Again, she isn"t sure whether she heard the words or just felt them. Whichever, she can absolutely feel the pain behind them. The pain and the power. This is a being far stronger than she. Even his loneliness is stronger than hers. He is calling her out of a pit of despair so deep that no one can rescue him. And his need for her is irresistible.
I would die for you, she finds herself thinking, and begins to walk toward the voice.
The protesting branches coil around her. The DARK DREAMS * 101.
ground churns under her feet. She doesn"t care. Dying in this forest would be worth it, as long as she were fighting her way toward him.
She can feel him getting closer. Is he trying to reach her, too? Her heart begins to thud with painful excitement.
I"m coming, she tells him joyfully.
Now she is sure she can hear his breathing-fast and shaky, as though he"s as excited as she. The very air seems to heat up around her. To her amazement, she sees that the twisted branches in her path are starting to lift out of the way like curtains on a stage. The ground, too, is firmer, and the mist is beginning to clear. She can make her way forward with confidence.
He is very close. She knows it. Yes, yes, I"m here, she calls to him dizzily. In a second she will see him. Half-joyous, half-terrified, she reaches out through the branches to touch him.
With a rending screech, the ground in front of her opens up and she plunges forward into a black chasm.
102 * Children of the Night "No!" Lila gasped, and woke up.
She was lying on her bed, fully dressed, damp with sweat, and trembling uncontrollably.
"No," she said brokenly, feeling as if the pain would actually rip her heart in two. "It couldn"t have been a dream. I won"t let it be a dream!"
She closed her eyes, hoping desperately to recapture the experience of a few seconds before. But when she lifted her head and looked around again, she saw only the hateful blandness of her bedroom.
So it had been a dream. In real life, there was no one out there looking for her. In real life, she lived in this neat, loveless room. She was her nothing self again, with nothing to look forward to. She hadn"t even become a wolf this time.
To think that I"d be disappointed by that, Lila thought dryly as she got up from the bed and dragged herself over to her window. Glancing out, she saw that the moon was beginning to wane. Its lopsided face stared cruelly down at her. Nothing left for you, it seemed to say.
The full moon was over. That must be why she"d stayed herself tonight. Strange how flat and lifeless she felt in her own skin.
DARK DREAMS * 103.
On the fourth night, nothing happened to Lila at all, though she lay awake all night waiting.
I"ll have to see what happens next month, she thought, with a secret thrill of joy, Immediately she was disgusted with herself. How could she be looking forward to such a revolting change? Was the transformation in her body beginning to take hold of her mind, too?
You should be ashamed, Lila said to herself. But the admonishment couldn"t touch the part of her that now mattered most.
The dream had changed everything.
CHAPTER 9.
"You are absolutely, totally out of your mind," Marci announced.
It was the morning after the fourth night. School would be starting in a few minutes. Lila stood before her locker, Samantha and Marci in front of her. It was almost as if they were trying to block her in, keep her from doing anything they didn"t agree to first.
Lila had just told them she was going to break up with Corey after school. Neither of her friends was taking the news well.
"I can"t believe this. I can"t believe how stupid you"re being," said Marci in rapid-fire bursts. "Corey"s perfect for you! You guys are the absolutely perfect couple!"
"Not if-not if I don"t think so," Lila replied. "It DARK DREAMS * 105.
takes two people to make a perfect couple, you know."
"But he"s so cute!" wailed Samantha. "How can you just abandon someone that cute?"
Lila gave an exasperated sigh. "I"m not abandoning him. He"ll survive. It"s just-I don"t know. There"s something missing between us. No matter how cute Corey is."
Marci squinted at her suspiciously. "You"re blushing," she said quietly. "No, I"m not!"
"Yes, you are," said Samantha with interest. "You look like a beet." She shook her finger teas-ingly. "Someone"s got a secret1 Someone"s got a secret!" she chanted. "Someone"s got a-"
"Oh, all right, "Lila snapped. "If you really want to know, I did happen to see this other guy. But there"s nothing going on between us. I don"t even know him." Quickly she described her encounter with the boy on the motorcycle. "We didn"t even talk or anything," she finished. "It"s just. . . seeing him made me realize there"s-I don"t know-some potential out there that I"m missing."
"Yeah, really," Marci"s voice was withering.
106 * Children of the Night "Someone you don"t even know and probably won"t ever see again certainly offers you a lot of potential." Lila was silent.
