"It is good to know Dimitri is still with us. He was different as a child. A loner already, long before his fledging days were past, and there was a dark core of violence in him, the mark of a good hunter, yet often a sign of an early turning to the darkness."
"Well, he turned his life in this last century to preserving the wolves in the wild. He is a renowned scientist and his foundation is flourishing. I"m not surprised that you would be drawn to his lifelike stuffed animals. Each one is a work of art."
Gabriel bared his white teeth at her. "I have good instincts." There was a wealth of innuendo in his voice.
Francesca laughed softly and wrote out a quick inventory of their purchases and a note asking her friend to send the items to her address the following evening. She did a quick automatic check of the store before setting the alarm. "I like being with you, Gabriel. Come on."
Gabriel tightened his fingers around Francesca"s, making certain there was only acceptance of what had transpired between them in her mind. She had wanted time to adjust to the idea of a lifemate but the chemistry between them seemed to sizzle with the slightest contact. He had intended a slow courtship, to win her gently, not leap on her body every time he looked at her. Her strides were not nearly as long as his, so he consciously shortened the length of each step. It amazed him how right it felt just to walk through the night with her. "If I never have another chance to do this with you again, Francesca, thank you for this walk." It came out before he could censor the words. He glanced down at her bent head. "I do not mean to make you uncomfortable.
But I have never done this. Just walking in the night, no hurry, no plan, just drifting along. And I certainly never had the opportunity to have a beautiful woman at my side. It may seem a simple pleasure to you, but it is unique for me."She glanced up at him, so that he had a quick glimpse of the sweep of her long lashes and then the perfection of her profile. "I"m certain you had plenty of opportunities, Gabriel." He was extraordinarily good-looking in his dark, masculine way, and she knew he would attract women easily. "You can"t make me believe you went centuries without..." She trailed off when he stopped abruptly. He was so good at pleasing her, so good at knowing exactly what she needed.
Gabriel caught her chin in his hand, forcing her head up to look at him. "I am a hunter, Francesca, a Carpathian hunter. I did not feel pa.s.sion as you think I did. There was no desire for a woman. I wanted there to be desire and I merged at times to see what the feeling was like for those humans I occasionally met. But I never wanted anyone until I awoke from the dead and heard your voice." A faint smile touched his mouth briefly, then was gone. "The feelings you produce in me are far different from the ones created by humans. Much more intense and urgent." He dropped his hand away from her. "My words put pressure on you that you do not need at this time and I do not want it to be so. I really wanted to respect the distance you wish to put between us. I had every intention of waiting until you were more at ease with our relationship."
She laughed softly. "You can hardly take the blame for our lovemaking, Gabriel. That was entirely my doing."
A small smile flitted across his face. "I do not know if I can honestly say that is so, but I think you have had enough adventure for several risings."
"You must learn to say days or nights," she corrected gently. "This is the age of computers. It is dangerous how quickly information can be exchanged. You have been away a long time. I know you a.s.similate information at a rapid rate but technology is making things much more difficult to hide our presence from the world. You are used to a world where the human threat is nearly nonexistent, but that has changed with the age of computers." His hand brushed hers and without thinking she entwined her fingers with his as they began to stroll along the sidewalk.
"I must admit I have never considered humans a threat; they are easily managed."
"You sound very arrogant, Gabriel, although I sense you don"t mean to be. Our people are in dire straits, our race all but doomed. I keep up on the news in a roundabout way, so I know what is going on. There are some human women with extraordinary psychic talent who are compatible with our race. The Prince of our people has a lifemate who once was human."
There were several moments of silence. Once again, without conscious thought, Gabriel had reached out to share this new knowledge with Lucian. He touched his twin easily, lightly, as he had done for nearly two thousand years. Lucian was immersed in a complicated text he was finding highly interesting. That always astonished Gabriel. That Lucian had retained his need for knowledge. He had always been a sponge soaking up information. Now he reciprocated, sharing all that he had learned of the modern world, flooding Gabriel with so many facts, he began to laugh.
"What is it?" Francesca asked softly, seeing genuine affection for just a moment in the depths of his eyes.
Gabriel broke the contact instantly, swearing softly in the ancient language. Why didn"t he think?
It had never mattered before, his ingrained habit of reaching out to his brother. Even after Lucian had turned, he hadn"t fought the habit. Why should he bother? The more knowledge they each had, the better the battle. It was very different now. This time it could cost Francesca her life.
