"Stop that!"
"What?" I asked.
"Looking at me like that. I know what you"re thinking..."
"I can"t help that."
"Yes, well, you"re going to make me forget why I came here."
I didn"t believe that for a second, but I"m a good guy. I can go along with a gag. "All right. Tell me about it."
"Huh?"
"What brought you here if not my irresistable charm?"
"I need your help. Professionally."
Why me?
I didn"t believe it. Librarians don"t get into fixes where they need guys like me to get them unfixed. Not cute little bits like Linda Lee Luther.
I"d begun moving toward my door. Preoccupied, Linda Lee rose and followed. I had her inside. I had the front door closed and bolted. I tried sneaking her past the open door of the small front room. The G.o.dd.a.m.n Parrot mumbled obscenities in his sleep. Lovely Linda Lee did not take exception. I began to recall why I was so fond of this girl. I asked her, "What"s got you so distracted?"
This was her big chance to come back with something clever and suggestive, an opportunity she wouldn"t have wasted usually. But she just moaned, "I"m going to get fired. I just know it."
"That doesn"t seem likely." Really.
"You don"t understand. I lost a book, Garrett. A rare book. One that can"t be replaced. It may have been stolen."
I eased into my office. Linda Lee followed me. Where was this attraction when I wanted to use it most?
"I have to get it back before they find out," Linda Lee continued. "There"s no excuse for me having let this happen."
I told her, "Calm down. Take a deep breath. Hold it. Then tell me all about it, from the beginning. I"m already tied up in a job that"s going to keep me busy for a while, but there"s still a chance I can suggest something."
I took her by the shoulders, maneuvered her over to the client"s seat. She settled.
"Tell me from the beginning," I reminded.
Aargh! The best laid plans, and so forth. Instead of spinning her sad tale of woe, she started sputtering and gesturing, original mission completely forgotten.
Uh-oh.
The Espinosa. Right there on my desk.
I hadn"t quite observed all the formalities when I"d borrowed it. The library powers that be don"t trust ordinary folks with books, anyway. Books might give us ideas.
I gobbled something placatory that got lost in the uproar, totally failed to steer her back to that matter of the loss that had brought her to me. "How could you do this to me, Garrett? I"m already in trouble...If they miss this book too, I"m dead. How could you?"
Well, the how had been easy. It wasn"t a very big book and the old veteran guarding the door had been napping. He"d had only one leg, anyway.
Words continued to vomit from my lovely Linda Lee. An awesome performance. She got a grip on the Espinosa like it was her firstborn about to be repoed by a dwarf with a polysyllabic name.
How do you argue with panic? I didn"t.
Linda Lee suddenly made a run for it. I didn"t get around the desk fast enough. She squawked every step to the front door.
Wa-hoo! said the G.o.dd.a.m.n Parrot. What a great excuse for raising h.e.l.l. He went to work.
A moment later, I was watching Linda Lee scamper up Macunado, her anger so palpable eight-foot ogres scooted out of her way.
Her visit lasted so briefly I caught a last glimpse of Maggie Jenn"s litter before it, too, got lost in traffic. Mugwump sent me a scowl to remember him by.
What a day. What next?
One thing seemed certain. There were no more lovelies headed my way. Sigh.
Time to take a minute to see what Eleanor thought about Maggie Jenn.
5.
I settled behind my desk, stared at Eleanor. "What did you think of Maggie, darling? Should I be your basic opportunist? Go for it even if she is older than me?"
Eleanor doesn"t say much but I manage by putting words in her mouth. "Yeah, I know. I went for you. A ghost." Picture that. I"ve been infatuated a few thousand times but hopelessly in love only twice, most recently with a woman who died when I was four. "So what"s the big deal she"s a few years older, eh?"
Weird things happen to me. Vampires. Dead G.o.ds trying to resurrect themselves. Killer zombies. Serial murderers who keep right on killing after you find them and send them off to the happy hunting ground. So why consider a love affair with a ghost outrageous?
"Yeah. I know. It would be cynical of me. What? Sure, she plans to use me, too. I know. But what a way to be used."
From the hall, I heard, "Yo, Garrett. I"m getting gray hairs hanging around up here."
Winger. d.a.m.n! I can"t remember everything, can I? I rose slowly, still distracted. Maggie Jenn had cast a spell on me, no doubt about it. I"d almost forgotten my disappointment over Linda Lee.
I found Winger sitting on the stairs. "What are you doing, Garrett? The old broad left fifteen minutes ago." She didn"t mention Linda Lee"s hollering.
"I"ve been thinking."
"That"s dangerous for a guy in your condition."
"Huh?" I didn"t have a comeback. For only about the ten thousandth time in my life. The perfect response would sp.a.w.n sometime as I lay tossing and turning an hour before dawn.
Winger strode to the Dead Man"s door, stuck her nose in. His room takes up half the ground floor. I looked over her shoulder. All 450 pounds of him remained planted in his chair, still as death. The Loghyr"s elephantlike snout dangled down a foot to his chest. Dust had begun to collect on him, but the vermin hadn"t found him yet. No point cleaning until they did. Maybe Dean would come home first and save me the trouble.