"You"re losing it," said Marci. "You"re not being very nice about this." Lila bit off the words. "We"re friends, aren"t we? Why can"t you be more understanding?"
Marci pinched her lips together and exhaled hard, as though she were trying to control herself. "Of course we"re friends," she continued in a calmer voice. "And that"s why I"m upset, Li. I"m not trying to shoot you down. I just don"t like to see you making a fool of yourself over something that"s totally imaginary."
"Besides, Corey really loves you and everything," Samantha put in. Her blue eyes were wide and anxious. "Remember "The Wizard of Oz"?" "What about it?" asked Lila blankly. "You know how, at the end, Dorothy"s talking about how there"s no place like home, and if you"re looking for happiness you"ll find it in your own backyard or whatever? So all I"m saying is, Corey"s in your backyard. Wouldn"t you be, you know, happier if you just stayed with him?"
DARK DREAMS * 107.
"Maybe I would. Maybe I would! But right now, I don"t feel that way. I mean, G.o.d, I"m only sixteen years old! Do I have to settle down with Mr. Sensible for the rest of my life right this minute?"
"Corey is perfect for you," Marci said again, shaking her head pityingly. "You might as well face it."
"You think he"s perfect for me. Samantha thinks he"s perfect for me. My parents probably think he"s perfect for me, too, if I cared what they thought. But guys, I don"t think so! Doesn"t that count for anything?"
"Not when you"re being crazy," said Marci stubbornly. "Not when you"re throwing everything away."
"Excuse me?" Lila said. "Am I missing something here? I don"t want to be in this relationship anymore. Period. You"re my friends. I expect a little support, at least!"
Marci didn"t answer that. Instead she switched to a different tack. "You don"t even trust your own best friends anymore," she said. "You think we"re out to sabotage you. You think we don"t care about what"s best for you."
108 * Children of the Night DARK DREAMS * 109.
"I think you care," Lila said carefully. "I"m just not sure you know. I"m really the only person who can know what"s best for me."
"You know what, Lila?" answered Marci. "I pity you. I really do. You think you"re doing what"s best for you, but you"re really being selfish to a really nice guy who cares a lot about you. It"s going to be hard explaining this to people."
And she swept away, obviously proud of having gotten in the last word.
After a doubtful glance at Lila, Samantha followed Marci.
The first bell rang. Lila absently gathered her books together and started down the hall.
She had never realized before that her friends felt threatened by the thought of her doing something that didn"t fit the plan, This day is starting out just great, she thought bitterly. Let"s hope things improve from here.
They didn"t. There was still Corey to talk to.
All day long Lila dreaded the time when she"d have to confront him. Once, when she pa.s.sed him in the hall, his eyes met hers briefly and then flicked away. Lila was sure he sensed what was coming.
When she walked slowly out onto the front steps after school, Corey didn"t see her at first. He was staring out at the school lawn, which was scattered with couples leaving school together.
For a second Lila just stood there watching him. Was he remembering the time when he and Lila had first started going out? She felt as though she could recall every second of those early days. Back then, she"d thought of Corey the instant she woke up every morning. She had constantly found herself smiling. Every night she had replayed their conversations over and over in her mind as she lay in bed. She hadn"t needed any sleep; she had just floated through her days. Corey had been everything to her.
When was that? I feel a hundred years older now.
Maybe Samantha and Marci were right. Maybe she was making a mistake. Corey was so nice and so good at things. The two of them were perfect for each other, everybody said so. ...
If a motorcycle hadn"t pa.s.sed in front of the 110 * Children of the Night DARK DRKAMS * 111.
school just then, Lila might have changed her mind. The rider wasn"t the boy she"d seen the day before; he was a middle-aged delivery man in a yellow jumpsuit. Even so, the way her heart jumped at the sound made her certain she was doing the right thing. If a total stranger on a motorcycle turned her upside down, then she shouldn"t be spending any more time with Corey. It would only remind her of what she was missing.
I don"t care if I never see that other boy again. I"d rather remember the one time he looked at me than spend the rest of my life with Corey. The thought was shocking to her. She hadn"t wanted to admit the strength of the mystery boy"s hold on her. Now that she knew, it was time to get this over with.
She walked forward and put her hand on Corey"s shoulder.
