"Were your partners mortal?"
"Yes. One was a Diviner, but he was mortal all right. He died last year in a plane crash."
"I"m sorry to hear that."
"So was I. He was a nice guy. Not a great Diviner, but a nice guy. But what do my boyfriends being mortal have to do with me drifting away during the fun time?"
He shot me a silver-eyed look that was completely unreadable. "You have immortal blood. Perhaps you would have better luck with a man who shared that trait."
My jaw dropped for a moment before I had enough wits about me to snap it back. "Are you offering yourself as a potential partner?"
There was a pause. "In the interests of scientific understanding, yes, I would be willing to undertake that role."
He noticed the surprised look on my face.
"I don"t normally proposition women in this manner, but I will admit to being physically attracted to you, and believe that you feel likewise."
"Oh, really." We were deep in the heart of the country now, heading into a rural area with patches of forest and wilderness, so there were no streetlights. The only light illuminating Paen"s face was that from the dashboard, but it was enough for me to eye his profile. It was just as handsome as the rest of his face.His jaw tightened. "I see. I have misread your interest in me, then. I apologize for-"
"No!" I interrupted, not wanting him to misunderstand. "That "oh, really?" wasn"t challenging your statement about me being attracted to you-I am-but more just... well, annoyed."
"Annoyed?" A slight frown wrinkled his forehead. "Are you always annoyed when someone tells you he finds you attractive?"
"Of course not, but you have to admit that someone telling you they want to go to bed with you purely in the interests of science sounds a bit condescending. I mean, sheesh, talk about martyring yourself..."
His lips thinned. "I didn"t intend for you to take my offer that way. I am a man. I find you an attractive woman, and since you apparently reciprocate that feeling, you are not presently dating anyone-" He paused and gave me a quick glance.
"Nope, not dating," I said.
"-and as you appear to be of legal age-"
"Thirty-four in September."
"-then I a.s.sumed I could express my interest without you taking offense."
"Oh, I"m not offended," I said, smiling. He was so cute when he was in a snit. "Just surprised."
He said nothing.
"Tempting as your offer is, I hasten to point out that you are immortal, and I just did do the astral thing, so the answer to what I would do with you is pretty evident."
"Not necessarily. I was feeding, not attempting to arouse you. It would be different if I were to focus my attention on bringing you pleasure."
I digested that morsel for a moment and admitted that he could well be right. "We just met, Paen. Yes, the physical thing is there, but we haven"t known each other for more than a couple of hours at most. I"ve never been one for casual relationships. In fact, I was madly in love with all three of my boyfriends before we ever got physical."
"Perhaps that"s the trouble," he said, still not looking at me.
"What, having an emotional commitment with my boyfriends before having s.e.x with them?"
"Yes. s.e.x is a bodily function no different from any other bodily function. You need air, you breathe. You need s.e.xual pleasure, you have s.e.x. It"s that simple."
I gawked. "You are really screwed up, aren"t you? We"re talking serious commitment issues here, the kind that you see on Montel."
"You don"t have to be committed to a hamburger to gain sustenance from it, do you?"
"No, of course not, but-"
"Why should something so simple as s.e.x be any different?" he asked, his eyes all but lighting up the inside of the car. "I have no doubts that were you willing. I would be able to provide you with s.e.xual pleasure without any messy emotional issues becoming involved."
" "Messy emotional issues,"" I repeated, aghast. "Is that what being in love is to you? Messy?""Yes. Love for a s.e.xual partner serves no real purpose. It is unnecessary."
"Thus speaks a man who has never been in love," I said. "Are you sure you"re a Dark One and not a Vulcan or something?"
"On the contrary, I love my parents and brothers," he answered, ignoring my Vulcan quip.
"That"s splitting hairs, and you know it. Love in a relationship is a wonderful thing, Paen. s.e.x can be nice on its own-or so I"ve been told; I"ve never been present to feel it for myself-but s.e.x without love is empty. Shallow. Meaningless."
He snorted. "Why do women have to sugarcoat everything?"
"How"s this for sugarcoating-what you"re talking about is the difference between f.u.c.king and lovemaking."
"You say that like there"s something wrong with f.u.c.king."
"Of course there"s nothing wrong with it. Even people deeply in love can indulge in it. But one is pure physical pleasure, while the other has a deeper meaning. Lovemaking is more than just s.e.x-the pleasure received from it comes not just from s.e.xual stimulation, but from sharing something profound with a person who is more than just a casual acquaintance. Lovemaking is just that-making something, creating a bond, forming a loving relationship."
He shot me an annoyed look. "You are using a woman"s typical arguments. Until you"ve tried it my way, you can"t make a statement like that."
"The same could be said for you making generalizations against love. Boy, you are so lucky I"m not in love with you. You"d have some serious shaping up to do."
"That is a moot point. You are not in love with me, nor I you, but I would be quite willing to show you the pleasure I could give you s.e.xually."
"You"re still saying you want to screw me?"
A muscle in his jaw twitched. "I wasn"t going to put it quite so crudely, but yes. I want you in a s.e.xual sense."
"Why?"
"Why?" he asked, confused.
"Yes, why do you want me? That is, what about me is attractive to you?"
The annoyance that flared in his eyes had me smiling to myself. "You intrigue me. I find you stimulating, both physically and mentally. And... er... you smell nice."
"I smell nice?" I tipped my head to the side to sniff myself.
His eyes flickered my way for a moment. "Yes. You smell like a woman, untainted by harsh chemical scents. You smell like a sun-warmed field of wild-flowers."