Gabriel had battled Lucian many times over the last few centuries.
He had inflicted mortal wounds on more than one occasion, yet he had never bested Lucian, never managed to destroy him. He had no reason to think the outcome of their battle would be any different now. He could not afford the luxury of a mistake. Lucian must not know of Francesca"s existence.
"What is it?" Francesca repeated, this time shaking his arm. "You went from smiling happily to looking like a wolf, your eyes still and watchful. What happened in so short a time?" Her voice was soft and compelling, a mixture of concern and compa.s.sion.
Gabriel shook his head. "I have made mistake after mistake. Resting these centuries has done me little good. It is confusing to wake and feel emotions, to see colors. Everything is vivid and bright.
Emotions are violent and raw, hard to keep under control. There is an ever-present craving in my body for yours."
Gabriel was speaking so thoughtfully, so matter-of-factly, Francesca felt he was musing aloud.
"I led that vampire straight to you, you know that." Gabriel raked a hand through the shiny ma.s.s of his blue-black hair. "All this time, you successfully managed to hide. Now I have called attention to your presence, and he will not be the only one to seek you out."
He stopped and faced her, his hand curling around the nape of her neck. "I should never have made my claim without your consent. I should have sought your safety above my own needs and desires. I have wronged you in an unforgivable way."
Francesca touched his mouth. His words and the sincerity in his voice were turning her world upside down. She didn"t know what she wanted anymore. Away from him it was all so clear, but when he was close and he allowed her to see into his tortured soul, she felt altogether different.
"You could not have taken my body so easily, Gabriel, had I not wished it to be so. I was not under compulsion."
His fingers were ma.s.saging the back of her neck, his thumbs brushing intimately along the delicate line of her jaw. Each caress sent heat spiraling through her body and little flames dancing over her skin. Lost in his regret, Gabriel didn"t seem to notice the way her body responded to his touch. "I woke you with the command to come to me in need. Your body responded to that command and to my deliberate arousal of you. I should have waited until you had time to know me.
You should have been courted the way you deserved."
"It wasn"t just you, Gabriel. I am no fledging. I recognized the "push" as I awakened. I am not without power of my own. You couldn"t have taken me so easily without my consent. I wanted you. I wanted to feel you, to feel what it was like." She confessed it bravely, taking her share of the blame without hesitation. "You were not forcing my compliance. In any case, sooner or later the Carpathian cycle would have begun and we would have had little choice in the matter."
"I said the ritual words to bind us without your consent."
"Males do so all the time, Gabriel. It is the way of our people and has been so for thousands of years. You have not done anything so unforgivable. This situation is difficult for both of us."
He dropped his arms and swung away from her. "Why do you accept these things so easily, Francesca? Why do you not condemn me as you should? Your anger would go a long way toward..."
He shoved his hand through his hair again. "There I go again, wanting it to be easy. I am selfish, sweetheart, very selfish, and I have tied you to me."
"Gabriel? You are distraught. You have need of me?" The voice came unexpectedly, easily in his head. He fought with himself to keep his mind blank, to ensure that no information went toward that perfect voice. Lucian had always been able to command with his voice. He could make anyone believe anything with that voice. That weapon. Gabriel had never heard anything quite so beautiful.
Lucian had retained that gift even when he had lost his soul for all eternity.
When Gabriel refused to respond, the laughter came, a taunt, almost lazy. It chilled Gabriel to the bone. He had to protect Francesca from Lucian"s wiles. His twin was cunning and smart. Ruthless.
Merciless. Gabriel knew better than any other. He had seen him in action for two thousand years.
Francesca laid her hand on Gabriel"s arm. "You are trying to tell me something but you haven"t gotten there yet.""You are with child." He stated the four words clearly, starkly.
Francesca"s enormous black eyes went wide with shock. "That cannot be. It is not so easy. Why do you think our race has bordered on the brink of extinction? Our women are able to bear children only every few hundred years. I am a healer. I studied this for many decades, determined to unlock the key to our bodies so that we could conceive more often and be more successful in the carrying.
I had wished to be able to understand why we conceive males instead of females but I could not find the answers." She shook her head. "No, this cannot be."
"You know I speak the truth. I knew our women can only conceive every so many years, and that they manipulate that time, but I also knew the chances were very good that, as you had never conceived, you would be ripe to do so and I took full advantage of that."
