"Perhaps because I couldn"t see you, and not love you, Dora!"
"Suppose you had never seen me at all," said Dora, going to another b.u.t.ton.
"Suppose we had never been born!" said I, gaily.
I wondered what she was thinking about, as I glanced in admiring silence at the little soft hand travelling up the row of b.u.t.tons on my coat, and at the cl.u.s.tering hair that lay against my breast, and at the lashes of her downcast eyes, slightly rising as they followed her idle fingers. At length her eyes were lifted up to mine, and she stood on tiptoe to give me, more thoughtfully than usual, that precious little kiss--once, twice, three times--and went out of the room.
They all came back together within five minutes afterwards, and Dora"s unusual thoughtfulness was quite gone then. She was laughingly resolved to put Jip through the whole of his performances, before the coach came.
They took some time (not so much on account of their variety, as Jip"s reluctance), and were still unfinished when it was heard at the door.
There was a hurried but affectionate parting between Agnes and herself; and Dora was to write to Agnes (who was not to mind her letters being foolish, she said), and Agnes was to write to Dora; and they had a second parting at the coach door, and a third when Dora, in spite of the remonstrances of Miss Lavinia, would come running out once more to remind Agnes at the coach window about writing, and to shake her curls at me on the box.
The stage-coach was to put us down near Covent Garden, where we were to take another stage-coach for Highgate. I was impatient for the short walk in the interval, that Agnes might praise Dora to me. Ah! what praise it was! How lovingly and fervently did it commend the pretty creature I had won, with all her artless graces best displayed, to my most gentle care! How thoughtfully remind me, yet with no pretence of doing so, of the trust in which I held the orphan child!
Never, never, had I loved Dora so deeply and truly, as I loved her that night. When we had again alighted, and were walking in the starlight along the quiet road that led to the Doctor"s house, I told Agnes it was her doing.
"When you were sitting by her," said I, "you seemed to be no less her guardian angel than mine; and you seem so now, Agnes."
"A poor angel," she returned, "but faithful."
The clear tone of her voice, going straight to my heart, made it natural to me to say:
"The cheerfulness that belongs to you, Agnes (and to no one else that ever I have seen), is so restored, I have observed today, that I have begun to hope you are happier at home?"
"I am happier in myself," she said; "I am quite cheerful and light-hearted."
I glanced at the serene face looking upward, and thought it was the stars that made it seem so n.o.ble.
"There has been no change at home," said Agnes, after a few moments.
"No fresh reference," said I, "to--I wouldn"t distress you, Agnes, but I cannot help asking--to what we spoke of, when we parted last?"
"No, none," she answered.
"I have thought so much about it."
"You must think less about it. Remember that I confide in simple love and truth at last. Have no apprehensions for me, Trotwood," she added, after a moment; "the step you dread my taking, I shall never take."
Although I think I had never really feared it, in any season of cool reflection, it was an unspeakable relief to me to have this a.s.surance from her own truthful lips. I told her so, earnestly.
"And when this visit is over," said I,--"for we may not be alone another time,--how long is it likely to be, my dear Agnes, before you come to London again?"
"Probably a long time," she replied; "I think it will be best--for papa"s sake--to remain at home. We are not likely to meet often, for some time to come; but I shall be a good correspondent of Dora"s, and we shall frequently hear of one another that way."
We were now within the little courtyard of the Doctor"s cottage. It was growing late. There was a light in the window of Mrs. Strong"s chamber, and Agnes, pointing to it, bade me good night.
"Do not be troubled," she said, giving me her hand, "by our misfortunes and anxieties. I can be happier in nothing than in your happiness. If you can ever give me help, rely upon it I will ask you for it. G.o.d bless you always!" In her beaming smile, and in these last tones of her cheerful voice, I seemed again to see and hear my little Dora in her company. I stood awhile, looking through the porch at the stars, with a heart full of love and grat.i.tude, and then walked slowly forth. I had engaged a bed at a decent alehouse close by, and was going out at the gate, when, happening to turn my head, I saw a light in the Doctor"s study. A half-reproachful fancy came into my mind, that he had been working at the Dictionary without my help. With the view of seeing if this were so, and, in any case, of bidding him good night, if he were yet sitting among his books, I turned back, and going softly across the hall, and gently opening the door, looked in.
The first person whom I saw, to my surprise, by the sober light of the shaded lamp, was Uriah. He was standing close beside it, with one of his skeleton hands over his mouth, and the other resting on the Doctor"s table. The Doctor sat in his study chair, covering his face with his hands. Mr. Wickfield, sorely troubled and distressed, was leaning forward, irresolutely touching the Doctor"s arm.
