"I went to talk to him ... to talk out everything on my mind." Raphael came to sit next to her. "And I suppose to get some kind of closure. Acceptance of his death-"
"Raffy," she tried to interrupt, but he silenced her with a wave of his hand.
"Imagine my surprise when his tomb was empty! Old Quin was taken aback too ... All very odd." He stopped talking and his head dropped. He waited for her to speak.
She shifted in her seat. "Raffy-"
"Where is he" Raphael raised his head "if he"s not in his tomb?"
"Darling ... you know that death here is not as it is in the mortal world." Celeste rose, picking up her needlework and placing it in a white wicker basket at the side of the sofa. She seemed unable to look at him.
"Yes." He stared at her back. "But we gather the bones when our people are gone ... But my father"s are gone. I want to know where."
Celeste sighed and her usual immaculate posture drooped. She turned and finally met Raphael"s eyes, moving cautiously towards him. Finally she sat herself next to him.
"Raphael, I don"t know where your father is ..." She breathed out at last, as though letting go of some burden, all the time watching her great-son.
"What?" Raphael felt his heart skip a beat, or perhaps stop altogether, just for a second. "But, you said ... I saw ..." He stopped; he remembered the last time he had seen Gabriel, half mad, gibbering, while Dorcas wrung her hands next to him. He had been so shrunken and pale, where he had been larger than life, full of vitality. He had just kept repeating the same word: "sorry".
"Your father was very weak," said Celeste. "And your mother well, she couldn"t cope. She still can"t ... But who knows-"
Raphael shook his head impatiently. "I don"t want to talk about my mother."
"I was his sole carer. I felt as though I was with him night and day, trying to comfort him, tell him that whatever he had done, it was not worth wasting away over. Your father"s valet, Milo, was devoted to him too as you know. Between us we tried to keep him from ... disappearing. Then one night, Gabriel was in a particularly bad way. His skin was grey, and he shook all over. We knew that there was nothing physically wrong with him, we knew that it was his mind, destroying him. Milo went to the physician to fetch a sedative while I stayed with Gabriel, but he was gone for so long ... and Cadmium never the most patient of men was eager for me to accompany him on a state visit on the other side of Nissilum. I felt torn, but the staff a.s.sured me they would watch over my son ... And so I left."
Celeste paused, her pain visible in her eyes, before going on.
"I was away for a day and a half...And when we returned I rushed to his room, hopeful that he would be calm and peaceful. Milo was standing guard outside and when he saw me approach, his whole face seemed to freeze in fear he told me that Gabriel had gone ... he had literally wasted away overnight."
"Yes I know that he wasted away ..." Raphael could see how difficult she was finding this explanation, and it made his heart soften towards her, just a little. But he wanted the whole truth, the whole story, however hard it was for his great-mother to tell it.
"I didn"t believe him at first and I must say I pushed past him and ran in to see for myself." She paused, taking a breath. "And there on the bed was what I took to be him: a collection of bones underneath a blanket."
"So you saw his bones?" Raphael leaned forward. "It was true?"
"I couldn"t bear to look ..." A tear slipped down on to her cheek. "I remember sinking on to the bed and sobbing. Thinking of you, a boy without his father, whose mother had gone ... I suppose all that had happened over the years since Gabriel first broke down suddenly came upon me, like a great weight crashing down." She blinked at Raphael through her tears. "The next thing I remember was waking up with Cadmium at my side on the day of Gabriel"s ushering out ceremony."
"But what about my great-father, my mother, my aunts? n.o.body saw for themselves that Gabriel was dead?"
She shook her head. "n.o.body could face it. And then he was taken to the tombs and n.o.body visited. By that time you were starting to ..."
"Yes." Raphael nodded. "My own "madness" had begun."
"And when I did finally first visit the tombs I saw that his was empty, and I just left and never told a soul. I pretended to the family that all was well. Cadmium refused to talk about Gabriel ... I knew he would never go there. Dear old Quin was practically jubilant at the sight of me. Clearly n.o.body else had been there. The only one who knew was me ..."
"And Milo?" Raphael pushed her. "Milo knew. Did you not try and find him when he went to live with his cousins in the South?"