He turned without surprise and smiled quizzically at her. "I miss you already," he said wistfully, Lila couldn"t smile back. Biting her lip, she took his hand. They walked down the school steps silently, side by side. At the bottom, Corey cleared his throat. "Where to?" he asked.
"We can just walk around the block, I guess," Lila said helplessly.
They walked a way together in silence before Corey spoke again.
"I know what you"re going to tell me, Lila. I just want to know why you"re doing it."
"I wish I could tell you." Lila"s voice was bleak. "I"m not right for you any more, Corey."
"I think you are," he said, "and I should know, shouldn"t I?"
Lila remembered that she"d said almost the same thing to Samantha and Marci. "You"re right about what you"re feeling," she said, "but you don"t realize how much I"ve changed. It"s not that I wanted to. Believe me, it would be a lot better if things could have stayed the way they were."
"Why can"t they stay the same?" asked Corey sadly. "I"m willing to forget what"s happened- whatever has happened. I mean, every couple has problems they have to work out. If we love each other, we can work anything out, can"t we?"
Lila didn"t answer.
"Can"t we?"
"No, we can"t," Lila said. "I-I do love you. But 112 * Children of the Night not in a way that will do anything for either of us." Corey stopped on the sidewalk and stared at her. "What"s that supposed to mean?" he blurted.
"It means I don"t love you in the right way anymore." Feeling suddenly restless, Lila started walking again, but Corey reached out, grabbed her wrist, and turned her to face him.
"When people tell you something like that," he said slowly, "it usually means they"ve started loving someone else in the right way. Is that what you"re saying?"
" Wo."" Lila tried to pull away, but Corey wouldn"t let go, "I swear there"s no one else. I mean, who could there be?" Her voice was getting shrill. She did her best to lower it. "Corey, you see me every day," she continued more calmly. "You know you"re the only person I"m involved with."
It wasn"t really a lie, after all. No one could call her "involved" with the guy on the motorcycle. She"d probably never see him again anyway.
"And I also know what a great person you are," Corey continued. He was starting to sound more confident. "So if you"re not involved with someone else, then there really isn"t a problem. G.o.d, what a DARK DREAMS.
113.
relief You know, I was sure you were going to tell me you"d fallen for some college stud or something. But if you haven"t, then there"s no reason you can"t give tis another try."
Before Lila could think up an answer, Corey was pulling her even closer. "I"m sure I can change your mind, babe," he murmured huskily. His lips nuzzled her hair, then moved toward her mouth. "After everything we"ve been through-"
Get away from me, Lila"s pulse beat frantically. Get away from me. This is sacrilege. Get away from me.
"Don"t you dare touch me!" she cried out in panic. She jerked violently out of his arms. "I mean it," she panted. "Keep away, Corey."
"My G.o.d." Corey was pale. "You do mean it."
"Yes. Yes. What does it take to make you believe me?"
Corey shook his head in disbelief. "You don"t even want me to touch you," he said in a stunned voice.
Lila was still breathing hard. "That"s right. I don"t. I"m sorry, but I don"t. You"re a really nice guy, but-"
"But 1 turn your stomach. Why didn"t you explain it that way?" Corey asked bitterly.
114 * Children of the Night "Hey, it"s not that bad." Lila tried to smile. "I just don"t-"
"Shut up, Lila," Corey broke in harshly. "I can see what you don"t want. Okay? You"ve made your point, okay? G.o.d d.a.m.n it, don"t keep rubbing my face in it!"
Suddenly he rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand and turned away. "You"re pretty amazing, you know that?" he said brokenly. "All this time you really had me believing you loved me." "Corey, I-"
He wouldn"t let her finish. "I don"t know what you wanted from me, Lila. But you can just forget it. I"m not hanging around so you can make a fool of me. You can just go to h.e.l.l." His voice was ragged. "Don"t you ever come near me again." Half-stumbling, he began to walk away. Lila stood motionless, watching him go. When he turned the corner, she slowly headed toward home.
It was over. She should have been relieved, but she didn"t feel anything at all.
She kept hearing Corey"s last words to her.
DARK DRKAMS * 115.
You can"t send me to h.e.l.l, Corey. Believe it or not, I"m there already.
When Lila was halfway home, the boy on the motorcycle drove by. He didn"t stop this time. He gave her a piercing look over his shoulder and sped away without once looking back.