"Say you have no such thought, dear Agnes! Much more than sister!
Think of the priceless gift of such a heart as yours, of such a love as yours!"
Oh! long, long afterwards, I saw that face rise up before me, with its momentary look, not wondering, not accusing, not regretting. Oh, long, long afterwards, I saw that look subside, as it did now, into the lovely smile, with which she told me she had no fear for herself--I need have none for her--and parted from me by the name of Brother, and was gone!
It was dark in the morning, when I got upon the coach at the inn door.
The day was just breaking when we were about to start, and then, as I sat thinking of her, came struggling up the coach side, through the mingled day and night, Uriah"s head.
"Copperfield!" said he, in a croaking whisper, as he hung by the iron on the roof, "I thought you"d be glad to hear before you went off, that there are no squares broke between us. I"ve been into his room already, and we"ve made it all smooth. Why, though I"m umble, I"m useful to him, you know; and he understands his interest when he isn"t in liquor! What an agreeable man he is, after all, Master Copperfield!"
I obliged myself to say that I was glad he had made his apology.
"Oh, to be sure!" said Uriah. "When a person"s umble, you know, what"s an apology? So easy! I say! I suppose," with a jerk, "you have sometimes plucked a pear before it was ripe, Master Copperfield?"
"I suppose I have," I replied.
"I did that last night," said Uriah; "but it"ll ripen yet! It only wants attending to. I can wait!"
Profuse in his farewells, he got down again as the coachman got up. For anything I know, he was eating something to keep the raw morning air out; but he made motions with his mouth as if the pear were ripe already, and he were smacking his lips over it.
CHAPTER 40. THE WANDERER
We had a very serious conversation in Buckingham Street that night, about the domestic occurrences I have detailed in the last chapter. My aunt was deeply interested in them, and walked up and down the room with her arms folded, for more than two hours afterwards. Whenever she was particularly discomposed, she always performed one of these pedestrian feats; and the amount of her discomposure might always be estimated by the duration of her walk. On this occasion she was so much disturbed in mind as to find it necessary to open the bedroom door, and make a course for herself, comprising the full extent of the bedrooms from wall to wall; and while Mr. d.i.c.k and I sat quietly by the fire, she kept pa.s.sing in and out, along this measured track, at an unchanging pace, with the regularity of a clock-pendulum.
When my aunt and I were left to ourselves by Mr. d.i.c.k"s going out to bed, I sat down to write my letter to the two old ladies. By that time she was tired of walking, and sat by the fire with her dress tucked up as usual. But instead of sitting in her usual manner, holding her gla.s.s upon her knee, she suffered it to stand neglected on the chimney-piece; and, resting her left elbow on her right arm, and her chin on her left hand, looked thoughtfully at me. As often as I raised my eyes from what I was about, I met hers. "I am in the lovingest of tempers, my dear,"
she would a.s.sure me with a nod, "but I am fidgeted and sorry!"
I had been too busy to observe, until after she was gone to bed, that she had left her night-mixture, as she always called it, untasted on the chimney-piece. She came to her door, with even more than her usual affection of manner, when I knocked to acquaint her with this discovery; but only said, "I have not the heart to take it, Trot, tonight," and shook her head, and went in again.
She read my letter to the two old ladies, in the morning, and approved of it. I posted it, and had nothing to do then, but wait, as patiently as I could, for the reply. I was still in this state of expectation, and had been, for nearly a week; when I left the Doctor"s one snowy night, to walk home.
It had been a bitter day, and a cutting north-east wind had blown for some time. The wind had gone down with the light, and so the snow had come on. It was a heavy, settled fall, I recollect, in great flakes; and it lay thick. The noise of wheels and tread of people were as hushed, as if the streets had been strewn that depth with feathers.
My shortest way home,--and I naturally took the shortest way on such a night--was through St. Martin"s Lane. Now, the church which gives its name to the lane, stood in a less free situation at that time; there being no open s.p.a.ce before it, and the lane winding down to the Strand.
As I pa.s.sed the steps of the portico, I encountered, at the corner, a woman"s face. It looked in mine, pa.s.sed across the narrow lane, and disappeared. I knew it. I had seen it somewhere. But I could not remember where. I had some a.s.sociation with it, that struck upon my heart directly; but I was thinking of anything else when it came upon me, and was confused.
On the steps of the church, there was the stooping figure of a man, who had put down some burden on the smooth snow, to adjust it; my seeing the face, and my seeing him, were simultaneous. I don"t think I had stopped in my surprise; but, in any case, as I went on, he rose, turned, and came down towards me. I stood face to face with Mr. Peggotty!
Then I remembered the woman. It was Martha, to whom Emily had given the money that night in the kitchen. Martha Endell--side by side with whom, he would not have seen his dear niece, Ham had told me, for all the treasures wrecked in the sea.
We shook hands heartily. At first, neither of us could speak a word.
"Mas"r Davy!" he said, gripping me tight, "it do my art good to see you, sir. Well met, well met!"
"Well met, my dear old friend!" said I.
"I had my thowts o" coming to make inquiration for you, sir, tonight,"
he said, "but knowing as your aunt was living along wi" you--fur I"ve been down yonder--Yarmouth way--I was afeerd it was too late. I should have come early in the morning, sir, afore going away."
"Again?" said I.
"Yes, sir," he replied, patiently shaking his head, "I"m away tomorrow."
