I opened the car door, hesitating.
"Jane ..." Soren"s voice was serious now. "This is our chance ... It could be our last chance."
"I know." I hugged my bag to me, my hand hovering on the door-handle. "I"ll be here."
CHAPTER TEN.
"Luca is riding with us tomorrow." Lowe eyed Raphael. "He is keen to make amends with you."
"Is he?" Raphael"s expression was impa.s.sive.
"You don"t seem enthusiastic." Lowe slumped against the stable door.
Raphael plucked a blade of gra.s.s and ran his finger down the stem.
"Clearly it is not ever going to be a straightforward relationship." He dropped the gra.s.s on to the ground. "But he"ll be a strong and reliable influence here one day."
"Hmm." Lowe narrowed his eyes. "Apparently he is."
"It makes my great-mother happy to see us at peace with one another. If I am to ascend to the throne I need people like Luca around me. Supporting me."
"That"s a nice speech."
"It is, isn"t it?"
"But you don"t want strong and reliable people in your life ..." Lowe stared hard at him. "Isn"t that the truth?"
"Not strictly." Raphael got to his feet. "I certainly need strength. And reliability, come to that."
"I don"t understand. What else would you require?"
"I require some backbone. Bravery."
"Yes ..." Lowe said nervously. "Raphael ... are you completely cured?"
"Indeed I am." Raphael began pacing, lightly kicking the brick of the stable wall. "But not exactly as was before."
"Meaning ... ?"
Raphael seemed to be considering for a moment, pushing thoughts around his head. Eventually he turned to Lowe.
"Do you ... do you never resent being told what to do all the time?" he asked. "Your destiny is boringly pre-determined by people who don"t really know you. And your innate power is tightly controlled. It"s not exactly natural, is it?"
Lowe frowned. "It is the best way."
"For whom?"
"Well ... for us all. We just follow tradition and we will be safe."
Raphael laughed then. "Was I safe?"
Lowe looked startled. "I ... I don"t know-"
"I mean. I wasn"t safe. I was dangerous. To my family ... to myself." He gave a short laugh. "To mortals."
"Yes, but-"
"So none of us is ever safe, Lowe. n.o.body can prevent "madness"."
The way he p.r.o.nounced the word "madness" caused Lowe to step closer, intrigued.
"But you are better now. The madness is gone."
"It wasn"t madness!" Raphael almost spat the words out. "That is simply a convenient term for Celeste and your parents and every other automaton here to use. I simply had other ideas, that"s all."
He held the boy"s gaze.
Lowe tried to look away but found himself transfixed. "They are not cowards," he managed to say. "They want the best for us all."
"They have built this world on a false notion. The notion that a life without risk is a better life. A safer life. When all it is is a life suppressed."
"Maybe it is. But people are happier here."
"My father wasn"t."
"Wait a moment!" Lowe said angrily. "You were angry about your father. You tried to kill that mortal girl"s family."
"I know." Raphael dropped his eyes to the ground. "I was wrong. I was very angry. Angry that he had gone. I needed to blame someone. Jane"s mother seemed to be the one ... that one I could pin all my anger on. But really ... he is gone because of this world, all its suffocating expectations. Its refusal to allow any human weakness."
"But we are not human," Lowe said proudly. "We are better than that."
"Are you sure?" Raphael kicked a stone at his feet. "I don"t know that we are. We just think we are superior."
Lowe shook his head. "My mother says that sacrifice is the ultimate challenge."
"What does that mean?"
"That by giving up indulgent pleasure we are made stronger."
"Or perhaps," Raphael replied, putting his hands in his pockets. "She is just afraid of feeling."
The sound of horses" hooves made the boys turn to see a black stallion cantering towards them.
"Perhaps you should talk to my brother about sacrifice," Lowe said, recognising Luca astride the horse. "The two of you can compare notes."
Raphael ignored him, straightening up and fixing a welcoming smile on his face. He held his hand up in greeting.
Luca drew in his reins and brought the horse to a halt. Dismounting, he nodded at his brother.
