"Tease you or kiss the breath from you?" he asked, the corners of his mouth turning up.
"Neither. Both. And smile, too." I kissed each corner, giving them a little lick as well. "Paen, I truly am sorry. I didn"t mean to mess up your life this way. I didn"t mean to mess up mine, either, but dammit, somehow, in just a few days, you"ve made me lose all reason and fall in love with you. The physical relationship you wanted isn"t going to be enough for me. I want you, all of you, not just your body. I want you in the morning when you"re grumpy because you haven"t had your morning cup of coffee-"
"I don"t drink coffee."
"And I want you in the afternoon, when you"re stubborn and infuriating-"
"I am never stubborn or infuriating!"
"And I want you in the evening, when you"re demanding, broody, and s.e.xy as h.e.l.l."
"I sense a theme here," he said, pulling me back for another kiss. "It goes without saying that I"m not demanding, broody, or s.e.x... er... all right, I am s.e.xy as h.e.l.l. I will concede that, but about the rest you are wrong."
I laughed, tears of happiness in my eyes. Inside Paen, instead of the cold denial that had claimed him before, there was reluctant acceptance and a begrudging admission that I meant more to him than he wanted to allow. There was even the start of something that felt warm to me, soft and enveloping, an emotion that made my heart sing. I want all of you, Paen. Every last bit of you.
That"s the only way we"ll work. If you can"t give me all of you, we just can"t continue on together.
I will give you everything I can, he swore, and I believed him. I wanted to hear that he loved me as well, but I knew it was too soon for him. I sensed there were deeper emotions in him, but didn"t push it. He needed time to come to grips with his change of heart.
His kiss was hot and deep, sizzling down to my toenails until I was one gigantic blaze of desire. You are the most exasperating, frustrating... fascinating woman I"ve ever met. Lord help me, I want you as well. I need you.
Sounds like we"ve reached a detente... Paen!
Hmm?
He backed me up against my desk, his mouth still on mine, his hands roaming my body, thumbs brushing my b.r.e.a.s.t.s for a moment before they moved lower, unzipping my jeans.
This isn"t lovemaking.
No. I told you-I"m going to f.u.c.k the breath out of you.
Here? Now?
Here. Now. Any complaints?
No. But what if someone comes? I might be moderately scandalized that he wanted to do this in the office, but I was no fool- I happily kicked my pants off as he yanked my sweater over my head. This was no mere s.e.xual act. It was fast, sweaty s.e.x, but it was fast, sweaty s.e.x powered by love.
I told you before that someone is going to come, he answered, grinning.
Promises, promises, I answered, my fingers hurrying down the b.u.t.tons of his shirt. I purred as the shirt hit the floor, my hands spread across his chest, fingers splayed wide across his pectorals before inevitably, one hand followed the silky trail of hair down to his pants. "Oooh. Now I"m antic.i.p.ating."
"Antic.i.p.ating what?" His breath caught as I caressed the bulge behind his zipper for a moment, slowly pulling the zipper down, my hands sliding around his hips to push his pants off.
"You don"t mind if I indulge in a little fantasy, do you?"
I swear, the glow from his eyes could light up at least half of Edinburgh.
"Sweetheart, you can do whatever you desire to me, but I don"t want you feeling obligated in any way. We can take as much time as you... oh dear lord." Paen stopped talking but inside him, a thousand sensations were roiling in his mind. Excitement, arousal, pa.s.sion, the warm fuzzy thing that looked so much like the beginning of love, and intense s.e.xual pleasure crashed over me like a wave as I took him in my mouth. My body hummed even louder as the emotions built within him, growing quickly to something that almost overwhelmed Paen.
"I"m sorry," I said, pulling back for a moment to look up at him. "Was that too much too quickly? I"m sorry if I"m going about this the wrong way. I a.s.sumed more is better? Yes? No? Boy, I hate being new at this sort of thing."
He looked wildly at me, as if he didn"t quite understand what I was saying. "You haven"t done this before?"
"Well... I started to once, with my last boyfriend, Carl, but I zoned out almost immediately, and that evidently ruined the whole experience for Carl so I never tried it again."
"Sam?"
"Hmm?" I said, flicking my tongue across the end of his p.e.n.i.s. I smiled at the zing of pleasure my touch sent shimmering through Paen.
"Let"s not talk about your boyfriends now."
"OK. But one of them kept talking about me doing this..." I snagged my purse from the desk and dug out a tin of breath mints, popping a couple in my mouth. "This isn"t too much, is it? I"ve always wanted to try this."