She stared up at him a moment in silence, in shock. "But I am a woman, a healer. You could never have done such a thing without my knowledge..." She trailed off as she pressed her hands to her flat stomach in a kind of wonder. "It cannot be so." Even as she denied it, she closed her eyes and sought inside herself. There it was. The miracle of life. The thing she had longed for. Cried for.
Wanted more than anything. The very thing she had given up ever having. Growing. Changing.
Cells dividing. A child. She wanted to be upset. She had given up the idea several hundred years earlier. She was prepared to go to the next world. She was not prepared for such an event.
Francesca raised her head so that her eyes met his. "You really did this?"
"I would like to say I knew you wanted a child above all else. I had read that in your memories. I had also read your resignation and acceptance that you would not. I would like to tell you I did such a thing for you, or even more n.o.bly, for a cause, for the continuation of our race, but the plain truth is much uglier than that. I did it so that I would not lose you. So that you would be tied to this world and not escape me into the next. Until Lucian is dead, I could not follow you. I did not want to be alone anymore. I acted out of selfishness. I changed the direction of your life inadvertently so many centuries ago and now I have deliberately changed it again."
Francesca just stood there, shock registering on her face. "A baby. I had all but forgotten the possibility of a baby." There was no condemnation in her voice, only a soft musing as if she couldn"t comprehend such a thing.
"I am sorry, Francesca. There is no real way to make amends." Gabriel rubbed his forehead with the palm of his hand. "There is no excuse and there can be no forgiveness."
She wasn"t listening to him; her mind was turned inward. She had longed for a baby, a family.
More than anything she had wanted a child. Even if she had chosen to spend the last years of her life with Brice, she would never have brought a child to their union. Her pregnancy was a miracle, and she couldn"t quite come to grips with the idea. "A baby. I do not remember what it is like to dream of such a thing. It cannot be, Gabriel. How is this? How did I not know?"
"You are not listening to me, Francesca," he said, his black eyes searching the sky overhead as if it might offer answers. He rubbed his temple. He needed a way out of the mess he had created with his arrogant decision, yet there was none. He had to be honest with her. He respected Francesca too much to give her anything less than the truth. In any case, she was his lifemate and eventually she would read his memories.
He should have waited, taken his time. He could have stopped her from choosing the dawn if there was such a need. But he had taken the att.i.tude that she belonged to him and owed him complete surrender.
Francesca took a deep breath and laid her hand on his arm. She could easily read his inner turmoil, his anger at himself. In truth, she didn"t know how she felt, but she didn"t like the way his mind was so consumed with guilt. Gabriel, her legendary hunter. He had given so much to his people, had always done the right thing. Francesca didn"t have it in her to condemn him. "In your defense, Gabriel, it was not a conscious decision on your part.""Francesca!" Gabriel stepped away from her, unable to bear her touch when he had so wronged her. "You are touching me, yet you do not hear me. You are not seeing what is before your eyes. I do not want to start a relationship with dishonesty between us. Of course it was a conscious decision. I manipulated the outcome of our joining just as I aroused you with more than my body."
He shook his head in wonder. "You really are the opposite of me. You cannot conceive of such deception and I cannot conceive of such goodness. See me, Francesca, see me with all my faults. I do not want you to accept me even in friendship merely because I am Carpathian and you are lonely for your homeland. I thought that it would be enough for me just to have you, but I find it is not. You do not know just how wronged you really are. Lucian himself will be hunting you and I am not certain I can protect you from him."
Her eyes moved over his brooding good looks. "Of course you can, Gabriel. He has no power over you, not unless you allow such a thing." She tilted her head, her long flowing hair cascading down in a shiny raven"s wing. "And you are far too hard on yourself. It is true I do not merge willingly or fully with you, but when I touch you I can read you. You wanted me to stay with you but you did not really act out of selfishness. You simply could not allow a Carpathian woman, any Carpathian woman, to destroy herself. That precept was imprinted on you before you were born. Had I been another woman choosing to meet the dawn, you still would have found a way to stop me."
He looked down at the hand curled over his forearm. Very gently he captured it, brought it to the warmth of his mouth, an intimate, tender gesture that made her heart contract. "You take my breath away, Francesca. If I live another thousand years, I could never find anyone with your natural compa.s.sion. I do not deserve you."
A small smile curved her soft mouth. "Of course, you don"t. I"ve known that from the first," she teased, wanting to ease the tension in him. "Come on, let"s keep walking. I want to show you some of the sights."
Obediently Gabriel fell into step beside her, retaining possession of her hand. "You have not chastised me, not one word."