"I didn"t expect you until tomorrow," said Raphael, running a hand through his blond curls.
"Henora is driving me to distraction," replied Luca, catching his breath. "I had to get out."
Raphael cast a quick pointed glance at Lowe, before patting Luca on the shoulder.
"Your choice," he said, lightly. "You are not bound to this marriage ... not yet, anyway."
A flicker of annoyance pa.s.sed over Luca"s face.
"We are all bound to duty," he said impa.s.sively. "I don"t want to have another discussion on the subject."
Raphael shrugged. "Fair enough. But you brought it up."
Luca attempted a smile. "I was struggling with my mother"s determination ... not the object of her determination."
"I see. Well, good." Raphael stretched and yawned. "And how is Lila?"
"Good, as far as I know." Luca avoided eye contact. "I have not seen her for a while."
"Lila is wonderful," put in Lowe. "She will make a good wife."
"She will." Luca looked about him, taking hold of his horse"s rein. "Are we riding today?"
"My horse is tired," said Raphael. "Lowe and I went for a long ride this morning down to the Water Path. I had forgotten how peaceful it was there. I must spend more time by the river."
Luca said nothing, but stroked the stallion"s nose.
"The Water Path is my brother"s favourite place," said Lowe. "It is where he does all his ... thinking. He thinks it is his place ... isn"t that right?"
Luca looked sharply at him. "Of course not, don"t be ridiculous."
"Well ... anyway. It makes you think ... or makes you forget," said Raphael. "A place to escape."
There was a short silence. Lowe looked from Raphael to his brother, a glint of mischief in his eyes.
Putting one leg over his horse, Luca looked weary, exasperated. He nodded curtly at both boys before turning the mare round.
"Try and be happy," Lowe called after him as he cantered away. "No one wants a misery for a husband."
The horse and rider sped up. As Lowe and Raphael watched, Luca thundered across the field, his back hunched, as though he couldn"t get away fast enough.
CHAPTER ELEVEN.
"You want more?" Mum hovered over me with a dish of apple crumble.
"No thanks, I"m full." I pushed my bowl away from me, wondering how to tell my parents that I was disappearing off for a "field trip" this weekend. Apart from Paris with Gran, I hadn"t been anywhere by myself in years. Not with friends anyway. My mother was bound to smell a rat. And she"d want to know every detail.
"Er ... Mum, I forgot to tell you. Completely forgot. I"m going on a college trip this weekend."
Mum pa.s.sed Dad the jug of custard.
"This weekend? Where? Why didn"t you tell us before?" Her look was suspicious.
"I"m sorry. It just went right out of my mind. It"s only till Sunday afternoon. To London."
"Well, where are you staying? Who"s taking you?" She clasped her hands together anxiously.
"Mr Balzac the Art teacher. He"s taking us ... to the Tate Modern, and the National Gallery ... There"s a Rothko exhibition on at the Tate. And we"re seeing the old masters at the National." I relaxed a little. Not bad, since it came off the top of my head.
"Right." She glanced at my father, who was chewing on a mouthful of crumble. "What do you think, Jack?"
He finished chewing and raised an eyebrow. "I think it sounds fun," he said, "don"t you?"
"Well. Yes ... of course, it"s just-"
"Anna. Jane will be fine. This teacher ... Mr Balzac. He"ll be supervising them. It"ll be fine."
"Well. OK." Mum relaxed a little. "I"m glad I got you that phone now, though."
"Is your boyfriend going to be there?" Dot licked her spoon.
"What are you talking about?" I said wearily.
"You must have a boyfriend, right? At college?"
"Must I?" I glared at her.
"You don"t?"
"No. I don"t!" I got up from the table. "And I"m not going to have a boyfriend for a long time. But when I do ... you"ll be the first to know about it." I gave her a sugary smile.
She stuck her tongue out and dropped her spoon in her bowl.
Dad hid a smile, while Mum shook her head and started gathering up the bowls.
"What time are you leaving in the morning?" she asked. "Dad can give you a lift."