For an instant, I supposed that the Doctor was ill. I hastily advanced a step under that impression, when I met Uriah"s eye, and saw what was the matter. I would have withdrawn, but the Doctor made a gesture to detain me, and I remained.
"At any rate," observed Uriah, with a writhe of his ungainly person, "we may keep the door shut. We needn"t make it known to ALL the town."
Saying which, he went on his toes to the door, which I had left open, and carefully closed it. He then came back, and took up his former position. There was an obtrusive show of compa.s.sionate zeal in his voice and manner, more intolerable--at least to me--than any demeanour he could have a.s.sumed.
"I have felt it inc.u.mbent upon me, Master Copperfield," said Uriah, "to point out to Doctor Strong what you and me have already talked about.
You didn"t exactly understand me, though?"
I gave him a look, but no other answer; and, going to my good old master, said a few words that I meant to be words of comfort and encouragement. He put his hand upon my shoulder, as it had been his custom to do when I was quite a little fellow, but did not lift his grey head.
"As you didn"t understand me, Master Copperfield," resumed Uriah in the same officious manner, "I may take the liberty of umbly mentioning, being among friends, that I have called Doctor Strong"s attention to the goings-on of Mrs. Strong. It"s much against the grain with me, I a.s.sure you, Copperfield, to be concerned in anything so unpleasant; but really, as it is, we"re all mixing ourselves up with what oughtn"t to be. That was what my meaning was, sir, when you didn"t understand me." I wonder now, when I recall his leer, that I did not collar him, and try to shake the breath out of his body.
"I dare say I didn"t make myself very clear," he went on, "nor you neither. Naturally, we was both of us inclined to give such a subject a wide berth. Hows"ever, at last I have made up my mind to speak plain; and I have mentioned to Doctor Strong that--did you speak, sir?"
This was to the Doctor, who had moaned. The sound might have touched any heart, I thought, but it had no effect upon Uriah"s.
"--mentioned to Doctor Strong," he proceeded, "that anyone may see that Mr. Maldon, and the lovely and agreeable lady as is Doctor Strong"s wife, are too sweet on one another. Really the time is come (we being at present all mixing ourselves up with what oughtn"t to be), when Doctor Strong must be told that this was full as plain to everybody as the sun, before Mr. Maldon went to India; that Mr. Maldon made excuses to come back, for nothing else; and that he"s always here, for nothing else.
When you come in, sir, I was just putting it to my fellow-partner,"
towards whom he turned, "to say to Doctor Strong upon his word and honour, whether he"d ever been of this opinion long ago, or not. Come, Mr. Wickfield, sir! Would you be so good as tell us? Yes or no, sir?
Come, partner!"
"For G.o.d"s sake, my dear Doctor," said Mr. Wickfield again laying his irresolute hand upon the Doctor"s arm, "don"t attach too much weight to any suspicions I may have entertained."
"There!" cried Uriah, shaking his head. "What a melancholy confirmation: ain"t it? Him! Such an old friend! Bless your soul, when I was nothing but a clerk in his office, Copperfield, I"ve seen him twenty times, if I"ve seen him once, quite in a taking about it--quite put out, you know (and very proper in him as a father; I"m sure I can"t blame him), to think that Miss Agnes was mixing herself up with what oughtn"t to be."
"My dear Strong," said Mr. Wickfield in a tremulous voice, "my good friend, I needn"t tell you that it has been my vice to look for some one master motive in everybody, and to try all actions by one narrow test. I may have fallen into such doubts as I have had, through this mistake."
"You have had doubts, Wickfield," said the Doctor, without lifting up his head. "You have had doubts."
"Speak up, fellow-partner," urged Uriah.
"I had, at one time, certainly," said Mr. Wickfield. "I--G.o.d forgive me--I thought YOU had."
"No, no, no!" returned the Doctor, in a tone of most pathetic grief.
"I thought, at one time," said Mr. Wickfield, "that you wished to send Maldon abroad to effect a desirable separation."
"No, no, no!" returned the Doctor. "To give Annie pleasure, by making some provision for the companion of her childhood. Nothing else."
"So I found," said Mr. Wickfield. "I couldn"t doubt it, when you told me so. But I thought--I implore you to remember the narrow construction which has been my besetting sin--that, in a case where there was so much disparity in point of years--"
"That"s the way to put it, you see, Master Copperfield!" observed Uriah, with fawning and offensive pity.
"--a lady of such youth, and such attractions, however real her respect for you, might have been influenced in marrying, by worldly considerations only. I make no allowance for innumerable feelings and circ.u.mstances that may have all tended to good. For Heaven"s sake remember that!"
"How kind he puts it!" said Uriah, shaking his head.
"Always observing her from one point of view," said Mr. Wickfield; "but by all that is dear to you, my old friend, I entreat you to consider what it was; I am forced to confess now, having no escape-"