"What would be the point? Can I change what is? I cannot change the past. Why would I want to make you feel worse than you already do? Your remorse and regret are genuine. Chastis.e.m.e.nt will help neither of us. I don"t really know what I"m feeling right now. I"ll look at it later when I"m alone.
All I know is I am very tired and at this moment strangely happy. It is a beautiful night and this city is truly a beautiful one. And there is no other I would rather share it with than you."
He had to look away from her, from the inner beauty shining out of her. Tears were burning in his eyes and he was ashamed. He didn"t deserve her, he could never make up the terrible wrongs he had done to her, no matter how hard he tried. He shifted his body more protectively toward her as they walked along the nearly deserted streets swinging their hands together.
Chapter Seven
"Tell me of your stained gla.s.s. It is very beautiful and peaceful. When I was examining the pieces in your studio I could feel the presence of power woven into the patterns. Safeguards of a kind."
Gabriel was slightly in awe of her healing talent. Few had it so strongly. Her touch alone could impart a soothing peace and he detected that same sense of peace in her work.
She smiled, a quick flash of happiness that he would be interested in the things she enjoyed. She was glad finally to have someone she could talk to about her discoveries. "I started long ago working with small pieces. The idea was to use quilts and coverings of that nature to aid the sick. I often found when I examined a patient that there were other things involved than simply physical illness. Grief for the loss of a loved one, marital troubles, things like that. I began to experiment making specific items for individuals I had touched. I wove patterns that would aid my patients while they slept. Eventually my work became quite popular. People found they were drawn to the articles because they were so soothing." She glanced up at him. "I"m not explaining this very well. I just read people and know what they need and try to provide it. That"s how it all started."
"You are truly an amazing woman," he said softly. She astounded him with her accomplishments.
"And now?"
"I created a company. My ident.i.ty is buried deep so if someone comes looking it will be difficult to find out who I really am." She grinned at him, her pride in fooling the ancient Carpathian males showing through. "I even added a safeguard to discourage human sleuths."
"A Carpathian would feel the dusting of power and certainly recognize the ancient symbols in your work," he pointed out.
"Naturally," she said complacently. "That is why I went to the trouble of creating a fict.i.tious male Carpathian, an artist, who is a hermit. My work is often sought by Carpathians to safeguard their homes and bring peace to their environment. They send their orders through my company and I do the work. A few have asked to see the artist, but I always decline."
"Any Carpathian worth his salt can distinguish the difference between the touch of a female or male."
She raised her elegant eyebrow. "Really? Perhaps you underestimate me, Gabriel. I have lived for centuries in secret, undiscovered by the undead, by Carpathian males traveling through this city, and even by you and your brother. Although at times I suspected Lucian might have been aware of my existence. He returned often to this city and scanned more times than I care to count or remember."
"He did?" That made Gabriel nervous. If Lucian suspected such a thing as a female Carpathian in this city, he would dig and dig until he found her. Nothing escaped Lucian"s attention. Gabriel recalled how Lucian had led him back to Paris time and again. Even their last terrible battle had been here. Had Lucian somehow been aware of a female"s presence? They had shared information all the time. What one knew, the other did, too. Would Lucian hide such knowledge from him?
Francesca nodded solemnly. "Yes. I felt his presence often over the centuries, and I must confess I buried myself deep within the earth to hide from him. I was afraid of you finding me. I had lived alone so long doing whatever pleased me, and I no longer wanted a male in my life." She did not tell him that she had been afraid he might reject her again and she couldn"t have borne it a second time.
"Francesca, Francesca," Gabriel murmured softly, "what a little liar you have become. What is the good doctor if not a man? Why would you want the taste of love from one such as he?"
She pulled her hand away from him, cutting him off from her soothing touch. Her face was averted, the curtain of hair concealing her expression from him. "That just happened unexpectedly."
"You have lived with humans so long, sweetheart," he said softly, gently, "you have forgotten what it is like among our people, among lifemates, males and females. I am a shadow in your mind, in your thoughts. You can tell an untruth to Brice, but never to me. You have lived as a human and do not want to extend your own feelings beyond their capabilities. You are afraid of the intensity of Carpathian emotions. I hurt you, Francesca, and you do not ever want to experience such pain again."
She pushed at her long, wild hair and her hand was trembling, betraying her, even as she shrugged her shoulders with studied casualness. "I don"t know if you"re right. I certainly never blamed you. I was hurt at first, I was only a child, but I always understood the well-being of our race was far more important than the happiness of one person."
