"Fine. Enact away. I will simply do the opposite of whatever it is. Er...what is the seventh trial?"
"Faith," Terrin answered, his eyes unreadable. "It is a trial of your faith."
I laughed without the slightest shred of mirth. "Displaying a lack of faith is not going to be difficult for me." I turned to the mare to explain, wanting to make sure they understood that my feelings were grounded in a lifelong battle rather than a slight against the Court itself. "I grew up in a religious cult, one that required its members to show absolute, unbreakable faith in the leaders and religion itself. Anyone questioning the religion was severely punished. I believe I spent more time during my childhood locked in a closet, ordered to examine my sins and renounce my disbeliefs, than I did out of it. Faith is not a commodity I have in abundance.
Because of this, I can just about guarantee you that I will fail the seventh trial."
"If you do so, then you throw away all chances of an exculpation for Theo North," Milo pointed out. "He will never be a member of the Court of Divine Blood. He will remain a nephilim, an outcast, tainted by the sins of his father, for the rest of his life. He will never have a soul."
I opened my mouth to say that we"d be just fine without Theo being a member of the Court, but stopped, stunned at Milo"s words.
What was that about a soul?
Theo"s sigh echoed through my mind.I wasn"t going to tell you this, since it puts more pressure on you to obtain my exculpation, but members of the Court of Divine Blood cannot be soulless. If a member lacks one, it is granted when the membership is made official.
You knew this and you didn"t tell me?I wanted to whap Theo on the arm, but now was not the time.Well, this makes everything so much easier. Instead of waiting around for an opportunity for me to make some big sacrifice on your behalf, I can get your soul back just by becoming a recognized virtue!
It"s not quite that simple, sweetling,he said, his thoughts rich with emotion.
Theo, I know what it means to you- No. You know what it meant to me. That was before I found you, before our lives were bound together. An exculpation is no longer as desirable as is a future with you, my love.
The world as I knew it rocked, shifted slightly, and settled back, but it was changed.I was changed. I stared at Theo, stunned by his words, by the feelings he had shared with me. My mind struggled to cope with the revelation he laid open for me-it was as if I"d spent my whole life waiting for that exact moment in time, the moment when I knew what it was to truly be loved above all else...
and the knowledge that I would literally move heaven and earth for the man standing next to me.
That is, without the slightest doubt, the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. I just can"t believe how much I love you, Theo.
As much as five to the tenth power?he teased.
Oh no, my darling, my love for you can only be described in terms of equations containing complex numbers.My tone was light, but I shook with emotion as, deep in the back of my mind, an idea was born.
"It would be within Portia Harding"s rights to refuse to partic.i.p.ate in the seventh trial," Disin said after a brief consultation with the other mare. "Furthermore, we feel it important to point out that even if she does successfully complete the trial and is accepted as a member of the Court, any exculpation she seeks is not automatically granted."
I gathered my wits together and tried to regain control of myself.We still have the Beloved path of soul redemption. How would you feel if I ditched the virtue business? Could we get along just fine without the Court?
More than fine,he answered, and allowed me to see the truth in his words.It"s you I want, Portia. Not reparation, not even my soul, is as important as a life with you.
My knees turned to jelly under the look he gave me. I didn"t think it was possible, but I fell even more in love with him. I knew then what Irina had meant about being lost. Theo had shown me the path that I needed to take.
I looked at Milo. "Theo has decided not to pursue his exculpation. I will pa.s.s on the position of virtue. The seventh trial will be conducted without my partic.i.p.ation, and given my failure, I a.s.sume I"ll be booted out of the program."
Suria and Disin nodded.
"So nice try, Milo, but your little scheme to use us for your own evil plans isn"t going to fly."
Milo"s laughter rolled with sickening intensity down the length of the ballroom. "You have chosen not to pursue exculpation...do you hold Theo"s soul in so little value?"
"On the contrary, I"d do just about anything to retrieve it...just about anything, but not this."
Milo stopped before us, his head tipped to the side as he looked at me. "Consider this, Beloved...you have completed the seven steps of Joining, but you have yet to finalize it by making a sacrifice. You look surprised that I am so familiar with the rules governing Dark Ones, but this plan has been a long time in the making. Do you think I would go to the trouble of arranging for Bael to curse Theo if it was not important to gain leverage for just such a situation as this?" "You b.a.s.t.a.r.d," I screamed, lunging forward to throttle him. Only Theo"s restraining hold kept me from strangling Milo...that and the sense of calmness and love he poured into me. "You planned this?"
