"Afore he took to drinking like a fish, Hank Walters was as likely looking a young feller as I ever see."
Mis" White, she says:
"Well, Hank he never was a stingy man, nohow. Often and often White has told me about seeing Hank, after he"d sold a piece of land, treating the hull town down in Nolan"s bar-room jest as come-easy, go-easy as if it wasn"t money he orter paid his honest debts with."
They set there that-a-way telling of what good pints they could think of fur ten minutes, and Hank a-hearing it and getting madder and madder all the time. The gineral opinion was that Hank wasn"t no good and was better done fur, and no matter what they said them feelings kep"
sticking out through the words.
By and by Tom Alexander come busting into the house, and his wife, Mis"
Alexander, was with him.
"What"s the matter with all you folks," he says. "They ain"t n.o.body hanging in that there blacksmith shop. I broke the door down and went in, and it was empty."
Then they was a pretty howdy-do, and they all sings out:
"Where"s the corpse?"
And some thinks mebby some one has cut it down and took it away, and all gabbles to oncet. But for a minute no one thinks mebby little Danny has been egged on to tell lies. Little Danny ain"t saying a word. But Elmira she grabs me and shakes me and she says:
"You little liar, you, what do you mean by that tale you told?"
I thinks that lamming is about due now. But whilst all eyes is turned on me and Elmira, they comes a voice from that cistern. It is Hank"s voice, and he sings out:
"Tom Alexander, is that you?"
Some of the women scream, for some thinks it is Hank"s ghost. But one woman says what would a ghost be doing in a cistern?
Tom Alexander, he laughs and he says:
"What in blazes you want to jump in there fur, Hank?"
"You dern ijut!" says Hank, "you quit mocking me and get a ladder, and when I get out"n here I"ll learn you to ast what did I want to jump in here fur!"
"You never seen the day you could do it," says Tom Alexander, meaning the day he could lick him. "And if you feel that way about it you can stay there fur all of me. I guess a little water won"t hurt you none."
And he left the house.
"Elmira," sings out Hank, mad and bossy, "you go get me a ladder!"
But Elmira, her temper riz up too, all of a sudden.
"Don"t you dare order me around like I was the dirt under your feet, Hennerey Walters," she says.
At that Hank fairly roared, he was so mad. He says:
"Elmira, when I get out"n here I"ll give you what you won"t fergit in a hurry. I hearn you a-forgiving me and a-weeping over me, and I won"t be forgive nor weeped over by no one! You go and get that ladder."
But Elmira only answers:
"You wasn"t sober when you fell into there, Hennerey Walters. And now you can jest stay in there till you get a better temper on you!" And all the women says: "That"s right, Elmira; s.p.u.n.k up to him!"
They was considerable splashing around in the water fur a couple of minutes. And then, all of a sudden, a live fish come a-whirling out of that hole, which he had ketched it with his hands. It was a big bullhead, and its whiskers around its mouth was stiffened into spikes, and it lands kerplump into Mis" Rogers"s lap, a-wiggling, and it kind o" horns her on the hands, and she is that surprised she faints. Mis"
Primrose, she gets up and pushes that fish back into the cistern with her foot from the floor where it had fell, and she says right decided:
"Elmira Walters, that was Elmira Appleton, if you let Hank out"n that cistern before he has signed the pledge and promised to jine the church you"re a bigger fool "n I take you to be. A woman has got to make a stand!" With that she marches out"n our house.
Then all the women sings out:
"Send fur Brother Cartwright! Send fur Brother Cartwright!"
And they sent me scooting acrost town to get him quick. Which he was the preacher of the Baptist church and lived next to it. And I hadn"t got no lamming yet!
CHAPTER II
I never stopped to tell but two, three folks on the way to Brother Cartwright"s, but they must of spread it quick. "Cause when I got back home with him it seemed like the hull town was there. It was along about dusk by this time, and it was a prayer-meeting night at the church.
Mr. Cartwright told his wife to tell the folks what come to the prayer-meeting he"d be back before long, and to wait fur him. Which she really told them where he had went, and what fur. Mr. Cartwright marches right into the kitchen. All the chairs in our house was into the kitchen, and the women was a-talking and a-laughing, and they had sent over to Alexanderses for their chairs and to Rogerses for theirn. Every oncet in a while they would be a awful bust of language come up from that hole where that unreginerate old sinner was cooped up in.
I have travelled around considerable since them days, and I have mixed up along of many kinds of people in many different places, and some of "em was cussers to admire. But I never hearn such cussing before or since as old Hank done that night. He busted his own records and riz higher"n his own water marks for previous times. I wasn"t nothing but a little kid then, and skeercly fitten fur to admire the full beauty of it. They was deep down cusses, that come from the heart. Looking back at it after all these years, I can believe what Brother Cartwright said himself that night, that it wasn"t natcheral cussing and some higher power, like a demon or a evil sperrit, must of entered into Hank"s human carkis and give that turrible eloquence to his remarks. It busted out every few minutes, and the women would put their fingers into their ears till a spell was over. And it was personal, too. Hank, he would listen until he hearn a woman"s voice that he knowed, and then he would let loose on her fambly, going backwards to her grandfathers and downwards to her children"s children. If her father had once stolen a hog, or her husband done any disgrace that got found out on him, Hank would put it all into his gineral remarks, with tr.i.m.m.i.n.gs onto it.