He caught her shoulders, bringing her to an abrupt halt, the controlled violence in his grip setting her heart pounding. He had enormous strength. "Never think that I had a n.o.ble purpose in leaving you behind, Francesca. If I had known of your existence, I would never have left. I am far more selfish than you can imagine, because you are not. I would never have given you up then, any more than I intend to now. You are the only person who is important to me. I saw the memory of that day so long ago in your mind. I was striding through a village, as I had gone through so many other villages. I felt something unusual, but my mind was preoccupied with thoughts of war. I glanced back, I saw women, but did not really see them. The faces of women and children haunted me, I could never look directly at them. I turned away as my brother spoke. Had I seen you, our lives would have been very different. I have a duty to perform, but I would have forsaken it back then. I would have allowed Lucian to hunt alone."
She studied his face for a long moment; then a slow smile curved her soft mouth and she shook her head. "No, you would have willingly sacrificed your happiness for the good of our people."
"But not yours. You still do not understand. I would not have sacrificed yours. I would never have allowed you to be so unhappy. I hate myself for what you have gone through to survive alone, feeling so rejected and unwanted."
"That was the child, Gabriel, not the woman. My life has had purpose and meaning. Because I am tired does not mean I did not enjoy the years I had. I lived well and made my life count as best I could. I had experiences other women of our race could never have. I have been independent and loved it. Yes, I missed having a family, but I had other things to occupy me. It was not a terrible life.
And I always had a choice. I could have revealed myself to you again. I could have sought the dawn.
I could even have chosen to go back to my homeland where at least the soil and the company of our people would have given me solace. I did not choose to do so. And it was strictly my choice, not yours. I am a woman of power, not a child creeping and hiding in the shadows. All I did, I did of my own will. I"m not a victim, Gabriel. Please do not attempt to make me out to be one."
"You do not love Brice, you only admire him. You have something in common. You respect the way he is with children, his ability to heal, and his focus on his medicine. But you also have your reservations about him."
"I do not," she denied adamantly. "Why would you think that?"
"If you did not, Francesca, you would have committed your life to him. I have been in your mind-"
"Well, stay out of it."
"It is not such an easy thing to do, sweetheart. In fact, you are asking the impossible of me. You do not like the way Brice treats the patients who are less fortunate, those without homes. You do not like the way he is able to completely forget his patients once he has treated them. There are many things you have serious reservations about. You share so much with him, so many children who are ill, but part of you knows that he needs to cure them for his own ego."Her dark eyes flashed at him. "Maybe that"s why I do it, too." There was far too much truth in his words for comfort, and she was annoyed at herself even more than at him. She wanted to cling to Brice because he could never hurt her the way Gabriel had. Her lifemate had torn out her heart. His voice, so calm, so truthful, was enough to make her writhe with mortification. She was a woman of power, not a child to be hiding behind a mortal; yet, in the end, that was what she was doing rather than face her lifemate.
"You do it because you are a natural born healer with a gift beyond comparison. You would never leave Skyler in a home with strangers after what she has been through. It would never occur to you. If you could not care for her yourself, you would always watch over her. That is who you are.
The doctor would simply forget her."
"You aren"t being entirely fair to him, Gabriel. After all, he didn"t share her memories. He doesn"t know what she"s been through." Francesca found herself defending Brice almost automatically.
"He examined her extensively," Gabriel said. "He saw how withdrawn she was. That comes from trauma. He knew. He probably knows all of it, the physical part anyway, and he can guess at the mental and emotional trauma. It does not touch him once she is no longer his patient. That bothers you."
Francesca turned away from him and began to walk along the sidewalk. "Maybe you"re right, Gabriel. I don"t know. I"m very confused." He had torn out her heart. He would again when he left her to follow his twin, as he must. She could feel the touch of his mind gently reaching for hers.
She hastily forced herself to think of Skyler, to focus on the teenager.
"I know you"re confused, love, and it is no wonder that you are," Gabriel said softly, but he was watching her with his intent black gaze. "For now we should concentrate on how to bring Skyler home and provide a decent home for her. We will need to decide which memories to erase completely and which to minimize."
"I don"t think we have the right to erase the things she"s been through, but it wouldn"t hurt to dull the memories so that she can deal with them. The most important thing is to help her feel safe, to trust us. I think she needs that more than anything else," Francesca said softly, worried. "Of course, she"s missed most of her schooling, too."