave a _Wed_, or pledge, and a ring was placed on the maiden"s right hand, where it remained until marriage, and was then transferred to the left. During the reigns of George I. and George II., the wedding ring was often worn on the thumb. The placing of the ring on the book is a remnant of the ancient custom of blessing the ring by sprinkling Holy Water in the form of a cross, and this is still done in the Roman Church. One of the earliest forms of rings was the Gemel, or double ring, and this was used as a pledge before marriage: they were generally made in three parts, and broken in the presence of a witness, who retained the third part. In Germany, Sweden, Norway, and Denmark, it was a common custom for the engaged couple each to give to the other a plain gold ring, much resembling a wedding ring. In the last century, wedding rings were frequently inscribed with poesys. Dr. John Thomas, who was Bishop of Lincoln in 1753, married four times. The motto or poesy on the wedding ring at his fourth marriage was:--
"If I survive I"ll make them five."[7]
King Henry VIII. gave Anne of Cleves a ring with the poesy:--
"G.o.d send me well to keep."
It was a general custom in the middle age for the bridegroom to place the ring first on the thumb of the bride, then on her second finger, and then on her third, at the name of each person of the Trinity, "leaving it" as the rubric directs, on her fourth finger at the word _Amen_; thus signifying by action, not less than by word, that he was undertaking the duties of the married state, "in the name of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost." The reason a.s.signed for the fourth finger being appointed as the final resting place of the wedding ring, is because on that finger there is generally believed to be a certain vein which proceeds to the heart. The left hand most probably was appointed because the virgins espoused to the church wore the ring of their celestial nuptials on the right hand.
The nuptial kiss was a solemn ceremony which was duly directed both by the Sarum and York Uses. At the "Sanctus," in the bridal ma.s.s, both the bride and the bridegroom knelt near the altar; if neither of them had been married before, a pall, or as it used to be called, the "care-cloth," was held over them at its four corners by as many clerics. After the "Pater Noster," and just before the "Pax," the priest turning himself towards the married couple gave them the nuptial blessing. The care-cloth was then removed, and the bridegroom arose from his knees and received the kiss of peace from the priest; he then turned to his bride and kissed her upon the cheek. In the York Use the care-cloth was held by only two clerics.
Although the solemn ceremonial of the nuptial kiss has long since ceased to be a regular portion of the marriage service, still, in many rural districts, it is customary for the bridegroom to kiss the bride while they are before the altar, and in sight of the congregation a.s.sembled. At Halse, a village in Somersetshire, it is still a recognised custom amongst the labouring cla.s.ses for the bridegroom, after he has placed the ring on the bride"s finger, to take her in his arms and kiss her fervently, and it is a somewhat remarkable feature that instead of this causing any amus.e.m.e.nt amongst the spectators, it is treated as a solemnity, and would certainly appear to be a distinct survival of the nuptial kiss. A similar custom still prevails at Bishops Lydeard, in Somersetshire.
There is a rule in Hindoo law which forbids a younger sister to be married before the elder; nor is a younger brother allowed to be married before the elder. There would seem to be a curious resemblance between these rules and the rules of the Old Testament days, when Laban refused to let his younger daughter marry before Leah. We get another instance of a restraint on marriage, in 1367, when the memorable Parliament of Kilkenny was held, which pa.s.sed the Statute of Kilkenny. By this statue it was declared high treason for any person of English origin to marry into an Irish family.
Poor maidens who might otherwise lose their chance of matrimony for want of a dowry were sometimes provided for by funeral doles. "I will," says Richard Trowler, A.D. 1477, "that X_l._ be disposed of at my burying among poor people, and that X_l._ be given to the marriage of poor maidens not having father or mother." Johanne Beauchamp, Lady of Bergavenny, devised "to the marriage of poer maydens dwellyng withyn my lordship, C_l_, and to the makying and emending of febull brugges and foul weyes, C_l_." There certainly seems to be a curious a.n.a.logy between this custom and the laws of ancient Greece, by which the State provided a dowry for those maidens who, through poverty or plainness, would otherwise have remained unmarried.
With regard to the seasons for celebrating marriage, the Church was formerly very strict. The parish register for St. Mary"s, Beverley, contains the following entry under date November 25, 1641:--
"When Advent comes do thou refraine, Till Hillary set ye free again, Next Septuagessima saith thee nay, But when Low Sunday comes thou may, Yet at Rogation thou must tarrie, Till Trinitie shall bid thee marry."
The above appears to have been a popular verse to inscribe in registers, for, with slight variations, it is to be met with in several parishes.
_Philomath"s Almanac_, for the year 1674, contains similar rules in prose:--
"TIMES PROHIBITING MARRIAGE THIS YEAR.