She stared at me, and I knew. She had no idea where Milo was either.
"They both just disappeared," she whispered, hoa.r.s.ely now that her tears were coming thick and fast. "Just ... gone."
"He could still be alive," said Raphael, trying hard to take it all in. "Somewhere ... Gabriel is still alive."
CHAPTER TWENTY.
When I woke up the first thing I saw was the moon through the window. Translucent, shimmering, perfectly round. I looked at my clock, two a.m. I had gone to bed with that moon staring at me, and woken up to it. For months I had barely noticed it and now it seemed to be beckoning to me. All over again.
Careful not to wake my sleeping family, I drew back my quilt and softly crossed the room to the window.
It was a windy night, but milder than usual. I shrugged off the thick cardigan I had worn to bed and forgotten to take off. A tiny draught lifted the fine hair on my arms and outside the black-topped trees swayed rhythmically. The wind must be strong because it was as though the whole of the mountain was whispering. Just leaves. .h.i.tting leaves, I told myself. But something felt different tonight ... I felt a strange sensation. No, not strange ... familiar. I had drifted in and out of sleep, things coming into my head ... Not exactly a dream, but images. I wanted so badly to see Luca. But all I saw was fleeting. Black eyes. Not green. A thick green forest and the sound of breathing.
And a low wail. Like a wolf"s.
I lifted the window latch, pushing it open, feeling the slight nip of the difference in temperature. It felt cool, soothing, gentle fingertips stroking my arm. I shut my eyes, wanting to feel sleepy again.
"Jane."
My eyes snapped open, met a flash of a face. But was it him? Was I just making him up ... and those unmistakeable mossy green eyes? I opened my mouth, but as I did so, he disappeared. Breathlessly, I leaned right out of the window, searching on the ground below. I didn"t imagine it, I knew. Someone had been there.
"Luca," I whispered out into the night, "please. Don"t go."
But I was met only with silence. The yard was deserted, the trees still gently swaying.
I closed the window, defeated, and as I moved away from it, I caught my reflection on the dressing table mirror. My hair was tangled and messy, and dark shadows lined my eyes. I looked terrible, like I hadn"t slept for months. All the happiness drained out of me.
I knew I would never sleep now. But I climbed back into bed, pulling the quilt over me, leaning back against the headrest.
Luca had not spoken to me for months, hadn"t contacted me through my dreams like he had all that time ago. And now, tonight ... Was he trying to tell me something?
Or warn me?
Suddenly my heart was beating fast and adrenaline started to surge. Was Luca in trouble? Hugging my knees, I glanced again at the clock only ten minutes had pa.s.sed and then my eyes fell on my phone. Flipping it open I scrolled through the numbers. I had barely used my phone since I"d got it ... but I remembered the text from Soren, the creepy one he"d sent on the day I got it. Had I saved the number? Had there even been a number?
No. But the text was still there. Shaking my head, wondering if I was opening up a whole new can of worms, I pressed Reply.
WHERE ARE YOU?.
I sent the message and snapped the phone shut. It was the middle of the night, who knows how long I"d have to wait for a reply. Slipping down in the bed I closed my eyes, willing myself to sleep, just as my phone beeped.
WHEREVER YOU WANT ME TO BE.
Typical. I rolled my eyes as I texted back.
I THINK I NEED TO GO BACK. THIS ISN"T OVER YET.
I"d hardly sent it before his response flashed back on the screen.
I KNEW YOU"D COME ROUND. LET"S TALK IN THE MORNING.
Infuriating, yet I couldn"t help the smile that crept across my face.
OK I tapped back, before turning the light out.
As dubious as my trust in him was, Soren was my ticket back to Nissilum. My only chance.
Weaving my bike in and out through the college students standing around the main gates, I craned my neck to see Ashley and Emma deep in conversation, sitting on the wall.
It was time for a proper apology.
"Hey," I said, dismounting. The girls looked up from their conversation. Ashley was aiming for cross, which just looked a little comical on her sweet face. Emma went for a half-smile, shrugging her delicate shoulders.