"Where were you going now?" I asked.
"Well!" he replied, shaking the snow out of his long hair, "I was a-going to turn in somewheers."
In those days there was a side-entrance to the stable-yard of the Golden Cross, the inn so memorable to me in connexion with his misfortune, nearly opposite to where we stood. I pointed out the gateway, put my arm through his, and we went across. Two or three public-rooms opened out of the stable-yard; and looking into one of them, and finding it empty, and a good fire burning, I took him in there.
When I saw him in the light, I observed, not only that his hair was long and ragged, but that his face was burnt dark by the sun. He was greyer, the lines in his face and forehead were deeper, and he had every appearance of having toiled and wandered through all varieties of weather; but he looked very strong, and like a man upheld by steadfastness of purpose, whom nothing could tire out. He shook the snow from his hat and clothes, and brushed it away from his face, while I was inwardly making these remarks. As he sat down opposite to me at a table, with his back to the door by which we had entered, he put out his rough hand again, and grasped mine warmly.
"I"ll tell you, Mas"r Davy," he said,--"wheer all I"ve been, and what-all we"ve heerd. I"ve been fur, and we"ve heerd little; but I"ll tell you!"
I rang the bell for something hot to drink. He would have nothing stronger than ale; and while it was being brought, and being warmed at the fire, he sat thinking. There was a fine, ma.s.sive gravity in his face, I did not venture to disturb.
"When she was a child," he said, lifting up his head soon after we were left alone, "she used to talk to me a deal about the sea, and about them coasts where the sea got to be dark blue, and to lay a-shining and a-shining in the sun. I thowt, odd times, as her father being drownded made her think on it so much. I doen"t know, you see, but maybe she believed--or hoped--he had drifted out to them parts, where the flowers is always a-blowing, and the country bright."
"It is likely to have been a childish fancy," I replied.
"When she was--lost," said Mr. Peggotty, "I know"d in my mind, as he would take her to them countries. I know"d in my mind, as he"d have told her wonders of "em, and how she was to be a lady theer, and how he got her to listen to him fust, along o" sech like. When we see his mother, I know"d quite well as I was right. I went across-channel to France, and landed theer, as if I"d fell down from the sky."
I saw the door move, and the snow drift in. I saw it move a little more, and a hand softly interpose to keep it open.
"I found out an English gen"leman as was in authority," said Mr.
Peggotty, "and told him I was a-going to seek my niece. He got me them papers as I wanted fur to carry me through--I doen"t rightly know how they"re called--and he would have give me money, but that I was thankful to have no need on. I thank him kind, for all he done, I"m sure! "I"ve wrote afore you," he says to me, "and I shall speak to many as will come that way, and many will know you, fur distant from here, when you"re a-travelling alone." I told him, best as I was able, what my grat.i.toode was, and went away through France."
"Alone, and on foot?" said I.
"Mostly a-foot," he rejoined; "sometimes in carts along with people going to market; sometimes in empty coaches. Many mile a day a-foot, and often with some poor soldier or another, travelling to see his friends.
I couldn"t talk to him," said Mr. Peggotty, "nor he to me; but we was company for one another, too, along the dusty roads."
I should have known that by his friendly tone.
"When I come to any town," he pursued, "I found the inn, and waited about the yard till someone turned up (someone mostly did) as know"d English. Then I told how that I was on my way to seek my niece, and they told me what manner of gentlefolks was in the house, and I waited to see any as seemed like her, going in or out. When it warn"t Em"ly, I went on agen. By little and little, when I come to a new village or that, among the poor people, I found they know"d about me. They would set me down at their cottage doors, and give me what-not fur to eat and drink, and show me where to sleep; and many a woman, Mas"r Davy, as has had a daughter of about Em"ly"s age, I"ve found a-waiting fur me, at Our Saviour"s Cross outside the village, fur to do me sim"lar kindnesses. Some has had daughters as was dead. And G.o.d only knows how good them mothers was to me!"
It was Martha at the door. I saw her haggard, listening face distinctly.
My dread was lest he should turn his head, and see her too.
"They would often put their children--particular their little girls,"
said Mr. Peggotty, "upon my knee; and many a time you might have seen me sitting at their doors, when night was coming in, a"most as if they"d been my Darling"s children. Oh, my Darling!"
Overpowered by sudden grief, he sobbed aloud. I laid my trembling hand upon the hand he put before his face. "Thankee, sir," he said, "doen"t take no notice."
In a very little while he took his hand away and put it on his breast, and went on with his story. "They often walked with me," he said, "in the morning, maybe a mile or two upon my road; and when we parted, and I said, "I"m very thankful to you! G.o.d bless you!" they always seemed to understand, and answered pleasant. At last I come to the sea. It warn"t hard, you may suppose, for a seafaring man like me to work his way over to Italy. When I got theer, I wandered on as I had done afore. The people was just as good to me, and I should have gone from town to town, maybe the country through, but that I got news of her being seen among them Swiss mountains yonder. One as know"d his servant see "em there, all three, and told me how they travelled, and where they was. I made fur them mountains, Mas"r Davy, day and night. Ever so fur as I went, ever so fur the mountains seemed to shift away from me. But I come up with "em, and I crossed "em. When I got nigh the place as I had been told of, I began to think within my own self, "What shall I do when I see her?""
The listening face, insensible to the inclement night, still drooped at the door, and the hands begged me--prayed me--not to cast it forth.