Paen"s eyes grew big as I crunched the mints loudly, licking my lips as the minty sensation of a cold burn made my mouth tingle.
"You don"t think you"re going to-dear lord, you are. And it"s your first time... good G.o.d, woman!"
"Less talking," I said, swirling my mint-coated tongue along the underside of his p.e.n.i.s. "More moaning."
And oh, how he moaned. He sucked in huge quant.i.ties of air as I took him into my mouth again, so caught up in what he was feeling, of the added sensitivity the mintyness brought to the experience, that it was almost as if I was the recipient.
I laved the entire length of his shaft with my tongue. Paen"s entire body trembled as the air hit his wet flesh, his eyes rolling back in his head when I clamped my fingers around the base and concentrated on a particularly sensitive spot on the underside. "This is amazing. So this is what you feel when we have s.e.x? It"s so different than what I feel, but I have to say, it"s making me incredibly aroused. What happens if I try this?"
He lasted a whole second before he jerked me upward, spinning me around so I faced the desk, shredding off my underwear and unhooking my bra before I could even blink.
"This is what happens," he growled, bending me over the desk, his knee nudging my legs apart. I gasped from the dual sensations of the cold wood of the desk as my sensitive, tight b.r.e.a.s.t.s. .h.i.t it, and the burning brand that thrust into my waiting flesh.
"Paen!" I shrieked, clutching the table, knocking the phone off as my body was rammed forward. "Condom?"
"Don"t have one," he growled, pulling back. "Should I stop-"
"Never mind, we"ll risk it this oooonce...!" My sentence ended on a slight scream as he lunged forward into me again.
"Too hard?" he asked, pausing.
"No! Harder!"
He grunted a happy reply, his hips flexing, his fingers digging into my thighs.
My flesh made a squeaky noise on the polished wood as he pounded into me. The pretty wire flower-embossed in-box full of letters and receipts slid off the desk, bursting into a shower of paper as it fell to the floor.
"Oh, my G.o.d, yes! More!" I gasped, arms flailing for something to hold on to as Paen continued to make my eyes cross with ecstasy. The wire flower pen holder that matched the inbox (both gifts from Clare) went flying, pens scattering everywhere.
"More!"
"I"ll give you more," he grunted, grabbing my hips and pulling upward to alter the angle of penetration. A small pad of sticky notes trembled on the lip of the desk, then fell to the floor just as I started to moan non-stop. He was deep inside me, hard and hot and invasive, but at the same time, so much a part of me that I wasn"t sure which emotions, which sensations were mine, and which were his.
"Christ, you"re tight," he groaned, thrusting forward."I Kegel. A lot. Oh, yes, right there, oh my goooooooooo..." My inner muscles, honed by years of doing Kegel exercises, cramped from the attempt to keep him within their grasp. The cold burn of mint went from pleasant tingles to wildly erotic sparks of electricity that burned brightly, so brightly I thought I was going to pa.s.s out from the experience. "No more! I changed my mind! I can"t take any more!"
You can take it, he said, his voice rich with emotion. You can take this and more.
My back arched as he filled my head with the sensations he was feeling, wanting-no, needing-for him to take life from me.
Our souls entwined as he shoved my hair aside, baring the back of my neck.
Please, G.o.d, do it, I begged, on the verge of mind-numbing rapture. His teeth pierced my skin, the sudden sharp pain merging with the pleasure the rest of his body was providing both of us as he pumped into me. Light, silver, pure light blossomed behind my eyes as I gave in to the sensations we shared, spiraling us both into an o.r.g.a.s.m of blinding magnitude.
"It"s a good... thing I have a... strong heart," I gasped long, long minutes later, from where I lay panting on top of Paen after he had collapsed into a chair. His chest, slicked with perspiration, rose and fell in a ragged rhythm beneath my still quivering body.
"Because otherwise, I"d be dead in a week."
"It"s good that you"re immortal, then," he said without opening his eyes, his head lolling exhaustedly against the high back of the chair. I pressed a little kiss to the pulse that beat so wildly in his neck, freezing as what he said made a couple of synapses stand up and take notice.
"b.l.o.o.d.y h.e.l.l!"
His eyes opened to look at me with curiosity.
The enormity of what I"d done sank in at that moment. "I"m not... I"m not immortal anymore."
"What?" The word shot out of his mouth in a manner that might be said to be yelling. I matched the sudden frown that appeared between his eyebrows.
"I"m not immortal anymore. I used that to barter with the seer."
He stared at me in disbelief for a moment. "You saw a seer after I explicitly told you not to?"
