Song Sheng heard birds singing from outside the windows. The sun blinded his eyes as the curtains were left open. His head throbbed and pounded, but underneath him, he felt something soft.
He blinked in confusion, as Qian Meigui appeared in his vision. Her wavy hair curtained him; her lips swollen, bite marks faint on her neck.
Song Sheng stumbled out of her embrace as he fell on the floor with a loud thud. Qian Meigui"s eyes pried open, startled by the sound and some-what unfamiliar s.p.a.ce. She looked over at the fallen Song Sheng whose eyes were wide, wild and confused. He looked at her with half-disgust, and she was not sure if he was disgusted with her or himself. Regardless, it was not a good sign.
Song Sheng sat on the floor with one arm rested over his knee and his other hand pressed against his head. Qian Meigui bit her lip, embarra.s.sed and ashamed. She left herself get swept away while he was drunk. Moreover, she was not entirely sure about her feelings until he kissed her.
It had been like this since they were younger. Qian Meigui always thought Song Sheng was handsome, but as a child, she did not dwell in thinking about him in other ways than of a brother. Still, she was not born into the family; the Song family adopted her. And she did not antic.i.p.ate her feelings to progress as she got older.
Growing up was the worst; she was nearly invisible because she was not good at making friends. And those who tried to befriend her only wanted to know more about Song Sheng; they weren"t interested in her.
Qian Meigui was not sure about what she felt toward Song Sheng, but it was simple, they could not act on it, even if they wanted to. Qian Meigui was Song Mei, Song Rui"s daughter on the family registry.
Song Sheng"s face was terrible, and Qian Meigui"s heart ached. She looked away from him.
"I"m sorry," he said softly.
Qian Meigui turned to face him, "No! Don"t be—I mean, I partic.i.p.ated too," her voice began confident, as it grew softer with each word.
Song Sheng looked at her, his gaze deep but serious. "I attacked you," he said.
"No—" her voice broke.
Song Sheng"s head hung loose, ashamed. "I could have gone farther," he cursed himself quietly, "I"m sorry."
Qian Meigui gritted her teeth, annoyed with his behaviour. "Stop apologizing, " she roared. Song Sheng"s face shot up, looking directly at her.
"I don"t want to hear any apologies," she continued, "because I too, wanted it."
Song Sheng exhaled deeply. The cold floor bit through his pants. He looked at her again, nodding, accepting what she had said.
"All right," he began, "but we need to forget what happened."
"What?" Qian Meigui questioned.
"We have to forget what happened last night," he said.
"Why?" she asked. "But I wanted it-" before she could finish her words, Song Sheng sat up swiftly, covering her mouth with his palm.
She looked at him wide-eyed, but the man in front of her looked afraid. His hair spilled over his eyes, fear and guilt expressed on his face.
"Please," he begged, "forget what I did, and let"s move on."
"But I don"t understand. Why did you kiss me?" Qian Meigui asked.
"I was drunk," he said. "It was foolish, and I felt like tending to my needs."
"So, to you, I was just some woman?" she questioned.
Song Sheng looked at her directly, his golden-brown eyes as bright as the sun. "Yes," he whispered, "that"s why I"m apologizing because I could have forced you to go all the way."
Qian Meigui felt the welling in her eyes, but she held back, not wanting to appear pathetic in front of Song Sheng. She felt foolish. She would have gone all the way, had he asked her too. But knowing that anyone would do broke her heart.
Qian Meigui knew that Song Sheng never had a girlfriend, and some part of her hoped that he was waiting for her, to get older, to get smarter, to get more beautiful. And she desperately tried to do all those things to make him see her as a woman, but alas, it was not the outcome she hoped. Qian Meigui held her chin up, her eyes cold, "Fine," she said with a harshness that made Song Sheng shudder.
Qian Meigui stepped away from Song Sheng. She picked up her light jacket from the floor and strode out of the apartment.
Song Sheng sat on the couch, staring into the blank s.p.a.ce. He picked up a cigarette from the coffee table and lit it, despite being early morning. Song Sheng did not care that he was indoors and that it was against residence policy. He desperately wanted to smoke.
He began to reminisce a time.
Two years ago, Song Sheng and Qian Meigui were inseparable. They both use to do everything together, study, attend the cinema, eat out, everything. When they were about to crack the code about her parent"s suspicious death, he found something strange.
He found out that Qian Meigui was in danger since her parent"s deaths, and looking into it had made it worst. Song Rui had taken her off the map by placing her into the family registry as Song Mei. His parents had done everything they could to protect her and convinced the world that she was a Song.
His feelings jeopardized her. If she had known, if she wanted him as badly as he wanted her, then it risked her being found out as Qian Meigui. Therefore, they could never be together, even if she wanted to be off the registry.
Song Sheng blew out the smoke and waved it away. He escaped two years ago because his feelings were too fierce, too reckless. And he returned because he desperately wanted to see his family again, to see her again, but he thought that perhaps it was a mistake to come home.