"Wow," I said, momentarily rendered speechless by his comment. "That"s the nicest thing anyone has ever said about me."
"Your scent permeates the air around you," he added.
"I take it back-that just makes me sound like I have gas." I did another covert sniff of myself, but didn"t notice any sun-warmed wildflower smell being emitted from any part of me."On the contrary, your natural scent is very pleasing. Very arousing. That"s why I want you, and that is why I offered what I did."
I sat wordless for another few minutes before finally saying, "All right."
He slowed the car down to a stop right in the middle of a windswept stretch of road. "All right? You wish to have s.e.x?"
"Well, not right this second, but yes, I will go to bed with you. You can do your best with me. But when it ends up being a hollow experience and my mind goes drifting off on its own, I"m going to let you know."
"I accept your terms," he said, setting off again.
"The only reason I"m doing this is because I have a point to prove to you," I said, which was mostly true. I still didn"t really understand why I was willing to do this; I wasn"t like Clare, falling in love with a new man every week. It took months for my emotions to ripen to a point where I found a man s.e.xually stimulating.
But there was just something about him, something that seemed to call out to me, something that needed me...
"As I have with you."
"There"s no way that s.e.x without affection can possibly be better than s.e.x with it. And although I can"t show you that for yourself, I can certainly prove to you that your way is not going to work for me."
His lips quirked upward. "I have no doubt that there will be little difficulty in showing you the delights in a wholly physical relationship unenc.u.mbered by any emotional expectations beyond that of s.e.xual satisfaction."
"In your dreams," I muttered to myself, half annoyed with his arrogant att.i.tude, half aroused just by the thought of sleeping with him.
"We"ll explore fantasy role-playing later," he said, and I spent a long time after that wondering just what his grin meant.
Chapter 4.
The remainder of the drive to Paen"s home was anti-climactic (literally, but we won"t go there). I was momentarily surprised to see that the castle I had astrally visited was his.
"It"s just like I saw when I was floating around," I said as he drove across a long causeway that connected a tiny little island with land. "I had no idea you lived in a castle. Wow. It"s really impressive. It"s... er... not haunted or anything, is it?"
"Haunted?" Paen frowned. "Why do you think it would be haunted?"
"Aren"t most castles?"
"Mine isn"t."
"Oh. How old is it?"
He spent the time it took us to circle around the castle to a parking area at the back to give me a quick history of the place. By the time he escorted me into the main building, I knew it was approximately six hundred years old, had been inherited by his father via his grandmother"s mortal family, and although it was beset with a dampness issue that no amount of modern technology could seem to fix, it housed nothing more extraordinary than a family of vampires.
Which, I suppose, was pretty extraordinary when you considered it.
"How many people does it take to keep up a castle?" I asked as he walked me through a huge hall.
"We have a day staff of four-two inside, and two outdoors."
"Ah. And nighttime?"
"None of the staff remains after dark," he answered, shooting me an unreadable look.
"Oh, right. That"s when you guys do your thing." I stopped for a moment and looked at Paen. He turned back to see what was keeping me. "Do you miss the daylight?"
A tiny little frown wrinkled his brow. "Miss it? What do you mean?"
"Well, you"re up at night rather than day. I wondered if you missed it."
"I am up no later than noon each day," he answered, looking oddly hurt. "I keep late hours, yes, but I a.s.sure you that I don"t spend my life in darkness."
"Oh. I thought all vamps were nighttime only. So you don"t miss being able to go outside in the sun? You don"t... you know, brood about being a Dark One, not being able to do things other people can do?"
"Good lord, no. I don"t brood about anything. I am perfectly happy being what and who I am," he said, giving me a mildly annoyed look. "To do otherwise would be a waste of time."
"But... you have no soul," I said, following him through a door. "I may not have been around any Dark Ones before, but even I can tell there"s something missing in you. It"s like your insides are made of ice. Doesn"t that bother you?"
"Not at all. I may lack a soul, but I have not allowed that to hinder me in any way," he said, turning to wave a hand around the room. "You said you wanted to see the house. This is the library. My father is seldom home to use it, so it"s really my room."
"It"s lovely. Very comfortable," I said, looking around. It was a typical room of its sort-floor-to-ceiling bookcases lining two walls, dark leather furniture gathered around a fireplace, long, heavy (a.s.sumedly light-inhibiting) curtains framing huge windows and a pair of French doors, and a familiar desk lurking at the opposite end of the room-familiar because this was the room my brain had zipped off to while Paen was snacking on me.
It was interesting that I had been sent to this place earlier. "Can you guys disappear?"
Paen just stared at me.
"Is that a no?" I asked.
"Yes, it"s a no. Dark Ones are more or less human, Samantha. We have some integral differences, but despite popular lore, we don"t shape-shift, we can"t fly, and we are not able to disappear into nothing."
"Hmm. Then who was that man at your desk? The bad one, the one who creeped me out so much?"
He looked startled for a moment. "What man?"
"The one I saw while you were sucking down Vintage Sam. There was a man at your desk, poking around in things. I a.s.sumed it was his own. He seemed to hear me, though, and then I could have sworn he saw me, which is impossible. He seemed threatening somehow. I"m so glad you pulled me back before he had time to..."
"To what?" Paen asked, quickly examining his desk.
"I don"t know. Something bad." I moved closer to the desk, looking hard at it like it would spill whatever secrets it kept.
"Why would someone want to harm you?"
"No idea. I haven"t been in the business long enough to have jealous rivals, and we just got our first and second cases today, so it"s not a p.i.s.sy client or something. What are you doing?"