"No, I saw the seer after you unreasonably ordered me not to. The difference should be apparent, even to you."
"Unreasonably? Is it unreasonable for a man to expect his Beloved to listen to him once in a while?"
I pushed back so I could really glare at him. "You de-Beloveded me! You told me you didn"t want me anymore-oh, not in so many words, but you know what I mean."
"You used your immortality-the one thing I could give you-in exchange for information?" he asked, disbelief warring with pain in his eyes.
I rubbed my thumb along his jaw, sharing the anguish he felt. "You said we had no future together. I thought there was no reason for me to live forever if the man I loved didn"t want me to share eternity with him."
"Oh, Sam-" Regret filled him, spilling over onto me. "I never meant for you to be hurt. I just... I didn"t..."
"I know," I said, kissing his nose. "You just were a little commitment-shy. What changed that? It happened so fast-one minute you were yelling, the next everything went flying and we were using my b.r.e.a.s.t.s to polish the desk."
He groaned. "You"re going to force me into a detailed discussion of my emotional state, aren"t you?""Yup. It"s every woman"s right as soon as she knows she"s snagged a man. The sooner you start, the easier it"ll get. Now spill."
"I stopped pretending you weren"t important," he said, trying to look pathetic. I kissed him just because he was so cute. "When you ran off earlier, there was a moment when you pa.s.sed through me. I felt just how much I"d hurt you-and how much you loved me. No one but my family has loved me, Sam. I thought I didn"t need it. I realized then that I was wrong."
"It takes a big man to admit he"s wrong," I teased, squirming against his p.e.n.i.s. My tone was light, but I let him feel how much joy his words brought to me.
His hands tightened on my hips. "Stop distracting me or I won"t tell you the last bit."
I stopped and looked contrite.
"I told myself the entire time you were gone that I was just waiting around for you to return so I could fire you, and go back to my life. But then you walked in looking so warm, and beautiful, and s.e.xy-and all I could think about was how right it was that you were here with me."
Tears formed in my eyes. "Oh, Paen, that"s just about the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. That"s so sweet, and I"m so glad you got your head out of your a.s.s and realized that I"m the best thing that"ll ever happen to you."
He laughed and kissed me. "I know I can trust you to keep me humble."
"Of course, it"s my job. Only..." I bit my lower lip until he gently freed it with a few soft strokes of his thumb. "Now I"m back to living a mortal life. I didn"t mind that before, but if you"re going to live for hundreds of years, I think I"d like to live them with you.
Is there any way to get my immortality back?"
His arm tightened around my waist, pulling me closer. The regret that simmered in him rose up again until it made me want to weep. "No reasonable way, I"m afraid."
"Stop blaming yourself for this," I said, leaning back against his arm so I could see him without my eyes crossing. "You are not responsible for my actions."
"If I hadn"t said I didn"t want you as a Beloved-"
I put my finger on his lips. "Paen, it was my decision. I had the choice, and I took it. You are not to blame."
"I am as much to blame as you are," he said, his eyes going stubborn.
"Fine, we can share the blame, but that"s not going to do either of us any good," I pointed out. His chest rose and fell beneath me in a slower rhythm as we both recovered from the lovemaking. "You said there"s no reasonable way for me to get back my immortality-what unreasonable ways are there?"
"Any number, varying from becoming a demon lord-which I don"t advise-to buying it back, which isn"t likely since seers never part with those items they collect."
"Oh," I said, my hopes plummeting. The thought of growing old while Paen remained young and vital made my heart ache.
"There"s no other way?"
He hesitated. It was an almost infinitesimal hesitation, but his mind purposely went blank for a moment. "No."
I put a finger on his chin and turned his head so he was looking at me. His eyes were clouded and wary. "What?"
"What what?""Paen." I frowned at him. "I felt you deliberately not think something at me."
One eyebrow rose. "That is the most ridiculous thing I"ve heard yet."
"You know what I mean, so stop evading it, and just spit it out. What is the other way that you don"t want to tell me about?"
He sighed. He sighed so deeply, it came from the very depths of his soul. "Anyone who is turned by a Dark One is made immortal."
"Turned?" I thought for a moment. "Oh, you mean made a vampire? You can do that? I thought it was just a myth or something."
He looked away. "Dark Ones can turn mortals. It doesn"t happen very often since there is no real reason to do so, but it is within the realm of improbable possibility."
"But females aren"t Dark Ones, so what do they turn into?"
"Moravians."
I thought about that for a minute. "Finn said a Beloved was more or less a female Moravian. So if turning would put me back there, then I say let"s do it."