Brother Cartwright, he steps up to the hole in the floor when he first comes in and he says, gentle-like and soothing, like a undertaker when he tells you where to set at a home funeral:
"Brother Walters."
"Brother!" Hank yells out, "don"t ye brother me, you sniffling, psalm-singing, yaller-faced, pigeon-toed hippercrit, you! Get me a ladder, gol dern you, and I"ll come out"n here and learn you to brother me, I will." Only that wasn"t nothing to what Hank really said to that preacher; no more like it than a little yaller, fluffy canary is like a buzzard.
"Brother Walters," says the preacher, ca"am but firm, "we have all decided that you ain"t going to come out of that cistern till you sign the pledge."
And Hank tells him what he thinks of pledges and him and church doings, and it wasn"t purty. And he says if he was as deep in eternal fire as what he now is in rain-water, and every fish that nibbles at his toes was a preacher with a red-hot pitchfork a-jabbing at him, they could jab till the hull hereafter turned into snow afore he"d ever sign nothing a man like Mr. Cartwright give him to sign. Hank was stubborner than any mule he ever nailed shoes onto, and proud of being that stubborn. That town was a awful religious town, and Hank he knowed he was called the most onreligious man in it, and he was proud of that too; and if any one called him a heathen it jest plumb tickled him all over.
"Brother Walters," says that preacher, "we are going to pray for you."
And they done it. They brought all them chairs close up around that cistern, in a ring, and they all kneeled down there, with their heads on "em, and they prayed fur Hank"s salvation. They done it up in style, too, one at a time, and the others singing out, "Amen!" every now and then, and they shed tears down onto Hank. The front yard was crowded with men, all a-laughing and a-talking and chawing and spitting tobacco and betting how long Hank would hold out. Old Si Emery, that was the city marshal, and always wore a big nickel-plated star, was out there with "em. Si was in a sweat, "cause Bill Nolan, that run the bar-room, and some more of Hank"s friends, or as near friends as he had, was out in the road. They says to Si he must arrest that preacher, fur Hank is being gradual murdered in that there water, and he"ll die if he"s helt there too long, and it will be a crime. Only they didn"t come into the yard to say it amongst us religious folks. But Si, he says he da.s.sent arrest no one because it is outside the town copperation; but he"s considerable worried too about what his duty orter be.
Pretty soon the gang that Mrs. Cartwright has rounded up at the prayer-meeting comes stringing along in. They had all brung their hymn books with them, and they sung. The hull town was there then, and they all sung, and they sung revival hymns over Hank. And Hank he would jest cuss and cuss. Every time he busted out into another cussing spell they would start another hymn. Finally the men out in the front yard got warmed up too, and begun to sing, all but Bill Nolan"s crowd, and they give Hank up for lost and went away disgusted.
The first thing you knowed they was a reg"lar revival meeting there, and that preacher was preaching a reg"lar revival sermon. I been to more"n one camp meeting, but fur jest natcherally taking holt of the hull human race by the slack of its pants and dangling of it over h.e.l.l-fire, I never hearn nothing could come up to that there sermon. Two or three old backsliders in the crowd come right up and repented all over agin on the spot. The hull kit and biling of "em got the power good and hard, like they does at camp meetings and revivals. But Hank, he only cussed. He was obstinate, Hank was, and his pride and dander had riz up. Finally he says:
"You"re taking a ornery, low-down advantage o" me, you are. Let me out"n this here cistern and I"ll show you who"ll stick it out longest on dry land, dern your religious hides!"
Some of the folks there hadn"t had no suppers, so after all the other sinners but Hank had either got converted or else sneaked away, some of the women says why not make a kind of love feast out of it, and bring some vittles, like they does to church sociables. Because it seems likely Satan is going to wrastle all night long, like he done with the angel Jacob, and they ought to be prepared. So they done it. They went and they come back with vittles and they made up hot coffee and they feasted that preacher and theirselves and Elmira and me, all right in Hank"s hearing.
And Hank was getting hungry himself. And he was cold in that water. And the fish was nibbling at him. And he was getting cussed out and weak and soaked full of despair. And they wasn"t no way fur him to set down and rest. And he was scared of getting a cramp in his legs, and sinking down with his head under water and being drownded. He said afterward he"d of done the last with pleasure if they was any way of suing that crowd fur murder. So along about ten o"clock he sings out:
"I give in, gosh dern ye! I give in. Let me out and I"ll sign your pesky pledge!"