Winger backed out of there, grabbed my elbow. "He"s out of it." She knew because he hadn"t reacted to her. He has no use for females in general and less use for Winger. Once, I threatened to boot Dean out and move her in.
"What did she say?" Winger asked as we headed upstairs. "Who"s the target?"
"You don"t know?"
"I don"t know squat. All I know is I"m getting paid a s.h.i.tpot full to find out."
Money was important to Winger. It is to all of us, in a palsy sort of way: nice to have around, fun to be with. But for Winger, it was like a patron saint.
"She wants me to find her daughter. The girl"s been missing for six days."
"Say what? I"ll be d.a.m.ned. I was sure it was going to be a hit."
"Why?"
"No special reason. I guess I added the cues up wrong. Looking for her kid? You take the job?"
"I"m thinking about it. I"m supposed to go up to her place, check out the kid"s stuff, before I decide."
"But you"ll take it, right? Make yourself some of that old double money?"
"An intriguing idea. Only I haven"t seen single money from anybody yet."
"You sly b.a.s.t.a.r.d. You"re thinking about topping the old broad. You"re here with me and you"re thinking about that. You"re a regular villain."
"Winger! The woman is old enough to be my mother."
"Then you or mom is lying about their age."
"You"re the one that went on about what an old hag she was."
"What"s that got to do with anything? h.e.l.l. I forgive you, Garrett. Like I said, you"re here. And she"s not."
Arguing with Winger is like spitting into a whirlwind. Not much profit in it.
Only through a supreme effort did I get away in time to join Maggie Jenn for dinner.
6.
"Ta-ta," I told the Dead Man-softly, so the G.o.dd.a.m.n Parrot wouldn"t hear. "I spent the day with a beautiful blonde. In penance, I"m going to spend the evening with a gorgeous redhead."
He did not respond. He sure would have had he been awake. Winger had a special place in his heart. He had half believed my threat to marry her.
Laughing gently, still unforgiven, I tiptoed toward the front door. Before his departure, at incredible expense (to me), Dean had had a key lock installed in the new door, like I hadn"t survived before he was there to slam bolts and bars into place behind me. Dean placed his trust in the wrong things. A key lock never stops anybody but the honest people. Our real protection is the Dead Man.
Loghyr have many talents, dead or alive.
I strutted away smiling at one and all, deaf to their squabbles. We were getting a lot of nonhumans in the neighborhood, mostly rough type refugees from the Cantard, never shy about expressing opinions. There was always a fuss among them.
Worse, though, were the proto-revolutionaries. Those crowded every loft and sleeping room. They overflowed the taverns, where they chattered foolishly about ever less workable dogmas. I understood what moved them. I didn"t think much of the Crown, either. But I did know that none of us, them or me, was ready to try on the king"s shoes.
A real revolution would make things worse. These days no two revolutionaries agree whither the Karentine state, anyway. So they would have to murder one another wholesale before...
Revolution had been tried already, anyway, but so ineptly that hardly anybody but the secret police knew.
I ignored the hairy-faced, black-clad agents of chaos on the corners, scowling paranoiacally while they debated doctrinal trivia. The Crown was not in much danger. I have contacts in the new city police, the Guard. They say half the revolutionaries are really spies.
I waved to people. I whistled. It was a glorious day.
I was on the job, however. Though I was whistling my way to dinner with a beautiful woman, I observed my surroundings. I noticed the guy following me.
I roamed. I dawdled. I ambled. I strolled. I tried to get an estimate of the clown"s intent. He wasn"t very good. I pondered my options.
Turning the tables appealed to me. I could shake him, then follow him when he ran to report.
I do have enemies, sad to admit. In the course of my labors, occasionally I inconvenience some unpleasant people. Some might want to even scores.
I hate a bad loser.
My friend Morley Dotes, a professional killer who masquerades as a vegetarian gourmet, claims it"s my own fault for leaving them alive behind me.
I studied my tail till I was sure I could handle him, then hurried along to keep my date with Maggie Jenn.
7.
The Jenn place was a fifty-room hovel on the edge of the innermost circle of the Hill. No mere tradesman, however rich, however powerful, would reach that final ring.
Funny. Maggie Jenn had not struck me as the aristo type.
The name still nagged. I still did not recall why I ought to know it.
That part of the Hill was all stone, vertical and horizontal. No yards, no gardens, no sidewalks, no green anywhere unless on the rare third-story balcony. No brick. Red or brown brick was what the mob used to build. Forget that. Use stone that was quarried in another country and had to be barged for hundreds of miles.
I"d never been to the area so I got disoriented.
There weren"t any s.p.a.ces between buildings. The street was so narrow two carriages couldn"t pa.s.s without climbing the sidewalks. It was cleaner than the rest of the city, but the gray stone pavements and buildings made the view seem dingy anyway. Walking that street was like walking the bottom of a dismal limestone canyon.