"Of course. The downfall and subsequent complete restructuring of the Court is not something to be undertaken without some thought."
"Well then, you"ve gone through a whole lot of trouble for nothing," I spat, still wanting badly to attack him for what he"d done to us. "There is another way for me to get Theo"s soul back. I will not become a virtue."
Milo heaved a mock sigh. "You still don"t understand, do you? Even if you refuse to become a member, thereby saving the Court, you will have d.a.m.ned Theo to an eternity without his soul."
"I"m his Beloved. All I have to do is make a sacrifice on his behalf, and I"ll get it back-" I started to say.
"Exactly." Milo smiled, and my stomach turned over. "You see it at last. You can save the Court of Divine Blood, or you can save Theo"s soul-but only the act of sacrificing the former will grant the latter."
Chapter 23.
Tell me that Milo is insane.
The silence that met my question was disconcerting.
Tell me he isn"t right.
Theo looked thoughtful. Everyone else, myself included, looked stunned to the point of insensitivity.
Tell me I don"t have to choose between your soul and the continued existence of the whole, friggin" Court.
The existence of the Court is not your responsibility. The present hierarchy, however...
There has to be some other sacrifice I can make. This can"t be the only thing.
Theo"s silence was incredibly unnerving.
Theo? Surely there must be something else?
I don"t know,he said at last, sorrow filling my mind.I don"t know enough about Dark Ones to know if just any sacrifice will work, but I suspect... His sigh wrung my heart.I suspect, sweetling, that it is that which would cost you the most that will be the act necessary to fulfill the last stage of Joining.
The weight of the world seemed to descend upon me, pressing me down into the earth until there was little left of me.
Portia, I meant what I said. Just having you in my life is more important than anything else. You are a smart woman. Do not allow Milo to manipulate you into something you will later regret.
I sent Theo a sad smile, and straightened my shoulders.
"This is ridiculous," I said, watching the mare. They were consulting each other, but the looks on their faces didn"t give me much hope that their game plan was to clap Milo in irons and dismiss his troublemaking attempts with nothing more than an airy wave and an amused laugh.
Terrin glanced my way. I focused on him as a relatively sane person, someone who made a lot of sense when I"d spoken to him. "I may not be an expert on the social structure of the Court, but I can"t believe that all it takes to bring the whole thing down around your ears is the antics of two people."
"This is an unusual situation," Terrin said slowly, his eyes guarded. "That"s not to say it"s without precedent-the Court has survived several renascences in its history."
"What was it you were going to tell me when I was called away by Portia?" Theo asked him.
Terrin"s face grew dark. "I wished to explain to you the dangers I felt Portia was in. I didn"t imagine that things would come to a head quite so quickly, or I would have warned you earlier."
"I don"t understand," Sarah said, joining our little threesome. "Milo wants to remake the Court? Why doesn"t the sovereign simply say no?"
"The sovereign will uphold the laws of the Court. Technically, Milo Lee is within his rights to call a renascence-traditionally, such things have been achieved by use of a demon in place of a Court member, but the laws are such that a mortal, too, could be considered sufficient grounds for beginning the unmaking."
"But why does he want to remake the Court?" Sarah asked. "What does he get out of that?"
"Milo is a vessel," Theo answered, his eyes on the man in question. "Hope was a virtue. Both are on the bottom of the hierarchy.
Vessels serve mortals, while virtues have little purpose but the occasional control of weather when ordered by a superior."
"Milo said he was looking for a new job," I said, suddenly remembering the conversation we"d had while he administered the trial I didn"t know about. "Why doesn"t he just try to get a different one? Why does he have to destroy the whole Court first?"
"It is tradition that the Court members who instigate a renascence have a role in restructure. It is one way the sovereign ensures that only those members who have the quickness of wits, intelligence, and general fitness desirable for the upper positions claim those positions."
"In other words," I said, disgusted by the thought of Milo in a position of power, "it"s a system that rewards anarchy."
"The sovereign, I believe, prefers to think of it as survival of the fittest," Terrin said mildly, craning his head when one of the mare gestured for him. "You will excuse me, please. I believe their graces wish to consult me on a point of etiquette."
"So what do we do?" Sarah"s voice was little more than a whisper.
What will the mare do?I asked Theo at the same time.
His eyes lightened a couple of shades. He pinched his lower lip, a sign, I was coming to realize, that he was troubled.I am not sure.
They are bound by the laws of the Court just as we are.
I will not be used in this way, Theo. I will not allow Milo to use us for his own greedy purpose.