Marriage comes in on the 13th of January, and at Septuagessima Sunday it is out again until Low Sunday, at which time it comes in again, and goes not out till Rogation Sunday. Then it is forbidden until Trinity Sunday, from whence it is unforbidden till Advent Sunday, but then it goes out, and comes not in again till the 13th of January next following."
With regard to the publication of Banns of Marriage, it appears to have been the custom in the primitive ages that the Church should be forewarned of marriages. The earliest existing canonical enactment on the subject in the English church, is that in the eleventh canon of the Synod of Westminster, in the year 1200, which enacts that "no marriage shall be contracted without banns thrice published in the church, unless by the special authority of the Bishop." Anciently, before the publication of banns, it was the custom for the curate to affiance the two persons to be married in the name of the Trinity; and at this period the banns were sometimes published at Vespers as well as at Ma.s.s.
Forbidding the banns of marriage is now a very rare occurrence; formerly, it was not so, and it was customary to interdict a marriage sometimes for the sole purpose of making a comparative stranger prove his bona-fides.
The parish register of Frampton, near Boston, Lincolnshire, contains the following entry on January, 1, 1653:--"The marriage of Edward Morton and Jane Goodwin was objected to by John Ayne, Thomas Appleby, and William Eldred: because in the first place, the said Edward Morton was a stranger, and they did not know where he had lived until a short time before, or whether he was married or single; therefore they desired the marriage might be deferred until he brought a certificate of these things. And secondly because they have been informed and do believe that he is a very poor man, and therefore they wish him to get some sufficient man to be bound with him to secure the town from any charge of him or his."
An interesting custom is still kept up at Laceby, a village in North Lincolnshire, where the bells ring a merry peal at the close of the service in which the third publication of banns has taken place. A similar custom prevailed at North Kelsey, in Lincolnshire, the practice there being to ring the peal of bells on the Monday evening after the last publication of banns, but in this latter case the custom appears to have fallen into disuse many years ago. Bells frequently bear inscriptions relating to the marriage peals; the fifth bell at Coton-in-the-Elms, Derbyshire, dated 1786, has inscribed on it:--
"The bride and groom we greet In holy wedlock joined, Our sounds are emblems sweet Of hearts in love combined."
In the early part of the century it appears to have been a common practice in most parts of the country for the clerk, after the publication of the banns of marriage, to rise and say, "G.o.d speed them well;" and in some places it was usual for the congregation to respond "Amen." At Hope, in Derbyshire, this was done not only on the publication of banns, but also at the solemnization of the marriage, immediately after the abjuration--"I require and charge you both." The practice has fallen into the same oblivion which has overtaken the old parish clerk--at one period so self-important an individual in the church, and now, except in remote villages, so insignificant an official. The custom appears to have lingered for some time at Croxton Kerrial, near Melton Mowbray, and at Birkby, a village near Northallerton.
The following extract from the parish registers for Chalgrave, Bedfordshire, for the year 1655, furnishes an instance of the manner in which weddings were frequently conducted during the Commonwealth, in pursuance of Cromwell"s Act of Parliament, August 24, 1653, and by which the presence of a priest was entirely dispensed with:--"Henry Fisher and Sarah Newson, of Chalgrave, published three severall Lords dayes in one p{sh} meeting house called the church ended xxiij{rd} of Sept{b} and no exception made against it, and the said Henry Fisher and Sarah Newson was married the xxix{th} Sept{b}, as by certificate doth appear by Francis Austeres Esq, and in psents of Will: Martin and Abraham Newson." In the parish registers of Launceston, Cornwall, is the following entry:--"Hereaf{r} follow marriages by laymen, according to the prophanes, and giddynes of the times without precedent or example in any Christian Kingdom or Commonwealth, from the birth of Christ unto this very year 1655.
"1655, The 28{th} daye of October were married by John Hicks, Gent. and Maior of this Town, John Heddon and Mary Harvey. Their banns being published in the Markett Place att Launceston three severall Markett dayes, viz., the 11{th}, the 18{th}, and the 25{th} of this instant October, without contradiction."
The following extract from the register of St. Mary"s Church, Bermondsey, 1604, instances a curious custom of re-uniting husband and wife who had been long separated:--
"The form of a solemn vowe made betwixt a man and his wife, having been long absent, through which occasion the woman beinge married to another man, took her again as followeth:--
_The Man"s speach._ Elizabeth, my beloved wife, I am right sorie that I have so long absented myself from thee, whereby thou shouddest be occasioned to take another man to be thy husband. Therefore I do now vowe and promise in the sight of G.o.d, and this companie, to take thee again as mine owne, and will not only forgive thee, but also dwell with thee, and do all other duties unto thee, as I promised at our marriage.