"Listen ... I know you think I"m rude and weird and ... stuff," I began. "But I"m just a little touchy about boys at the moment."
The twins glanced quickly at each other.
"About Balzac?" Ashley asked. ""Cause, we wouldn"t say anything ..."
"No ... It"s not him. He"s just a teacher taking a special interest in my work ... It"s ... Well, I broke up with a guy a few months ago. I guess I"m not really over him yet ... I took it out on you two, I"m sorry."
They simultaneously crossed their arms over their chests.
"Apology accepted," they said in unison, before Ashley jumped down off the wall.
"What happened?" she asked, biting her lip. "Or don"t you want to talk about it?"
"No. It"s OK. It"s a guy I was with for a few months ... He lived a long way from here. Kind of a long-distance romance." I sighed. "I thought he was my soulmate, but his family kind of had other plans and ... it didn"t work out." I smiled grimly. "But I still think about him. A lot."
"We"re sorry." Ashley looked back at Emma, whose doe-eyes focussed on me. "That must be awful." She flared her nostrils. "And what a loser! Dumping someone as pretty as you ..."
"It"s a bit more complicated than that-" I began, but the girls moved to either side of me, linking their arms through mine.
"Who needs boys anyway?" said Emma. "They just mess with your head." She gave my arm a little squeeze with hers. "You need someone older. More mature ..."
"Maybe you should give Balzac a chance?" said Ashley casually. "I mean it"s obvious he so totally likes you."
"No." I shook my head, almost laughing. "He doesn"t. Not like that. Believe me." But I could see them exchanging looks behind my back.
"If you say so," Ash replied. "But you could do a lot worse ..."
"Maybe." I wrinkled my nose, just as Soren rounded the south corner of the quad and headed straight in our direction. I tried to stop myself from going red.
"I"m just going to lock my bike," I told the twins, before they clocked him. "I"ll see you at break?"
"OK. But don"t you want to say h.e.l.lo to Mr Balzac first?" said Emma, innocently. "It seems a little rude ..."
"He"ll survive," I said, turning off at the path to the cycle racks. "I"ll see you later."
I had put some extra clothes in my rucksack, together with a toothbrush and all the things I had never thought to take to Nissilum before. I hadn"t needed them. I wanted to be more prepared this time. I shoved the key to the bike lock in a zip pocket.
"So," came a voice behind me, "what"s happened to change your mind?"
I turned and rose up from my crouched position on the ground.
"Hey," I said. "Thanks for ... you know, replying to my message."
"Not a problem," he replied. "What"s going on?"
"I just ... I think Luca was trying to tell me something in my sleep," I said, "last night."
"Really?" Soren nodded. "I must try that."
"Try what?"
"Talking to you in your sleep."
"I thought the connection had been broken," I went on, ignoring him. "He hasn"t spoken to me for months. I think he is in trouble ... Or something"s wrong."
"Are you sure it was him?" Soren frowned.
"Who else would it be? I didn"t ... don"t have that connection with anyone else. I mean it has to be him." I watched Soren"s expression turning anxious.
"What? What"s the matter?" I asked.
"Nothing," he put on what looked very much like a fake smile. "Nothing"s wrong."
"Right. Because if you know something?" I said, lifting my chin. "If-"
"Jane. Jane ... calm down. I am merely absorbing this latest turn in events," said Soren, giving what he thought was a rea.s.suring smile. "I am as curious as you are."
"OK." I hoisted my rucksack on to my shoulder. "I told my mother I was spending the night with Ashley and Emma, so-"
"Ashley and Emma?" Soren stroked his chin. "Those two blonde creatures I saw you walk in with just now?"
"Huge fans of yours," I said, warningly. "So, don"t knock them."
"I wasn"t going to ..." He held up a hand in protest. "They just don"t seem like the sort of girls you would be friendly with, that"s all."
"I ... They"re not, I guess ... But I"ve never actually had a friend before, so I"ll go with it." I shrugged. "They"re OK. If a little..."
"Girly," he supplied. "And pink."
I gave him a light shove. "Like I said, Soren, for some reason, those girls think the sun shines out of your-"