His arm around me was almost as warm as the admiration and love he poured into me.I believe we have few choices at this point, sweetling.
"What are we going to do?" Sarah repeated.
I kissed Theo"s chin, trying to instill order in my confused mind. "Let"s take this from the beginning. If I complete the seventh trial, I will be made a virtue, correct?"
"Yes." A tiny little smile turned up the corners of his mouth.You"re incredibly cute when you get logical.
Then hold onto your cute meter, because I"m about to continue."But if I"m a virtue, and still mortal, then Milo has grounds to dismiss the current Court and demand a new one be reformed, with himself at the head of the restructuring committee." "That is more or less true, yes."
"I a.s.sume there"s some sort of rule that states he has to be here to see the renascence enacted, though."
Theo shrugged. "The study of Court canon has never been one of my hobbies, but I am fairly certain that a member cannot call for a renascence, and then disappear."
"Hmm."
"Is there any way the mare can make you immortal?" Sarah asked.
Theo shook his head. "Terrin said that once a renascence has been called, only current business on the dockets can be completed.
Inducting a new member into the Court is considered new business."
"If I do not complete the seventh trial, then you lose all chance of being made a member of the Court, and thus, your soul will not be returned to you."
Theo was silent, but I didn"t need to look into his beautiful eyes to feel the emptiness inside of him. Despite his protestations to the contrary, leaving him in that situation for the rest of eternity was simply not an option.
"As I see it, the equation Milo has created is unsolvable by the terms he has set. There is simply no way we can work a solution given the limitations of Court law."
Sarah clutched my arm. "Does that mean it"s hopeless? He"s going to win?"
I looked at Theo, my beautiful Theo, the man whom I"d given my heart to, a man who had suffered the deepest sort of pain possible for a human without complaint. There was one solution in my mind, a way to fix all the problems, but it required so much from me. For a few seconds I wavered, not sure if I could make the sacrifice needed.
Sweetling, why have you shut me out of your thoughts?
I knew what I had to do. A lump grew in my throat, painful and constricting as I contemplated what the course of my actions would mean, what the result would be.
Portia, I don"t care for this silence on your part. You"re up to something, aren"t you?
What it required from me wasn"t going to be easy. It was, without a doubt, the hardest thing I"d ever done in my life...but Theo was worth it.
Portia! I demand that you talk to me! We are in this together, woman. I dislike the sense of martyrdom I feel beginning inside you.
I love you, Theo,I said simply, filling him with all the love and happiness and joy he had given me.
Stop that. Stop looking at me as if this is the last time you will see me. You must have faith that we will see this through together, sweetling.
Oh, I do have faith, Theo. I have faith in you. I have faith in our love. I will love you until the day I stop living, and I have faith that no matter what happens, you will always love me.
Portia, stop- "I love you," I whispered against his lips, kissing him with every atom of love I possessed. "I found my faith again, and it"s you."
Somewhere far away, a deep bell sounded."It"s the seventh trial," Milo crowed, leaping forward to thrust a finger at me. "She completed it without knowing! She has proven her faith before the entire Court! Now the renascence must begin!"
"Yes," I said, my soul weeping at the pain of realization in Theo"s eyes. "I have proven my faith. I accept the position of virtue."
Before Theo could voice the protests and suspicions I knew were building within him, I stepped back, closing my eyes and opening my arms wide, the better to pull in the elements needed from the environment.
"Portia, what are you doing?" Sarah asked, her voice worried. "Theo, what is she doing?"
"She is throwing herself away in the foolish belief it will solve everything," he answered, his voice a deep growl that reverberated through me. I gently pushed him out of my mind, unable to do what I needed to do and rea.s.sure him at the same time.
"The mare regret that you acted without consulting them," Terrin said behind me. "They hope to mitigate the damage your actions have done, but request that, effective immediately, you cease any further attempts to deal with Milo Lee. They are quite serious, I"m afraid. If you continue, you risk banishment from the Court, from which there is no return."
Portia, do not- "I owe you this, Theo," I said, ignoring everything as I narrowed my attention to a razor-sharp focus. "Wind is a mostly horizontal flow of air. It is caused by a pressure gradient force generated by the uneven heating of the Earth"s surface."
Around me, wind whipped past us with sufficient force to surprise everyone present. I opened my eyes when a woman shrieked, running after a scarf that had been ripped from her neck. The crowd backed up en ma.s.se, their faces frightened as black clouds formed against the mural on the ceiling, thunder rumbling ominously through the ballroom.